Totally, you're more tolerant than you thought you were. Your fucked up false morality and bizarre ideas about gender are getting in the way.
Suggestion. Take a deep breath. Go play when you're NOT drunk. Remember you're having fun and own it. Only fools can fault you for that. Enjoy your life. It's too short to have regrets about not experiencing stuff. You're brave enough to act on it. Don't beat yourself up for making progress as a human being.
Totally agree. Do it when you're sober and conscious of what you're doing, then you'll see if you like it. Like a lot of behavior, if it's associated with stuff like drinking or drugs in your mind then there's a chance it becomes compulsive and that leads to guilt. You may find that if you do it when you're not drunk, you don't like it and it gets "out of your system". Or you may find that you do like it (and maybe that's what scares you).
For my part, I've spanned the spectrum. Started out with girls, then had my first shemale experience and, for two years, lived with a Tgirl. That was in my late 20s. Then I moved on and started dating women again, but also TGirls. I've had five serious relationships in my life, three with women, two with TGirls. I don't really think about it, it comes down to what you enjoy. These days, I tend to see providers simply because I can afford to and because I'm not really looking for emotional ties. But, as with most things, it comes down to what you're comfortable with I guess.