A change of pace and a new outlook (was: Being a single guy with a child...)

[desilove]

Oh and dont call me gorgeous, you call all the guys that, so I wouldnt believe that for one second. LOL

shut up and kiss me (always wanted to say that)..talk is cheap baby, id rather show you then tell you..now lets keep our PDA offline and not highjack gavys thread...xox

 

[fuckingahole]

PDA? I always thought of a Palm or Blackberry.. what the hell is a PDA?

 

[marcinny]

Cheers, cheers, cheers Mr.GavyCrav

I over analyse. I just wasn't on. She had a very bad sinus infection and still went out. That was a decent sign. The dughter issue came up. She mentioned she dated a guy with a child and it kind of came up. She was initially taken aback, but that wasn't the issue.

I was so nervous and uncomfortable that the flow wasn't there. So, from 11:00 PM to 2:00 AM we hung out. And there just wasn't this flow. And perhaps she was sick. But I started to go into the "think way too much" and "psyche myself out" modes.

And I dropped her off in front of her house around 2:00 and she kind of delayed. And she hemmed and hawed and we started kissing, but it wasn't terrible. And she finally went inside.

I hit the Whitestone Bridge around 2:20 AM and was tempted to go check in on Eddy at Amor or Lily (nee "forc") from one of the hardcore fichas. I was on the bridge and this is the interaction of txts that went on between the girl and I:

Girl: Im sry if ur dissapointed. I had a god time. Ty!

Me: I just want you to be tndm be happy. You can definitely kiss! (Writer note: this is an inside joke that we have) I am not disappointed. I think you are great.

Girl: I am happy. Goodnite --- Writer comment: not the response I was looking for

Oh, fuck, should I fucking write everything out? You guys fucking care and want to read into this fucking insane craziness in my head!?!? Yeah, the txts go on for two more exchanges. I sent her a "feeling better?" txt an hour ago and no response. Fuck me.

I tried, guys. I just am not there yet.

And it is fucking painful.

I am in a better place than where I was last year, however.

I have wasted a lot of years ignoring girls like her, thinking I wasn't good enough for girls like her. I get a girl like her to agree to go out with me and I fucking fall flat on my face. Hoisted by my own petard if you will. Let's not place any blame on my new friend. I was awkward, I was uncomfortable.

I am in a better place, but the Newsroom should be filled with self loathing posts for the next little while...

Gavy

Hey this reads very good to me. It is clear from her text message that she was as concerned as you were that the "flow wasn't there".

Two people with serious intentions will always have an awckward first-date together. Don't forget that she was probably over-analyzing too.

You went to this date after a relatively difficult time and prevailing sentiment of low self-esteem, despite some recent bump. She, based on what you wrote on previous conversations with you, seems to come with her own baggage of fear, panic and unstable self-esteem.

In my opinion, you were both too afraid to scare and bore the other away. This had little chance of becoming a fun date.

The game is totally open. I always vote for the delayed success or pleasure. It always tastes better and it is truly appreciated.

 

[marcinny]

Oh, fuck, should I fucking write everything out? You guys fucking care and want to read into this fucking insane craziness in my head!?!?

You have no idea.

 

[marcinny]

We are txting now. She is really sick. Christ. I need to relax.

Seeeee? YES!

 

[marcinny]

Well, I just checked her "MYSPACE" page and her mood is listed as "disappointed". Now that just sucks. It's almost debilitating to go out and finish my Christmas shopping. Not good...

Whateva...

Fuck.

Dear Gavy,

Relax. You never know.

It could be also "disappointed at herself" for getting sick in this date, for not showing the best of her, etc.

 

[marcinny]

Well, we txt on and off today. I finally called her around 9 PM. She is really sick. So, during the conversation, she asks:

Why did you look so disappointed and annoyed at the end of our date?

I can't believe I gave off that impression. My response was something like this:

I wasn't disappointed in you, I just wasn't on my "game". blah, blah, blah...

And she went on saying she wouldn't have txt me all day if she wasn't interested, she was really sick, the only reason she was on the phone was to talk to me...so these things look positive. She joked around about tickets to a hockey game that we have together next week.

I don't think anyone came in here today and said that I screwed this thing up. You guys knew all along. How? How did you pick up on this and you aren't even in it? Amazing.

Gavy

It's so ridiculous that I am reading this now, one after the other. Great posts, sorry Gavy that I did not follow this in real time.

How did we know? I don't know about the others, but being a spectator also help. When you're not the protagonist your head is clear. The irony of the fate.

 

[marcinny]

oh and the fact that you put me over your knee 15 mins after getting here and spanked me was kind of cute too (note to gavy: dont do that, not all women are as twisted as I am)

Hahahahahah, isn't Desi the greatest.

 

[Gavvy Cravath]

Thank you for those comments, marc. They are warm an appreciated.

 

[DaveNJ]

Give that man a cigar.

Dave, you know me all too well...

Gavy

Between this and Rudolph (and a shitload of other things you've talked about on and off-line, things I'm not brave enough to delve into on UG the way you do) I have a sneaking suspicion we were separated at birth. Other than a difference in our tastes in music, and the fact that I have all my hair (sfsf), there are a lot of similarities there.

I'm glad things are working out for you with this girl. If you like her, she must be a cool chick. And hey, it's not her fault she's white.

BTW, Bunyon has been quiet lately. I'm starting to wonder if the shock from the whole "Gavy's dating a white chick" finally killed him.

 

[Gavvy Cravath]

I am really anxious about how this will all play out. I can't tell what she's thinking. She's been sick for a few days ~ fever, headache, throat, sinuses. We've talked and txt and it's been cool. Her "MYSPACE" mood changed from disappointed to weird.

I just want to know for sure where this is going. It's all so strange, folks. And the fact that I see her everyday has me in knots. In short, I am confused. And seriously anxious.

Gavy

 

[wolf5958]

I am really anxious about how this will all play out. I can't tell what she's thinking. She's been sick for a few days ~ fever, headache, throat, sinuses. We've talked and txt and it's been cool. Her "MYSPACE" mood changed from disappointed to weird.

I just want to know for sure where this is going. It's all so strange, folks. And the fact that I see her everyday has me in knots. In short, I am confused. And seriously anxious.

Gavy

Do yourself a favor. If you are going to visit her my space page just do so to drop a comment on her. Ignore the mood, please have no faith in that stupid little smiley face thing. Count on her words to you and nothing else.

I'll give you an example over the summer I dated a woman and one day after we had gone out there was a mood changed to pissed off. me I'm trying to figure out what I did. Well I blew that one big time and later found out her ex showed up at her apartment and she was just letting off some steam to her girlfriends.

My point is don't put faith in that trust in what she says to you. A very wise woman once told me the key is communication, for some reason with all this techonology we forget to just talk to one another.

There is nothing more comforting than the voice of a friend or a lover. Take my word on that..........

 

[Gavvy Cravath]

Well, being in a relationship wasn't "for me". But having a few girls that I mess with has been fruitful. Bunyon always brought it up --- cultivate "fuck buddies". And he's right. Thanks, brother.

As for a relationship? I am really into girls that are too young for me (see "black girl from the Gap"). But a fuck buddy? Hell, one of the girls in probably as old as I am!

And that's about it.

Gavy