Stripper Chit-Chat II

R

Retoxicate

#101
#101
More exchanges from Vegas. Had to confirm what was said with my friend because the main stripper night, I got pretty hammered. That mostly led to my friend dragging me from place to place so I didn't get punched.


_____________________________________________________________

At the Sperarmint Rhino, my friend was stuck with a girl who had a huge face. It was so big, it was a like a mask (hint)

Me: (Trying to whisper to my friend) Where'd you find Rocky Dennis?

HugeFaceGirl: You're an asshole.

Me: Was I too loud?

My friend: You are an asshole.



________________________________________________________


We left and went to Caesars, where a 100 year old Germanic Roulette dealer was kicking my ass and giving some unwelcome advice.

Me: I know, I know, I know, yes, you told me with my green chips I should bet green.

Roulette hag: You should have listened to me. (laughing)

Me: You know all. (under my breath) What was it like dating the Furher?

Roulette Hag: Excuse me?

Friend: We gotta go.

_______________________________________________________________



Friend: What did you do with Mini?

Me: She's in the bathroom. She said she'd fuck me for coke later.

Friend: Isn't that how you met your wife?


___________________________________________________________________



Me at Shea's, yelling at Elvis Impersonator singing Sweet Caroline: "What are you doing? The King is spinning is his fucking grave man!"

Friend: Dude, we gotta go.
 
J

justlooking

#107
#107
STRIPPER: Do you believe in God?

ME: No.

STRIPPER: Do you believe in a higher power?

ME: No.

STRIPPER: Why not?

ME: It just seems silly to me to posit the existence of some invisible entity who doesn't do anything you can discern anyway.

STRIPPER: So you're a . . . a . . . a . . . Protestant?
 
J

justlooking

#109
#109
Since it doesn't look like he's going to get around to posting it, I report the following, as told to me by a friend:

RUSSIAN STRIPPER: Vat's your name?

FRIEND: [His name]

RUSSIAN STRIPPER: Are you vaiting for someone?

FRIEND: Yes, I am.

RUSSIAN STRIPPER: So vy did you bother tellink me your name?
 
A

Axe

#110
#110
LATINA STRIPPER: Papi Chulo! Como estas? [Big hug. Big, wet kiss]

ME: Bien. Quiero sexo este noche. Vaya conmigo?

LATINA STRIPPER: Sim. Espera aqui.

Then, in PERFECT ENGLISH:

LATINA STRIPPER: I'm going to get changed. DONT TAKE ANOTHER GIRL HOME WHILE IM GONE.
 
M

marcinny

#111
#111
Just when I think that I have read all the great parts of UG archive, I discover that there is so much more to explore.


justlooking said:
Part II: Stranger Than Paradise

Wednesday night.

I'm sitting at the bar in Macellaria waiting for her. I'm reading, so
I don't notice her when she walks in.

Normally, when you meet strippers off-premises for "dates", they dress down. But this girl has decided to campaign hard for a permanent staff position. She shows up in some strapless little black thing. Not stripperwear: it was well-cut and obviously fairly expensive.

You often read guys on the boards saying how much they love it when all eyes are on them and their paid companion in some public place. I hate that. I don't want to be stared at because I'm with some inappropriate young woman. I usually feel like I can get away with being seen in public with my Stripper Friends because they tend to look like people I might conceivably be with. But not this very striking six-foot-tall woman in a strapless black minidress. I immediately decide -- don't ask me why -- that my wife's boss and her husband are going to walk into the resutaurant any second. It gives me something to think about when I'm not gazing into my companion's eyes (and cleavage), listening to her talk about either her new boyfriend or all the weekends she and I could spend together in cute little B&Bs in the country.

Two wiseguy types sit down at the next table. They're very interested in my companion. When she leaves to grab a smoke, they strike up a conversation with me, obviously trying to size me up. When she returns, they try to talk to her. It's in this familiar, patronizing, sort of mock-nice tone that you hear guys like that use when they're talking to someone they don't respect but think they're covering it up. She later mentions to me how much she hates that, hearing it all the time in her club.

We leave to walk the three or four blocks to the Liberty. People are literally shouting at us on the street along the way. At one point, this bunch of boys starts shouting compliments at her. Then, after we've passed them, they start repeating over and over to me, in loud shrill voices, "You da man! You da man! You da man!" I look for a pothole to hide in.

We get to the Liberty. Her campaign for a permanent staff position steps up.

It's a beautiful night, so we take a walk afterwards. We stop in an all-night convenience store so she can buy more cigarettes. There's me in my semi-casual linen sportcoat, her in her strapless black thing, the counterguy, and two young blondes in tube tops and jeans. "For the first time, I feel like a prostitute," she says.
Click to expand...
 
M

marcinny

#112
#112
justlooking said:
Since it doesn't look like he's going to get around to posting it, I report the following, as told to me by a friend:

RUSSIAN STRIPPER: Vat's your name?

FRIEND: [His name]

RUSSIAN STRIPPER: Are you vaiting for someone?

FRIEND: Yes, I am.

RUSSIAN STRIPPER: So vy did you bother tellink me your name?
Click to expand...

Axe said:
LATINA STRIPPER: Papi Chulo! Como estas? [Big hug. Big, wet kiss]

ME: Bien. Quiero sexo este noche. Vaya conmigo?

LATINA STRIPPER: Sim. Espera aqui.

Then, in PERFECT ENGLISH:

LATINA STRIPPER: I'm going to get changed. DONT TAKE ANOTHER GIRL HOME WHILE IM GONE.
Click to expand...
OK I read the beginning and the end of this thread. Now I will read every post of it. Funny and meaningful. What writer would not want these simple yet powerful dialogues in his books.
 
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