Dear Alyssa AKA The Ask Desi Lov Advice Column

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bigsmoovvve

#2,221
#2,221
Continued...

About a month ago we were gettin hot and heavy and i did sumething stupid. It was unsafe, poor taste, and very selfish. She finds out and is furious with me. Says take her home now. I calm her down and manage to get her to stay till morning. In the morning...i drive her back home and i look over at her and she's crying..i felt like shit. She starts in like mother on her child....about how stupid and inconsiderate my actions were. I just take the tongue lashing. Two weeks later....we chat on AIM and plan to talk later that evening...no call from her. Next week she calls saying she wants hangout...i'm busy that day...she thinks i'm bsing her. The next weekend we get together she's cold as hell toward me...no sex. (I'm thinking i brought all this upon myself). Anyhow a good 3 weeks go by no communication...she aims me askin am i ok...I'm good. I call her last wed asking can we get together Saturday. We go out to dinner and have great time..then back to my place and she's cold as hell....won't give details..just bad..her body language was like she couldn't stand me. But at dinner, she started talking about how her mother and father met...and she had that glow in her eyes and her voice. Then again this girl is pretty good at the game. Back to last Saturday....she's cold at my crib and at like 2:45 am says she should go home...Looks at her watch and says ..."Oh it's not that late". At this point i'm close to acting my color and cussing this chic out. Instead i just look at her. She comes up with sum lame excuse that she has a meeting for school tomorrow (Sunday lol). Like a #itch i call her in 5 minutes asking her what's up...givin me the cold shoulder all night. She says "It wasn't like dat..i was just watching the movie...i'm not trying to play you". I'm like cool i'm good...have safe trip home. I'm pissed so i head out about 3am to let off sum steam (into another girl's mouth of course lol).

The whole time i'm gettin sum head..i'm asking myself these questions....

Remember where you met this chic from...Craiglist. Does this girl want money from me now?
If so why did she meet me initiallly under those circumstances? (Car issues)
Is she posting more ads in women seeking men and erotic sections?
Is it just her personality that she can't ask for money?
What does 23 yr old chic want with 32 yr old guy?

For the record i've never given her any money..but she likes to smoke 420..so i make sure when we get together she has a bunch to take with her (i figure she's gonna buy it anyway so it's a way i can give her sumething without offending her). I've been with over 250 girls...many regular chics..many UTRS...just lot of different types. I think i'm programmed to believe a girl wants sumething from me. My gut says Slim is a special girl...attractive, intelligent, and intuitive like i've never seen. My gut also says it's strong possibility she's fuckin other ppl (she's been open about previous stories).

I need advice on how i should play it from here...i figured if any1 would understand it would be fellow mongers. For the record if she's just upset about me screwing up...i'm cool wit dat...but if she trying to play the yo boy then....that's not cool.
 
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bigsmoovvve

#2,222
#2,222
Post about me pickin up a chick in grocery store on Saturday

I was in great mood that afternoon...had nice Friday night and i was goin see the girl mentioned in two posts above. My biggest issue is how to handle the girl in above posts. I think i'm fairly good at playin datin game...but when do you stop playin games and let ppl kno the real you?

Dam You guys might be right about acting like dick.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was in grocery store..and i saw this hot mixed chic with some junk food in her hand....i said the first thing that came to my head....What are you doin eatin that junk food? She responded i have 2 children it's for them. We were havin a convo even tho i was bein confrontational (uncharacteristic).She walks away.... Then I walk up to her with my cart and ask What food do u like? I MAY wanna take u to dinner...she says I like a man that can cook. Still confrontational.....i ask her does she have cell...she says yes gettin it out...i say i left mine in car i'll be back...i walk away from her....then start slight jog to my car when i'm outta sight to get my cell....i go back in store and just continue shoppin cool as a fan...feverishly tryin find her...i do. I ask what's ur number...she says i'll take yours "That's how i play my game"...i said "Its a game huh?" Chuckles. I give it to her.....and sheepishly ask when i can expect her call? She says tonite (Saturday nite). I give her look like ...u better call me. Then she starts talkin shit...."Are you gonna be waiting by the phone for my call"? she says. I bust out laughin and say "You're cute but u aint that cute". She laughs and says i'm mean we part ways. I'm still shopping and out of corner of my eyes i can see her lookin at me pondering...who the fuck does he think he is...interested in what makes me tick. She calls Sunday and we proceed to have 15 min convo...all the time she's giving me reasons why she should be my new jumpoff (fling) and how she knows how to treat a man......Desperate. Any how we gettin together Friday.

I'm gentle giant and i think if i would have shown her that...she may have never called...its all a game......I just have one problem. I'm in my thirties and i'm tired of this game...how do you find a wife playing these games. Anyhow this grocery store girl was perfect timing since i'm having problems with the girl i'm dating now...look at my previous post.
 
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fuckingahole

#2,223
#2,223
bigsmoovvve said:
how do you find a wife playing these games.
Click to expand...
Two part answer Bigs.. you dont while playing the game or play the game a bit toned down where theres still the game but to a lesser extent

or

you meet the girl that can bounce the game right back until you both crack eachother up and you just smile knowing you "get" eachother.

As for girl 1, if all does not go your way... bust out some of your best lyrics Big Poppa.


- White boy from the North Shore
 
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bigsmoovvve

#2,224
#2,224
I think Slim been bouncing the game off on your boy

Seems like she's always 3 steps ahead of me...starting to piss me off! It's like she can read my mind. Even when I told her about a problem i was having...she responded with two sentence reply that summarized the entire situation without me telling her the details...scary shit. I'm gonna take dudes advice here on the boards and fall back and don't contact her (but i just did that for nearly a month and look what happened Saturday). Oh Btw when she was leaving i believe she purposely put her stockings and skirt on right in front of my face to tease me...then when i walk her down stairs...she tries to stick her tongue down my throat...i just lip kissed her...she rolls her eyes. I know one thing...i'm going #uck the living shit out of this grocery store girl this Friday. As Bad Boy (Puffdady and Biggie Smalls) said...."TAKE DAT TAKE DAT TAKE DAT".




fuckingahole said:
Two part answer Bigs.. you dont while playing the game or play the game a bit toned down where theres still the game but to a lesser extent

or

you meet the girl that can bounce the game right back until you both crack eachother up and you just smile knowing you "get" eachother.

As for girl 1, if all does not go your way... bust out some of your best lyrics Big Poppa.


- White boy from the North Shore
Click to expand...
 
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fuckingahole

#2,225
#2,225
Bigs, it's obvious you have some kind of feelings but dont obsess over her... she will be around. I think your right, she's playing her game, you play yours and where it ends up, it ends up. She is feeling you though, don't sweat that. Just keep it moving, have fun with grocery girl and what sticks, sticks. Have fun.. you talk to this chick on AIM? So if you see her on during next week check in with her and send a simple Hi.. see her response but keep it short and drama free, keep it light. Theres no established relationship, you are free to do what you want.. let her ask for it. Always remember one thing, there are a ton of women out there and the next is just waiting to fuck the shit out of you... and it's the truth.. just keep it light, bounce around and let things take there course, she will be around... she's feeling you, perhaps she isnt sure what you want, perhaps she wants to keep shopping a bit and that's fine.. You're doing yours (pun intended).
Most of all, have fun! And cover up if you think these chicks are questionable.. condoms suck but sometimes you have to do it.
 
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IRVINGTON29

#2,227
#2,227
Man Desi

I need some advice. I gave my girl a ring at IHOP at Sunrise Highway Long Island Ihop Valentine's day.

Anyway I took my ex lawyer girlfriend from Brooklyn to Walmart to exchange her car battery. I neglected to tell her I am engaged.

She was so happy to be with me because I see her like maybe twice a month. Do you think I should tell her I am engaged?
 
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R

Retoxicate

#2,228
#2,228
IRVINGTON29 said:
Man Desi

I need some advice. I gave my girl a ring at IHOP at Sunrise Highway Long Island Ihop Valentine's day.

Anyway I took my ex lawyer girlfriend from Brooklyn to Walmart to exchange her car battery. I neglected to tell her I am engaged.

She was so happy to be with me because I see her like maybe twice a month. Do you think I should tell her I am engaged?
Click to expand...
Dude, the IHOP?
 
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bigsmoovvve

#2,232
#2,232
That didn't take long....

Chic called me earlier this evening. I didn't answer. The fact she called this early is a clear sign of guilty conscience. I'm goin teach her not to #uck wit Mr. Bigs. I'm goin let her marinate for awhile {not too long tho}..plus she didn't leave a message (she still tryin to be cool/cute). I once had platonic female friend in Harlem and we'd bounce ideas of each other about guys/gals. She once said that "we teach ppl how to treat us by what we allow".
Just like in the movie wit Vivvica Fox and Morriss Chesnut..."Two can play this Game"....i'm one up on her now. Slim margin tho i'm up 21-17 in 2nd quarter...plenty of football left tho. lol



fuckingahole said:
Bigs, it's obvious you have some kind of feelings but dont obsess over her... she will be around. I think your right, she's playing her game, you play yours and where it ends up, it ends up. She is feeling you though, don't sweat that. Just keep it moving, have fun with grocery girl and what sticks, sticks. Have fun.. you talk to this chick on AIM? So if you see her on during next week check in with her and send a simple Hi.. see her response but keep it short and drama free, keep it light. Theres no established relationship, you are free to do what you want.. let her ask for it. Always remember one thing, there are a ton of women out there and the next is just waiting to fuck the shit out of you... and it's the truth.. just keep it light, bounce around and let things take there course, she will be around... she's feeling you, perhaps she isnt sure what you want, perhaps she wants to keep shopping a bit and that's fine.. You're doing yours (pun intended).
Most of all, have fun! And cover up if you think these chicks are questionable.. condoms suck but sometimes you have to do it.
Click to expand...
 
B

bigsmoovvve

#2,233
#2,233
My stance has changed with Slim

After talking to "grocery girl" aka "Red" last night and seeing a chic that's currently on my "team" yesterday...i'm starting to lose interest in Slim. I'm not saying these other girls are long term material..but at least theyre st8up. One of the redeeming qualities about Slim early on is that she didnt play games and i felt like i could be myself....now she's hot and cold.

I'm definetly gonna see Red Friday...but i'm debating about returning Slim's call and setting sumething up for Saturday. Slim only has one more chance (3 strikes and ur out) to act like she gives a shit. It wasn't the point that she withheld sex from me the last two times, but more about her attitude/body language that bothers me. Maybe i should give her time 2 figure stuff out b4 we see each other again...i have better things to do wit my Saturday night than kissing a girls azz (well literally kissin a girls azz is ok..daty....u kno what i mean lol). Any advice is appreciated!
 
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fuckingahole

#2,234
#2,234
My advice is honestly, you know what you are doing Bigs.. you dont need our advice.

I hear you loud and clear. Let Slim play her game, like you said, the only thing she is losing is your interest in her. It gets old after the repeated bullshit. Be real or be gone. Sounds like you need to stay away from her and enjoy your other prospects and see where that takes you. I bet you a shit load of money that Slim will go into hysterics sooner or later as you lose the interest. For now though, sounds like you are more annoyed by Slim than anything.. give yourself a cooling out period until you hang with her again and hopefully she will step up to the plate when you finally decide to give her that next shot.
 
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desilove

#2,235
#2,235
After my recent drama filled break up I got to thinking about all my past relationships. I realized that they can come disguised in all different shapes, sizes and packages There are some that will open you up to something new and exotic, those that become old and familiar and dare I say comfortable and safe (which can become boring), those that will stir up lots of questions, those that will bring you somewhere unexpected, those that may bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. Those I like to cal Jekyll & Hydes and those that have more drama than daytime TV. At 33 i have had many of the above and I have found the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the relationship you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love you for you, well, that's just fabulous. BUT its up to you to figure out what category above you are looking for in a relationship...what makes YOU tick not what your friends, family or society in general dictates. Social class, race, religion, income or education have nothing to do with it. IHOP or Chez Peter doesn't matter where you are, as long as you are with her/him.

If anything like me you have lived your life up til now feeling happy and content but always feeling like something is missing..the biggest mistake we can make is looking to find the missing piece to the puzzle called happiness in someone else because at the end of the day how can we expect someone else to make us happy when we have yet to learn how to ourselves.

This is Dear Desi signing off, I do not have a clue what it takes to make for a successful relationship...shoes, i know, clothes i know, sex I KNOW but relationships and love well lets just say I am a work in progress and could probably learn more from you guys than you will ever learn from me...Its been fun but when it comes to giving out relationship advice, its a wrap..xox
 
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paulbunyon

paulbunyon

#2,236
#2,236
Dear Desi,
I have a crush on a certain bartender I met at a party Wednesday night and I don't know what to do about it. I am very shy. Please, I need advice. Thanks in advance!
Love, Paul ;)
 
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desilove

#2,237
#2,237
paulbunyon said:
Dear Desi,
I have a crush on a certain bartender I met at a party Wednesday night and I don't know what to do about it. I am very shy. Please, I need advice. Thanks in advance!
Love, Paul ;)
Click to expand...
lol baby you dont need advice, you just need her # ( i happen to know it but its gonna cost ya;))....flash that smile, make her laugh and promise not to call her in the morning and your in like flynn.....by the looks of you weds night, i cant see the feeling being anything but mutual.....xox
 
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