If I were God

O

Ozzy

#21
#21
Re: justlooking

Originally posted by Eugene
just wrong again?
It's subjunctive mood not "subjunctive tense".
Do you know your math as well as you know your English grammar?
If I were God, I'd eliminate all the pretentious want to be intellectuals from the internet...
Click to expand...

I believe the term is "pseudo intellectuals".


And I don;t doubt that there's a shit load of them here..... But you're looking at the wrong guy. The one guy you should address that to is no longer here... he tuned into a newt and only posts at jag now, and if you're looking for the rest... just look in any of the political threads and you'll find a bunch to play god with.



(psssssssst.... Start with "Stecchino")
 
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W

Wwanderer

Kids, don't try this at home
#23
#23
Re: justlooking

Originally posted by Eugene
If I were God, I'd eliminate all the pretentious want to be intellectuals from the internet...
Click to expand...
Hey! It was pretenious wanna-be intellectuals (plus Al G) who created the internet in the first place. Where is your gratitude, man?

-Ww
 
W

Wwanderer

Kids, don't try this at home
#24
#24
I would have created a third gender in order to have a more complex world and I would have the omni-selfdiscipline to stop reading UG.

-Ww
 
E

Eugene

#25
#25
Ww

I always thought Al managed to do it all by himself.
Also, do not forget that you might be talking about your future president...
It's almost 5 am. My PS girl left an hour ago, and I still can't sleep.
 
O

oddfellow4870

#26
#26
If I were God,

I'd be proud of my creation ......

entertained by the diversity of expression, nuance, beauty

... how well the man/woman thing works. They fight. They fuss. They fuck. They keep making babies. My creation goes on....

puzzled by why man thinks he can detach himself long enough from his own interests to try and gain my persepctive....

wonder why they blame me for pain in the world, when I gave them a world where they are free to choose, free to pursue life, liberty, happiness

wonder how they could be free if I was intervening and fixing things all the time, like some of them want me to.....
 
C

Casper

#32
#32
If I was God, I'd take off more than one day per week and go golfing on Wednesdays.

If I was God, I'd shorten someone's life every time they broke a commandment and pissed me off.


If I was God, I would make women understand what makes us men tick.

If I was God I would not be posting on UG.

Peace Out
C
 
G

gardener

#33
#33
The Ten Commandments

Here are the revised Ten Commandments (If I were God, of course);

1) Worshipping me, or any other wannabe God, is strictly forbidden.
2) Churches, synagogues, or any other ‘House of God’, are not allowed. I don’t need a house, I live in the sky.
3) Any conflict or differences between human beings will be solved by a game of Poker, Backgammon, Chess (or Golf, while the cups are Four (4) inches wider).
4) Politicians are not allowed the use of the word ‘Children’ in their election campaigns.
5) No plastic breasts allowed.
6) Thy shall not commit murder, no hunting or fishing as a form of ‘sport’ or recreation, other than for food supply purposes.
7) Human should celebrate the following holidays; Darwin-day, Naked-day. Every woman (regardless of her appearance), will go naked throughout the day and, at night, it’s an Orgy-night. Additional holydays will be determined.
8) Once a year Academy Award will be given to the best BBBJ performer.
9) NO TAXES!!! I repeat, NO TAXES!!! Governments will charge a fee for any lie (Black, white or green) told by a human, to fund its duties.
10) E--mail Spammers will be executed.
 
C

Cloud Nine

I had to open my big mouth.......
#34
#34
Originally posted by pargolfer
I'd make the cup about four (4) inches wider.
Click to expand...
That's not the only thing I'd increase by 4 inches.

I'd also give HvB an editor.

I'd make it so that women would want to have sex with us losers without having to pay for it.

I'd give Ozzy his own reality TV show. (wait a second, I forgot, he already has one)

People could only contract an STD if they abused women.

Jesus would have turned straw into pot instead of water into wine.

Justlooking, Wwanderer and Judge Crater would find inner peace and stop feeling so cynical and self-conflicted.

Fruit Loops, Vanilla icing, Ice cream, potato chips, and other junk foods would be good for you and help you lose weight.

daro would get a free supply of Haldol.

The NY Yankees, Dallas Cowboys, Atlanta Braves, Notre Dame and Miami football, Duke University and UNC basketball, LA Lakers, and NY Rangers would never ever win another championship again.

Kimmie would get a free supply of Midol.

Slinky would be funny again.

I would be funny at least once in my life.

Rooster and Oddfellow would get tougher skin.

Salary structures would be more appropiate. (ie teachers would get paid more, athletes less, trash collectors would be the richest guys on the block and lawyers would be the poorest- relax JC it's just a joke)

Flounder would welcome everyone into Heaven.

My children will be happy and healthy throughout their lives.

But, alas, there is no God.
 
H

h. von bingen

Sharon
#39
#39
cumulus, stratus, nimbus x 3:

u know there is a G-D. say it say it say it.

two or three things i know for sure,
1. jl is slammin' the sack
2. c9 is funny most of the time and
3. there is a . . .
hvb
 
C

Casper

#40
#40
Re: If I was God, I would make women understand what makes us men tick.

Originally posted by h. von bingen
if we did that ANY better, u'd NEVER have the time to hobby. never ever.

live to tell,
hvb
Click to expand...

What I meant was I would make women (except h von) understand what makes us tick. Obviously you're a know it all, I mean you know it all.

Peace Out
G.O.D.
 
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