WIGGS' & BANACEK'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE
I saw Wiggs rendered speechless, something I never thought I would witness. Allow me to explain.
Ever since our little luncheon with Sophia a few months ago, Mr. Wiggley and I have kept in touch. We decided to meet up again for dinner this week. I chose the Tilted Kilt in Farmingdale, since we had each been there once before and the food and atmosphere were okay with enough space that we could openly discuss providers without fear of being overheard. The place is a breastaurant, in case you didn't already know. It is their only LI location.
So as I walk toward the door, I spot Wiggs standing in front wearing a Yankees jacket. I said, "Nice jacket. I know you're a fan, guess you wanted to advertise that?" He answered, jokingly, "I thought you might be bringing lightweight along and I wanted to even up the sides."
And then he proceeded to tell me that there was a bigger issue at stake besides our baseball rivalry. The Kilted Tit, as he had called it in our conversations, was no more. There was a notice on the door that said "This location has closed." I guess those two-star Yelp reviews didn't help attract a crowd. In all fairness, the one time I ate there, it was what you would expect. Pub food served up by scantily-clad waitresses. The biggest surprise to me during the lunch hour that time was that of the few diners there, the female customers outnumbered the men. And they were older, too.
So now we were faced with where to eat dinner. I quickly offered up the only sensible solution. Hooters down the block.
It was a good choice. There was plenty of distance between our table and the rest of the patrons so that we could talk. The meals we had were both good. Pretty safe bets, as it's difficult to screw up a sandwich and a salad. Wiggs seemed to enjoy his beer. And we both enjoyed our waitress, the best looking of the bunch. A very pretty, curvy blonde that was spilling out of her top and shorts. Uniquelyme would have given her a solid 9.
After the meal, the waitress asked us if we wanted any coffee or dessert. I opted for a slice of cheesecake. Wiggs ordered coffee and she replied to that with a long explanation that they might be out of regular coffee with only decaf available because one of the machines was broken or something like that. She then asked if that would be okay. He said either would be acceptable, but he would prefer regular. The conversation had really gone on longer than one would expect about a cup of coffee and you would think it was done at that point.
But then it really got confusing because the waitress looks at Wiggs and asks, "So how would you like it." I saw the puzzled look on his face as this gorgeous specimen asked this pointed question of him and I could almost hear him thinking, "You mean the coffee, right, 'cause otherwise me taking you bent over the bar would be just fine." He managed to compose himself enough to ask her what she meant. And then it happened. She said, "You know, like do you want half and half." I watched in amazement as Wiggs stumbled to pick his jaw off the floor. I knew he was thinking, "She didn't really ask me that did she?" (For someone like me who clearly recalls the days of streetwalkers approaching your car window and saying, "$20 for a blow, $40 for a half and half," it was a memorable moment.)
It seemed to take almost a full minute before Wiggs could even mumble a reply. What he said was something about his assuming there would be condiments on the table. What I heard was him starting to say the word "cond..." and my first thought was "Don't go there, Wiggs. Don't say it." But then he finished it and I breathed a sigh of relief that Wiggs would not find himself moderated at Hooters like he is at UG. The clincher here is that Wiggs never got his happy ending. The waitress came back shortly after this encounter and went into another long explanation to tell him that the coffee machine was broken and, just like her, there was nothing to be had. So he ordered another beer to drown his sorrows while we pondered what it would be like to have this waitress and Kelly Kegan for a doubles session.
I saw Wiggs rendered speechless, something I never thought I would witness. Allow me to explain.
Ever since our little luncheon with Sophia a few months ago, Mr. Wiggley and I have kept in touch. We decided to meet up again for dinner this week. I chose the Tilted Kilt in Farmingdale, since we had each been there once before and the food and atmosphere were okay with enough space that we could openly discuss providers without fear of being overheard. The place is a breastaurant, in case you didn't already know. It is their only LI location.
So as I walk toward the door, I spot Wiggs standing in front wearing a Yankees jacket. I said, "Nice jacket. I know you're a fan, guess you wanted to advertise that?" He answered, jokingly, "I thought you might be bringing lightweight along and I wanted to even up the sides."
And then he proceeded to tell me that there was a bigger issue at stake besides our baseball rivalry. The Kilted Tit, as he had called it in our conversations, was no more. There was a notice on the door that said "This location has closed." I guess those two-star Yelp reviews didn't help attract a crowd. In all fairness, the one time I ate there, it was what you would expect. Pub food served up by scantily-clad waitresses. The biggest surprise to me during the lunch hour that time was that of the few diners there, the female customers outnumbered the men. And they were older, too.
So now we were faced with where to eat dinner. I quickly offered up the only sensible solution. Hooters down the block.
It was a good choice. There was plenty of distance between our table and the rest of the patrons so that we could talk. The meals we had were both good. Pretty safe bets, as it's difficult to screw up a sandwich and a salad. Wiggs seemed to enjoy his beer. And we both enjoyed our waitress, the best looking of the bunch. A very pretty, curvy blonde that was spilling out of her top and shorts. Uniquelyme would have given her a solid 9.
After the meal, the waitress asked us if we wanted any coffee or dessert. I opted for a slice of cheesecake. Wiggs ordered coffee and she replied to that with a long explanation that they might be out of regular coffee with only decaf available because one of the machines was broken or something like that. She then asked if that would be okay. He said either would be acceptable, but he would prefer regular. The conversation had really gone on longer than one would expect about a cup of coffee and you would think it was done at that point.
But then it really got confusing because the waitress looks at Wiggs and asks, "So how would you like it." I saw the puzzled look on his face as this gorgeous specimen asked this pointed question of him and I could almost hear him thinking, "You mean the coffee, right, 'cause otherwise me taking you bent over the bar would be just fine." He managed to compose himself enough to ask her what she meant. And then it happened. She said, "You know, like do you want half and half." I watched in amazement as Wiggs stumbled to pick his jaw off the floor. I knew he was thinking, "She didn't really ask me that did she?" (For someone like me who clearly recalls the days of streetwalkers approaching your car window and saying, "$20 for a blow, $40 for a half and half," it was a memorable moment.)
It seemed to take almost a full minute before Wiggs could even mumble a reply. What he said was something about his assuming there would be condiments on the table. What I heard was him starting to say the word "cond..." and my first thought was "Don't go there, Wiggs. Don't say it." But then he finished it and I breathed a sigh of relief that Wiggs would not find himself moderated at Hooters like he is at UG. The clincher here is that Wiggs never got his happy ending. The waitress came back shortly after this encounter and went into another long explanation to tell him that the coffee machine was broken and, just like her, there was nothing to be had. So he ordered another beer to drown his sorrows while we pondered what it would be like to have this waitress and Kelly Kegan for a doubles session.
