trader1

#21
One day your fine, feeling good emotionally and physically- You go for a routine check up and sent for some additional testing- Your Dr informs you that you have a terminal illness. You drive home, tears streaming down your face, wondering if this is a dream or reality-

Sadly, you wake up every day, knowing it’s reality. Emotionally a wreck, physically- everything that you too for granted, becomes a challenge. You question faith, you ask yourself over and over, why me… There is no answer.

Thinking about retirement, traveling , enjoying things that make you happy- out the door-Today, I worry about tomorrow-

Thankful for family, friends who genuinely will do anything to help. Putting on that fake smile when asked dozens of times a day, how do you feel? Okay, I’ll say, avoiding further questions and conversation about how I really feel..

Missing much that was taken for granted.

This is why I’ve stopped
Our prayers, thoughts and compassion forever with you, with utmost sincerity. But, I am not writing you off.

Being an eternal optimist, when faced with such dire predictions, and I have no further depth to decline, I sit and I take stock and seek clarity, and not necessarily a way out, but of course, that is always in the back of my mind. Everybody seeks a way out; everybody deserves a way out; there is always a way out, despite what they say.

Others have beat the rap. Are you not as human as those others that beat the rap?

In the final analysis, if you sit good and ponder, watch, analyze, realize what you are, without hope, religion, faith, but pure reasoning and acknowledgement of your experience of yourself, you will be empowered.

Everything is changing all around you. Your thoughts continually change, your emotions rise and fall, your desires come and go, fear arises and grips you, fades away during sleep, until you grasp hold of it upon awakening.

Who is the one watching this whole drama, and sometimes nightmare of life, this horror film?

Isn’t the ONE watching, YOU, always watching the drama, the constantly changing landscape, the changing tides of emotions, your physical strengths and weaknesses?

Has that One watching, the You at the center of the storm ever changed? Isn’t that One, You, watching, the same You from the first moment as an infant with conscious awareness?

Has that state of consciousness and awareness ever matured, changed, altered in any way whatsoever?

Not your mind, but the You, that is You that watches your body and mind. Has that you ever experienced any minutia of change, ever?

In all honesty, you must admit that the one called “you,” watching your life was always present watching. Can you ever remember a time when you were not aware? No. You always were and always will be nothing other than a state of birthless, deathless awareness.

If you put aside everything of the body, mind, emotions, thoughts, appearances, and let them all go, isn’t there a silent YOU, always in the background, watching, unacknowledged, forever changeless, witnessing, unaffected by time and circumstance, still, silent, FEARLESS, desireless?

In your own experience, has that You watching the changing landscape and unfoldment of your life ever aged, sickened, declined?

Take stock. Realize the truth of your own experience of the CHANGELESS YOU always observing the movie called “your life,” and realize that you are not the character in that movie, but the one who has always silently observed it.

You are not the activities and props (body and mind) in your life. You are the same as We are, indestructible awareness.

From that point of view watch and observe your present set of circumstances. You have been given some bad news. You are not “the news.” The One, You, watching “the news” essentially is not “the news” itself, but the One you have always forever been, that changeless one who forever watches.

Being the one separate from your body and mind, Master of the body and mind, can you lend your support to heal those parts of you, lesser than You?

Can you summon up the courage and audacity to accept yourself as the One in ultimate control of the course of your life?

Others, realizing themselves as essentially the pure unchanging awareness watching their life, have rewritten the script of their life with a more favorable, extended lifespan.

Others have done it. Can you? You can. You have nothing to lose, other than being mocked that you dared for one solitary moment in life, to believe that you were more powerful than your circumstances.

Everybody here, without exception, in unison fervently desire that you courageously overcome all seeming obstacles. Your victory is our victory.
 
#22
One day your fine, feeling good emotionally and physically- You go for a routine check up and sent for some additional testing- Your Dr informs you that you have a terminal illness. You drive home, tears streaming down your face, wondering if this is a dream or reality-

Sadly, you wake up every day, knowing it’s reality. Emotionally a wreck, physically- everything that you too for granted, becomes a challenge. You question faith, you ask yourself over and over, why me… There is no answer.

Thinking about retirement, traveling , enjoying things that make you happy- out the door-Today, I worry about tomorrow-

Thankful for family, friends who genuinely will do anything to help. Putting on that fake smile when asked dozens of times a day, how do you feel? Okay, I’ll say, avoiding further questions and conversation about how I really feel..

Missing much that was taken for granted.

This is why I’ve stopped
So sorry to hear your news, sending prayers.
 
#25
One day your fine, feeling good emotionally and physically- You go for a routine check up and sent for some additional testing- Your Dr informs you that you have a terminal illness. You drive home, tears streaming down your face, wondering if this is a dream or reality-

Sadly, you wake up every day, knowing it’s reality. Emotionally a wreck, physically- everything that you too for granted, becomes a challenge. You question faith, you ask yourself over and over, why me… There is no answer.

Thinking about retirement, traveling , enjoying things that make you happy- out the door-Today, I worry about tomorrow-

Thankful for family, friends who genuinely will do anything to help. Putting on that fake smile when asked dozens of times a day, how do you feel? Okay, I’ll say, avoiding further questions and conversation about how I really feel..

Missing much that was taken for granted.

This is why I’ve stopped
Trader,
In my prayers in my heart. Stay strong and do what you want to and how you want to. We’re here if you need us degenerates.
 

pokler

Power Bottom
#26
@ Trader. I've never met anyone on this site in all these years but from reading peoples comments you get a feel for what kind of person they are and their character. If someone had asked me a week ago before we knew your situation who was the one person who stands out as a genuine good guy with a good heart I'd of said Trader .

You've done a lot of reflection I'm sure since you got the news. Any woods of wisdom you can share that may help others perhaps in terms of health or just life?
 
#28
@ Trader. I've never met anyone on this site in all these years but from reading peoples comments you get a feel for what kind of person they are and their character. If someone had asked me a week ago before we knew your situation who was the one person who stands out as a genuine good guy with a good heart I'd of said Trader .

You've done a lot of reflection I'm sure since you got the news. Any woods of wisdom you can share that may help others perhaps in terms of health or just life?
@Polker- As I just mention in previous post, Ty for your kind words-

Words of Wisdom? Cannot say I have this answer -Health/Life? Right now, without health, how much ‘life’ does one have.

One day your fine and the next.. Hard Stop!! .. Many of life’s pleasures… things you take for granted- eating a great meal, traveling, hobbies-just pulled out from under you - Then I wonder if I’ll ever be able to experience these things that brought happiness to my life again - I d k

I think we all have our own definition of honor and how to live by it-To me, at least some of it, is about helping those around you, without expectations of anything in return - Now, without the ask, I see the outpouring of support from friends, colleagues and of course family. It is comforting and brings me a degree of peace.Payback, in this instance is good.

I’m part of another group now. I go for treatment and observe the sadness, fear, anger in the eyes of my “new friends now”.. This is not somethibg I wish on anyone - None of these folks ever expected or had any intentions of being here-Their lives and families upended forever -
What I’m saying All— Live life, enjoy it, take nothing for granted, be happy and try and give back it little- it helps
 
#29
One day your fine, feeling good emotionally and physically- You go for a routine check up and sent for some additional testing- Your Dr informs you that you have a terminal illness. You drive home, tears streaming down your face, wondering if this is a dream or reality-

Sadly, you wake up every day, knowing it’s reality. Emotionally a wreck, physically- everything that you too for granted, becomes a challenge. You question faith, you ask yourself over and over, why me… There is no answer.

Thinking about retirement, traveling , enjoying things that make you happy- out the door-Today, I worry about tomorrow-

Thankful for family, friends who genuinely will do anything to help. Putting on that fake smile when asked dozens of times a day, how do you feel? Okay, I’ll say, avoiding further questions and conversation about how I really feel..

Missing much that was taken for granted.

This is why I’ve stopped
my utmost condolences
 
#30
@Polker- As I just mention in previous post, Ty for your kind words-

Words of Wisdom? Cannot say I have this answer -Health/Life? Right now, without health, how much ‘life’ does one have.

One day your fine and the next.. Hard Stop!! .. Many of life’s pleasures… things you take for granted- eating a great meal, traveling, hobbies-just pulled out from under you - Then I wonder if I’ll ever be able to experience these things that brought happiness to my life again - I d k

I think we all have our own definition of honor and how to live by it-To me, at least some of it, is about helping those around you, without expectations of anything in return - Now, without the ask, I see the outpouring of support from friends, colleagues and of course family. It is comforting and brings me a degree of peace.Payback, in this instance is good.

I’m part of another group now. I go for treatment and observe the sadness, fear, anger in the eyes of my “new friends now”.. This is not somethibg I wish on anyone - None of these folks ever expected or had any intentions of being here-Their lives and families upended forever -
What I’m saying All— Live life, enjoy it, take nothing for granted, be happy and try and give back it little- it helps
Stay strong @trader1! You are in our prayers.
 
#32
I haven’t spoken to him in quite some time and just texted him. But not sure if he still has the same number. He’s one of the kindest and gentlest men ever. Nothing that girl posted sounds right.
Ty Sophia
And your words are just as deserving- Always has been my true pleasure to be in your company-You are a gem

( and ty for that— I never met the girl from PW)
 
#34
@trader1 Sorry to hear about the bad news. I hope you find some enjoyment each day going forward, even if its something small. And I hope if you have the opportunity, to cross off those last remaining bucket list items we all have in life. And if theres a chance to potentially prolong your life with treatment and you decide to, I hope you fight like hell. But if not, I hope you find comfort with your family and close friends.

I enjoyed our talks about Vegas, as not many ppl know about my true ventures out there. I can imagine if we met, we would have been good friends.
 
#35
I find myself in prayer on this matter. I did feel an upliftment to speak about it. Be assured I am coming from a place of absolute respect and love.

Prayer works in two ways. On the highest level it is instantaneous and miraculous. One step below, it is almost miraculous by leading you to a pathway of some form of interventional healing.

If your doctor and the system as a whole, has little or no optimism, please leave yourself open, should a possibility arise, that you feel strongly about, that might enter your awareness, that you might act upon it.

Again, speaking from the utmost love, respect and compassion, if you feel an urge to continue your journey beyond this lifetime, that is a separate matter, and many desire such.

However, if you feel the urge to continue your journey in this lifetime, a first step would be to proclaim that resolution within yourself, despite the pessimism of the so-called experts.

Remember, you are an infinite embodied being, with infinite possibilities and potentials.

We, here, continue to pray for your upliftment, guidance and strength.

We, here, do not take this lightly. We are here standing unified that you find a path that meets your highest level of fulfillment and happiness.

May you always be engulfed in the infinite light of your own infinite soul.
 
#36
I’m sorry to hear about this. It makes me question my own mortality. I would never want to be wearing the shoes you’re standing in. But I know that exact pair is waiting for me in a shoe box somewhere under my bed. And I will have to wear them myself.

You can choose to do what you want. You don’t have to take anyone’s advice. But I’ll give you a suggestion. Fuck as much of the female population as you can. Fuck em’ bareback and breed em all out. Live in the now. And Leave this world with a smile on your face . Regret nothing….. That’s what I would do.
 
#38
@trader1 - Wishing you a painless and smooth journey into whatever afterlife you believe in or desire.
The journey does not end here, it begins again for us all - But none of us actually know it until we experience that moment of deja vu or that dream that seemed so real but just couldn't connect the dots.

Spend as much time with your family and kids (if it applies) make them your strongest addiction now, especially if you do have kids. Bury ANY and all old bullshit and hatchets that may bother you so your conscience is clear. Don't live with any regrets from this point on.

Thank you for ALL your contributions to this board.

Remember, stray cats strut no matter where they are!! Don't stop strutt'in no matter where your journey takes you!!
 
#40
Trader1, you've been weighing heavily in my thoughts the past two days and I am profoundly sadden by what you're going through. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing how well you are liked here. Pokler and Sophia nailed it, you are a genuine good guy. The best of us. I'll be praying for you and hoping for a miracle. Stay strong and find time for the things that make you happy.
 
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