I'd love to get one of those players on the team as well. Know of any that are available?
In all seriousness, the game has seen a metamorphosis into The Game Of Three Outcomes; strikeout, walk, or home run. In the Launch Angle Era, we're unlikely to see a return to guys making a concerned effort to hit .300, and stolen bases are an unfortunate part of the collateral damage of sabermetrics.
I just looked it up and there were nearly 3,600 stolen bases in MLB in 1987. Despite there being more teams, players and total games played, the total number of stolen bases across MLB is down about 1,000 from the mid-80s. We haven't seen a player steal 70 bases in a single season in over a decade.
What was once one of most exciting plays in baseball is gradually becoming eradicated.
Sorry for the rant. Still love baseball more than the other sports, but the game has managed to become less exciting in an era when every other sport seems to have gotten more exciting.