Review: Jessica of SatinLaceLadies

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I am not really a good salesman. I have tried selling a few different products a couple of times, but each time I concluded that I was not good at closing, I didn't enjoy the work, and I really should find some other way to make a living.

So it is with Jessica of SatinLaceLadies.

I called and reserved an appointment, the special rate was $1.5 for the hour. I arrived at the location, which is in a very residential area of J. City. It was so residential that I was uncomfortable ringing the bell. People were hanging out all over the street. Even the location was a two-family residence, complete with children hanging around.

I was led to a large room with a king bed. Jessica walked in. She is heavier than her pics on the site would suggest, but I can live with that. She is a big girl, about 5'8", ~180 lbs. Large breasts, big ass, thick thighs, fat neck. She wore a sexy red teddy, but under it she wore a very out-of-style bikini that did not flatter her. Another big turn-off was the little white ankle socks she wore. Ladies - barefoot, heels, or mules, please!

The other issue was hygene. She did not shave her armpits, and she had obviously been to the bathroom recently. She did not clean herself well, and the odor was really a problem, as I would find out later.

I took care of the biz, and got comfy. Once on the bed, she gently carressed me, but she would not approach certain areas while I roamed freely. She did nothing with her lips/mouth at all. Finally, I said, "don't be afraid, you can touch it." Which she did, and Mr. Happy started to show some signs of life. After a while, in which she progressed the session no further, I suggested we move on to some Billy Joel numbers. She first said to get covered, which I did, but then said, "I really don't do that." I don't like to feel like I am coercing a lady, so I backed off. I then went for some Frank Sinatra, but between the smell and her coy attitude, Mr. Happy just went to sleep. I tried a few different angles, even doggie (that's when I saw a little piece of TP stuck to the browneye - YUCK!). Nothing worked, so I suggested we converse in Russian. She laid down and actually covered her face with a pillow so she wouldn't have to look at me (I am no Brad Pitt, but she sure ain't no Halle Berry, either). And, she insisted that even this activity be covered so that she would avoid getting anything on her face! Well, when I visit a provider, I want what I don't get at home, a lady who is aggressive and at least fakes being into it and liking me. Jessica could not do any of that. She obviously hates her work, and doesn't fake it, either.

After a few minutes, I just gave up; it was a total turn-off. She was apologetic, and asked me not to write a bad review. I should have said a refund would keep me quiet, but I didn't think of it. Instead, I said I would mention only that Billy Joel was not on the menu, and that this kind of thing should be on the site, even if she comes in at the lower end of the pricing scale. It's a major issue for most hobbyists.

I was going to keep quiet about the rest, but I really felt that would not have been fair to my fellow UGers, who have given me so much info over the years. So, be warned about this one. Frankly, any location that would keep someone like Jessica on staff is not worth another try for me. My money is too hard to come by to blow it like this.

I hope Jessica finds another line of work to support herself. She seems like a nice (as opposed to "good") girl.
GEEZ, talk about false advertisement!

Bad as thrasherp's review, it gets worse when you actually view satinladies' website and what they purport to deliver w/Jessica: 135 lbs. (actually at least 180 lbs.) and "true GFE"(in reality she makes you feel how much she disdain's her job)?!?!?!?!?!? Apparently, it couldn't be farther from the truth.


Thank you very much for you candid review. You've saved us a lot of $$ and aggravation!

Just try taking a gander at "Amber". While Jessica's shots are deceiving there is no hiding Amber's girth. She is advertised at 135 and it is obvious from her pictures that she tilts the scales at over 200lbs.

Rather then hiding it the rather obvious placement of the comfortor on the bed just screams "I'm hiding her belly"!

Now, for you BBW providers out there, I am not getting on the "weight thing". Hell, I'm no one to talk. I am just saying that if you are going to post stats on a webpage don't insult the reader, and potential customer, by lying to them. Its not going to go over well.

This place is just far enough away, yet just close enough, to have been a practical outlet for some of my sexual entertainment dollars, but that website and Therasherp's review has made sure that, barring major changes, they won't see any of it.
Satin lace ladies

i saw star from satin lace ladies, she was also a little heavier than her pics, but pretty. and the weight wasnt a problem with me. she wasnt gfe, in that bbbj nor daty was offered. otherwise she was enthusiastic, did like to kiss, with tongue. and was very nice.
Yuck! Sorry that Thrash had to go thru this shit (literally)!

I can't stand providers who hate their job but drool over the easy big bucks. If you can't take the work, don't take the dollar! And she's got the nerve to ask for not being mentioned unfavorably?! Then suck it up and provide some decent service! I've had similar experiences with other girls and wanted to shoot them if I could.

Thanks, Thrash! You did the right thing and we all appreciate your sharing the info. I was thinking about trying them out, but after seeing your review, my Bennies are going to someone else!
Looking at the pictures on their site, it looks like Maria used to work for NJ Jewels under the name Lexi. From the comments about the other girls in this agency, Maria will probably be the superstar. Short, nicely proportioned......great set of natural tits. Had a fabulous, albeit too short, time with her at the one Jewels party I went to. Last I heard, she retired from the Jewels because she was going to start a family.
Hey, Satinlaceladies responded...

...just saw on CL that they realized that someone posted a bad review on Jessica on UG and that: 1) she was fired, and 2) the reviewer is being offered a "free 2hr" booking as a way of saying sorry.

Hmmm, dunno about the quality of their girls and the accuracy of their representations on their site, but it seems their customer feed back service is attentive.

So....Thrash, whaddya' think?

Yeah let us know if you're gonna take up their offer, if not, maybe one of us poor schmucks can take advantage pf tjos 'remedial' review offer. After all, it would be such a shame to waste to have it unused, right? :)


Double Super Secret Moderator and UG Shillatrix
Hello all,

First I would like to say that I am glad that I am able to post again. I wasn't to sure about posting but a little birdie has informed that my presence on here might be worth something considering that this is my agency and Jessica was my girl.

I will say it on here like I said it on craig's list that Falon and I apologize deeply for Jessica's behavior. Falon and I are always on top of the girls expecially when it comes time for apperance considering the fact that we know that ugly things can happen if you are not careful, such as a HORRIBLE review. Falon and I's blood pressure shot through the roof when we read this review.

Our first review for our agency was on this board about Maria a past provider and Trinity a current provider. They were glowing reviews. I am saying this to show that we are not all that bad and are very much capable of delivering good service.

We were caught up that week because Falon had just delivered her baby and we were not paying attention to the girls the way we usually do nor were we aware that Amber did not have BBW next to her name. I am not making an excuse but we are just plainly asking for everyone to bare with us.

As for the man who saw Jessica we are so sorry and would like to ask you once again to please take us up on our offer.


Lacey & Falon

Slinky Bender

The All Powerful Moderator
Since everyone knows how much I like to repeat myself........

There has never been any business in the history of this planet that didn't fuck something up with one of it's clients (I think my first arguemtn with anyone on a PMB was with a "famous webscort" who claimed she never had a bad session). The difference between most buinesses is what they do afterwards. I think this was proven by both Julie and April on this very board (back before they each decided I was Satan). I guess we need Ozzy here to get the over under line on the length of time for the cycle "UG is great, slinky is great" to "UG is a cesspool populated by lowlife scum and slinky is a mean, nasty troll", and then njphotog can put up a betting pool on it.
thrasherp, why in god's name did you stay? I would have run for the hills!!!

"and she had obviously been to the bathroom recently"!!!!!!

Was it the roll of Charmin stickin' out of her can that tipped you off?

To Lace and everyone else:

I felt bad, and still do, about posting the Jessica review. I am basically a nice guy (which is why I didn't bolt as soon as things went south; I didn't want to hurt Jessica's feelings). I just felt I had to post my experience. Money is hard to come by and I hate to waste what little I can set aside for this hobby.

To Lacy: Especially since Jessica was new, I understand you may have slipped up when hiring her. Your reply seems genuine and sincere, and I may take you up on your offer. If I don't, it is because of logistical reasons only. In truth, I was hoping that others would respond to my review by posting positive reviews of some of SatinLaceLadies other girls, which I would use a guide if I tried out this location again. In any case, if SatinLaceLadies comes up again, my input will be that you do indeed care about customer satisfaction, and sought to rectify a bad experience I had. Most likely a one-off.

I apologize for the trouble my review might have caused you, but again, I felt that I owed it to my fellow UGers to relate my experience with Jessica. I feel bad when anybody loses their job. Goodness knows, I've been on the wrong end of that shit a few times myself. But, like I said, Jessica really needs to find a new line of work. Perhaps this will nudge her in that direction.

By the way, in many locations I have visited over the years, the madam of the place ushered me to the door on my way out, and asked me if I was pleased with the service and the companion, especially if I am a new customer or if the girl is new. Had the owner done this last Thursday, I probably would have been honest about everything. If she had then made an offer similar to the offer above, I would have probably just restricted my review of Jessica to: "Decent service, but avoid Jessica." Saving everybody a lot of trouble.


Double Super Secret Moderator and UG Shillatrix
There is no need to apologize about posting your review. We appriciate the buisness we get being a new agency out there. As far as other reviews you can do a search and you will find Two glowing reviews about Maria and Trinity here on UG. There are no hard feelings and once again I apologize and respect your decision to write the review about Jessica.



Double Super Secret Moderator and UG Shillatrix
P.S. If your decision is not to take us up on your offer please at least make arrangments with me and except a refund of your 1.5 dollars.

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