Guilt for what? You only live once and this was a great session for you.
Guilt for what? You only live once and this was a great session for you.
For me, it only is a problem when my entire focus and meaning for my existence revolves around the female anatomy. So, that is what I recently and successfully unhitched myself from.
I want to be able to enjoy the myriad aspects of this life, breathing, thinking, feeling, sun, moon, stars, deep night solace, sleep, joy, healing, et cetera, without "sex" infringing and tainting every other beautiful experience. That is when "sex" becomes a thief and siphons my full experience and wonderment of life.
That is not to say that when the opportunity comes to enjoy the beauty of sex, I must deny myself. I am not a monk with a vow of celibacy.
I was in the mountains under the open sky in the Asian Pacific. Cool night, coconut palm trees gently swaying, in a hot natural sulfur pool and plunged into a cold pool and the shock woke me up and I suddenly realized I was breathing and aware of my body just as a small thing and I was awareness watching it and I was quiet and serene and wanted nothing but to just be there forever. I caught a glimpse of the real me being AWARENESS, just watching my body, breath and thinking process.
This gave me a new perspective on life. Basically, I don't need a thrill like a woman or gambling or getting high. In fact, in that moment of peace, any of those addictions or additions would detract from the deep satisfaction that I experienced alone, with nothing added.
(I wasn't the body nor the breath nor the thoughts but I was AWARENESS watching those functions.)
So, that is my new awareness, my new baseline, in that "ALL ALONE," when fully experienced, is a state of great happiness and satisfaction. Nothing can be added to make it better. This is YOU.
Christmas is coming. A magnificent blue spruce, by itself, growing in the forest, is just perfect in every possible way. To chop it down, drag it into your house, ornament it with electric lights and tinsel might be useful and fun for the holiday but robs her original grandeur.
In that same vein, you as a man with all the grandeur of nature as the blue spruce, you stand alone in your own innate strength and beauty. To be dragged hither and thither, victimized in an endless cycle of sexual drama, I realized is not how I want to live my life.
I decided now that when I decide to engage in this wonderful and powerful act between man and woman, it will be a huge celebration, much like decorating the already perfect blue spruce. Also, to have the stamina and wherewithal to engage and complete the act of love, fully and completely, being focused and to act out and experience all of my fantasies and at the same time, understand and fully satisfy the woman I am with.
Upon completion of that act, if it was truly needed and necessary to perform in the first place, I am free and satisfied from that craving and desire. It is time to disengage from the world of sex and now move on to the beauty and wonderment of life all around me, my walk, my breathing, the moon, the trees, the rain, the snow and all other phases of life.