Down, Down, Down
She waves her crooked wand over me and I am there. Shipwrecked, drowning in her, unable to breathe and never wanting to take another breath. I am filled with memories and snapshots, half-developed Polaroids that capture perfect moments imperfectly. I fall through the ice while tracing her name and she pulls me down, down, down.
In my pocket is a roll of 20's and I could go anywhere, I could get an hour with a girl half my age who'd make me feel like a big man, who'd pretend to like me and tell me how wet I made her and how big my cock is, and I'd walk away emptier than before. We'd both lose a little bit of our souls and nobody would feel.
This is how I drown my sorrows, how I mute my self pity, but not today, not again. I am freezing at the bottom of the pond, and I need more than a bitter little orgasm, I need to breathe, I need to live. I need her.
I send her a text. "I need to see you," I say. "How much?" She was mine and mine alone just a few short months ago. Yeah, she rubbed other guys off for money but at the end of the day her warm naked ass was in my bed. You may never get it, you may never understand, but it was real, it was like nothing else. You get used to it after a while. You turn a blind eye to what she has to do to make her living because what you want is more than her hands or her tits or her pussy or ass. You have her heart and her soul, and that's everything you need.
It was never about money, it never was. I never paid her to sleep with me, we both wanted it, both needed it, but now it's gone and I still need her. She answers my text. "You know how much."
"OK." I reply. "I'll be there at 4."
I put my phone down and my mind gets cloudy. I remember a night in August, we took a harbor cruise for some festival. The boat was filled with Chinese college age girls, but none of them held a candle to her. She was radiant and beautiful, her laughter filled me with light. I had booked a hotel room that night and we fucked on the big king sized bed and then she called her mother in China.
The clouds part and I can't control myself anymore. I need her. I need her mouth on my cock, her pussy on my face, her tongue in my ass. I need to fuck her long and hard and I need there to be no ambiguity, no question about what will happen when I walk in that door.
"I want you." I text her. "I want to fuck your mouth. I want your tongue in my ass." I lay out every step in clear and unambiguous words I tell her the dirty things I want to do to her. She texts me back. "OK." I am burning. I get up from my desk, walk out the door, and in minutes I am there.
I walk in and wordlessly hand her a wad of cash and I get undressed. She goes to put the money away and then when she returns I sit on the massage table and watch her take of her shirt, her pants, and the bra and panties I bought her at Victoria's Secret last fall. She is not some skinny 25 year old girl, she is a woman with full breasts and hips and an ass that should be on the wall of a gallery. I look down and my cock is already hard and we fall upon each other in an orgy of hands and mouths and asses and pussy and cock.
For 40 minutes we pleasure each other in every possible way but one, and then I finally get her on all fours on that massage table and I enter her from behind and start fucking, long slow strokes at first then faster and harder and faster and harder until the walls and ceiling fall away and there is no massage table, no spa, nothing but two bodies intertwined and connected and I explode inside her and we both collapse onto the table in a cacophony of whispers and sighs and heavy breathing.
She attends to me tenderly, lovingly, with kindness and compassion as I lay back and bask in her warmth. She smiles, and that smile is all I want, and she is all I need.
Money has changed hands but this is not just a transaction, it is far more than business for both of us. The money is nothing to me. I would burn every dollar in the world if that's what it took to make her mine, even for an hour.
I walk back out into the cool air of early Spring. I have fallen through the ice, I am freezing at the bottom of the pond and this is exactly where I belong. I am drowning in her and I hope I spend the rest of my life gasping for air.