A change of pace and a new outlook (was: Being a single guy with a child...)
- Thread starter Gavvy Cravath
- Start date
Gavy,
Rufftoy and BillyS said it best. Let it come up in conversation and be honest about it. But if you bring it up to try and get it out of the way it'll come across like there's a problem you're trying to hide, and she'll most likely get spooked.
Take my opinion for what it's worth though. I have no kids (that I know of) so I don't have to deal with this stuff.
Rufftoy and BillyS said it best. Let it come up in conversation and be honest about it. But if you bring it up to try and get it out of the way it'll come across like there's a problem you're trying to hide, and she'll most likely get spooked.
Take my opinion for what it's worth though. I have no kids (that I know of) so I don't have to deal with this stuff.
I over analyse. I just wasn't on. She had a very bad sinus infection and still went out. That was a decent sign. The dughter issue came up. She mentioned she dated a guy with a child and it kind of came up. She was initially taken aback, but that wasn't the issue.
I was so nervous and uncomfortable that the flow wasn't there. So, from 11:00 PM to 2:00 AM we hung out. And there just wasn't this flow. And perhaps she was sick. But I started to go into the "think way too much" and "psyche myself out" modes.
And I dropped her off in front of her house around 2:00 and she kind of delayed. And she hemmed and hawed and we started kissing, but it wasn't terrible. And she finally went inside.
I hit the Whitestone Bridge around 2:20 AM and was tempted to go check in on Eddy at Amor or Lily (nee "forc") from one of the hardcore fichas. I was on the bridge and this is the interaction of txts that went on between the girl and I:
Girl: Im sry if ur dissapointed. I had a god time. Ty!
Me: I just want you to be tndm be happy. You can definitely kiss! (Writer note: this is an inside joke that we have) I am not disappointed. I think you are great.
Girl: I am happy. Goodnite --- Writer comment: not the response I was looking for
Oh, fuck, should I fucking write everything out? You guys fucking care and want to read into this fucking insane craziness in my head!?!? Yeah, the txts go on for two more exchanges. I sent her a "feeling better?" txt an hour ago and no response. Fuck me.
I tried, guys. I just am not there yet.
And it is fucking painful.
I am in a better place than where I was last year, however.
I have wasted a lot of years ignoring girls like her, thinking I wasn't good enough for girls like her. I get a girl like her to agree to go out with me and I fucking fall flat on my face. Hoisted by my own petard if you will. Let's not place any blame on my new friend. I was awkward, I was uncomfortable.
I am in a better place, but the Newsroom should be filled with self loathing posts for the next little while...
Gavy
I was so nervous and uncomfortable that the flow wasn't there. So, from 11:00 PM to 2:00 AM we hung out. And there just wasn't this flow. And perhaps she was sick. But I started to go into the "think way too much" and "psyche myself out" modes.
And I dropped her off in front of her house around 2:00 and she kind of delayed. And she hemmed and hawed and we started kissing, but it wasn't terrible. And she finally went inside.
I hit the Whitestone Bridge around 2:20 AM and was tempted to go check in on Eddy at Amor or Lily (nee "forc") from one of the hardcore fichas. I was on the bridge and this is the interaction of txts that went on between the girl and I:
Girl: Im sry if ur dissapointed. I had a god time. Ty!
Me: I just want you to be tndm be happy. You can definitely kiss! (Writer note: this is an inside joke that we have) I am not disappointed. I think you are great.
Girl: I am happy. Goodnite --- Writer comment: not the response I was looking for
Oh, fuck, should I fucking write everything out? You guys fucking care and want to read into this fucking insane craziness in my head!?!? Yeah, the txts go on for two more exchanges. I sent her a "feeling better?" txt an hour ago and no response. Fuck me.
I tried, guys. I just am not there yet.
And it is fucking painful.
I am in a better place than where I was last year, however.
I have wasted a lot of years ignoring girls like her, thinking I wasn't good enough for girls like her. I get a girl like her to agree to go out with me and I fucking fall flat on my face. Hoisted by my own petard if you will. Let's not place any blame on my new friend. I was awkward, I was uncomfortable.
I am in a better place, but the Newsroom should be filled with self loathing posts for the next little while...
Gavy
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http://www.utopiaguide.com/forums/showpost.php?p=822276&postcount=10569
I want to thank all of you guys for all of your responses. In the end, it came up, but it wasn't the reason for how the date wound up.
I would ike to single out franca for coming in and offering advice. I've been in a very bad place for years, franca. I want to apologize for any negativity and hostility that might have come from my online persona.
To borrow from Thorn:
Sincerely wishing well,
Gavy
I want to thank all of you guys for all of your responses. In the end, it came up, but it wasn't the reason for how the date wound up.
I would ike to single out franca for coming in and offering advice. I've been in a very bad place for years, franca. I want to apologize for any negativity and hostility that might have come from my online persona.
To borrow from Thorn:
Sincerely wishing well,
Gavy
It's not my corner of the world, it is the corner of the world were the educated, professional women from a good family subsist. I am not judging, it is what it is.
Just read CL personal's or any dating sites. The professional women who has no kids, most of the time will say "Not interested in a guy with kids" Some take it to the next level and do not want divorced men.
Same as with age, these women will only go a few years higher or lower.
I have found Latina women really do not care, even if they are professional - Oh shit did I just write a oxy moron?
Just read CL personal's or any dating sites. The professional women who has no kids, most of the time will say "Not interested in a guy with kids" Some take it to the next level and do not want divorced men.
Same as with age, these women will only go a few years higher or lower.
I have found Latina women really do not care, even if they are professional - Oh shit did I just write a oxy moron?
Im a woman so i guess i can really only speak on my side of the fence as far as the men i date go...for me my kids are not something that has ever been an obstacle for my personal life..i also dont stress over the things you guys seem to when it comes to dating, quite honestly i think over thinking takes the fun out of dating all together.
My friends dont meet guys through dating sites or cl personals so i cant honestly say if they would scroll over the single guy with kids. Perhaps because they have already met the guy and have an interest plays a part in why them having kids isnt an issue.
I will say I think way to much thought and stress went into this situation and we as parents should not have to hide our kids just to get someone to like us. When you meet someone new you have to atleast be willing to give them a chance, not judge them based on past experiences with other women just because they share the same skin color.
Maybe its because Im not jaded yet. I just dont feel one or two or even a dozen bad apples necc ruins the bunch but I base that on the professional white women I know and dont have the first hand experience that you do. I have met and dated many assholes, doesnt mean i think everyone with a cock is one
As for Gavy, from his posts and past offline conversations ive had with him I think he is an awesome guy who has a lot to offer any woman no matter what her race or professional background I just wish he realized that.
My friends dont meet guys through dating sites or cl personals so i cant honestly say if they would scroll over the single guy with kids. Perhaps because they have already met the guy and have an interest plays a part in why them having kids isnt an issue.
I will say I think way to much thought and stress went into this situation and we as parents should not have to hide our kids just to get someone to like us. When you meet someone new you have to atleast be willing to give them a chance, not judge them based on past experiences with other women just because they share the same skin color.
Maybe its because Im not jaded yet. I just dont feel one or two or even a dozen bad apples necc ruins the bunch but I base that on the professional white women I know and dont have the first hand experience that you do. I have met and dated many assholes, doesnt mean i think everyone with a cock is one
As for Gavy, from his posts and past offline conversations ive had with him I think he is an awesome guy who has a lot to offer any woman no matter what her race or professional background I just wish he realized that.
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You need to read my reply again. I did not say anything about him being deceitful. There is no need to bring it up, nothing positive will come out of it. Later on, if there is a later on, he will have more knowledge of the girl, and be a better situation on how to handle the question.
To some women a man who has a kid is a shock, and will turn them off right away. Why do us men, have a need to tell it all?
To some women a man who has a kid is a shock, and will turn them off right away. Why do us men, have a need to tell it all?
As billy pointed out, it really does. I just wasn't relaxed, definitely a bit nervous. I haven't been out with a 25 year old white girl ever in my life. I've been hanging out with girls from the 3rd World for over a decade. I was really eye opening.
I hope that I get to that next date. I just need to be relaxed. Try to be myself. And not think too much anymore.
Gavy
I hope that I get to that next date. I just need to be relaxed. Try to be myself. And not think too much anymore.
Gavy
you will, youve come a long way since i first encountered you...we missed each other that one day at Ikea and i honestly dont have the energy to even pretend i can go out at 2 am to make up for my last minute cancellation but lunch is my treat next time you are in the area.
on the flip side, although your not giving yourself enough credit and your driving yourself nuts, how fun is it to like someone so much your checking your phone every 5 mins? Or when she did finally text you back, I can imagine the smile on your face.....The first date jitters and worrying about something other then getting laid its a whole new adventure for you and if you just relax and let yourself enjoy it it can be an amazing thing..
Its all part of it (minus the self attack on your self esteem)...from your posts in the war stories thread id say its been a long time since you actually gave a shit if a woman called you or not, liked you or not...just dont stress things that havent happened yet, enjoy the moment and worry about 'tomorrow" tomorrow.
on the flip side, although your not giving yourself enough credit and your driving yourself nuts, how fun is it to like someone so much your checking your phone every 5 mins? Or when she did finally text you back, I can imagine the smile on your face.....The first date jitters and worrying about something other then getting laid its a whole new adventure for you and if you just relax and let yourself enjoy it it can be an amazing thing..
Its all part of it (minus the self attack on your self esteem)...from your posts in the war stories thread id say its been a long time since you actually gave a shit if a woman called you or not, liked you or not...just dont stress things that havent happened yet, enjoy the moment and worry about 'tomorrow" tomorrow.
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Desi - Thank G@D there are many on your side of the fence!!! I date a lot, should say look for dates a lot.
I used dating sites as a proof positive reference point, It is the same if you meet them at the supermarket.
No stress and thought, when I meet someone the first time, all information is on a need to know basis. I am not saying to hide kids, I have three and never hide them. I do not find a need to mention them the first time a date a women.
Maybe its because Im not jaded yet. I just dont feel one or two or even a dozen bad apples necc ruins the bunch but I base that on the professional white women I know and dont have the first hand experience that you do. I have met and dated many assholes, doesnt mean i think everyone with a cock is one.
.
Women with one or more of the following: Come from an upper class family, went to private and Ivy league schools, have professional degree's, have professional jobs or practices... Will most of the time, look at a man with a kid as a disgrace.
Gavy is the best!!! My younger kid wants to change dads!
for me my baggage is "alyssa" and I stress over that the same way Gavy did over this...we all have flaws, i have many just ask FAH.....i guess if I thought outside of the specific questions posed by gavy I would have to say I agree with a lot of what you have said on the subject and cant argue with you as there is much truth to it.
For you maybe no stress and for me as well but for Gavy stress was deff involved. I agree in some sense but since we are both in similar shoes, our kids live with us, dont you find it hard to carry on lengthy conversation without mentioning your kids...we have the every day responsibilities of them so at least 25% (usually more) of our day to day activities involves doing something with them or for them in some way or another. I dont think its necc to get into the dirty details of being a fulltime parent but it would be hard to relax and let convo flow, for me anyway, if i was constantly editing out the "my kids.." factor...this is a big prob for me with my prov status, i find I shy away from convo with friends because im afraid ill slip and give my secret life away.
no truer words have ever been said, but ive never heard it from a man before so cyber kiss for you.
and a cyber smack for them I guess having kids who are perfect (ok im biased) i find it unimaginable that someone could not feel the same way but it is true. I think one of the main reasons i dont have issues is i dont bring people i am just dating around my kids and im not looking for a baby daddy like some of my friends with kids are. So although verbally my kids do enter the picture physically they do not unless something becomes serious which takes time. I do have one GF ill call "H" and i remember her dating someone with a child and he was a hands on dad and she tended to act like the spoiled J.A.P. she was when he couldnt see her because he was doing something with his son. Dating is hard, but when you have kids its even harder. I guess it varies from situation to situation and person to person but i do hope for gavy it has the desired outcome.
For you maybe no stress and for me as well but for Gavy stress was deff involved. I agree in some sense but since we are both in similar shoes, our kids live with us, dont you find it hard to carry on lengthy conversation without mentioning your kids...we have the every day responsibilities of them so at least 25% (usually more) of our day to day activities involves doing something with them or for them in some way or another. I dont think its necc to get into the dirty details of being a fulltime parent but it would be hard to relax and let convo flow, for me anyway, if i was constantly editing out the "my kids.." factor...this is a big prob for me with my prov status, i find I shy away from convo with friends because im afraid ill slip and give my secret life away.
no truer words have ever been said, but ive never heard it from a man before so cyber kiss for you.
and a cyber smack for them
I guess having kids who are perfect (ok im biased) i find it unimaginable that someone could not feel the same way but it is true. I think one of the main reasons i dont have issues is i dont bring people i am just dating around my kids and im not looking for a baby daddy like some of my friends with kids are. So although verbally my kids do enter the picture physically they do not unless something becomes serious which takes time. I do have one GF ill call "H" and i remember her dating someone with a child and he was a hands on dad and she tended to act like the spoiled J.A.P. she was when he couldnt see her because he was doing something with his son. Dating is hard, but when you have kids its even harder. I guess it varies from situation to situation and person to person but i do hope for gavy it has the desired outcome.You really dont have any flaws though, one day when "alyssa" AKA "your baggage" is gone you will be pretty close to flawless. I told you, I had one of the best dates and was just speechless when I left.. you couldnt be a warmer, nicer, sweeter caring person or maybe its just that we have such similiar personalities. I dont know but dont be saying you have many flaws.. and your shyness and panicking are cute. In real life, this is a shy girl guys...
Well, I just checked her "MYSPACE" page and her mood is listed as "disappointed". Now that just sucks. It's almost debilitating to go out and finish my Christmas shopping. Not good...
Whateva...
Fuck.
Whateva...
Fuck.
...do NOT do this gavy, do not sabotage things based on someones myspace status, you have no idea how long its been like that nor do you know what it pertains to.