If it's not personal, why do girls take it so personally?

Slinky Bender

Slinky Bender

The All Powerful Moderator
#1
#1
Now, this isn't what you think it's going to be about: it's not about getting a bad review, or even a comment on her looks, ore even bad service.

I'm getting older and obviously my frequency of orgasm is diminished from when I was a teenager and could pop 5 times in a night. So, even if I'm having a good time with a girl, I'm not necessarily going to finish the session by popping. But what I'm finding lately is that girls seem to get really hurt/offended/whatever if I don't "finish". And I don't think it's just an act, because most of them stay WAYYYYYYY over any reasonable allotted time trying to get me to finish, and then when I'm too tired to go on (and I can tell they are too tired as well), they get all pouty, say things like "you don't like me", etc.

Now, this is commercial sex, bought and paid for. And I'm the one paying. So what's the big deal if I say I had a good time, but I'm tired or what-have-you? I can understand that part of it is thinking they won't get return business, but over 30 years I think I've gotten at least a little sense of when things are "real" and when they aren't, and a substantial amount of this seems to be genuine (especially if it's a girl who I go with on multiple occasions, and it almost didn't happen before or actually didn't happen before, and I still went back with them). And I never had the feeling that the girls I'm seeing have "pride in their work", but could I be wrong and that's it? Sounds unlikely.

I will add that the longer I've known a girl/more times I've been with her, the more this happens. But I'm not so sure I know exactly what the "it" is that's happening.
 
S

superwoman01

#2
#2
Slinky Bender said:
Now, this isn't what you think it's going to be about: it's not about getting a bad review, or even a comment on her looks, ore even bad service.

I'm getting older and obviously my frequency of orgasm is diminished from when I was a teenager and could pop 5 times in a night. So, even if I'm having a good time with a girl, I'm not necessarily going to finish the session by popping. But what I'm finding lately is that girls seem to get really hurt/offended/whatever if I don't "finish". And I don't think it's just an act, because most of them stay WAYYYYYYY over any reasonable allotted time trying to get me to finish, and then when I'm too tired to go on (and I can tell they are too tired as well), they get all pouty, say things like "you don't like me", etc.

Now, this is commercial sex, bought and paid for. And I'm the one paying. So what's the big deal if I say I had a good time, but I'm tired or what-have-you? I can understand that part of it is thinking they won't get return business, but over 30 years I think I've gotten at least a little sense of when things are "real" and when they aren't, and a substantial amount of this seems to be genuine (especially if it's a girl who I go with on multiple occasions, and it almost didn't happen before or actually didn't happen before, and I still went back with them). And I never had the feeling that the girls I'm seeing have "pride in their work", but could I be wrong and that's it? Sounds unlikely.

I will add that the longer I've known a girl/more times I've been with her, the more this happens. But I'm not so sure I know exactly what the "it" is that's happening.
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Ok I am going too lightly touch base on this subject and this is of course my opinion and from a woman’s perspective.

I cannot speak for all women but some woman get pleasure out of the satisfaction that you too have had your “O”! So when the act is completed it makes them feel good and when it is not-most woman assume that the reason it was not...Well it "had something to do with them." Then there are the women who also realize that certain men that turn 20 again do not have the same end result as they did when they were 18 years of age and understand that they enjoy the sensations that they feel and that experiencing these sensations gives them pleasure! I will say that the younger the girl…sometimes they are harder on themselves and take offense-- because they do not understand why the plumbing is not working properly and I feel that with age comes more understanding the situation.
I have read articles where some middle aged gentlemen prefer to date a woman that is thirty or over because they are more understanding- a little slower paced-more open minded and I am sure the list goes on-Just like some men prefer a woman under thirty!

As for a woman not doing it for you-it works both ways! It is called boardom! Time for a change-everyone reacts differently to personality and body language and there definitely has to be chemistry for all involved to experience pleasure. I am sure that after thirty years you have explored different things! I feel CHANGE is a great thing! Shake things up!
Bottom line-move on if she or he does not give you that butterfly/sparks/hair raising/make my panties wet feeling! (ok time to pull out my Sex Consultant lab coat!) LMAO!
 
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paperpusher

#3
#3
Slinky Bender said:
Now, this isn't what you think it's going to be about: it's not about getting a bad review, or even a comment on her looks, ore even bad service.

I'm getting older and obviously my frequency of orgasm is diminished from when I was a teenager and could pop 5 times in a night. So, even if I'm having a good time with a girl, I'm not necessarily going to finish the session by popping. But what I'm finding lately is that girls seem to get really hurt/offended/whatever if I don't "finish". And I don't think it's just an act, because most of them stay WAYYYYYYY over any reasonable allotted time trying to get me to finish, and then when I'm too tired to go on (and I can tell they are too tired as well), they get all pouty, say things like "you don't like me", etc.

Now, this is commercial sex, bought and paid for. And I'm the one paying. So what's the big deal if I say I had a good time, but I'm tired or what-have-you? I can understand that part of it is thinking they won't get return business, but over 30 years I think I've gotten at least a little sense of when things are "real" and when they aren't, and a substantial amount of this seems to be genuine (especially if it's a girl who I go with on multiple occasions, and it almost didn't happen before or actually didn't happen before, and I still went back with them). And I never had the feeling that the girls I'm seeing have "pride in their work", but could I be wrong and that's it? Sounds unlikely.

I will add that the longer I've known a girl/more times I've been with her, the more this happens. But I'm not so sure I know exactly what the "it" is that's happening.
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I think part of that is because you are "Slinky" and what that represents. When I have similiar problems, regardless of the repor I have with the girl, it is blames on me, like I have a condition and not them. In their minds, they have made 1000s of guys come. The price point has nothing to do with it. Some will do the best they can, but never take it personally.
 
B

Beginners Luck

#4
#4
I've experienced this before with certain girls. Usually on a second or third round they want to know if I had 'a big one' or if I was satisfied. I agree with the above post, it's usually the younger girls or less 'seasoned' girls. My regular girl, whom I spend approximately three hours with each weekend, looked so concerned one session that I actually faked it. I told her I came at the same time she did, and that it was fantastic, however, I did not cum seeing that it would have been my fourth time that session. I quickly hopped off the bed and slid the condom into the garbage, then threw some other junk on top (not like she would have checked). This made me feel strange, I mean, I'm the one paying, so please don't worry about it. A session or two later I think she feared the same issue so while going doggie she moved her hand from her own 'parts' to what was exposed of mine - no faking it that time - and I could tell she was pleased. My experience is that some girls just like to make a guy cum, and maybe that's where they derive their pleasure from (either conscious or subconsciously). My regular's favorite new game is 'making me beg to cum'; she enjoys this, so I play along. She'll stay down on me for the first half-hour to forty-five minutes of our session until I 'beg' her to make me cum... although I don't tell her that it's usually just so we can move on to other things. That would probably break her heart.
 
J

justme

homo economicus
#5
#5
It's not terribly surprising to me that some sex workers would conflate their self-image with their sexuality as measured by observing you.

Do you notice anything that correlates with this behavior?
 
J

justme

homo economicus
#8
#8
Axe - I know what SB's talking about and it isn't just concern for having done a good job.

Some women have a trivializing understanding of male sexuality coupled with sexual insecurity. Some of those women happen to sell sex.
 
P

puffin

#10
#10
How about the reverse? What about cumming but still having a bad time? Especially in the case of massage I can have a terrific time without an orgasm, and frankly it is sometimes easier to get off when I know the girl a little bit, so a second visit is in order.
 
M

marcinny

#12
#12
Some girls will make it their "little project" and try hard to may you finish. I bet they have a certain sense of self-accomplishment whenever it happens. After it always feels great to be good at what you do.

If they are aware of Slinky's stature in this business their frustration in a scenario like this one is likely to grow significantly.
 
P

paperpusher

#13
#13
I had met an iconic provider on the Island, when I mentioned UG, told me that Slinky was a jerk, but was willing to provide freebies to him if he would cut her some slack. I was confused as to what that meant, but new that Slinky situation was different than ours, and would get a different level of service or payscale if he chose to go down that direction.
 
Slinky Bender

Slinky Bender

The All Powerful Moderator
#14
#14
accnts said:
I had met an iconic provider on the Island, when I mentioned UG, told me that Slinky was a jerk, but was willing to provide freebies to him if he would cut her some slack. I was confused as to what that meant, but new that Slinky situation was different than ours, and would get a different level of service or payscale if he chose to go down that direction.
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I'm sure you're trying to be funny, but I'm the one who ends up paying the price for crap like this when people believe it.
 
Thorn

Thorn

#15
#15
I'm not surprised to hear this and have experienced it with certain providers that pride themselves on second pops.

I don't see how someone, even a monger or provider use to "impersonal sex" totally separates something as personal as their sexuality and makes it totally "work" related.

I'm no spring chicken myself and consider one real good feeling orgasm to be worth every penny I've paid when it was delivered with some style by the provider in question. When it occurs that they dig right back in after a bit and go for a second I give it a go and sometimes its there and sometimes it isn't. Only a handful of years ago I can recall popping as many as five or six times in a full evenings entertainment, but I'm older [and diabetes doesn't help either].

On the occasions that #2 hasn't been there, and it was the providers idea that we go for it I have experienced what Slinky is talking about above. You can see the ego deflate and the less shy have asked, "Is it me?".

There is something just a bit strange about having to console a provider and tell her its age and sugar working against me and has nothing to do with her.

I can understand it though. Like I said, it must be hard to separate something as intrinsic as ones sexuality totally out of the personal.
 
M

Monk

#16
#16
I don't know if I'm really going to add much to what has been said already, except for this:

A provider once told me that her job was to make me achieve orgasm. If you perceive your "job" in such simplistic terms, then, when a client doesn't achieve an orgasm, it's easy to see how you'd feel as if you hadn't completed the task at hand (what you're being paid for).

In addition, if the client is a reasonably nice guy, with a sense of humor and pleasant to be around, I'm sure through the course of the session the provider is thinking about how it would be great if this client became a regular. When he doesn't achieve orgasm, she's probably worried that she'll never see him again, which is yet another disappointment on her part.

Finally, even in my professional life, people take things personally at the office that they shouldn't. It's business, after all. But you can never overestimate someone's level of maturity, these days. Not entirely sure what that's about, but it seems to be worse than it used to be.
 
R

RuffToy

#17
#17
Girls take it personally because they're wired differently. It makes no difference if they're selling sex, dating, in the work place, or hanging with friends. Ever since Adam met Eve, it's gone down hill in matters of understanding what makes each other tick.
 
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paperpusher

#18
#18
Slinky Bender said:
I'm sure you're trying to be funny, but I'm the one who ends up paying the price for crap like this when people believe it.
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I was not trying to be funny nor disrespectful either. And the conversation did take place (the person was Randi out of Farmindale, not that this is important). I never did say that you play with different rules than everyone else. Just that in that one case it was available. I happenned to mention UG only for the purpose of trying to get her to advertise.

The point that I was trying to make was that if providers know that you are Slinky (and I have no idea if they do), they are more likely to provide you with better service or be fearful of the repucusions if the service rendered was mediocre. So that might be a reason why some care.

You poised the question, why do they care? And my experiences are, they usually don't other than to get it over with, even at midrange price points (this over a 20 span of experience). It is your experience that they usually do care. So I was speculating one possible reason why.

You may not want favorable treatment nor seek it out. But it is no different than food reviewers getting better treatment, if the identity of the reviewer becomes known (and yes I know they go in disguiese at times).

Man is this the wrong post to hit my 1000th post.LOL
 
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paperpusher

#19
#19
<I was not trying to be funny nor disrespectful either. And the conversation did take place (the person was Randi out of Farmindale, not that this is important). I never did say that you play with different rules than everyone else. Just that in that one case it was available. I happenned to mention UG only for the purpose of trying to get her to advertise>

To further clarify this illustration. The offer was made to me to present to you (over a year ago). I obviously never did and dismissed it right away. The only reaons why I even mentioned it, was the the supply side in some cases would make available offers for barter arrangements. I never thought or made the claim that you would accept those offers. But there is the implicity possibility that you might get a girls "A" game if your identity was known and that is why they care.
 
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J

justlooking

#20
#20
Slinkybender: I say this as a (I hope) close friend.

The ONLY way to avoid this shit is to be strictly anonymous.

If you want to be a big famous swinging dick in the whoring community, then this shit will happen. It is inevitable. You've got to take the bad with the good.
 
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