Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Judge Crater Pierces the Void in an Anti-Matter Expirement: Update
(Edna and Marta achieved their breakthrough moments at the Our Lady of Perpetual Quesiness Gang Bang Fundraiser this afternoon. Each completed having sex with their Ten Thousandth Man just moments apart from one another.)
(Although I was momentarily annoyed at Edna for having lead me to believe that she was significantly less experienced, I later basked in the glow of her accomplishment and blushed upon realizing that I had assisted her in obtaining the self-realization she has been seeking for so long.)
(Upon completion of the sexual act with their Ten Thousandth Men, Edna and Marta each grew bright white wings out of their backs and began to float like hummingbirds above the 50 yard line at the football stadium.)
(Out of the sheer abundance of the joy they felt, Edna and Marta flew far above us and then swooped down low quickly to shit twice on the heads of the men who had been their Ten Thousandth customer served.)
(I was humbled. I was awed. I witnessed the birth of the transformed beings now known to me only as Goddess Edna and Goddess Marta.)
(Because they constantly hover three feet above the ground and cannot walk on the ground anymore like normal people, we went to a sporting goods store afterwards and bought them lead boots to wear.)
(This, I think, will help them "fit in" better when getting served in restaurants and waiting on lines in supermarkets and other such places. Goddesses attract far too much attention.)
(To symbolize their achievement, Goddess Edna and Goddess Marta have adopted Catholic Girl School uniforms (cute little dark plaid jumpers with white blouses and dark blue bowties) as the only clothes now worthy of them. I can't wait to get my own Catholic Boy School uniform (blue pants, white shirt and blue tie with embroidered white letters). Goddess Edna promised me I would get to wear one when I become transformed like her.)
(My first day was a lot less spectacular. I was only able to service 513 men, and had this nagging worry that I was letting the parish down. Luckily, all my best friends in town came out to the stadium to support me. My mailman and high school algebra teacher both got on line three times. Even the guys I thought were my enemies came out to support me. You always find out who your friends are when you really need them.)
(I thought it might hurt a little when I first assumed the position on the 50 yard line at the stadium, but Rolf assured me that I'd be fine and told me to just relax. So I did. The sphincter stretches to fit all sizes, Rolf told me. He's right.)
(I didn't realize how popular my wife is in town. She had 1,418 customers today. She's never felt better, she said, and can't wait to get back to the stadium tomorrow and every other day this week. She even made dinner when we got home and cleaned up after it all by herself on account of Goddess Edna's and Goddess Marta's new status.)
(We had our first family spat earlier this evening. Goddess Edna and Goddess Marta wanted to watch professional wrestling while Rolf, my wife and me wanted to watch the news. We took a vote and the majority ruled. It was touching and heartwarming to be part of that. We all felt so close afterwards.)
(Rolf continues to show his real knack for getting along with children. He took charge of giving the kids baths tonight and put them to sleep. Not a peep out of them. Their were out as soon as their heads hit the pillow. It was cute. They both wore their RayBans to sleep.)
(We saw a disturbing piece on the news tonight about my private investigator. I seems he committed suicide this morning at his office by tying himself in a chair, pouring gasoline over his head and lighting a match. I didn't know he was so depressed. I should have said something to him. Who knows, I might have been able to help.)
(I hope Rolf doesn't wet the bed again. If he does, though, I'll understand. He's under a tremendous amount of strain being responsible for all the money that's being collected. Poor guy. I'll try to be extra nice to him tonight.)