The Ladies Side of the Story - NP4P

L

LawManDan

#141
#141
Des,
Sorry I came off so hard on the "nice jewish boy" thing, but all my life I have heard it, and it is the farthest from the truth for me.. for him obviously, nice jewish boy translates to an absolute asshole... using big words and asking you if you understand? "fuck you asshole.. what I understand is that you think you are better than everyone, which actually means that you are the same as all the other Aholes, ..sorry.. got sidetracked".. I hate him already, and am surprised that you would not pick up on him being a douche..but you are just getting back in the game... go slow.. my mother always told growing up, jewish boys do not do kung fu, they do not play ice hockey, and you get it...what she meant was moms want their boys safe.. but her pushing me one way, just made me go the other... and I am glad you realized that by italian you meant a blue collar "i had to work for this" attitude, and not some antiquated "woman service me" ideal which always leads to problems, unless the woman feels that she is less than equal to her man, and then its a perfect relationship, master/slave....

Anyway, what I meant to say was, good for you, this thread is the best reading I have done in years, and I get to participate ...amazing.. and its a personal journey and one that I think we can all predict the outcome.... but it by no way diminishes the excitement we feel for you, as you search to find the right path...
 
M

Manindisguise

#142
#142
desilove said:
I can deff take that and roll with it. Like I said first date interested enough to know more but didnt know enough to cry in my pillow. I just dont get why guys dont say that, me if I am not interested I tell you, I dont hold or kiss your hand or lick your finger. Yes he did that, and than he stuck his in mine. Kind of gross for a first date, but like i said he he was hot;)
Click to expand...
Because, regardless of if you are someones taste or not, your not obese and theres nothing gross about you so it's all in good fun. Guys like a little romance too, even if you are into them enough to come back a second time.

desilove said:
My question was more why dont you guys ever just man up and say im not interested instead of giving mixed singles. At the end of the day this dating thing may not be easy but it sure is fun.....xox
Click to expand...
Dont even waste your time thinking or asking yourself about it. Sometimes if we arent sure we will go with the flow and take it all in and see how we feel after we leave or the next day and make up our minds then.
 
D

desilove

#143
#143
Blind Dates

I have come to the conclusion that at some point I have done something serious to piss my friends off. Why else would they try and set me up with such a, well truth sweet but I want to say loser but again he seems sweet so you guys be the judge.

My friend "L" has been pestering me to go out w a friend of hers from NJ. Now he is what I guess youd call a bad Jewish boy;) Finally I say ok give him my number, I mean after all I am trying to get my dating feet wet so why not.

I have many reasons why not after talking to him for the first time last night. He is in his 30's still lives at home and spent a good part of the call saying how great it is that he doesnt have to pay rent, buy groceries blah blah blah. Basically he has no responsibilities. He does have a job so I was going to go with it but im just not feeling it. He just sounds like he still has a college kids lifestyle and even though I am not looking to fall in love (im not adverse to it but its not the first thing I think of when I go on a date) Im not feeling him.

He was deff nice enough so I am on the fence. We have poss plans for thurs night but nothing set in stone that I couldnt politely get out of but I dont think I want to go. He has a job that after 8 yrs he just broke the double digit per hour pay and when I asked if there was room for advancement (it was ok to ask considering the way the convo was going) he said no thats prob as far as he could go. So I asked if he had any other career aspirations he again said no this was good enough. Its not the pay that bugs me its the fact that he has no goals and isnt motivated. He works in a warehouse, again fine, but hes not staying cause he loves his job he is staying because its easy.

So should I just go and enjoy myself? or should I just politely bow out? Even though Im content to just date without emphasis on finding the one I guess on some level id like to meet someone Id want to date more than once. So weigh in guys, do I go or dont I go? I dont think id be bored, he is funny but Im just not that into him.
 
Last edited:
L

LawManDan

#144
#144
Drop this loser without a second thought... he has no goals, no aspiriations, no dreams, and lives like he is a child.. I bet mommy does his laundry... loser... do not even call him... and call your "friend" L and ask her why she would think that you would be interested in such a complete waste of time... you can buy your own dinner... and given his "accomplishments and goals" what would you have to talk to him about....

Do not go.... run away from him... Loser.

That is just my opinion... and by the way.,.i actually have a friend who is 49, and still lives at home, makes decent $, and owns a home, but would rather live at home.. and YES, you guessed it, he is single.. guess why? I told him that he will never find a woman if he lives at home... I guess that is how he likes it.. and likes to complain about it too.. I have nothing against these guys who live w Mommy & Daddy, I just could not do it, got out early, and see how they will never grow up in that environment...
 
M

Manindisguise

#145
#145
When you meet people off the internet, this is the type of person you meet. The internet is good for hookups.. if you want a one nighter it is a great way to line them up if you are in a not so serious relationship or if you are simply looking for booty calls.. when looking for a relationship, the online thing is NOT the way to go.. it is filled with weird and I mean weird people. Both women and the guys. I have known several women who met guys from the net and just nothing but disasters. A totally serious number, I would say maybe 5% of the people might be date worthy if that. You will find people with more kids then Jerry has, you will find the obese, the living at home, the just out there people. Been there, done that. Some good booty calls have come from it as I have documented on here in the past but if you are looking for someone with substance you are much better meeting people the more traditional way... If you just want to get laid, and I dont see why you would need that, lol.. I would hang with this guy, if you are looking for anything more then that.. run. You will discover I am sure alot of underlying issues with someone living at home, content making $10 an hour you said? LOL.. that wont do more then buy a camp site and a tent for him to live in.
 
D

desilove

#146
#146
Manindisguise said:
When you meet people off the internet, this is the type of person you meet. The internet is good for hookups.. if you want a one nighter it is a great way to line them up if you are in a not so serious relationship or if you are simply looking for booty calls.. when looking for a relationship, the online thing is NOT the way to go.. it is filled with weird and I mean weird people. Both women and the guys. I have known several women who met guys from the net and just nothing but disasters. A totally serious number, I would say maybe 5% of the people might be date worthy if that. You will find people with more kids then Jerry has, you will find the obese, the living at home, the just out there people. Been there, done that. Some good booty calls have come from it as I have documented on here in the past but if you are looking for someone with substance you are much better meeting people the more traditional way... If you just want to get laid, and I dont see why you would need that, lol.. I would hang with this guy, if you are looking for anything more then that.. run. You will discover I am sure alot of underlying issues with someone living at home, content making $10 an hour you said? LOL.. that wont do more then buy a camp site and a tent for him to live in.
Click to expand...
makes sense but he is actually a friend of a friend, he works in the adult film area, well the warehouse that distributes them. Im gonna pass on him even though i just want to get my feet wet id like to stop getting them wet in dirty pond water;)
 
A

antnee

#148
#148
No career ambitions? Lose him fast. I'm 53 and still going to night school when I can and looking forward to my next career. My sister is married to a guy like this (warehouse and then wanna be computer geek) and out of work for 2 years. Stick to blue collar hard working guys (electricians can keep their hands clean somewhat http://www.utopiaguide.com/forums/images/icons/icon7.gif
You have started a great thread, we all get read both sides.
 
L

LawManDan

#149
#149
antnee;877121[B said:
]Stick to blue collar hard working guys (electricians can keep their hands clean somewhat [/B]
Click to expand...
I would say just stick to hard working guys, blue collar, green collar, white collar... as long as they have personal goals, ambition, focus, and integrity, honesty, morals and a sense of self... go for it... unless its a physical thing, then you are on your own...
 
D

desilove

#150
#150
Pressing Pause

I got a call a few hours ago from a long time childhood gf..we have kept in touch over the yrs but i havent seen her in quite some time...we were preggers at the same time (me w my 2nd her w her 1st) and she was really there for me when my ex decided at 6 months pregnant id make a great punching bag.

Fast forward almost 10 yrs its now my turn to be there for her....so tomorrow I will be going to get her and her child and bring her "home." Id love to tell you all we have been through but obviously I have to be careful what i say for the sake of my privacy. She is family and as much as the timing sucks this is what we do, when someone needs me everything gets dropped. So my dating will go on a shelf for now. She is expecting again and the timing isnt right so she has decisions to make and I want to be there for her.

Alas at 33 I have an archive of dating stories so Ill keep you guys entertained with some stories of dating past;) I prob wont be on as much depending on privacy but I am learning a lot from you guys by sharing my dating experiences and listening to you guys gives me a better handle. So maybe this thread and the guys point of view will make me a success yet at this dating thing. I wont invite you to the wedding but if I ever meet my prince my cupcakes will be front and center at my bachlorette party;)
 
Last edited:
D

desilove

#151
#151
NYTab said:
I would say just stick to hard working guys, blue collar, green collar, white collar... as long as they have personal goals, ambition, focus, and integrity, honesty, morals and a sense of self... go for it... unless its a physical thing, then you are on your own...
Click to expand...
Thanks Tabs and I will. As I just posted for now dating is back on the shelf but I do a lot during the summer time, fire dept tournaments, beach volley ball (watch friends, with these boobs playing isnt an option;)) so who knows. Now that I am open to dating again I may see options I never let myself see before. I still keep in touch with the guy in boston I met when i went out with slinky, kelly and april but the distance is an issue but we talk daily and who knows. Again now that I am open my body language may be less guarded, i say that because boston said he noticed a change in me. He said I seemed more approachable so we shall see. Maybe not necc with him but with anyone.

Once I get my friend through this hurdle I am going to go out more and make more of an effort.

...stay tuned for the next addition of "the days of my life";)
 
L

LawManDan

#152
#152
You are a "giver"...not a "taker"...it is both a blessing and a curse...

I await your next installation of the "days of your life"... one of the best most compelling reads i have had the pleasure to see...
 
D

desilove

#153
#153
I was reading over some of my posts and realized it is all about the bad. It hasn't all been bad, I have had some amazing men in my life and am going to share some of my better dating stories so you can see why this old broad isnt jaded.

Back in my very early 20's I met this great guy, "J." When I lived in Ct we used to drive to a club called Streets in New Rochelle every friday night (Ct clubs close at like 1 or 2 so NY trips were a necessity).

I used to love to dance and before reality set in I dreamed of going to Juliard and becoming a famous one. Obviously that never happened but I compromised and became a famous dancer in the sheets;)

Anyway never mattered where I was or who I was with as long as there was music it was all good. "J" rolled up on me on the dance floor and we just clicked, no words no nothing we just started dancing like we had known each other forever. We kept dancing for about 2 yrs, when we werent dancing wed put on a movie but half the time we never watched it. We could talk for hrs about nothing and everything. One thing we never talked about was the future because no matter how well we fit we knew it wouldn't last forever. Back than it didn't matter, you know when your young and living in the moment an your expectations didn't go beyond that day. We never cared if we had fun tomorrow as long as we were having fun today.

We didn't have some big movie break up scene, it just ended. No real good bye or anything. One day we were and the next we just weren't. That was ok back than cause I didn't think like I did about my finger licking Italian last wk, never questioned where he went or what went wrong. Prob because I checked out the same time he did.

The relationship would prob be described as pure sexual but there was so much more to "J" that frenafits just doesn't cover it. He was the guy who showed me how amazing sex could be (up til then sex had just been that dreaded thing that got me pregnant;)).

Amazing man and in large part because of who his family is I am able to still keep a distant tab on how his life has been through the media. His life has been good and I am glad. Married a few kids and happy. No jealousy for that because he wasn't my forever man and I want him to be happy and not once did it I ever think it would be with me. I had a lot to learn and experience and hell im almost 34 and still not sure I am 100% were I ned to be.

Those were the easy times when life was easy and what we wanted and expected from people was just the moment. Now it seems people want you to sign over your left kidney and try way to hard. Doesn't make sense at that age we weren't established, had no clue who we were or who we wanted to be but we didn't try or over compensate. Now at an age when we should be secure we all try to hard.

We spent all these years working to be who are today only to try and be someone else just to fit some randoms idea of perfection. Life it is a funny confusing thing that apparently doesn't get easier.
 
Last edited:
L

LawManDan

#155
#155
Desi,
Just be who you are.. that is always enough, and always should be... we can always be "better".. better friends, better people, better lovers... learning never ends, and learning about ourselves is always good...accept who you are, and others will too.. looking abck when we were younger is always a double edged sword.. it seems like we had less problems, better health, and more opportunity, but in reality it usually today that we have those very things, and in 10 or 20 yrs we will look back on this day and feel the same.. know just how you feel.. after 25 yrs of marraige, and my youngest going off to prom tonight, my 20's seemed like a pony ride... but in truth, i am sure it was as stressful and great as today...

Hindsight is 20-20... live for today.. plan for tomorrow..
 
D

desilove

#156
#156
Thanks Tabs but I wasn't really talking about me per say...Truth for me what you see is what you get...Yes I hide "alyssa" but that isnt who i am it is just what I do.

But we all put our best foot forward when meeting someone new. Me I burp but I am not going to do that on a first date, prob not even a 10th;) What I am trying to say is dating was so much more carefree when we were younger, for whatever reason when we had nothing to be confident about we were full of it. Now when we are older wiser and have everything to be confident about we feel like we fall short and try to be something we are not. Richer, smarter, or even pretending we have the energy to hang out all night or drink like rockstars when truth any other night we'd all be in bed by 10 snoozing.

For instance when a guy takes you on a date, why the fancy restaurant or exotic foods? Don't get me wrong its nice but why not something you'd normally do or eat? I go with it but how much fun am i having or how well are getting to know each other when we are both thinking "these frog legs taste like shit!" Can a girl get a burger please!

I spoke to a guy yesterday and the whole convo centered around how well hed treat me if i was his lady, how hed take me here buy me this. Umm that doesn't make me want to bite what makes me want to bite. How come we cant be comfortable enough with who we are, why don't we feel its enough to get someone to like us? I cant be the only one to notice how how much money we have or what we can buy is the most important part of a connection. Who gives a shit, i'm sure hell i know for fact that's what many women care about, my jappy friends included. BUT some women are turned off by this, i miss the old days when i a guy brought you flowers not his bank statement.
 
Last edited:
wolf5958

wolf5958

lil Fuzzybear
#157
#157
Ahh to be honest down to earth and straight forward. Desi you are so right but in this world today it seems more people are interested in marital things than some one who can make you laugh.

It is the simple things in life that makes one happy. Money and a big house don't make someones life happy. The company of a good friend who is also your lover will. I know you know this and me I am beginning to understand it.

As I have said in the past, weebles wobble but they don't fall down. The right person when he comes along will understand that. You'll know it too. Until that time you are correct on what your Nana use to say, You got to kiss a lot of frogs till you find that prince or in my case princess.
 
M

Manindisguise

#158
#158
Awww... I agree, when we were younger it seemed easier, everything seemed easier. Was it? I remember some stressful times in the 20s with school, work, moving out on your own.. Was it easier, I think it was less responsibility and yeah, was kind of easier. Dating, we were all in the same boat, all on the same level, struggling, going to school.. the weekend came and it meant hitting up xyz bar or club and drinking and celebrating the end of the week. As you get older, there is no more same level when it comes to all the different factors...

As for the guys that try and impress with a fancy restaurant and "show off" to the new girl, I don't get that either and personally it's a huge turn off. A friend of mine who makes her 100,000k which isn't bad but isn't rich by any means, she just met a guy who owns his own business and he flashes 10k in cash in front of her, she was a bit wowed and I laughed and said oh brother. It's not a lot of money and I clearly see what this guy is about. Sure enough, he went on to say as we date, I pay for everything. The funny thing, he is yet to get in her pants, she is wondering what the hell is going on, he is as insecure and down on himself as they come. Guys who try and take charge as being old style italians as this kind of guy could be stereotyped as, they have zero confidence in themselves and my friend, she says the same thing about this guy, for reasons that might be legit because of what he has been through but cmon.. pick yourself up and carry on.

I don't get the fancy restaurant, whether this is how you always dine or not, it's pointless unless you are planning a whole night out, like a show and dinner but to me, that should come after the first, even after the second and third date. I think first dates (and really all dates after, lol) should be more along the lines of lets head down to the casual place down by the water, grab some drinks, maybe an appetizer and go from there.. bring your khakis, jeans, sandals, whatever.. be as cute as hell and lets crack open the bottle of wine together and have a hell of a good time. If you're not as cute as hell.. I am gone though! lol
 
Last edited:
D

desilove

#159
#159
And yes folks the world as we know it has come to an end, me and Gumby agree on something. Ok enough female macho talk, we agree on a lot but neither one of us has ever been willing to give in so I will do it first. Twinkie you are right!

With the responsibilities we lose some of our carefree attitude but must we lose our ability to be ourselves? When I was 20 Hi im *&^% and a smile was enough. Convos centered around our dreams and aspirations, well shit just cause im older and wiser doesnt mean I still dont have dreams. What I want out of a relationship has changed but what I look for in someone has not: sane, sincere and single! Sorry but married men need not apply, you guys must still contact my booker;) Half the guys I pass on date #2 with may have made the cut if they hadnt tried so hard to be something they are not. If they had just had a little faith in themselves and just been themselves I prob would have liked them more.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top