Musings of Mugi - otherwise interesting novella's that are only vaguely connected to the thread where he posted.

#1
That makes sense. Maybe the ones I've spoken to are already on-track for a Green Card and need a legit-looking job?
One girl that I was heavily involved with many years ago used political asylum.

I got too involved in many of their lives and saw many interesting things. I entered into their soap operas, always trying to be a friend and a good Samaritan. But that is over now. I am in a different place. I did it and it is past. I look back at all I did and I am flabbergasted that I had the time and energy to be so pathetically involved and still work so many hours in my career and still raise a family. I was always exhausted. They were crazy days.

I left the country for a while and mercifully was allowed to break ties, see it all dissolve and view it from a distance. It was a blessing in disguise to leave. Their soap operas go on fine without my involvement.

I guess it does not matter when you wake up, as long as you do wake up.

And now, well, I still enjoy an outing. But, it is the last thing I do. Everybody that is close to me, including myself gets taken care of and is given my full support, love and attention and they are nurtured. (I guess I am making up for being split for so many years)

And, when time allows, I go back to walk the battlefields and enjoy it all almost like a past life. The crazed compulsion has dissipated. But it is still more than just a biological necessity. It is a trip down memory lane. So, to be honest, I am not free from it completely because I am still pulled in by the past.

But, if I don't go, I very POWERFULLY ENGAGE MYSELF in another activity that engages full absorption of mind, breath, body. That could be swimming, biking, hot steam, sauna, meditation, pranayama, even writing or online games like checkers/chess. (I try to stay away from scotch and such as I don't want to create another habit that must eventually be broken and too much strong liquor could be detrimental to health. But a cold beer after a hot steam is in order and beneficial and an occasional scotch is sometimes good for the soul)

The act of sex is being fully engaged with another body/mind. You can simplify that act by being fully engaged with your own body/mind. (I am not talking about masturbation but that also could be a last resort) Oftentimes it is more rewarding to employ all your faculties and be engaged by yourself. And your gained insight and calmness and power can also be used in the hobby when you so desire to partake.

The stronger you are, the less you need others. The stronger you are, the more others want to be around your pleasantness and strength.

I look at it this way, I was given the opportunity to play around like a little prince for many years. I thank God that I emerged without being destroyed because with that kind of frequency and unbridled passion, I could have ended up in the trash heap. I now take what I have learned (and much was learned) and share it with those that are near and dear to me. (And that could be just anyone in your circle. Everybody has some friends. And if you don't, share on these boards. I consider everybody on this board to be a dear friend even when they don't agree with me and give a sharp reply. That is just communication whether it be nice or nasty.) (And if I do become unpopular, well, I am only a phantom, anyway) (I do take a risk when bearing my soul but it is made possible because I have seen you guys at times drop your façade and bear your souls)

Habits are made to be broken. If the habits fail to deliver on happiness, then seek out clarity of mind and freedom.
 
#2
Wow, with a thread caption like that, and I didn't think you could do it, but you finally found a way to shut me up.

My compliments to the wisdom of the moderators.

I didn't think I could ever use this line: "I am speechless." hahaha LOL
 
#4
)
Habits are made to be broken. If the habits fail to deliver on happiness, then seek out clarity of mind and freedom.
Habits, as they say, become character. I try to be at my best for every mongering interaction. Perhaps it's my antidote for an inextricably toxic family situation where every positive action is questioned, undermined and, at best, taken for granted. My revenge is to take my goodness where it is appreciated, absurd as that must sound. Whether it's the ladies who've come to figure out exactly what I need, to the point where each time feels like the best sex ever such that a voice in my head is saying "This is truly who you are and where you need to be." Or just being sent on my way having shared my provider's dinner from home, leaving me with a feeling of being cared for, it has become an alternate and very real existence. It's also financially unsustainable and something that I can only share on the boards here. Women open up to me. I saw someone in Thailand, in her own home. I had found her through CL. After two hours she was pulling out her photo albums and papers, telling me about her Western boyfriend who she had run a business with and who had died unexpectedly not so long ago. She wasn't asking for anything from me, just opening up to a sympathetic face while her four cats circled the bed, occasionally joining us. It was kind of a shattering experience but felt like an honor at the same time. I ask myself whether this is going to be the remainder of my life or just a period that shapes me for the next stage. My exploring and spending over the last five years would probably lead friends and family to think about having me committed, if they knew. But it's where I found what I needed. Long ago, I wanted to be a writer. Maybe this is where I start.
 
#5
That's quite a story and one that is easily relatable. What comes to mind about your family life is "familiarity breeds contempt."

They typecasted you and not in a very positive role. Maybe you acted a certain way, way back when, at some point in your human life but you transformed yourself into an ever-changing upward spiraling positive happy being with great desire to fulfill yourself and explore new vistas. But the stagnant consciousness of the family has no room to allow for your transformation. They view it as phony.

Life in that environment is so stifling, and in the daily battle of gasping for air, one decides to escape for one's own welfare.

To put it simply, you outgrew them. And if they themselves were open to a new life of freedom and happiness, you could stay and teach them but if they act in a way detrimental to your flourishing and covertly seek to extinguish your light, to stay with them at this time would be akin to assassinating your soul. (possibly you can return when your transformation is more complete and you are confident and strong in your new identity)

So, you seek a life lived amongst non-judgmental people who accept you for what you are. Your happiness from just being accepted and treated fairly, magnifies and expands in the moment. Your soul shines. The ladies sense the innocence and vulnerability and feel safe, free and happy. They find a kindred soul to confess to. There is a beautiful relationship.

I might be criticized for this typecasting (but now given my own thread, seems I have carte blanche to not hold back anymore, as I did prior to a great degree) but nevertheless, especially so with women from certain Asian countries like Thailand, Vietnam, Laos, Indonesia, Cambodia, et cetera you can find a certain beauty in them because they are sensitive by their upbringing and ancestors to honor and respect the spirit of life in the individual and in all of nature.

Of course, in modern times, greed and commercialism has covered that spirit, but it seems easier to peel back because the crudeness is limited to a number of decades and not entrenched for so many centuries. They were simple native people, joyful to have a bowl of rice (the seed of a grass growing in water) and a few vegetables, wooden chopsticks and to be happy working the fields and living in a straw hut with family, surrounded by friends.

Their simple, uncomplicated spirit allows you to feel safe amongst them and they with you. And during sex, your actions exemplify your nature, your spirit, your harmony, your happiness and not being able to put it in words, a gush of feelings come forth, telling the history of this Asian flower and her ancestors. And it is very poetic, harmonious, simple, lovely and definitely a vibe to enjoy. The more ancient Asian spirit that comes to the fore especially during mating is honor and respect to the male and appreciation for his presence and power. And the male appreciates her absolute vulnerability and loveliness.

In Asia it is described as yin/yang and until recent history the extreme polarities -- the differences between the sexes was accentuated and celebrated. So, the attraction was absolutely, undeniably magnetic. Seems nowadays in modern cultures the differences between man and women are being obliterated and a more androgynous being emerges.

My dear friend, Leobloom, you are not at all insane but in reality completely sane. You are following your heart and your bliss as opposed to chasing convention and popular culture.

To foster your awakening: non religious spiritual work abounds on YouTube, the likes of Eckhart Tolle, Rupert Spira, Sadhguru and so many, many others or even religious works. Or just time by yourself at the beach, out in nature, writing, breathing, meditating, concentrating, hot steams, saunas, baths, bowling, music, loving yourself, anything that you enjoy.

A classic simple novel concerning this phenomenon was read by most high school sophomores when I was a youth, "Siddhartha" by the brilliant Herman Hesse. It is a free book on the internet.

In other words, just finding ways to magnify this new birth of spirit seeking expression through your being. It desires you to find happiness and completeness.

March on Brave Soldier.
 
#6
Seeing a provider who I am very fond of, is a definitely a way of filling the void not fulfilled through family and friends, and of course my own personal failings. Has anyone ever wanted to just do a dump of your whole history to a total stranger? Other than forums like this, where can you feel safe to discuss this thing? I have been wanting to do an exchange with this provider, where we discuss our history and beginnings in this thing. Maybe it's much too stressful?
 
#7
Seeing a provider who I am very fond of, is a definitely a way of filling the void not fulfilled through family and friends, and of course my own personal failings. Has anyone ever wanted to just do a dump of your whole history to a total stranger? Other than forums like this, where can you feel safe to discuss this thing? I have been wanting to do an exchange with this provider, where we discuss our history and beginnings in this thing. Maybe it's much too stressful?
In my experience I have found sharing certain personal information and life experiences with a few very select companions can be very emotionally fulfilling.I have done it and often find myself in a good ‘place’ when thinking about that past visit and barring my soul..For me, it’s not just about the sex
 
#8
I think doing a personal history dump would be interesting to do with both a provider(woman), monger(man), civilian never participated(woman), civilian never participated(man). This would provide all angles of feedback to assess, judge, and put things in some prospective. The key to this is finding total strangers, who would never be able to leak your story, so you would be thorough and not holding things back.
(BTW sorry for mooching in Mugi's area)
 
#9
I think doing a personal history dump would be interesting to do with both a provider(woman), monger(man), civilian never participated(woman), civilian never participated(man). This would provide all angles of feedback to assess, judge, and put things in some prospective. The key to this is finding total strangers, who would never be able to leak your story, so you would be thorough and not holding things back.
(BTW sorry for mooching in Mugi's area)
Not at all. Please mooch. I thrive on your experiences and points of view. I never even thought of being open and honest on this board until I saw some of you guys dropping the veneer. I thought "Wow, what an opportunity to be completely honest and forthright and the possibility of walking away unburdened and freer, ready to peel away another layer.

Please indulge me.

I mentioned the book, "Siddhartha." I read it many times. Starts out a young man, gifted with good looks, intelligence, social status, well-trained by family traditions, studied scholarly works with his father and teachers, wealth, good family, destined to rise to amazing heights. Leaves home in his teens against his parents' wishes. A true rebel at heart. Endures great hardships in an attempt to find the truth. Fails. Wanders. Meets up with a beautiful courtesan, a prostitute but one of the highest order, surrounded by wealth, property, servants, opulence. He gazes at her from outside her "queendom." She can't deny her attraction to this intense, handsome man but he is penniless. She lets him know that if he wants her time, he must acquire wealth and present to her gifts and act and dress like a man of means. The young man was smart enough and capable enough to accumulate wealth and power and even exceed those around him. He becomes her exclusive. The man grows in wealth and power and social status and now includes drinking wines and heavy meals of meat and fish, gambling, orgies, falling unconscious.

He becomes a big time powerful player. Eventually feels sickened by it all, runs away and meets a river and contemplates suicide due to the debauchery in his life. Meets a simple man by the river, an oarsman, a ferryman, an honest man. He pours out his soul and chaotic life and suicidal thoughts to the ferryman for many hours into the night, he unleashed his gloom, his pain, his dissatisfaction. But it was the way in which the ferryman listened to the tortured soul. The wise old ferryman listened with an open, waiting soul, without judgment, criticism or condemnation. The man confessed on-and-on in this utterly safe space under the moon, by the river to a pure soul. And by the end of his confession, his past was history and he was able to fully embark on a new life.

It might be difficult to find such an open, waiting, humble, non-judgmental listener. It actually used to be my wife, for me. Then I found that instead of listening with an open, non judgmental soul, she was carefully gathering, storing, categorizing and cataloging my faults and failures and using them as ammunition in future marital spats. Again, "familiarity breeds contempt."

But if you can find such a person or format to unload your past in order to get off on the right foot, unburdened and ready to create a new life, it is a very useful exercise for a human being to engage in. (I say "human being" because my dog never seemed to be bothered by the past. He was always present and happy. Guilt seems to be a human invention.)
 
#10
Not at all. Please mooch. I thrive on your experiences and points of view. I never even thought of being open and honest on this board until I saw some of you guys dropping the veneer. I thought "Wow, what an opportunity to be completely honest and forthright and the possibility of walking away unburdened and freer, ready to peel away another layer.

Please indulge me.

I mentioned the book, "Siddhartha." I read it many times. Starts out a young man, gifted with good looks, intelligence, social status, well-trained by family traditions, studied scholarly works with his father and teachers, wealth, good family, destined to rise to amazing heights. Leaves home in his teens against his parents' wishes. A true rebel at heart. Endures great hardships in an attempt to find the truth. Fails. Wanders. Meets up with a beautiful courtesan, a prostitute but one of the highest order, surrounded by wealth, property, servants, opulence. He gazes at her from outside her "queendom." She can't deny her attraction to this intense, handsome man but he is penniless. She lets him know that if he wants her time, he must acquire wealth and present to her gifts and act and dress like a man of means. The young man was smart enough and capable enough to accumulate wealth and power and even exceed those around him. He becomes her exclusive. The man grows in wealth and power and social status and now includes drinking wines and heavy meals of meat and fish, gambling, orgies, falling unconscious.

He becomes a big time powerful player. Eventually feels sickened by it all, runs away and meets a river and contemplates suicide due to the debauchery in his life. Meets a simple man by the river, an oarsman, a ferryman, an honest man. He pours out his soul and chaotic life and suicidal thoughts to the ferryman for many hours into the night, he unleashed his gloom, his pain, his dissatisfaction. But it was the way in which the ferryman listened to the tortured soul. The wise old ferryman listened with an open, waiting soul, without judgment, criticism or condemnation. The man confessed on-and-on in this utterly safe space under the moon, by the river to a pure soul. And by the end of his confession, his past was history and he was able to fully embark on a new life.

It might be difficult to find such an open, waiting, humble, non-judgmental listener. It actually used to be my wife, for me. Then I found that instead of listening with an open, non judgmental soul, she was carefully gathering, storing, categorizing and cataloging my faults and failures and using them as ammunition in future marital spats. Again, "familiarity breeds contempt."

But if you can find such a person or format to unload your past in order to get off on the right foot, unburdened and ready to create a new life, it is a very useful exercise for a human being to engage in. (I say "human being" because my dog never seemed to be bothered by the past. He was always present and happy. Guilt seems to be a human invention.)
I will pick up a copy of Siddhartha for a couple of bucks and put it in the queue to read. Thanks for mentioning it. I've heard of both the book and author. I am unsure if I had read anything of his during school days.

From childhood on, the sight of a beautiful woman, has evoked a "cocaine hydrogen bomb" going off in my nervous system. They really get my attention, in other words. So, patience, morality, restraint, discretion went out the window early on, once I was introduced to this thing. Left the game for quite a long while, but am back again. It's a vastly different thing now with internet, cell phones, and Asian providers mostly around. No more buying Screw Magazine, and using public pay phones.
 
#11
Not at all. Please mooch. I thrive on your experiences and points of view. I never even thought of being open and honest on this board until I saw some of you guys dropping the veneer. I thought "Wow, what an opportunity to be completely honest and forthright and the possibility of walking away unburdened and freer, ready to peel away another layer.

Please indulge me.

I mentioned the book, "Siddhartha." I read it many times. Starts out a young man, gifted with good looks, intelligence, social status, well-trained by family traditions, studied scholarly works with his father and teachers, wealth, good family, destined to rise to amazing heights. Leaves home in his teens against his parents' wishes. A true rebel at heart. Endures great hardships in an attempt to find the truth. Fails. Wanders. Meets up with a beautiful courtesan, a prostitute but one of the highest order, surrounded by wealth, property, servants, opulence. He gazes at her from outside her "queendom." She can't deny her attraction to this intense, handsome man but he is penniless. She lets him know that if he wants her time, he must acquire wealth and present to her gifts and act and dress like a man of means. The young man was smart enough and capable enough to accumulate wealth and power and even exceed those around him. He becomes her exclusive. The man grows in wealth and power and social status and now includes drinking wines and heavy meals of meat and fish, gambling, orgies, falling unconscious.

He becomes a big time powerful player. Eventually feels sickened by it all, runs away and meets a river and contemplates suicide due to the debauchery in his life. Meets a simple man by the river, an oarsman, a ferryman, an honest man. He pours out his soul and chaotic life and suicidal thoughts to the ferryman for many hours into the night, he unleashed his gloom, his pain, his dissatisfaction. But it was the way in which the ferryman listened to the tortured soul. The wise old ferryman listened with an open, waiting soul, without judgment, criticism or condemnation. The man confessed on-and-on in this utterly safe space under the moon, by the river to a pure soul. And by the end of his confession, his past was history and he was able to fully embark on a new life.

It might be difficult to find such an open, waiting, humble, non-judgmental listener. It actually used to be my wife, for me. Then I found that instead of listening with an open, non judgmental soul, she was carefully gathering, storing, categorizing and cataloging my faults and failures and using them as ammunition in future marital spats. Again, "familiarity breeds contempt."

But if you can find such a person or format to unload your past in order to get off on the right foot, unburdened and ready to create a new life, it is a very useful exercise for a human being to engage in. (I say "human being" because my dog never seemed to be bothered by the past. He was always present and happy. Guilt seems to be a human invention.)
Nice musing lol! I was fortunate enough to meet a spectacular woman during an encounter. The asian culture is much different and sharing our perspectives on things changed me permanently. Unfortunately i was not completely honest from the beginning and it definitely created some distance. It still is a great experience. Fortunately they understand men are pigs lol. Im sure it will mend as time goes on (maybe) but regardless of the outcome im glad we met. Some of these women as you know are really incredible. Delusional? Nope. These women HAVE to honor thier commitment to family/ children back home. Cant do that as a cashier at the market. They are more responsible than some deadbeat dads lol.
Will see how this saga plays out. In the meantime i will just enjoy the ride.
 
#12
I will pick up a copy of Siddhartha for a couple of bucks and put it in the queue to read. Thanks for mentioning it. I've heard of both the book and author. I am unsure if I had read anything of his during school days.

From childhood on, the sight of a beautiful woman, has evoked a "cocaine hydrogen bomb" going off in my nervous system. They really get my attention, in other words. So, patience, morality, restraint, discretion went out the window early on, once I was introduced to this thing. Left the game for quite a long while, but am back again. It's a vastly different thing now with internet, cell phones, and Asian providers mostly around. No more buying Screw Magazine, and using public pay phones.
Below is a site for a free download of Siddhartha.
Many Blessings.

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/2500
 
#13
Nice musing lol! I was fortunate enough to meet a spectacular woman during an encounter. The asian culture is much different and sharing our perspectives on things changed me permanently. Unfortunately i was not completely honest from the beginning and it definitely created some distance. It still is a great experience. Fortunately they understand men are pigs lol. Im sure it will mend as time goes on (maybe) but regardless of the outcome im glad we met. Some of these women as you know are really incredible. Delusional? Nope. These women HAVE to honor thier commitment to family/ children back home. Cant do that as a cashier at the market. They are more responsible than some deadbeat dads lol.
Will see how this saga plays out. In the meantime i will just enjoy the ride.
An intimate affair with an unspoiled, non-jaded Asian flower (or any woman that matches your temperment) can really quell the mind and expand your ever-loving heart.

After a recent beautiful, loving and highly sexual (but also highly loving) encounter with a very open and generous Vietnamese young lady, my sense of well-being and calmness was highly elevated and introduced just a feeling of belonging to this earth and understanding my world around me.

The afterglow has given me the ability to smile at strangers with an open loving heart and understanding their plight and that their tight rigid faces and posture is caused by a lack of love and ease in their life.

Making love in a safe space between two loving, open, happy souls is a very great ceremony to be appreciated and respected. Many diseases stem from unhappiness, rigidity and a life vacant of love and happiness.

Mutual respect is a key factor.
 
#15
As dangerous as say Corona? never had a problem at any of the bars there but then again only went daytime. Most of the girls were shuttled from Queens and Bronx. Now I haven't gone in two years so things might have changed but I doubt it.
Bridgeport at one time was a huge industrial town with over 500 factories, and entertainment that spilled over from NYC. After WW2, it declined rapidly. GE left acres and acres of huge factories to just rot there for about 50 years. Many slums, drugs, killings. I was around there in the 70's and AMPS started pouring in. Also a lot of cultures that apparently enjoyed eating cat and dog meat. Anyway, most of the pets that walked the streets were disappearing in Bridgeport. They did show up eventually, though, (thank God) skinned and butchered in the freezers of the local restaurants. (yum-yum) When I went back a few years back, they cleaned it up quite a bit. All the strip bars seemed gone and I could not find one AMP. But growing up as a kid, a lot of gangs and mob presence. My buddies who thrived on drinking, drugs, fighting and sex used Bridgeport as their playground. I could easily forego the first three and enjoy the fourth.
 
#16
I did not know Bridgeport's past; thank you for the history lesson. I first stumbled upon it in the late 90's and found it fresh and appealing after NYC succumbed to Guliani's regime. I would make a bi-weekly trek that would take 50 minutes door to door back then. Now its a 1-1/2 hour trip at least. Teddies,Keystone,Bar-R, Panchos were some of the spots that unfortunately met their demise.
 
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