Musings of Mugi - otherwise interesting novella's that are only vaguely connected to the thread where he posted.

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#41
Guilt for what? You only live once and this was a great session for you.
Guilt for what? You only live once and this was a great session for you.
Yes, Haspel7, I do get what you are saying. I don't experience guilt because it is a completely natural act. It is not a shameful act when conducted properly and respectfully.

For me, it only is a problem when my entire focus and meaning for my existence revolves around the female anatomy. So, that is what I recently and successfully unhitched myself from.

I want to be able to enjoy the myriad aspects of this life, breathing, thinking, feeling, sun, moon, stars, deep night solace, sleep, joy, healing, et cetera, without "sex" infringing and tainting every other beautiful experience. That is when "sex" becomes a thief and siphons my full experience and wonderment of life.

That is not to say that when the opportunity comes to enjoy the beauty of sex, I must deny myself. I am not a monk with a vow of celibacy.

I was in the mountains under the open sky in the Asian Pacific. Cool night, coconut palm trees gently swaying, in a hot natural sulfur pool and plunged into a cold pool and the shock woke me up and I suddenly realized I was breathing and aware of my body just as a small thing and I was awareness watching it and I was quiet and serene and wanted nothing but to just be there forever. I caught a glimpse of the real me being AWARENESS, just watching my body, breath and thinking process.

This gave me a new perspective on life. Basically, I don't need a thrill like a woman or gambling or getting high. In fact, in that moment of peace, any of those addictions or additions would detract from the deep satisfaction that I experienced alone, with nothing added.
(I wasn't the body nor the breath nor the thoughts but I was AWARENESS watching those functions.)

So, that is my new awareness, my new baseline, in that "ALL ALONE," when fully experienced, is a state of great happiness and satisfaction. Nothing can be added to make it better. This is YOU.

Christmas is coming. A magnificent blue spruce, by itself, growing in the forest, is just perfect in every possible way. To chop it down, drag it into your house, ornament it with electric lights and tinsel might be useful and fun for the holiday but robs her original grandeur.

In that same vein, you as a man with all the grandeur of nature as the blue spruce, you stand alone in your own innate strength and beauty. To be dragged hither and thither, victimized in an endless cycle of sexual drama, I realized is not how I want to live my life.

I decided now that when I decide to engage in this wonderful and powerful act between man and woman, it will be a huge celebration, much like decorating the already perfect blue spruce. Also, to have the stamina and wherewithal to engage and complete the act of love, fully and completely, being focused and to act out and experience all of my fantasies and at the same time, understand and fully satisfy the woman I am with.

Upon completion of that act, if it was truly needed and necessary to perform in the first place, I am free and satisfied from that craving and desire. It is time to disengage from the world of sex and now move on to the beauty and wonderment of life all around me, my walk, my breathing, the moon, the trees, the rain, the snow and all other phases of life.
 
#42
Testosterone is the driving force that triggers this constant desire in the reptilian brain for sex. The lower your testosterone, the lower your desire for extra curricular activity, usually but not in every case. Each man is different. Having signed a pact with the devil in 1995 to get TRT, I’m very sensitive to the ebb and flow of hormonal levels. When I wait too long between shots I loose my desire for sex and can feel my super powers waning. After a dose, my mind perceives every woman I meet as “doable” or not Doable. Regardless of age, race or color. I love them all. Its not like I need to monger for a lack of sex. My Carmel colored wife of over 20 years will fuck or suck me any time without hesitation. And, I’ve never cheated on her...because I’ve never been faithful. Do you get that logic? So I have want for nothing. But, yes the infinite “but”. I find woman the ultimate work of art. The closest thing to a god we have on earth. After all, we come from their vagina...a place we are always trying to get back into. And I love titties, yes even wet socks. Nothing so comforting as a soft booby against your face. Some would call me a sex addict. When I ventured my way into anabolic steroids Twenty years ago, there was no stopping me. A good sixty second push of a 4cc syringe in your butt and I was living the life of a rock star. Not proud of that behavior or life style, I made it a point never to neglect my wife, sexually anyway. Fortunately, Today, I live to tell about it, with my marriage still intact. Thank god I am blessed. Life is just too short to go without extra pussy. One of my bosses used to say what’s better than pussy? The answer? New pussy. These days I try to keep it at a “therapeutic level”, if there is such a thing. Probably if I stopped the TRT or almost got collared in a parlor during a raid I might change my behavior. This stuff is addictive, like crack. The prayer and fasting during the lock down was torture. One day at a time. Be kind. Only speak positive words to others. People should feel good and feel better about themselves after being with you. Give them your full attention. Make every one feel special. Be part of the solution
And may god bless you. My words of wisdom for the day. Great thread and insights from all the other members here as well, thank you.
 
#43
Testosterone is the driving force that triggers this constant desire in the reptilian brain for sex. The lower your testosterone, the lower your desire for extra curricular activity, usually but not in every case. Each man is different. Having signed a pact with the devil in 1995 to get TRT, I’m very sensitive to the ebb and flow of hormonal levels. When I wait too long between shots I loose my desire for sex and can feel my super powers waning. After a dose, my mind perceives every woman I meet as “doable” or not Doable. Regardless of age, race or color. I love them all. Its not like I need to monger for a lack of sex. My Carmel colored wife of over 20 years will fuck or suck me any time without hesitation. And, I’ve never cheated on her...because I’ve never been faithful. Do you get that logic? So I have want for nothing. But, yes the infinite “but”. I find woman the ultimate work of art. The closest thing to a god we have on earth. After all, we come from their vagina...a place we are always trying to get back into. And I love titties, yes even wet socks. Nothing so comforting as a soft booby against your face. Some would call me a sex addict. When I ventured my way into anabolic steroids Twenty years ago, there was no stopping me. A good sixty second push of a 4cc syringe in your butt and I was living the life of a rock star. Not proud of that behavior or life style, I made it a point never to neglect my wife, sexually anyway. Fortunately, Today, I live to tell about it, with my marriage still intact. Thank god I am blessed. Life is just too short to go without extra pussy. One of my bosses used to say what’s better than pussy? The answer? New pussy. These days I try to keep it at a “therapeutic level”, if there is such a thing. Probably if I stopped the TRT or almost got collared in a parlor during a raid I might change my behavior. This stuff is addictive, like crack. The prayer and fasting during the lock down was torture. One day at a time. Be kind. Only speak positive words to others. People should feel good and feel better about themselves after being with you. Give them your full attention. Make every one feel special. Be part of the solution
And may god bless you. My words of wisdom for the day. Great thread and insights from all the other members here as well, thank you.

VAJAMPIRE, thank you for the above perfectly relatable, honest piece of work. In it lies all aspects of the male, human sexual dilemma. I read each word of your confession with deep interest and attention multiple times so as not to be deprived of every nuance of meaning.

(The following is from a distant memory) It is interesting to note, as a validation to your testosterone and steroidal boost theory that President John F. Kennedy suffered from a malady known as Addison's Disease. His lumbar region was also a source of severe pain, wearing a back brace so stifling it amounted to a straight jacket. Most believe that his assassination was so easily possible, because after the first shot, his body was not allowed to slump and miss the other shots, being held rigidly upright by the brace. At that time testosterone therapy was administered for his Addison's Disease. And, as we all know, his sexual prowess is legendary with the likes of the highest sexed beauties in America, despite his dilapidated lumbar region which puts many a man out of sexual commission.

She is the goddess of this world. But, unfortunately devotion to her all-enticing but limited human form, could enslave one to endless lifetimes of repetition of surrendering ones' own essence at her altar.

The guile of the saga lies in the empty promise prior to the ceremonial lovemaking of complete fulfillment and total satisfaction. At the height of ecstasy, a window opens, revealing a glimpse of freedom and satisfaction, that all too quickly and mercilessly closes, not allowing one to linger long enough to savor its beauty, laying waste to a heap of flesh, rendered less virile and a less than soaring spirit.

Even as a young man engaging himself in the efficacy of this condition, I found great solace in knowing that men of far higher stature than myself also stumbled and were troubled and ensnared in this struggle and that I was not just some degenerate, derelict slob in an endless quest to exploit and indulge himself in every possible sexual situation.


Works written: The Confessions of Saint Augustine: ...

"However, his emotional wound was not healed. It was during this period that he uttered his famously insincere prayer, 'Grant me chastity and continence, but not yet.' "

"The Confessions of S. Augustine"
Died: 28 August 430 AD, Hippo
 
#44
With respect to the effete milquetoasts:

1.) Never judge a book by its cover.
2.) The day you underestimate your opponent, is the day you lose.
3.) Still waters run deep.
4.) Don't underestimate the power of being underestimated.
5.) At the very moment when people underestimate you is when you can make a breakthrough.
6.) I took him for a kind buffoon. Now I see he is a devil.
7.) A prophet is always underestimated, and part of what makes one a prophet is that he doesn't really mind it.
 
#45
With respect to those with massage training, certification, licensing, accreditation, they certainly deserve a great deal of respect for what they have accomplished both academically and with regard to training and experience. Their roles in society are absolutely warranted, needed and respected. Otherwise, every other person could hang a shingle on their front door and call themselves a specialist in massage. And most would be flesh soothers with no intricate knowledge of body systems.

However, (here it comes) there are those with almost no training and experience that are blessed with healing hands and an open heart. They just have "the knack." I have been around, especially in the east and there is always someone down the road in a very modest location that is known for their healing work, with no education in the field, that people go to after the well-educated "white coats" have failed.

And, moreover, it could be anybody. I am almost embarrassed to say that I suffered from neck pain for years. Back a few years in Flushing, on the infamous 40th Road, a hooker invited me upstairs for "masagee." Of course, I was not looking to cure my neck because all the doctors and even a minor operation with a stay in the hospital, acupuncture, chiropractors, licensed massage specialists, qi-gong masters and the like, all failed.

It was either before or after "our business" that she noticed my head stiffness and she said, "I'll take care of that stiffness, too." And the skinny gal did just that. And it was rather bizarre. Because, my head started to vibrate like it was hinged on greased ball-bearings, I mean really "Linda Blair Exorcist" style and it shocked both her and myself, like "what just happened?" Anyway, pain gone and it never returned with that type of severity.

Where I am now, in the Asia Pacific, and I am not in Thailand, but "some" of the Thailand women take the art of massage very seriously and I have encountered some amazing healing sessions that are far more effective than the well-educated types.

But, back in the heyday of Flushing, there were some authentic tuina specialists with licenses from Chinese institutions and who later received New York certification by study, training and licensing, and with great healing hands to boot, that realized if they threw in a HE, could double their salary, and after the initial trepidation, added it to their repertoire. (best of both worlds)

Both can be gotten, but in my most recent outing, (last night in a foreign country) the massage was so sublime that after one hour, I could not peel myself off of the table, so rather than getting up and dressed, I just said "give me another hour." At the end of that hour I was contemplating a third, but "the habit" crept in and I "reached out and touched someone" but was apprehended and put back into my place and she moved on to the head of the table and put a hot towel over my eyes and massaged my forehead and scalp and face.

I was a little embarrassed and she kind of avoided me after that but I will be back because a HE can be gotten anywhere. But "that" is the real deal. I mean you sleep like a baby and you feel deeply relaxed the next day.
 
#46
Great piece, Mugi! Massage without a doubt is a necessary part of healing and maintaining the body through increased circulation and detoxification.
I am Sifu level in several different MA- cross culturally- Chinese, Indonesian and Russian. What you wrote about people having the gift of healing by laying their hands on you and feeling what’s wrong and fixing it, is so true.
The way I see it, getting a massage from a female who’s objective is to alleviate the tension in your body through the physical therapy of massage should at the very least finish with a HJ. Because, through the massage, during the body contact you are absorbing her female chi, and DNA to some extent. All that buildup from the laying on of hands also builds up an incredible load in your lower tan tien aka tension that needs to be released. That being said it’s best to fully emit before going to a session that does not include a full release to avoid a wet spot on the sheet, as of course you well know.
I am fortunate in that I have been going to a famous Chinese tui na doctor in New York City for over 20 years, and he is amazing. I have avoided orthopedic surgery from his treatments. Although I did have One operation on a full tendon tear that he could not fix, but his treatment did make me feel better Albeit temporarily. I only recently found out that Mike Tyson and spike Lee are also his patients along with many other famous celebrities. Good news can travel fast as well. My doctor explained to me That traditional College for tui na and acupuncture in China Requires you to attend medical school for four years or more to be fully certified, unlike here in America where the training Is minimal compared to China.
A good portion of our local masseuses/concubines Who are not certified can cause more harm than good with their pressing digging massages. If I stay for the massage I explain exactly what I want and how And where I want it. If I feel them going into their default death press, that’s it I’m done. As such I always have sex first and massage later, if at all.
The laying on of hands touching another human being can have profound effects. In LE I have put my hands on hundreds of people, and I can, through just Immediate touch, calm an upset individual Most of the time. If you’re an MA from A sensitivity-based martial art you can feel your opponents intention just through contact. You will understand what I am describing.
Having and completing a good session with sex and massage is incredibly therapeutic. Those that do not partake, are missing out on quite a bit of mind body and spirit rejuvenation. Quick tip: always try to get them to achieve orgasm so you can absorb their Chi.
 
#47
In the midst of this thread, expounding the virtues of Taoist retention, there is always the possibility of a mishap. Each outing is an adventure and you are living on the edge, but with practice and patience, most of the time you achieve your objective. BUT NOT THIS TIME, for me!!!

Had a date in the bars and alleys of the red light district in the Asian Pacific area with my sweet regular. It is always a chill and smooth and playful event with love and smiles and kisses and mutual admiration. The way that it should be.

Mishap in communication, could not find her, communication in foreign land broke down. I was left wandering. Met a "mamasan" in the street with a promise of a young lady. She introduced me to a lady with anger and a bad attitude blatantly clear to me. I started to walk and they offered me a deal. Who can refuse a deal and it was getting late.

Brought me upstairs and she started ordering me around Nazi style, like this was going to be a quick sterile operation to remove my seed. I reach out for a hug and she kung-fu's me and orders me to disrobe. It gets worse. It was like get hard and no touching allowed except for the sterile insertion of genitalia.

It was so rude and so unpleasant, I burst out and wanted my money back. I called her an angry beast and exclaimed that I want no part of this ridiculous encounter. In rushes the more mature Mamasan, not wanting to lose the sale and she calms me down, takes off her top and gives me a couple of warm nice breasts to calm down my rant. I was pacified by mama. Mama told me to embrace herself and allow the angry lady to do the job. They gave me two for one.

But angry daughter got really aggressive with junior and drowned him with oil and jackhammered him two fisted while she sat on my stomach and the mama holding down my upper torso. I reach in and grab the angry girl's big breast and squeezed which enraged her and she started pumping more violently and while still sucking mama's breasts I reach down with my other hand to help junior in the struggle and mama reaches down with two hands while I am still sucking her breasts and angry sister has my arm clenching her breast in a lockdown, unable to escape even if I unclenched her breast.

Well, the whole point being, there was no harmony here at all. It was two women with an intention of draining junior. At the same time, the rarity for me of being with two women and the four-handed attention and the dichotomy of a sweet mama and an angry daughter at the same time was sexually exciting in a non-tantric way.

Simply put, I was outmatched. It very much resembled a cowboy rodeo where they forcefully wrestle down cattle for branding.

So, I lost it, much to my dismay, a month's worth, and baby angry sister got the larger percentage of the volume which enraged her and she stormed out and mama was much more gracious but chased her ill-tempered brat outside to appease her. I got dressed and cleaned myself and met the two of them huffing and puffing and looking at me like I was the bad guy. I apologized to both of them (small community. bad reputation gets you nowhere. better to leave apologetic and humble) and thanked them and they both grunted.

Left the bordello and found a quiet place to drink down a well-deserved sake and some morsels

Just sayin' that in order to perform retention, there should be developed harmony between the two sexes. Without that, sex turns out to be just another crazy romp.

After Taoist retention, I walk away feeling super aware and strong. In this case, I walked away with only the desire to replenish and build up my energy again.
 
#48
In the midst of this thread, expounding the virtues of Taoist retention, there is always the possibility of a mishap. Each outing is an adventure and you are living on the edge, but with practice and patience, most of the time you achieve your objective. BUT NOT THIS TIME, for me!!!

Had a date in the bars and alleys of the red light district in the Asian Pacific area with my sweet regular. It is always a chill and smooth and playful event with love and smiles and kisses and mutual admiration. The way that it should be.

Mishap in communication, could not find her, communication in foreign land broke down. I was left wandering. Met a "mamasan" in the street with a promise of a young lady. She introduced me to a lady with anger and a bad attitude blatantly clear to me. I started to walk and they offered me a deal. Who can refuse a deal and it was getting late.

Brought me upstairs and she started ordering me around Nazi style, like this was going to be a quick sterile operation to remove my seed. I reach out for a hug and she kung-fu's me and orders me to disrobe. It gets worse. It was like get hard and no touching allowed except for the sterile insertion of genitalia.

It was so rude and so unpleasant, I burst out and wanted my money back. I called her an angry beast and exclaimed that I want no part of this ridiculous encounter. In rushes the more mature Mamasan, not wanting to lose the sale and she calms me down, takes off her top and gives me a couple of warm nice breasts to calm down my rant. I was pacified by mama. Mama told me to embrace herself and allow the angry lady to do the job. They gave me two for one.

But angry daughter got really aggressive with junior and drowned him with oil and jackhammered him two fisted while she sat on my stomach and the mama holding down my upper torso. I reach in and grab the angry girl's big breast and squeezed which enraged her and she started pumping more violently and while still sucking mama's breasts I reach down with my other hand to help junior in the struggle and mama reaches down with two hands while I am still sucking her breasts and angry sister has my arm clenching her breast in a lockdown, unable to escape even if I unclenched her breast.

Well, the whole point being, there was no harmony here at all. It was two women with an intention of draining junior. At the same time, the rarity for me of being with two women and the four-handed attention and the dichotomy of a sweet mama and an angry daughter at the same time was sexually exciting in a non-tantric way.

Simply put, I was outmatched. It very much resembled a cowboy rodeo where they forcefully wrestle down cattle for branding.

So, I lost it, much to my dismay, a month's worth, and baby angry sister got the larger percentage of the volume which enraged her and she stormed out and mama was much more gracious but chased her ill-tempered brat outside to appease her. I got dressed and cleaned myself and met the two of them huffing and puffing and looking at me like I was the bad guy. I apologized to both of them (small community. bad reputation gets you nowhere. better to leave apologetic and humble) and thanked them and they both grunted.

Left the bordello and found a quiet place to drink down a well-deserved sake and some morsels

Just sayin' that in order to perform retention, there should be developed harmony between the two sexes. Without that, sex turns out to be just another crazy romp.

After Taoist retention, I walk away feeling super aware and strong. In this case, I walked away with only the desire to replenish and build up my energy again.
A month with no release?
 
#51
But, unlike this discipline, which truly is a discipline, the older version allows unlimited sex but without nutting.

It possibly goes back to the days when a wealthy sheik or king had a harem and he had to satisfy and fulfill his many concubines in one night. If he nutted on the first 2 or 3, he was spent. And even if he could go the distance on one night, with, say 10 young ladies; what about the next night? In the Bible it is called "wasting your substance." In Chinese medicine it is called "draining your essence," and also in Ayurvedic medicine.

So, they almost make a religion around sex. The wise men build you up with powerful sexual nutrition and aphrodisiacs and then set you loose on your harem, concubines and harlots and tell you to "know" each and every one of them until your heart is content, but without surrendering your semen. Semen loss also involves a loss of heat and power from the body.

They should be nice clean women, though, of good nature and countenance. Because, there is a new concentration for "the retainer" during his escapades. He no longer is concentrating on friction to release his load. He switches from an outward tendency to an inward tendency. He, in essence, now becomes a receptacle gathering in the beautiful "yin" essence from these beautiful ladies. Their feminine aroma and lovely energy is absorbed in the man and he feels pretty good, sucking in and holding her feminine energy vibes. it balances the strong testosterone in the man's system and he feels more balanced.

No longer craving women, because he obviously had plenty of them, he is able to sit and meditate, with the newly found energy that he gathered from the females.

But the true completion of this system lies in what is expounded in the works of Mantak Chia, like in the book that "Leobloom" sent a link to. In the perfection of this craft, the male practitioner concentrates all the heat of his body in the lower abdomen and lets it descend and literally boil the rich semen and steam it up the spine into the brain center.

I have never accomplished this mastery but my teachers have told me that the experience is delightful and euphoric. Another teacher from India told me that after having mastered this feat, it has been known that the transformed men could hold back wild horses and elephants.

I know that it all sounds mystical, weird and obtuse, but please realize that back in more ancient times, there was no television, computers, books, distractions and people had something very rare, that is absent in our modern society; they had time and patience to develop themselves, oftentimes with no distractions. Their minds were far less cluttered and far more clear. They had time and the teachers were of a very high caliber.

I have met a very few who have accomplished such. One was a kung-fu master. At age 43, I thought he was a teenager, and he would allow many young strong bucks to attack him as he easily displaced them. Close to 70 now, his students, 40 to 50 years his junior, still cannot lay a hand on him. No matter where I grabbed him, I was off balance. He harnessed a very powerful internal energy that was unfathomable. He never released, so all energy remained with him.

Monks had to learn these methods because they had no women to copulate with, so they steamed their semen without external ejaculation. Also, they were always open to attack by pillagers with weapons that attacked the monastery, believing they would find docile praying monks and they could easily abuse them and steal their food and supplies. So, the monks in the east were really the ones that developed kung-fu to defend themselves.
 
#53
On occasion, when I have the privilege of meeting up with a girl who is "real" with real emotions and honest about her feelings, I like to comfort and counsel them like a dad or a mom does. You can calm her down, even get her number. You can coax her softly into realizing that that it will all be all right and give her a hug, hold her hand, ask her about her son. She might proceed to be 7 or 8 percent sexual, which might be enough for the first time and you can develop her. You can use the opportunity to give and be a "mensch." Good for her soul and good for your soul. Good karma for you to find an opportunity to give something other than cash and make a true difference in someone's life that they will never forget.

I mean, plenty of guys including myself would have a worse time if the opposite were true and she was a clock watcher and dumped some mineral oil on you and gave you the jackhammer and moved you out like Henry Ford's assembly line. A moment like this is an opportunity to have a tender, loving counseling session with a rare naive and not a money-hungry, knows-the-score AMP professional.

I have met a few like this, catching them early in their career, and they are unforgettable because they are like entering into a young girl's world and understanding her drama and her plight with the element of real-feel sincerity. It is better to be fully present and enjoy her tears and honesty. It is a rarity in this hobby. You still end up nutting, maybe teaching her and walking her through it.
 
#54
Yup. Taller than the rest. Prettier too. I’m fiending to fuck her. Hell, I might have to go there to pay her to feel up her tits while I jerk off...that’s not against the rules.
She was pretty pushy but in a sexy way. I got rock hard that she was the one out of a gaggle of them who approached me. I usually make eye contact and just window shop, but she had something magnetic about her. I couldn’t resist following her down the stairs.
I hate to break it to you, tkei, but thought is father to the deed. I remained fathful, living in Flushing for the first 7 years of marriage. Fighting off the demon night and day. It even infiltrated my dreams. Never went for a massage, because I knew it would lead to at least a handjob. At that time, many barber shops had girls in the back room. Temptation was oozing in every direction.

Fighting the desire does not work, really. It only delays the eventuality. Some guys are just not as polygamous as others. As long as their wife is draining their semen constantly, they have less to play with. And, some guys are actually more monogamous. The wife and kids and work and sports and other hobbies and affiliations keep them well-rounded and fairly satisfied.

A good friend of mine was a known playboy, and his wife found out he was doing a nurse while the wife was in labor, or so the story goes. Soon thereafter, a divorce. His next wife knew very clearly his lecherous habits, so she demanded sex in the morning and sex at night. She kept him empty so he had less to play with. It worked pretty well as far as her controlling him because she was smart and knew he could not control himself, so she owned his body. Sounds like the definition of slavery.

But, that will not kill the lecherous thoughts that flood your mind. And, putting yourself in proximity of a sexually charged asian and your young testosterone will overpower you, maybe not tonight but after thinking about what you missed, the magnetism will pull you back.

If you can find a way to balance it for your own sanity and not allowing the unfulfilled desire to destroy you, with you wanking at first thinking about her and then wanking in her presence, all well and good. You know your personality. Do you think you can hold your horses and not take the next carnal step?

Only two ways to handle a desire. Either you fulfill the desire or if you have rare mental and emotional fortitude, you outright reinquish the desire like the great mystic Vivekananda overcame it by replacing every image of a female with the image of his mother. Most guys don't lecher after their moms, even on this board -- at least a thread was never started.

But, probably wanking in front of her won't satisfy you for very long and you will need more input from her because you are paying her, anyway, and then a simple hand job, leading to a BJ and then a simple insertion.

Had I had my life to live over again, with the same circumstances, a raging sex drive and desire for multiple women but also a desire to create a family and have a wife and trying to be faithful, maybe I would go for counseling, keep my head out of porn and other sexually stimulating whore boards, places and materials.

But, in any case, with all things being equal, no judgement of right or wrong because you sound like a fine young man, however you choose to handle it, only one piece of solid sound advice, "KEEP IT COVERED AT ALL TIMES FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR SWEETHEART."
 
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