The evolution of a monger and the effect of the PMB
- Thread starter TheRealStory
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I have to say my experience is similar to TRS's.
When I got back into the hobby it was a once a year treat to myself.
Once I found *** then subsequently UG it all changed. At first it was AMPS. Any new AMP in Newsday with a 516 number I just had to visit and review it. Any new girl at X-Dreams I had to see if she was A list material.
Any Latin place that popped up, I was there.
I often wonder if I hadn't become so addicted to posting reviews and sharing stories if I would have mongered as hard as I did.
I also had the same experience of getting too involved with a ATF.
Thanks for sharing TheRealStory, you are not alone in your experiences.
When I got back into the hobby it was a once a year treat to myself.
Once I found *** then subsequently UG it all changed. At first it was AMPS. Any new AMP in Newsday with a 516 number I just had to visit and review it. Any new girl at X-Dreams I had to see if she was A list material.
Any Latin place that popped up, I was there.
I often wonder if I hadn't become so addicted to posting reviews and sharing stories if I would have mongered as hard as I did.
I also had the same experience of getting too involved with a ATF.
Thanks for sharing TheRealStory, you are not alone in your experiences.
Thanks for sharing TheRealStory.
I just always will have a problem with those who had their journey and then spend the rest of their lives warning others against it.
For examples whore that get old and then predicate the advantages of virginity. I wonder whether they really are there to save the others from the sin or are just jealous for the fun they can't have anymore. (Example not related to TRS).
It almost never works. People want to learn by making their own mistakes.
I just always will have a problem with those who had their journey and then spend the rest of their lives warning others against it.
For examples whore that get old and then predicate the advantages of virginity. I wonder whether they really are there to save the others from the sin or are just jealous for the fun they can't have anymore. (Example not related to TRS).
It almost never works. People want to learn by making their own mistakes.
I'm not advocating anything, other than perhaps periodic intraspection (if I've used the term right). I'm merely pointing out the unintended consequences of hanging in places like this. I'm not advocating that this place change, or that people don't come here to post. I just think that places like this have had a very profound and interesting effect on me and figured that I'd say something as it might be interesting reading.
Think of it this way, many guys come to UG by stumbling upon it somehow as relative newbies and are blown away by it. They probably have dabbled a bit and think of some of the experienced mongers as crazy. They will say "wow, I'll never be that guy". I said the same thing. Except now I *am* that guy. Which is fine. I've had a LOT of fun, some unbelievable experiences that have been mind-altering and I think I've learned a lot about myself, women, the world and how commercial sex fits into it. Most of this has not been a bad thing.
But I have been out of control at times.
Think of it this way, many guys come to UG by stumbling upon it somehow as relative newbies and are blown away by it. They probably have dabbled a bit and think of some of the experienced mongers as crazy. They will say "wow, I'll never be that guy". I said the same thing. Except now I *am* that guy. Which is fine. I've had a LOT of fun, some unbelievable experiences that have been mind-altering and I think I've learned a lot about myself, women, the world and how commercial sex fits into it. Most of this has not been a bad thing.
But I have been out of control at times.
I dont disagree.
I think that once someone is on that 'path', they more or less keep going even without outside facilitation. Normally, there isnt much outside influence due to the need to be discreet. What you're talking about accelerates the process, but it isnt what drives it in the first place. The cheerleading just gets you whereever you're going faster than you would on your own.
I think that once someone is on that 'path', they more or less keep going even without outside facilitation. Normally, there isnt much outside influence due to the need to be discreet. What you're talking about accelerates the process, but it isnt what drives it in the first place. The cheerleading just gets you whereever you're going faster than you would on your own.
Look at it this way. When guys start out, they don't intend to create a separate life, with black ops telephones, fake names, false identities, sugar babies, etc. They just want to add a little spice to their lives by getting laid, and they'd like to do so in a cost-effective manner.
Then they come here, and the experienced teach the newbies all of the ins and outs, how not to get caught, how to deal with your wife, how to evade police, etc. And so the newbie gets access to information that lets him behave in a way that he never would have risked previously, and the "line" that he won't cross gets moved. And once it starts moving it keeps moving. Eventually he will graduate to the BBBJ, or BBFS or BBG or BDSM or TSs or whatever, as he gets in touch with what he really wants because in a place like this he can be honest with himself and others about his sexual proclivities.
And again, this might be a positive for many guys. It might make them feel less "trapped" in their real lives and it might keep them more balanced. But you just need to step back every now and then, see where you are, see if it is where you want to be and adjust if necessary. If you don't, you keep moving the line, but you aren't really aware of it, until sometimes it is too late.
Then they come here, and the experienced teach the newbies all of the ins and outs, how not to get caught, how to deal with your wife, how to evade police, etc. And so the newbie gets access to information that lets him behave in a way that he never would have risked previously, and the "line" that he won't cross gets moved. And once it starts moving it keeps moving. Eventually he will graduate to the BBBJ, or BBFS or BBG or BDSM or TSs or whatever, as he gets in touch with what he really wants because in a place like this he can be honest with himself and others about his sexual proclivities.
And again, this might be a positive for many guys. It might make them feel less "trapped" in their real lives and it might keep them more balanced. But you just need to step back every now and then, see where you are, see if it is where you want to be and adjust if necessary. If you don't, you keep moving the line, but you aren't really aware of it, until sometimes it is too late.
Very true.
Although I'm not sure that holds for the frequency of encounters. Once I settled into long-term relationships and "sugar baby" style relationships, the frequency of how often I got laid went down to some extent because there is nothing to talk about. Nobody cares what happened the 20th time you fucked someone, especially someone that isn't on the "market" and can't be shared.
But you are right, once the line has moved, it has moved for good. I'm a little smarter about what I do, but I've rationalized away all of the things I used to worry about and it is part of my core being at this point.
Although I'm not sure that holds for the frequency of encounters. Once I settled into long-term relationships and "sugar baby" style relationships, the frequency of how often I got laid went down to some extent because there is nothing to talk about. Nobody cares what happened the 20th time you fucked someone, especially someone that isn't on the "market" and can't be shared.
But you are right, once the line has moved, it has moved for good. I'm a little smarter about what I do, but I've rationalized away all of the things I used to worry about and it is part of my core being at this point.
I'm not talking about whether a guy is "in" or "out" of the commercial sex market. I'm talking about what happens to him after he is there.
I suppose I've been in the market for 20 years now. From the time I started, to say 2003 (the first 15 years), it was a fairly steady diet of AMPs, phonebook agencies, the back pages of the Advocate in Connecticut, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary. For 15 years. So clearly it isn't the internet or the PMB that turned me into a monger.
In the last 5 years I've had BB sex with somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 different girls (perhaps more), one got pregnant, one tried to blackmail me with a fake pregnancy, I've had two different girls try to extort money from me because I stopped being careful, and I've nearly fallen in love twice. Maybe it is just the switch from professional escorts to "non pros" or CL girls or girls from the sugardaddy websites. But I also know that I started looking for things like BB sex because I saw how easy it was for other guys to get, and that the guys I was in the yahoo groups with never seemed to have any negative consequences to report. I'm not saying that it is safe, but I never would have considered it without understanding its prevalence. I never had really even contemplated it before.
I suppose I've been in the market for 20 years now. From the time I started, to say 2003 (the first 15 years), it was a fairly steady diet of AMPs, phonebook agencies, the back pages of the Advocate in Connecticut, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary. For 15 years. So clearly it isn't the internet or the PMB that turned me into a monger.
In the last 5 years I've had BB sex with somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 different girls (perhaps more), one got pregnant, one tried to blackmail me with a fake pregnancy, I've had two different girls try to extort money from me because I stopped being careful, and I've nearly fallen in love twice. Maybe it is just the switch from professional escorts to "non pros" or CL girls or girls from the sugardaddy websites. But I also know that I started looking for things like BB sex because I saw how easy it was for other guys to get, and that the guys I was in the yahoo groups with never seemed to have any negative consequences to report. I'm not saying that it is safe, but I never would have considered it without understanding its prevalence. I never had really even contemplated it before.
I follow you, TRS.
I was referring to a man who was already "in". Honestly, how hard is it for a man who wants more sex on the side [pro or non-pro] to find the resources he needs to do it once he's there already?
BB(any flavor) is one of the things that make sex addictive. Period. Even if it's only with your SO. LOL
I was referring to a man who was already "in". Honestly, how hard is it for a man who wants more sex on the side [pro or non-pro] to find the resources he needs to do it once he's there already?
BB(any flavor) is one of the things that make sex addictive. Period. Even if it's only with your SO. LOL
One has to wonder, if the other people in that Yahoo group, would ever honestly admit to the negative consequences. Did you? People have a hard time admitting their culpability unless force to face it.
Without mentioning STD's, the obvious, you list four other negative impacts to BBFS. It is unfortunate that it comes in hindsight.
Without mentioning STD's, the obvious, you list four other negative impacts to BBFS. It is unfortunate that it comes in hindsight.
This is a fascinating thread for me as a relative noob. I got into the game when I found out my wife had been cheating on me for a long while and decided (after being sex-starved forever) to have some fun of my own...and just like TRS it changed my whole mindset to experience how easy it is. Discovering this board was -definitely- my ticket into it; I googled a few key terms of what I wanted and later that day had a fantastic experience. In my case I sincerely doubt I would have gone down this road had it not been for this (and now other) provider's positive reviews on UG. Although, I am constantly thinking about my personal boundaries when setting up appointments, wondering if the right provider would somehow magically coax me into doing something I'd regret later. Currently though I certainly have my limits and have stuck to them. Junior high health class really did make a strong impression. I blame Ron, Nancy and George Sr!
I've blown alot of money on this habit. But it's an addiction
Knowing I can get a bj from a girl without knowing much of anything about her is great. Most women are afraid to express their sexuality because they're afraid of getting labeled for it. You don't have this problem when you pay to play
I've never encountered a virgin and I never will. You know why? Cuz I'm a pervert and they can sense that a mile away.
I'll be 25 this year and I have no plans on stopping. Why? Been hurt too many times to try and have a relationship. And even girls who are down for nsa keep me in that damn friend zone
Knowing I can get a bj from a girl without knowing much of anything about her is great. Most women are afraid to express their sexuality because they're afraid of getting labeled for it. You don't have this problem when you pay to play
I've never encountered a virgin and I never will. You know why? Cuz I'm a pervert and they can sense that a mile away.
I'll be 25 this year and I have no plans on stopping. Why? Been hurt too many times to try and have a relationship. And even girls who are down for nsa keep me in that damn friend zone
Some big-brotherly advice. You are too young to have "given up" on relationships. You need to realize that in NYC (if that's where you are), people don't want to settle down for many years because they are focused on their careers, living the city life, etc.
When I worked in the burbs, nearly everyone under 30 was married and most already had kids by the time they turned 30. In the city, people don't get married until much later which means that the dating game is very much that until you are in your 30s as a general rule. A game.
I'm not suggesting you stop seeing hookers. But they should supplement your life, not be your only source of female interaction.
When I worked in the burbs, nearly everyone under 30 was married and most already had kids by the time they turned 30. In the city, people don't get married until much later which means that the dating game is very much that until you are in your 30s as a general rule. A game.
I'm not suggesting you stop seeing hookers. But they should supplement your life, not be your only source of female interaction.
This is a good thread. I learned the hard way that I don't have the stomach for this. I had been visiting that infamous R&T spot on 33rd street off and on for about a decade. Literally maybe went 8-10 times in the past 10 years. Loved the steam room, nice place, good masseuse (have a bit of a hip problem) and quickly got used to the "tug" at the end. Had an SO, who is now my wife. Everyone was doing I thougt so WTF? But earlier this year, I was a little depressed about some things in my life. Decided to treat myself but got waylayed by a sign in the street at a place a few doors up. Had had a pro in Vegas over 15 years ago and was nervous even back then. Vowed not to do it again. Back to this place - I get upstairs and I'm not in Kansas anymore. Get a TS and HJ from a cute Asian girl with a hot (naked) body and ran out of there at the end like a lunatic. My OS is now my wife and I felt like crap for what I did - BUT, I could not get the experience out of my mind. I was back the next week for FS from the same girl. She was good, I left satisfied and justified it in my mind. Because she was a PRO it wasn't cheating. No one will ever find out. They don't know me, I don't know them, etc. I spent a week on vacation with my family and was back the Tuesday after we all went back to work. Couldn't get the girl I wanted so settled for another one. She was older and not as cute but I banged her just the same, then 4 days later I was back, looking for the first girl. The second one I'd had comes in which I don't want and I'm about to leave but they send me another. She's cute and young, so I hit that. It's boring and she has to give me an HJ to finish. After I leave, I'm outta my mind calling my wife looking for her. I didn't go back. I decided that I would take it to the grave. But then I got a little paranoid. Realized that condoms don't protect against herpes completely and get tested. Test turns out positive. Not sure if I had it already or not but - I tell the wife....not everything...just what's necessary. Being a woman and a smart one at that, she goes through my call records and my phone book and recreates my crap like an investigative reporter from CNN. She gets tested and is also positive. I feel like crap because she was negative just a few years ago. I came to the conclusion that in my instance, things were going to well for me, good job, great wife, wonderful kid and yeah, I've been through some shit in my life - but I wanted to act out. Do I regret it - absolutely!! I come back to UG to look at the rationale of others. I am not judging, believe me. Everyone has different reasons and a different story. But I almost lost my family and have had to do some serious soul searching.