The Ladies Side of the Story - NP4P
- Thread starter desilove
- Start date
How I spent My Summer Vacation
As always my summer was awesome on the social side of things. I met some amazing men, had some great times with the two brothers, my 21 yr old boy toy and my one hit (date) wonders. I still keep in touch with the guy I went out with the day before my b-day and he is great but the one who has managed to get and keep my attention is the one I chose not to share here. My theory is this when its special it is private, something intimate between only 2. When its just "there" I share because well I don't care. But what we have is personal and I have to much respect to casually discuss "us" on here.
Me and my mystery man have been going strong since right before the summer. We had one incident that almost blew it sky high but thankfully he was persistent and my stubborn self finally opened my ears and realized it was a misunderstanding. Funny thing this communication stuff, it actually works and for once staying was easier than leaving.
We both have lives, busy ones and respect that without issue. We make the best of our time together, like tonight and it seems to only get better. He knows about Alyssa and although I would not say he is ok with it I think we work because I do not have to lie and i have no guilt. He is special and I am not gonna get into details but we are going to a carnival this weekend with the kids and I am looking forward t it.
He is very supportive and encourages me every step of the way. I have decided to apply for med school and will most likely spend the rest of this year studying organic chemistry for my mcats. This means our time together will be even less but he isnt complaining and says hed rather play PS3 with my kids anyway. So I guess that means I have finally found the one guy who makes all the work that comes from being in a relationship worth it and I am hanging up my running shoes and sticking it out with my mystery man.
As always my summer was awesome on the social side of things. I met some amazing men, had some great times with the two brothers, my 21 yr old boy toy and my one hit (date) wonders. I still keep in touch with the guy I went out with the day before my b-day and he is great but the one who has managed to get and keep my attention is the one I chose not to share here. My theory is this when its special it is private, something intimate between only 2. When its just "there" I share because well I don't care. But what we have is personal and I have to much respect to casually discuss "us" on here.
Me and my mystery man have been going strong since right before the summer. We had one incident that almost blew it sky high but thankfully he was persistent and my stubborn self finally opened my ears and realized it was a misunderstanding. Funny thing this communication stuff, it actually works and for once staying was easier than leaving.
We both have lives, busy ones and respect that without issue. We make the best of our time together, like tonight and it seems to only get better. He knows about Alyssa and although I would not say he is ok with it I think we work because I do not have to lie and i have no guilt. He is special and I am not gonna get into details but we are going to a carnival this weekend with the kids and I am looking forward t it.
He is very supportive and encourages me every step of the way. I have decided to apply for med school and will most likely spend the rest of this year studying organic chemistry for my mcats. This means our time together will be even less but he isnt complaining and says hed rather play PS3 with my kids anyway. So I guess that means I have finally found the one guy who makes all the work that comes from being in a relationship worth it and I am hanging up my running shoes and sticking it out with my mystery man.
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Now, now lets not get ahead of ourselves never said I was retiring....I am just making more effort with one than I usually do..usually when things get close I bail and trade in for a newer model this time I just happen to have found someone that I think is worth the effort..BUT does not mean I am retiring from "alyssa" or from variety......I like him, enjoy his company definitely but we have never specifically said we are exclusive.....maybe thats why it works too, cause there is no pressure and no titles.....xox
Old Habits Die Hard
So apparently I have issues. After deciding to give Mr. mystery man my 100% I went into full panic mode (aka commitment phobia). I had a gf visiting from out of state and after an afternoon of wine, white Russians and girl talk we decided to go out. Than the rain came so decided to call over a friend I had been wanting to set her up with. Mystery man was away on business and not wanting to play 3rd wheel I decided to text Mr Casual, a guy I have been seeing casually for a month who also knows about “alyssa”, purely just sexual (even though he tries running game that it isn’t) but not exactly a smart decision since I had decided to be exclusive with the mystery man. Anyway suffice it to say Mr Casual showed his true dick colors. Even though casual comes with no strings apparently I was wrong in assuming it came with respect. What an asshole, I do not need commitment with my casual but usually prefer it come with a side of mutual respect hold the bullshit.
I had put him on the spot earlier this week and told him I wanted to go on a real date and asked him to take me to the Carnival. Mind you I already had plans with my mystery man to go but I wanted to call mr casual on his “this is more than just sex” bullshit. He agreed but again did not matter that I already had plans cause I know mr casual and knew he had no intentions of following through. Anyway like I said I have issues, whenever things get serious I for some reason need to prove I am still me, still have what it takes to be me and basically sabotage things. I love the guys that come with no risks, the ones who are only good on paper and when it ends it ends.
I asked my friend why I am smart enough to recognize when I have a good one but dumb enough to ruin it as soon as I do.Why am I good at the casual and scared to death of the not so casual????
So apparently I have issues. After deciding to give Mr. mystery man my 100% I went into full panic mode (aka commitment phobia). I had a gf visiting from out of state and after an afternoon of wine, white Russians and girl talk we decided to go out. Than the rain came so decided to call over a friend I had been wanting to set her up with. Mystery man was away on business and not wanting to play 3rd wheel I decided to text Mr Casual, a guy I have been seeing casually for a month who also knows about “alyssa”, purely just sexual (even though he tries running game that it isn’t) but not exactly a smart decision since I had decided to be exclusive with the mystery man. Anyway suffice it to say Mr Casual showed his true dick colors. Even though casual comes with no strings apparently I was wrong in assuming it came with respect. What an asshole, I do not need commitment with my casual but usually prefer it come with a side of mutual respect hold the bullshit.
I had put him on the spot earlier this week and told him I wanted to go on a real date and asked him to take me to the Carnival. Mind you I already had plans with my mystery man to go but I wanted to call mr casual on his “this is more than just sex” bullshit. He agreed but again did not matter that I already had plans cause I know mr casual and knew he had no intentions of following through. Anyway like I said I have issues, whenever things get serious I for some reason need to prove I am still me, still have what it takes to be me and basically sabotage things. I love the guys that come with no risks, the ones who are only good on paper and when it ends it ends.
I asked my friend why I am smart enough to recognize when I have a good one but dumb enough to ruin it as soon as I do.Why am I good at the casual and scared to death of the not so casual????
Just When I thought Id Gotten it Right
ok so been keeping to myself which one smart ass will make a comment about (go ahead) but i'm in this relationship and guy is great, sweet, sensitive, caring, supportive, attractive, all the things you should want but with all that great stuff comes boredom
....why does this happen i sleep with someone and suddenly either a) my rose colored glasses go off and i finally look past the physical or b) im just to twisted for sustaining a relationship.
Is there such a thing as too nice? i think he is needy but im trying to be realistic and not jump the gun, do i really think that or am i looking for things? Biggest issue his job is dead end, but he likes it, when i ask what he dreams of doing when he complains about it he says "nothing, i just want to get by" that kind of bugs me. He is 5 yrs younger than me and has no dreams? advice please.
I guess I should also add that my Mr Casual has re-entered the picture having asked for a 2nd chance. He really wasnt a bad guy but he never came close to treating me the way the current does but isnt that what 2nd chances are for. So confused, but whether i give mr casual another chance is irrelevant compared to the fact that he reminds me what it is to be excited by a man, body and mind. Current is safe which is great but i always no what to expect from him and I like surprises. Am I making any sense???
ok so been keeping to myself which one smart ass will make a comment about (go ahead) but i'm in this relationship and guy is great, sweet, sensitive, caring, supportive, attractive, all the things you should want but with all that great stuff comes boredom
....why does this happen i sleep with someone and suddenly either a) my rose colored glasses go off and i finally look past the physical or b) im just to twisted for sustaining a relationship.Is there such a thing as too nice? i think he is needy but im trying to be realistic and not jump the gun, do i really think that or am i looking for things? Biggest issue his job is dead end, but he likes it, when i ask what he dreams of doing when he complains about it he says "nothing, i just want to get by" that kind of bugs me. He is 5 yrs younger than me and has no dreams? advice please.
I guess I should also add that my Mr Casual has re-entered the picture having asked for a 2nd chance. He really wasnt a bad guy but he never came close to treating me the way the current does but isnt that what 2nd chances are for. So confused, but whether i give mr casual another chance is irrelevant compared to the fact that he reminds me what it is to be excited by a man, body and mind. Current is safe which is great but i always no what to expect from him and I like surprises. Am I making any sense???
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Its probably because im young and stupid, but my whole point of view is if your questioning anything for any reasonable amount of time than you've already answered whether or not you can get serious. Than again I dont sustain any relationships myself so gotta take anything I say with a grain of salt.
Des,
The boredom is definitely an issue. When can already predict the next thing, or expect whats next, what is the excitement? There is no such thing as "too nice" but there is such a thing as "too needy" or false or fake... sometimes "too nice" means that he is not pissing you off b/c he likes you, so he is not really being himself... so the Q becomes, is he being real? Is he sacrificing himself to stay on your good side... it takes alot of confidence to let someone else see who you really are, even if that means conflict in a relationship.
I bet, like all people, you like a little spice in a partner, a little power, a little excitement, a little machismo, or that undefined something that gets lost in time if not worked at... if he is worth it, work at it.. it can be regained, and recaptured... if its real, it can be re-ignited...
Finally, regarding lack of dreams.... for me.. this is a deal breaker.. just getting by, for me, is like dying a slow death... I believe we are here for a reason, and that we have to claw and struggle to find it, and fulfill it... its an active search... not an 8hr day and sit my ass on the couch to watch TV, just to get up and do it again, every day... just shoot me.. If my partner "just wanted to get by" I would quickly flash forward 25 yrs and see an unhappy person wake up one day and say "what the hell have I been wasting time for"... or, me waking up and saying, "how could I have wasted these years on someone who wants nothing more from life than to let it slip by, unnoticed, unremarkable..." sorry Desi, not for me... It shows an amazing lack of passion.. and lack of energy... it seems to me like you can do better...
Finally, (really finally).. your prior posts reveal you are smart, and savvy, and I can only imagine how sexy and charismatic, you will need someone who can challenge you, and guide you, and who you can guide.. and a partner who will nurture your dreams, as you do theirs, and who will be an active participant in your life, help you shape it, and will shape yours in return... you are about to engage in a new part of your life.. my suggestion is this; do not make any real emotional committments, until you have begun a new path, lets see where it leads, and maybe new avenues will open, and new people will become a part of your life that you never imagined... who knows where this crazy road goes? Are either of these guys able to take an unplanned unmapped bumpy journey with you? for years? will they be extra baggage? or will they haul thier own weight?
Now that was one run-on stream of consciousness post...
Miss your pix....
Tab
The boredom is definitely an issue. When can already predict the next thing, or expect whats next, what is the excitement? There is no such thing as "too nice" but there is such a thing as "too needy" or false or fake... sometimes "too nice" means that he is not pissing you off b/c he likes you, so he is not really being himself... so the Q becomes, is he being real? Is he sacrificing himself to stay on your good side... it takes alot of confidence to let someone else see who you really are, even if that means conflict in a relationship.
I bet, like all people, you like a little spice in a partner, a little power, a little excitement, a little machismo, or that undefined something that gets lost in time if not worked at... if he is worth it, work at it.. it can be regained, and recaptured... if its real, it can be re-ignited...
Finally, regarding lack of dreams.... for me.. this is a deal breaker.. just getting by, for me, is like dying a slow death... I believe we are here for a reason, and that we have to claw and struggle to find it, and fulfill it... its an active search... not an 8hr day and sit my ass on the couch to watch TV, just to get up and do it again, every day... just shoot me.. If my partner "just wanted to get by" I would quickly flash forward 25 yrs and see an unhappy person wake up one day and say "what the hell have I been wasting time for"... or, me waking up and saying, "how could I have wasted these years on someone who wants nothing more from life than to let it slip by, unnoticed, unremarkable..." sorry Desi, not for me... It shows an amazing lack of passion.. and lack of energy... it seems to me like you can do better...
Finally, (really finally).. your prior posts reveal you are smart, and savvy, and I can only imagine how sexy and charismatic, you will need someone who can challenge you, and guide you, and who you can guide.. and a partner who will nurture your dreams, as you do theirs, and who will be an active participant in your life, help you shape it, and will shape yours in return... you are about to engage in a new part of your life.. my suggestion is this; do not make any real emotional committments, until you have begun a new path, lets see where it leads, and maybe new avenues will open, and new people will become a part of your life that you never imagined... who knows where this crazy road goes? Are either of these guys able to take an unplanned unmapped bumpy journey with you? for years? will they be extra baggage? or will they haul thier own weight?
Now that was one run-on stream of consciousness post...
Miss your pix....
Tab
always?
there is a difference between "always comes boredom" or "in this case comes boredom" - if you are saying that the great stuff always comes with boredom then you have to question whether for you the "great stuff" is what you think it is or is really something else - if with this guy the great stuff comes with boredom then maybe the baggage of dead end job lack of dreams is a guy specific thing and not a lament on life (men) in general-you are so friggin unique in being as brilliant as you are hot and it will be a very small slice of humanity that can keep you stimulated ( in all ways ) and not bored -
ok so been keeping to myself which one smart ass will make a comment about (go ahead) but i'm in this relationship and guy is great, sweet, sensitive, caring, supportive, attractive, all the things you should want but with all that great stuff comes boredom....why does this happen i sleep with someone and suddenly either a) my rose colored glasses go off and i finally look past the physical or b) im just to twisted for sustaining a relationship.
Is there such a thing as too nice? i think he is needy but im trying to be realistic and not jump the gun, do i really think that or am i looking for things? Biggest issue his job is dead end, but he likes it, when i ask what he dreams of doing when he complains about it he says "nothing, i just want to get by" that kind of bugs me. He is 5 yrs younger than me and has no dreams? advice please.
I guess I should also add that my Mr Casual has re-entered the picture having asked for a 2nd chance. He really wasnt a bad guy but he never came close to treating me the way the current does but isnt that what 2nd chances are for. So confused, but whether i give mr casual another chance is irrelevant compared to the fact that he reminds me what it is to be excited by a man, body and mind. Current is safe which is great but i always no what to expect from him and I like surprises. Am I making any sense???
....why does this happen i sleep with someone and suddenly either a) my rose colored glasses go off and i finally look past the physical or b) im just to twisted for sustaining a relationship.Is there such a thing as too nice? i think he is needy but im trying to be realistic and not jump the gun, do i really think that or am i looking for things? Biggest issue his job is dead end, but he likes it, when i ask what he dreams of doing when he complains about it he says "nothing, i just want to get by" that kind of bugs me. He is 5 yrs younger than me and has no dreams? advice please.
I guess I should also add that my Mr Casual has re-entered the picture having asked for a 2nd chance. He really wasnt a bad guy but he never came close to treating me the way the current does but isnt that what 2nd chances are for. So confused, but whether i give mr casual another chance is irrelevant compared to the fact that he reminds me what it is to be excited by a man, body and mind. Current is safe which is great but i always no what to expect from him and I like surprises. Am I making any sense???
NP4P-the second date-
I posted a little about this in another thread but wanted to post it here too! I went out on my second date this afternoon. As everyone knows I am now a member of two popular dating site"s that rhymes with "catch".com and meet me for "links".com! Anyway the first date was horrible-the guy did not look like his picture and he was missing a front tooth! He was the total opposite of his profile and when we talked we had nothing in common whatsoever-it was as if someone else wrote his profile for him. First of all having your teeth and most of your hair-is important to me-- or at least shave it off and have a baldly (they are sexy!) Ok so the first date-I ran for the hills!
My second date today was the total opposite. He suggested a place that I too enjoyed and we laughed a lot and had a lot of things in common including my favorite NY team. We really clicked! There were no awkward silent moments at all. I told him about myself-of course the vanilla part and was truthfully honest & all about my current situation without mentioning my part-time gig. I also told him what I was looking for in a dating relationship. I think as we get in our 30’s we become less shallow about appearance and look for what is inside a person. (That’s me anyhow!) (Regardless there has to be some type of attraction)
Back to the story--Then he told me about “himself” and I politely listened. But I could not help wonder to myself when do you stop talking about ourselves?—How long do you go on and how much do you really share?-I am a detail specific gal but was not about to go into details. I tried to keep it short and sweet and directly to the point! AM I that much out of the real dating loop that I do not know the current dating rules?
I guess we hung out for about an hour and he had wanted to hang out longer but I had to plug some numbers on a couple of spreadsheets and used that as a reason to end it early. How long were we suppose to hangout the first time that we meet?
Ok so I get home-do my work and check my emails and all of a sudden I get a text from him. I finished what I was doing and then I get another text from him-about 35 min after the first. So I responded to his text and he invited me to a party. I responded that maybe I could go but I would have to let him know in a couple of days! He texted back "ok" and then I responded "It was nice meeting you-good night!" Then he texted me three more times after I said good night! His last text was when am I going to see you again? So since this is the 30th text from (oh I did not mention the ten texts before meeting him) My response was--In a nice but sarcastic smart-ass way... "Well-- if you keep texting me like this--you will be seeing me when you pay my cell phone bill!"
Ok…a little mean… I did not mean to sound like a total Bitc* but in my defense-- I refuse to have someone I barley know run up my cell phone bill Or is this the "new" for dating??
Granted he seems like a really nice guy-I am tickled that he wants to see me again!
But I have been out of the dating scene for a while and I cannot help wonder if all this texting communication is considered the norm or is it considered weird? Any thoughts?
I posted a little about this in another thread but wanted to post it here too! I went out on my second date this afternoon. As everyone knows I am now a member of two popular dating site"s that rhymes with "catch".com and meet me for "links".com! Anyway the first date was horrible-the guy did not look like his picture and he was missing a front tooth! He was the total opposite of his profile and when we talked we had nothing in common whatsoever-it was as if someone else wrote his profile for him. First of all having your teeth and most of your hair-is important to me-- or at least shave it off and have a baldly (they are sexy!) Ok so the first date-I ran for the hills!
My second date today was the total opposite. He suggested a place that I too enjoyed and we laughed a lot and had a lot of things in common including my favorite NY team. We really clicked! There were no awkward silent moments at all. I told him about myself-of course the vanilla part and was truthfully honest & all about my current situation without mentioning my part-time gig. I also told him what I was looking for in a dating relationship. I think as we get in our 30’s we become less shallow about appearance and look for what is inside a person. (That’s me anyhow!) (Regardless there has to be some type of attraction)
Back to the story--Then he told me about “himself” and I politely listened. But I could not help wonder to myself when do you stop talking about ourselves?—How long do you go on and how much do you really share?-I am a detail specific gal but was not about to go into details. I tried to keep it short and sweet and directly to the point! AM I that much out of the real dating loop that I do not know the current dating rules?
I guess we hung out for about an hour and he had wanted to hang out longer but I had to plug some numbers on a couple of spreadsheets and used that as a reason to end it early. How long were we suppose to hangout the first time that we meet?
Ok so I get home-do my work and check my emails and all of a sudden I get a text from him. I finished what I was doing and then I get another text from him-about 35 min after the first. So I responded to his text and he invited me to a party. I responded that maybe I could go but I would have to let him know in a couple of days! He texted back "ok" and then I responded "It was nice meeting you-good night!" Then he texted me three more times after I said good night! His last text was when am I going to see you again? So since this is the 30th text from (oh I did not mention the ten texts before meeting him) My response was--In a nice but sarcastic smart-ass way... "Well-- if you keep texting me like this--you will be seeing me when you pay my cell phone bill!"
Ok…a little mean… I did not mean to sound like a total Bitc* but in my defense-- I refuse to have someone I barley know run up my cell phone bill Or is this the "new" for dating??
Granted he seems like a really nice guy-I am tickled that he wants to see me again!
But I have been out of the dating scene for a while and I cannot help wonder if all this texting communication is considered the norm or is it considered weird? Any thoughts?
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Well, I'll say that most of the people I know who are single all have unlimted txt plans and seem to txt as often as they breathe.
That said, to txt that many times after just meeting a person once is a little creepy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0PUrNwvvBk
That said, to txt that many times after just meeting a person once is a little creepy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0PUrNwvvBk
yes, Superwoman. Seems a bit desperate or he's really INTO you. Actually, its more annoying that he can't take the hint.
Good luck. I've been on the first site you've mentioned for almost 3 years..on and off. Mostly off. I only go on when they give me a substantial discount on the membership.
I should create a thread on my own about dating. You guys/gals would get a kick out of it. I have some horror stories myself when dating. Should be called 'Sidekicks dating fiasco'. LOL
Good luck. I've been on the first site you've mentioned for almost 3 years..on and off. Mostly off. I only go on when they give me a substantial discount on the membership.
I should create a thread on my own about dating. You guys/gals would get a kick out of it. I have some horror stories myself when dating. Should be called 'Sidekicks dating fiasco'. LOL
just an off comment as it could be this or that...BUT maybe he is as new to this dating thing as you are, and maybe he is as insecure as we all are and figured rejection via text would be easier to handle than up close and verbally personal. You are a sharp cookie SW and from what I know a good judge of character so since you vibed good on the first "date" id say go for #2, unless his txts become to much. For now id just chalk it up to nerves on his part, maybe excitement after having his own bad no teeth first date to have met such a beauty with brains and fab ta-ta's. I am new to this dating thing too but i am finally in a great relationship and its so great and has lasted so far because i dont think to much on the small stuff. Some people, like myself, keep our insecurities in check and to ourselves while some wear them on their sleeve.
Texting does seem to be the new thing so i got myself an unlimited package for 10 a month and now love it as im not a big phone person so dont mind the occasional how is your day going or im thinking of you.
Texting does seem to be the new thing so i got myself an unlimited package for 10 a month and now love it as im not a big phone person so dont mind the occasional how is your day going or im thinking of you.
I wish you would babe cause you def have some stories that i am sure most would love reading. Im all for the happy endings (sexual or cinderalla) but so much positive makes me feel inadequate like im the only one who's had the bad date, its nice to know im not standing on the one date wonder ship alone.
