"Monster"

D

dumbslave

Ego Ergo Sum
#21
#21
Geezy Sings Country

HAVE YOU EVER DREAMED OF BEING CHARLIZE THERON IN
MONSTER - m4w - 52

Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here Date: Wed Feb 18th 01:40

heh ladies,

how y'all doin? ma name's joe bob everett. ma friends call me jb, but you can call me joe bob if you want to. everybody else does back where i'm from in florida.

i'm 'bout 5'8" and weigh better than 320 pounds stark nekkid. i'm purty neart to bald but got the cutest lil' salt n' peppa goatee. i likes to think that i look kind a like burl ives even tho i am a hefty lil' porker and not nearly so cute as he is.

every winter i rent out my double-wide to this nice retired couple from pittsburgh. then I heads up here to new york and park ma buick 6 under an old bridge up here on the west side. i wander around and look up at the skyscrapers and all the
people runnin around and wonder how y'all do it all year long.

anyway i went into a theeater the other day in times square and watched this new movie they got there called "monster" with this serial killer interstate hooker woman. i been purty scairt since then and can hardly sleep a wink. ya see, back home in florida those girls on the interstate are all the comfort i knows on account of ma wife leavin me for this cuban feller. she took my kids too. i never get to see 'em anymore. jus get pictures of 'em every once in a while in the mail.

i'm real nice to them interstate girls, mind ya, even though i don't tip 'em cause they're independents. i always say "thank you" and "please" and only gets me a tug all proper like sittin behind the steerin wheel in ma car. i don do none of that other stuff. the preacher say it's wrong at the pentecostal church i goes to every sunday and i believes 'em. i'm a genelman i likes to think or at least i trys to be a genelman. besides doin anythin else is too much like work when yer as fat as i am.

i was talkin to one of those nice steet walkin girls who works out a one of the railroad tunnels near where I park my car. she told me about this here internet site and all you fine people out there. she said someone out there might be able to help me get over my fear so that when i go back home i won't be scairt no more and can go on gettin' my tug every saturday nite out there on the interstate witout worrying 'bout bein kilt.

i guess what i want is one of you kinky women what's got a dungeon fitted out wit a rusty ole car up on cinderblocks. i'm a hefty guy so it'll have to be maybe a 65" chevy impala or somepun like it wit a big sofa seat.

i'll sit beehind the steerin wheel and we'll pretend yer an interstate girl. after we talk a lil' bit real nice i'll drop my pants when ya tell me to. then yer pull out a gun and yell at me like a crazy woman for bein a dirty mean pig before shootin me with real live bullets bang bang bang bang bang right in ma chest.

to do this right it'd help if you got some body armor layin round that i could put on under my tee shirt before y'all shoot me. if you don have any i'll stop at the store and get some for i come over.

i'd also like to try being executed nekkid in a big ole fashioned 'lectric chair all covered up in valvoline wit a black leather mask coverin ma head. i figure i can take 50 amps as long as i'm not hooked up to some 220 volt line like for frigerators and air conditioners. therefore special consideration will be given to any woman out there wit a dungeon whose got both a rusty
ole car up on cinderblocks an a 'lectric chair. you shootin me while i beg for ma life is definitely somethin else we might try.

i'm open to some real kinky stuff too i suppose. it is new york after all and when in rome you gotta do what the romans do. you can wrap me up in a piece of carpet and make me lie down in the trunk of yer car overnight or do me wit a strap on as long as its not too big. i draw the line at baseball bats tho and have a skin condition so i can't take being beaten and doused wit rubbin alchol.

oh, after the kinky stuff, i'd like a tug. i'm really a normal guy you see and believe that every story's got to have a happy endin.

lookin forward to hearin from ya.


joe bob


it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests this is in or around FROM A BUICK 6
 
H

h. von bingen

Sharon
#23
#23
i have to say, sometimes i just don't understand your aesthetic. i really don't (not just in this instance, btw).

in this case: he's so OBVIOUS (and tiresomely so) just like . . .
 
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D

dumbslave

Ego Ergo Sum
#26
#26
hvb:

On Saturday and Sunday nights when I give my four year old son a bath, I amuse him when he is in the mood by rotating between various characters that I've created for his pleasure.

Each of these characters has their own peculiar accents, obsessions, physical mannerisms, etc. They come and they go. One character walks out of the room to have an offstage dialogue with a unseen character. That unseen character then walks into the room and begins talking to my son.

This display of emotional flexibility is enormously entertaining to my son and helps me get through what would otherwise be a boring task.

I never ask myself whether what I am doing is "art" when I am with my son; nor do I ask myself whether what I am doing is "art" when I'm writing a first person character bit. To the greatest extent possible, I attempt to let my guard down so that the character can enter me and allow me to feel what they feel and think what they think.

Not that you ever will, but you could learn a lot about life from Joe Bob. I certainly did. He taught me something about what happens when you mix horror and the desire to go a whoring in one pot.
 
J

justme

homo economicus
#28
#28
As much as I agree with that, it's kind of a funny statement, no?

Please use your other fictional name instead of this fictional name even though we all know the two are the same.

I bet Wwanderer would have some ancient net quote relating to the phenomenon.

(I beginning to think Ww was an original WELL member)
 
H

h. von bingen

Sharon
#29
#29
Originally posted by justme
1. As much as I agree with that, it's kind of a funny statement, no?

2. Please use your other fictional name instead of this fictional name even though we all know the two are the same.
Click to expand...
1. i thought of that.
2. not exactly what i meant. i mean stop torturing people with these long, not too original, poorly written things and SAY something. his writing makes cat ballou look like dante. she's at least OVERTLY bad.

btw, i feel jl must have another agenda in encouraging this. either that, or, he's more of a masochist than even i thought he was.

you know ds (or whatever aka) is dying to teach me a lesson, and he has. the lesson is: take your medication.
 
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J

justme

homo economicus
#30
#30
Every day I wake up
And I take my medication
And I spend the rest of the day
Waiting for it to wear off
Every night I stay up late
And make my state more desperate
Spend the rest of the night
Waiting for it to wear off
 
J

justme

homo economicus
#32
#32
The Satan thing was one of the stupidest PMB misunderstandings ever.

Anyway, I think I'd posted thos lyrics before. The whole song is really a PMB anthem, I think.

(It runs through my head pretty constantly when I'm posting)
 
J

justme

homo economicus
#34
#34
Originally posted by alterego
This may have nothing to do with PMBs.

æ
Click to expand...
It's true that it runs through my head at other times.

Last year I had this argument with JL about whether or not it was good music. I realize that it probbaly isn't nearly as great as I thought it was at the time. It's just really, really relevant (to me).
 
Slinky Bender

Slinky Bender

The All Powerful Moderator
#35
#35
Originally posted by h. von bingen
btw, i feel jl must have another agenda in encouraging this. either that, or, he's more of a masochist than even i thought he was.
Click to expand...
There was a man with tongue of wood
Who essayed to sing,
And in truth it was lamentable.
But there was one who heard
The clip-clapper of this tongue of wood
And knew what the man
Wished to sing,
And with that the singer was content.
 
D

dumbslave

Ego Ergo Sum
#37
#37
hvb:

For suitable compensation (lets say $5,000), I would verbally torment you to the point where being gang raped by hyenas as you lay dying IRL would be preferable to enduring another second of my abuse.

It would be a professional hit. I wouldn't feel a thing while you would feel absolutely everything.


Smooches,


dumbslave
 
D

dumbslave

Ego Ergo Sum
#40
#40
Geezy Goes Nationwide (Mabel & Eleanor Report)

Originally posted by slinkybender

"There was a man with tongue of wood
Who essayed to sing,
And in truth it was lamentable"


Dear Shorty:

Thank you for voting for "Girl w/book on Prostitution" as a "best" post. With your help, it was selected even though it was not among our favorites.

Please give your every consideration to voting for "mc w/ the irish" as a "best" post. We like it much better.


Very truly yours,



Mabel & Eleanor



Re: Girl w/book on Prostitution (You're Too Late) - w4m

Reply to: [*****]anon-26312439@craigslist.org[/*****]
Date: Fri Mar 12 11:50:40 2004

Your shyness actually convinced me that I would be better off becoming a prostitute. I'll meet a more robust species of men that way. Men who want what they want and want it right now. Men who want to take me in their arms and possess me and show me that I'm a woman and desirable.

You could have saved me from a life of wanton regret if you'd acted more decisively and kissed me when you had the chance like a real man.

But you didn't.

So I'm going to auction my hymen off to the highest bidder. My ad will be up in Erotic Services later today. I expect that I'll fetch a pretty penny being as shiny and new as I am.

And it's all your fault.

I'll remember you on my deathbed. I'll curse you for what you've done to me.

You wrote:

Thu 3p.m.- 1/9 franklin to chambers - girl w/book on prostitution - m4w

Reply to: [*****]anon-26309495@craigslist.org[/*****]
Date: 2004-03-12, 2:20PM EST

We spoke a bit..you had a book on prostitution in the old west..you got off on Park and I wish I had gotten your number but was too shy. I'd love to hear from you so hope you get this.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests this is in or around Erotic Services



Re: mc w/the irish - w4m (Sexiest MC Two Weeks Running) - m4w - 96

Reply to: [*****]anon-26590636@craigslist.org[/*****]
Date: 2004-03-16, 11:54AM EST

For those able to tolerate humor about ethnicity (I'm mostly Irish and entitled to make fun of my own and myself), lust and romance, I set forth below a post that was previously flagged by those with less imagination than your good selves:

Alright, lads. There's no stoppin her. She's indefatigable, a force of nature unto herself. She's posted two weeks in a row. She wants the bogtrotter what's been holding out on her and ain't ashamed to say it.

We must assume, of course, that she is actually a she and not a delerious homosexual aroused by the memory of an old Eroll Flynn movie. Granted this is the internet where anything can happen and often does, but that assumption in place; it matters not that she might be wearing lip plugs and a grass skirt, or be a bandy legged Lithuanian, a tantrum throwing bucktoothed Italian in need of Trimspa, or a black, chinese or Jewish girl with dandruff. Nope. It doesn't matter at all. Not one bit.

What matters is that she's got the belief in the holy mystery of yer faith, hope and charity, and that her belief in yer mystery will unleash the combined forces of the rivers Erne, Finn, Gweebarra, Owenea and Reelan dammed up in her that, but for the lack of the soul searing infinite tendernesss inherent in your deeply masculine prescence, would be now flowing as sweat down her back through the crack of her ass unto yer thighs. Forever and forever, Amen.

So confess yer sin! Which one of you Brians, Gabriels, Kevins, Mikes, Paddies, Seans or Tims is the guilty culprit? Who's not been playing grab ass with this Sheila and gettin one for the Gipper, Jesus, Mary and Joseph like he's supposed ta?

We're now past the Third Sunday of Lent. This is no time for mewling delay. According to this week's liturgy, the Lord is speaking to Moses from the burning bush and the fig tree has been given another year in which to bear fruit upon the recommendation of a used car salesman from Pittsburgh.

So get yer heads out of the toilet, clean yer arses up with after shave (not British Sterling or English Leather, mind you), gargle with lysol (The bishop has advised that Jade East may be substituted during Lent by those without readily available household cleaning products) and reply to this maiden's post. The potatoes aren't for plantin till next week. Ya got no excuse not to reply.

As the High King of this post and blood descendant of Niall of the Nine Hostages who was High King during the 1950s and first introduced rock n'roll to Eire in the company of the late Johnny Cochran, I, Geezy Muldoon, command it.

Since the native born bogtrotters here have obviously been remiss in their duties, I further command all lads born of Irish mothers, all mongrel Italians, Polacks, Germans and Aborigines who faintly recall having an Irish ancestor somewhere back there in the outhouse of time whenever they're stoned drunk, all hebes with red hair, all black guys with Irish last names, all Pakistani cab drivers who ever had a drunken Mick in their cab, and all Chinamen and Koreans who can tell a joke to also reply to this maiden's post. If I left anyone out by inadvertent omission or failure of the alliterative instinct, I, of course, tender my humblest apologies. You too are also commanded.

Get thee hence.

It's fuckin St. Patrick's Day on Wednesday.

A woman's gotta right to be happy.

Especially this one. She seems fit to burst.

I'm afraid to read what she might write next week.

She wrote:

mc w/the irish - w4m

Reply to: [*****]anon-26271666@craigslist.org[/*****]
Date: 2004-03-12, 2:55AM EST

again, i wish i was fucking you. very badly. how long do i have to wait?

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests this is in or around St. Patrick's Day Parade
 
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