All of the talk about screening and its potential pitfalls got me thinking about an incident that happened to me about 18 months ago.
When you use Craigslist to procure commercial sex partners, after a while you get pretty good at the "game" that comes with the process. How much do you share about yourself with your potential mate, how you disseminate that information, and over time you get to the point where you give up just enough information to make the girl on the other end comfortable.
Ultimately, you get so good at it that it becomes second nature, but every now and then you get a reality check.
I occasionally dabble in the sugardaddy sites, and one day I got a pretty interesting hit from an absolutely stunning woman on seekingarrangement.com. I responded, pretty much thinking it was one of the many spammers or scammers on the site, but to my surprise the woman was indeed real and interested periodic encounters when I travel to her town (which I frequently do for work).
After trading a few emails, we exchange phone numbers and she gives up her real name without me even asking. Turns out she is a legit model, actress, website, credits on IMDB, a bunch of stuff on the web about her, news, etc...basically, she is a real person. And stunning. I feel like it is too good to be true, but we agree to meet up on a Friday night for dinner and to feel each other out.
The night before, I meet up with another girl from seekingarrangement, and after having a very uncomfortable dinner with her at the Olive Garden (her choice), I gave her $100 and sent her on her way. I didn't want to fuck and dump her because she seemed to be a nice kid, but she was just not for me. I go back to the hotel, disappointed because I was pretty horny but satisfied I made the right choice. I hit the hotel bar, have a couple of scotches, and head up to hit the hay.
The actress texts me and asks what I'm up to. Nothing, I say, and she asks if I want her to come over. I agree, figuring that the night can be salvaged afterall, and I have the cash in my pocket I was intending to give the other girl.
The first clue that this was going to end badly was that it took her nearly an hour to get to the hotel when it should have taken her 10 minutes from where she called me from and it is her city. By the time she showed up, the bar was closed, so I suggested we have a drink up in my suite. She was clearly who she said she was, but she had seen better days. At least 30 pounds heavier, and a bit of a hot mess, but still beautiful, I decided I'd see where this was going to go.
As we get out of the elevator on my floor, her phone rings and I see the caller ID. She answers and starts talking to a guy that I'm pretty sure is a senior executive in one of the other divisions in the company I work for. We know each other, but not well, and he is probably slightly more senior than I am but with no jurisdictional power over me.
We get to my room, she is still talking and asks me to make her a drink (which she clearly doesn't need). I comply, she finishes talking to the guy and then asks me what I do. I was a little more specific than I ought to have been, but I was tired, a bit drunk, and I knew the girl's real name so I didn't think much of it. Within two questions I'm boxed in and she knows where I work and starts laughing because "that's so funny--I was just on the phone with XXXX, do you know him?"
I realize at this point I've made a mistake, but figure it is minor and with the theory of "mutually assured distruction" we'd have a drink, agree that it probably isn't a good idea to go forward given that we have mutual acquaintances and that would be that...EXCEPT...
You can never account for someone being crazy. She starts talking about what she wants, what she needs in terms of money for the weekend, rambling on, getting drunker by the minute and making no sense at all. I realize at this point that I need to get out of the situation and I tell her that it probably isn't a good idea to pursue this given the situation.
She looks me in the eyes for a few seconds, and then says simply "That's fine. Just give me $1500 and I'll go away". I look at her, I laugh, and then I realize that she's serious. As politely as I possibly could, I try to explain why that isn't appropriate, and she goes absolutely apeshit. "Go ahead, try and fuck me over, I'll call your boss and ruin your life...my friend XXXX is your boss (which he isn't) and he will ruin you" On and on, and she's screaming, and I'm "known" in the hotel, so calling security isn't a "great" idea either.
So my cash is in the safe, and there is no way I'm giving up the money. Or at least THAT much money. I'm trying to figure my outs. After about 20 minutes of her yelling, screaming, threatening me (she only has my first name, cell number, and where I work but figure she can put it all together if she tries hard enough) I relent and tell her I'll give her some money.
NOW, she demands that I go out, get the money and come back. Took me another 20 minutes to get her to agree to drive me to an ATM and that I'd get her $800. So we get her car from the valet, she drives me to an ATM, and I get the cash. Strangely enough she INSISTS driving me back to the hotel to drop me off, then gives me a hug and tells me what a great friend I am and that she'd see me soon.
I'm fairly certain that she has no recollection of anything that transpired that evening, and I never heard from her again.
When you use Craigslist to procure commercial sex partners, after a while you get pretty good at the "game" that comes with the process. How much do you share about yourself with your potential mate, how you disseminate that information, and over time you get to the point where you give up just enough information to make the girl on the other end comfortable.
Ultimately, you get so good at it that it becomes second nature, but every now and then you get a reality check.
I occasionally dabble in the sugardaddy sites, and one day I got a pretty interesting hit from an absolutely stunning woman on seekingarrangement.com. I responded, pretty much thinking it was one of the many spammers or scammers on the site, but to my surprise the woman was indeed real and interested periodic encounters when I travel to her town (which I frequently do for work).
After trading a few emails, we exchange phone numbers and she gives up her real name without me even asking. Turns out she is a legit model, actress, website, credits on IMDB, a bunch of stuff on the web about her, news, etc...basically, she is a real person. And stunning. I feel like it is too good to be true, but we agree to meet up on a Friday night for dinner and to feel each other out.
The night before, I meet up with another girl from seekingarrangement, and after having a very uncomfortable dinner with her at the Olive Garden (her choice), I gave her $100 and sent her on her way. I didn't want to fuck and dump her because she seemed to be a nice kid, but she was just not for me. I go back to the hotel, disappointed because I was pretty horny but satisfied I made the right choice. I hit the hotel bar, have a couple of scotches, and head up to hit the hay.
The actress texts me and asks what I'm up to. Nothing, I say, and she asks if I want her to come over. I agree, figuring that the night can be salvaged afterall, and I have the cash in my pocket I was intending to give the other girl.
The first clue that this was going to end badly was that it took her nearly an hour to get to the hotel when it should have taken her 10 minutes from where she called me from and it is her city. By the time she showed up, the bar was closed, so I suggested we have a drink up in my suite. She was clearly who she said she was, but she had seen better days. At least 30 pounds heavier, and a bit of a hot mess, but still beautiful, I decided I'd see where this was going to go.
As we get out of the elevator on my floor, her phone rings and I see the caller ID. She answers and starts talking to a guy that I'm pretty sure is a senior executive in one of the other divisions in the company I work for. We know each other, but not well, and he is probably slightly more senior than I am but with no jurisdictional power over me.
We get to my room, she is still talking and asks me to make her a drink (which she clearly doesn't need). I comply, she finishes talking to the guy and then asks me what I do. I was a little more specific than I ought to have been, but I was tired, a bit drunk, and I knew the girl's real name so I didn't think much of it. Within two questions I'm boxed in and she knows where I work and starts laughing because "that's so funny--I was just on the phone with XXXX, do you know him?"
I realize at this point I've made a mistake, but figure it is minor and with the theory of "mutually assured distruction" we'd have a drink, agree that it probably isn't a good idea to go forward given that we have mutual acquaintances and that would be that...EXCEPT...
You can never account for someone being crazy. She starts talking about what she wants, what she needs in terms of money for the weekend, rambling on, getting drunker by the minute and making no sense at all. I realize at this point that I need to get out of the situation and I tell her that it probably isn't a good idea to pursue this given the situation.
She looks me in the eyes for a few seconds, and then says simply "That's fine. Just give me $1500 and I'll go away". I look at her, I laugh, and then I realize that she's serious. As politely as I possibly could, I try to explain why that isn't appropriate, and she goes absolutely apeshit. "Go ahead, try and fuck me over, I'll call your boss and ruin your life...my friend XXXX is your boss (which he isn't) and he will ruin you" On and on, and she's screaming, and I'm "known" in the hotel, so calling security isn't a "great" idea either.
So my cash is in the safe, and there is no way I'm giving up the money. Or at least THAT much money. I'm trying to figure my outs. After about 20 minutes of her yelling, screaming, threatening me (she only has my first name, cell number, and where I work but figure she can put it all together if she tries hard enough) I relent and tell her I'll give her some money.
NOW, she demands that I go out, get the money and come back. Took me another 20 minutes to get her to agree to drive me to an ATM and that I'd get her $800. So we get her car from the valet, she drives me to an ATM, and I get the cash. Strangely enough she INSISTS driving me back to the hotel to drop me off, then gives me a hug and tells me what a great friend I am and that she'd see me soon.
I'm fairly certain that she has no recollection of anything that transpired that evening, and I never heard from her again.