Dear Alyssa AKA The Ask Desi Lov Advice Column
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Sexual Behaviors HW
Yesterday I was assigned 3 case studies (fictitious) case studies to analyze, treat and develop a treatment plan for. Figured I would utilize my access to the men and women here to get some opinions on them and ideas from al sides of the box.
Case #1:
48-year-old attractive single man, is in the process of the breaking up of yet another relationship. After spending years of living a noxious childhood household, he went into his own world of fantasizing and masturbation as a way to soothe and protect himself.
“When I was a kid, I was obsessed with beautiful women in the magazines. When I was able to date, I went through one woman after another. In adulthood, I knew there was sadness and anger I didn’t want to face. To evade them, I had a steady stream of women who worshiped me, soothed me, paid attention to my needs. I went to peep shows and I visited prostitutes. Many a night I would spend hours in my car circling the block looking for just the right street-walker to give me oral sex in my car. One night I had sex with a transvestite. I cried all the way home.”
He met a girl whom he designated as “perfect — my redemption, my salvation.” He became engaged but soon lost interest in the sex, which he described as “boring.” While still engaged, he started picking up hookers for oral sex in the car and began compulsively using phone sex.
His current relationship is breaking up because he picked a woman for her youth and beauty (which reflected well on his narcissistic self). The rest of the story is predictable. They moved in together and the beautiful, young, sexy female started become real and having needs of her own. He admits he never felt warmth or love for her; she was merely a supplier of his narcissistic needs. As the relationship deteriorated, he fought the impulse to return to sex with strangers who don’t make demand on him.
Yesterday I was assigned 3 case studies (fictitious) case studies to analyze, treat and develop a treatment plan for. Figured I would utilize my access to the men and women here to get some opinions on them and ideas from al sides of the box.
Case #1:
48-year-old attractive single man, is in the process of the breaking up of yet another relationship. After spending years of living a noxious childhood household, he went into his own world of fantasizing and masturbation as a way to soothe and protect himself.
“When I was a kid, I was obsessed with beautiful women in the magazines. When I was able to date, I went through one woman after another. In adulthood, I knew there was sadness and anger I didn’t want to face. To evade them, I had a steady stream of women who worshiped me, soothed me, paid attention to my needs. I went to peep shows and I visited prostitutes. Many a night I would spend hours in my car circling the block looking for just the right street-walker to give me oral sex in my car. One night I had sex with a transvestite. I cried all the way home.”
He met a girl whom he designated as “perfect — my redemption, my salvation.” He became engaged but soon lost interest in the sex, which he described as “boring.” While still engaged, he started picking up hookers for oral sex in the car and began compulsively using phone sex.
His current relationship is breaking up because he picked a woman for her youth and beauty (which reflected well on his narcissistic self). The rest of the story is predictable. They moved in together and the beautiful, young, sexy female started become real and having needs of her own. He admits he never felt warmth or love for her; she was merely a supplier of his narcissistic needs. As the relationship deteriorated, he fought the impulse to return to sex with strangers who don’t make demand on him.
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Case Study #2
38-year-old married man, has a compulsion to visit prostitutes. He talks about his anger toward his mother for depriving him emotionally through neglect and for never touching or caressing him. He can now make a connection between visits to the prostitutes and his hostility against mother for depriving him of sensual pleasure. He got lost in the mire of his parents’ constant feuding.
“When I was very young I would put a blanket on my genitals as a kind of soothing which I wasn’t getting from my parents. The rest of my life was a struggle to find other ways to soothe myself. When I discovered prostitutes, I thought I was in heaven. I can get sex now and be in total control. I can have it immediately, any way I want it, whenever I want it. I don’t have to concern myself with the girl, as long as I pay her. I don’t have to concern myself with vulnerability and rejection. This is my controlled pleasure world. This is the ultimate antithesis of the deprivation of my childhood.”
38-year-old married man, has a compulsion to visit prostitutes. He talks about his anger toward his mother for depriving him emotionally through neglect and for never touching or caressing him. He can now make a connection between visits to the prostitutes and his hostility against mother for depriving him of sensual pleasure. He got lost in the mire of his parents’ constant feuding.
“When I was very young I would put a blanket on my genitals as a kind of soothing which I wasn’t getting from my parents. The rest of my life was a struggle to find other ways to soothe myself. When I discovered prostitutes, I thought I was in heaven. I can get sex now and be in total control. I can have it immediately, any way I want it, whenever I want it. I don’t have to concern myself with the girl, as long as I pay her. I don’t have to concern myself with vulnerability and rejection. This is my controlled pleasure world. This is the ultimate antithesis of the deprivation of my childhood.”
Case Study #3
A 52-year old attractive, educated, successful male, illustrates a case of narcissistic personality together with the use of sexualization as a defense.
“I went on a date the other night. She wanted sex. I didn’t. It’s predictable. I don’t think I can even maintain an erection anymore. While I spend untold hours compulsively websurfing to live in my erotic fantasies, when it becomes real, when you find someone who seems to be the embodiment of your sexual preoccupation, interest soon wanes as her wants and needs come into the picture. Sometimes, I don’t even bother with the pursuit of real women, because I know the inevitable result is disillusionment. I’m simply not prepared to meet somebody else’s needs.
“Oddly enough, my life is still dominated by sex. It becomes the lens through which I view everything. I go to a family gathering and get lost in sexual fantasies about my teenage nieces. I live in constant fear of being found out to be a ‘pervert.’ I see a woman on the train dressed in a way that triggers me, and I’m ruined for the day. Regular sex just doesn’t do it for me anymore. It’s got to be bizarre or forbidden or ‘out of the box.’ I arrive at work in an erotic haze. Women around me are all objects of sexual fantasy. I’m distracted; not focused. If something requires my attention, when real life intrudes and yanks me out of my sexual preoccupation, I get angry. Real life is so boring. Ordinary sex with a girlfriend holds no interest for me.”
A 52-year old attractive, educated, successful male, illustrates a case of narcissistic personality together with the use of sexualization as a defense.
“I went on a date the other night. She wanted sex. I didn’t. It’s predictable. I don’t think I can even maintain an erection anymore. While I spend untold hours compulsively websurfing to live in my erotic fantasies, when it becomes real, when you find someone who seems to be the embodiment of your sexual preoccupation, interest soon wanes as her wants and needs come into the picture. Sometimes, I don’t even bother with the pursuit of real women, because I know the inevitable result is disillusionment. I’m simply not prepared to meet somebody else’s needs.
“Oddly enough, my life is still dominated by sex. It becomes the lens through which I view everything. I go to a family gathering and get lost in sexual fantasies about my teenage nieces. I live in constant fear of being found out to be a ‘pervert.’ I see a woman on the train dressed in a way that triggers me, and I’m ruined for the day. Regular sex just doesn’t do it for me anymore. It’s got to be bizarre or forbidden or ‘out of the box.’ I arrive at work in an erotic haze. Women around me are all objects of sexual fantasy. I’m distracted; not focused. If something requires my attention, when real life intrudes and yanks me out of my sexual preoccupation, I get angry. Real life is so boring. Ordinary sex with a girlfriend holds no interest for me.”
While I am not sure of the specifics of each patient's treatment plan, I am sure it will cost approximately $125 for a 55 minute session.... so based upon that, I would schedule each person to begin with at 2 visits per week, which is $250 each per week, or $750 per week for all three, and that is $3k per month, or $36K per year, with only 3 patients, and that seems like a real nice start. And that leaves, in a 4 day work week, from 10am to 5pm room for 29 more 55 minute sessions, which would work out to apprx, $210,000 per year if you value your sessions at $125 each, and work steady 7 hour days 4 days per week, 52 weeks per year.
So, given the above, it looks like a profitable venture. And you could also supplement all of this with group sessions at a reduced rate, maybe in the evenings, 1-2xs/wk, you could create reading matter to sell, motivational CDs specific to your area, do group Webinars, where the patients log in from the safety and anonimity of their own homes...
Just a few ideas...
So, given the above, it looks like a profitable venture. And you could also supplement all of this with group sessions at a reduced rate, maybe in the evenings, 1-2xs/wk, you could create reading matter to sell, motivational CDs specific to your area, do group Webinars, where the patients log in from the safety and anonimity of their own homes...
Just a few ideas...
Ooops, hope I didn't step into the middle of something here lol. Just call me clueless 
).......xox
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i call you many things but clueless isnt one of them...you didnt step in anything, me and fah have a love hate friendship..i love to hate him and he hates that he luvs me (im so getting it for that one but love pushing my luck).......xox
).......xox
And I do have them locked into my phone so they cant be deleted. Talking about embarassing someone off of there own turf.. dont make me do it!
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Ughh.. hmm.. one more outburst and I would begin to post screen shots of the messages I get from you onto here And I do have them locked into my phone so they cant be deleted. Talking about embarassing someone off of there own turf.. dont make me do it!
And I do have them locked into my phone so they cant be deleted. Talking about embarassing someone off of there own turf.. dont make me do it!
).......xoxTwo wrongs do not make a right BUT although you cannot control how you feel you do not have a right to express your anger....You can feel hurt, you can feel anything you want but to express and project this anger at her would make you a hypocrite.
I wouldn't STFU either, seems you both have done enough of that hence why she is in another mans bed and you another woman's. I think now more then ever its time for you two to start communicating, that is if you want to make the the relationship work.
If you have no desire to stop cheating then my best advice is to not throw stones in glass houses. Obviously all the energy you have been exerting elsewhere has left your wife severely neglected so why shouldnt she look for sexual fulfillment elsewhere.
Obviously something is lacking at home or else you both wouldnt be straying, however i recognize that, that's not always the case but when you say "I do" its kind of code for "I do only you"............xox
I wouldn't STFU either, seems you both have done enough of that hence why she is in another mans bed and you another woman's. I think now more then ever its time for you two to start communicating, that is if you want to make the the relationship work.
If you have no desire to stop cheating then my best advice is to not throw stones in glass houses. Obviously all the energy you have been exerting elsewhere has left your wife severely neglected so why shouldnt she look for sexual fulfillment elsewhere.
Obviously something is lacking at home or else you both wouldnt be straying, however i recognize that, that's not always the case but when you say "I do" its kind of code for "I do only you"............xox
Hi desilove,
Here's a question that a guy friend asked me. I thought you could help
It's an oldie but a goody? LOL!
Q: Without asking her directly….How can a guy tell whether a girl is straight or a lesbian?
Here's a question that a guy friend asked me. I thought you could help
It's an oldie but a goody? LOL!
Q: Without asking her directly….How can a guy tell whether a girl is straight or a lesbian?
or they could have a DATY contest and see who eats a better................