On the subject of condiments...

[Thorn]

On the subject of condiments, or - Can one Hobby and remain Sane?

I thought it is time to have a frank discussion about this.

We touch on it from time to time in other ways but I am not sure its ever been looked at on its own merit here.

Guys and gals, what is this thing we call a hobby? Can it be taken too seriously. It is my impression it can be and when I see people getting into squabbles over some facet of hobbying I am sure of it.

Is there a healthy way to "hobby"? I'd like to think there is.

I, myself, likening life to a meal I have said that "hobbying" is the condiment guys use to spice it up a little. We know, at least I think we do, that one can't live on spices. You have to have nutritious things to eat and the spice just makes it more savory.

Still it seems to me that there are any number of examples one can see on PMBs that indicate there are people trying to make it on the spices alone?

We aren't pointing fingers here. This is to be a clinical discussion.

What do you folks think about it: Can one hobby for an extended period and remain healthy and well balanced. Is it that people who have issue with hobbying bring it into the situation with them, or is it that the hobbying itself causes the problem over time? Maybe some of both?

Let us take a candid look in the mirror and see what there is to see.

Remember this is ONLY about healthy, helpful, self awareness. Keep it on that level.

wishing well...

 

[RuffToy]

Geez, I thought this thread was about salsa.

 

[justlooking]

I thought it was about rubbers.

 

[Monk]

Can one hobby for an extended period and remain healthy and well balanced.

Speaking only from my own, personal experience: No.

Next question?

lol

 

[lightweight]

I can write a novel in discussing this, I think. Just to throw it out there, and I don't know why, because it probably makes me look worse. A couple of things. I do not take any of this too serious. I love this board. I think that I am addicted to this board. I never get mad at someones post. I may think they are a dick, but I never take it too serious. I have made friends through this hobby. Great friends. I made friends that I have not even met yet. But looking foreward to meeting. That's wierd. I believe life is short. I want to have fun. My fun, is being with woman. That is the hobby for me. p4p, or np4p. I try a little of everything. Like most guys, I like deversity. Amps, providers, non play. I have a great family, great, gorgeous wife. So then why hobby? I just need a change. Want to have fun with diiferent woman. No matter what you have, you want more and different. As far as healthy? Yes, I acually think that it helps my marriage. Sounds stupid, I know, but I am nicer at home. What guy isn't when he has a lot of sex, no matter where he gets it from. I do think that I can hobby for years and be OK with it. I hate when I see fighting on this board. It should not be taken that serious. On the other hand, if a guy hobbies, and that is the only thing that he really has, I do not think then, it is health or it will stay safe. They will take it too serious and will really be part of their real life which can't be good. I need it to stay a hobby. I have been getting a lot of np4p lately and this is not healthy. This is where it becomes a problem. This is like a really hot, hot sauce. You want it, but know you should not, and if you do, just a little bit. Sometimes, I do think, what am I doing? But no matter what, I am calling a regular girl that I met, or a provider or a semi pro who I saw like a yr ago, now part of the game is to see if I can get it again from her after she says that she does not do it anymore. It is almost like a game. Now, I do not want to say game, as to disrespect anyone because the girls that do this make a living from it and is not a game so I say that with no disrespect. I don't know if this even had anything to do with Thors question but I just got rambling on with some thoughts. And for the guys that have been out with me, know that I am a ketchup guy.

 

[billyS]

I agree with the big guy here that the hobby should be condiments to the real thing. I found this out the hard way.

I started getting back into the hobby as a once a year treat to myself, giving into my lust for something different,........ something young, thin and dark.

Actually to be more accurate my first excuse to myself was that I had never fucked an Asian so I wanted to try one.
.
Anyway over time I found Internet whore boards and I went a little wild. I got too involved and almost got caught. I also did things I regret, like pay for women I wouldn't even look at
in RL. Example..BBW Nikki, which I can't seem to live down, a provider threw that one in my face recently when I spoke to her on the phone.

I always did the PFP thing because in my twisted way of thinking it was not cheating but the last few years I've carried on a full blown affair with a married woman.

The 'Hobby' now for me is back down to once in a while treat. Of course that changes everytime my GF gets guilty about cheating on her husband and cuts me off temporarily
but I realize I will always need that outside pussy. It really isn't a reflection on my wife.

Life is too short and there are many things I can't control and things I can't have that I want.

So since sex is something I really am obsessed with I will treat myself and give in to my cravings for something young, thin and dark when I can.

 

[justme]

Can one hobby for an extended period and remain healthy and well balanced.

Can one lie for an extended period and remain healthy and well balanced?

Can one objectify and commoditize people for an extended period and remain healthy and well balanced?

Can one conflate the trappings of the highly personal with the highly impersonal for an extended period and remain healthy and well balanced?

It's not prostitution per se that is problematic. It's the things that are hard, although probably not impossible, to separate from prostitution.

 

[fortydog]

Can one lie for an extended period and remain healthy and well balanced?

Can one objectify and commoditize people for an extended period and remain healthy and well balanced?

Can one conflate the trappings of the highly personal with the highly impersonal for an extended period and remain healthy and well balanced?

It's not prostitution per se that is problematic. It's the things that are hard, although probably not impossible, to separate from prostitution.

You have to look at the person before beginning this hobby. Was I well balanced before? Things weren't so so rosy for me before I left the 'real' world. At least now I am experiencing things I would have never seen or experienced had it not been for this hobby. If one didn't enter it, what would have become of them. Maybe I would be a complete basket case (as opposed to partial basket case now).

 

[justme]

Absolutely. I was completely unhinged when I started fucking prostitutes. And, to a certain extent, it was a prostitute who really catalyzed my return to some kind of normalcy. My point that to the extent that long term engagement in prostitution is harmful, you could probably really assign the harm to more basic, underlying phenomena.

 

[billyS]

I'm glad this thread came alive again. It is a good subject.

 

[Thorn]

Can one lie for an extended period and remain healthy and well balanced?

Can one objectify and commoditize people for an extended period and remain healthy and well balanced?

Can one conflate the trappings of the highly personal with the highly impersonal for an extended period and remain healthy and well balanced?

It's not prostitution per se that is problematic. It's the things that are hard, although probably not impossible, to separate from prostitution.

While I understand fully the point you are attempting to make the question becomes can one hobby and avoid those things often enough that the little you do bump into them isn't sufficent to cause you grevious injury.

Can you avoid causing pain to others often enough so as to prevent you from becoming a source of injury to them.

I think, with very careful planning and some luck it may be possible. Though not at all easy.

 

[Thorn]

Absolutely. I was completely unhinged when I started fucking prostitutes. And, to a certain extent, it was a prostitute who really catalyzed my return to some kind of normalcy. My point that to the extent that long term engagement in prostitution is harmful, you could probably really assign the harm to more basic, underlying phenomena.

What if someone compartmentalized their mongering, succeeding in keeping it totally separate from their "regular" life but not engaging in it at levels that approach addictive behavior [ three or four times a year, perhaps], and other such things?

Does such a person qualify as a "hobbyist'?

 

[billyS]

What if someone compartmentalized their mongering, succeeding in keeping it totally separate from their "regular" life but not engaging in it at levels that approach addictive behavior [ three or four times a year, perhaps], and other such things?

Does such a person qualify as a "hobbyist'?

I'd say yes.

 

[wolf5958]

What if someone compartmentalized their mongering, succeeding in keeping it totally separate from their "regular" life but not engaging in it at levels that approach addictive behavior [ three or four times a year, perhaps], and other such things?

Does such a person qualify as a "hobbyist'?

Without sounding niave here, what does make a hobbyist?? For years I hung in SC's but did not seek out the extras, I knew they exsisted and who did what, so at that point what was I? Did my status change the first time I slept with one?

Even today I enjoy the company and many friends are in this industry. Anyone who knows my history knows I have been involved in it for years, but more on the supply side. So my question I guess is simple, am I a hobbyist??? I call myself a dabbler, but we all see ourselves differently than how others see us...

 

[Il Pagliacco]

Variety is the spice of life.

 

[marcinny]

I doubt whether we should blame or credit the Hobby for what happened to hobbyists.

Someone turns to religion and becomes pious, helps the others, find stability in life, fills his extra free times, refrain from form previous harmful activities. Someone else turns to religion and becomes intolerant, aggressive, a fanatic and even a terrorist.

How Hobby affects us may have to do with who we are essentially, our real life situation, social and family context and also what are we looking in life.

Thorn offered a possible comparison where life is a meal and "hobbying" is the condiment guys use to spice it up a little. For those who don't have a life the condiment becomes the meal.

If you found a book club, a neighborhood watch, a voluntary environmentalist organization, a soccer team, you will see people engaged in various ways. Some will see it as an entertaining time out, others will be obsessed and will do everything to have their way there and some can even compromise their life outside of the hobby, in ways you'd be surprised.

It is the nature of the game that with our Hobby the risks are higher, but ultimately the reasons why someone was affected in a certain way should be searched within the hobbyist not the activity in which he got involved.

 

[justme]

While I understand fully the point you are attempting to make the question becomes can one hobby and avoid those things often enough that the little you do bump into them isn't sufficent to cause you grevious injury.

But Thorn, the point I was attempting to make was precisely that the relevant question is whether one can hobby and avoid those things often enough that the little they do bump into them isn't sufficent to cause them grevious injury

And when I said

although probably not impossible

I was trying to say:

I think, with very careful planning and some luck it may be possible. Though not at all easy.

In other words: I think we are in complete agreement.

 

[justme]

How Hobby affects us may have to do with who we are essentially, our real life situation, social and family context and also what are we looking in life.

You could say the same thing about war, but we still discuss the affects of war on soldiers. You can still talk about effects on the aggregate without claiming that they necessarily apply in any specific case.

 

[marcinny]

You could say the same thing about war, but we still discuss the affects of war on soldiers. You can still talk about effects on the aggregate without claiming that they necessarily apply in any specific case.

Was I saying it makes no sense to talk about its effects? Sometimes my English fails me. Or maybe there's where my argument leads and I was not aware of it.

My main point was, put the hobbyist under microscope not the hobby.

 

[justme]

Your English is great. I was just pointing out that you can hate the playa and the game.

Psychology is a valid area of study, but so is economics (or anthropology, or sociology, or ...)