Falling for a client

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akshun

#61
#61
Also I think BillyS was quite right. If by fall, he meant who we are attracted to, desire, want to be with, etc. sometimes that stuff happens and we can't control it (and I mean beyond just lust).

But you don't have to enter into a relationship with that person just because you develop feelings for them. i think that is where we have control. We can avoid that person and like many things in life those feelings will fade if they are not reinforced.
 
J

justlooking

#62
#62
Paulus's post toward the beginning of this thread was interesting.

If he was talking about marketing, I agree with him. In their marketing, I think prostitutes should avoid as much as possible conveying the impression that it's just a business (even though, of course, that's just what it is).

But it's possible to read that post as complaining about the way prostitutes view their work. If so -- and I'm not saying that's what Paulus meant, only that it's possible to read it that way -- I think it's incredibly nervy for a john to tell prostitutes that they put too much emotional distance between themselves and their sex work.

(Too clarify, I hate it when I can tell it's distanced. But if I can't tell, I don't care. No, let me change that: I do care. Because the experiences I've had where the sex worker didn't keep some emotional distance from her sex work were just too fucking scary, or unpleasant in other ways, for me to want to repeat.)
 
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vegasjim

#63
#63
Wow Kimmie I could not disagree with your thoughts on this any more. I have always believed that a client and a provider can fall in love and I have seen it happen. I also can't believe that you think a client cannot respect a provider. Do you also believe a provider can never respect a client. I will say I don't think you can fall in love without being friends first. Even thought I have never fallen for a provider yet I do really believe it could happen. I just can not understand your thoughts on respecting each other. We will talk about this at dinner before the Ana show. Great thread.
 
R

RufusMoses

(212) 513-0888
#64
#64
So JL wants a provider that is distanced, but doesn't seem like it unless you look very closely under a microscope, and then you can just barely detect it...

Anything calibrated to that fine a tolerance is bound to be expensive!
 
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justme

homo economicus
#65
#65
Is it possible for a prostitute to develop a romantic attraction to a client?

Of course.

In order for that to happen, however, she would have to let her emotional barrier down and not distance herself from her encounter. For a 'seasoned' providor, I think this is extremely unlikely as the mask of a session is well practiced and perfected. Moreover, I think it would be a fairly bad idea for a prostitute to persue her profession without having such an emotional barrier. Just ask Charity Hope Valentine.
 
J

justlooking

#66
#66
I'm sure I've said this about a million times already, but OF COURSE it's possible for prostitutes and johns to fall in love with each other. I mean, almost ANYTHING is possible.

But that said, I think it's much healthier for everyone to pretend it isn't possible. Because relations between prostitutes and johns are so fraught with opportunities for misunderstood signals and mutual imcomprehension that it's enormously more likely that one side is misconstruing than it is that real mutual relationship has arisen.

Just go through the threads on this board over the years. You'll see johns who thought they were in love with prostitutes who reciprocated their feelings -- but they were wrong. Those guys often get hurt, emotionally and financially. You'll also see johns who think they're going to have a good time by leading a prostitute on into a "more than professional" relationship -- but then find that they've had someone very problematical fall in love with them. That also can be emotionally and financially draining. (I'm focussing on guys' posts, first because I can emphasize with them more, but second, and mainly, because the johns have been more forthcoming on this subject than the prostitutes have. Probably because the prostitutes have a much more realistic view of what's going on and so don't fall into these problems as much.)

So I support Kimmie's position, not as a realistic description of the world as it exists, but as a necessary defense mechanism for people on both sides of the transaction.
 
J

justme

homo economicus
#68
#68
I emphatically agree with the assertion that the 'healthiest' way to pursue this hobby is with tremendous emotional distance created by artificial barriers.
 
Slinky Bender

Slinky Bender

The All Powerful Moderator
#69
#69
You go to Sears and wander by the photography center with your kid, and the photogapher whispers "You know, we're not supposed to comment on the kid's looks, but that's the most beautiful baby I have ever seen". You smile, and think "What the heck", and get a few portraits snapped.

A few weeks later, you are visiting your cousin in Grand Rapids, and one the way home from the movies, they need to stop at Sears to get a new Weed Wacker. You wander around waiting for them, and you hear from the photography center "You know, we're not supposed to comment on the kid's looks, but that's the most beautiful baby I have ever seen". You smile and move on.

At the family dinner a few weeks later, you go to the bathroom and the door is closed, but you hear from inside "You know, we're not supposed to comment on the kid's looks, but that's the most beautiful baby I have ever seen". The door opens, and out steps your nephew. You ask him "Who were you talking to ?" and he responds "Oh, I just got a new job at Sears".

Does this mean that the photographers at Sears never see beautiful babies ? No. But it also means .... well, you know.
 
A

akshun

#70
#70
I'm truly naive.

Am I the only one who thinks its possible to live in a world where EVERYONE isn't a liar, malcontentm etc?

So what if the photg comes up to you and says your baby is beautiful. She's making a sales pitch and chose her adjectives carefully. I don't care about that, 'cause I don't know her and her opinion doesn't matter that much to me

The difference for me is if the photog was someone who became close to me and still felt the need to lie about my baby's looks. Then I care.
 
J

justme

homo economicus
#71
#71
I don't think SB was making a post about 'absolutes'. I think he was making a post about probabilities.

What's so hard about being skeptical about the veracity of a person that you pay to lie to you.
 
A

akshun

#73
#73
Originally posted by justme
I don't think SB was making a post about 'absolutes'. I think he was making a post about probabilities.

What's so hard about being skeptical about the veracity of a person that you pay to lie to you.
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Not paying them to lie to me. Paying them to satisfy my sexual appetite.

What are your providers lying to you about?
 
A

akshun

#76
#76
Originally posted by justme
About how into fucking you they really are.
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Absolutley not needed to have a good time. If she starts screaming my name and pulling the covers off the bed, etc I hopes of convincing me shes the best, she'll never see me or my money again.

Janitors don't have to be INTO their work to do a good job, do they?
 
J

justme

homo economicus
#77
#77
Originally posted by justme
About how into fucking you they really are.
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And really this is where the value is added (imho).

Of course, there's people whose approach to commercial sex is much more oriented to quicky sessions in which the providor does basically just lie there, but somehow I don't think that you're such a person.
 
J

justme

homo economicus
#78
#78
Originally posted by akshun
Absolutley not needed to have a good time. If she starts screaming my name and pulling the covers off the bed, etc I hopes of convincing me shes the best, she'll never see me or my money again.

Janitors don't have to be INTO their work to do a good job, do they?
Click to expand...
Look, there's a difference between

a) acting like she think that you're the king of the fucking universe

and

b) not letting on as to exactly how incredibly nauseated, or at best bored, she is with her encounter with you.
 
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