Under The Radar, Behind The Sun

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kingotis

#1
#1
If anyone remembers my old blog, they might remember this story, which I started writing almost a year ago and didn't quite finish after posting 14 chapters. It seemed to be quite popular, but I began to feel that it was stylistically overwrought, even for me, which is saying an awful lot. Plus I didn't know then where the story would go because I was living it. Now that I know where it leads, perhaps I can finish it, but let's get all the steps out there one by one for starters, and if you all seem to think it's worthwhile I'll spill the rest of it.
 
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K

kingotis

#2
#2
Part 1 - Lily

I first met Lily when she was working in a Midtown rub and tug. It had rained all day and the streets were flooded at the curbs. Days like this invite me. The rest of the world stays in...that in itself always draws me out. I crave connections but I hate the throngs of humanity that flood the streets and sidewalks when the weather is warm and sunny. The flow of humanity sets my senses reeling, overloads me, makes me edgy, hungry, electric.

The place was not new but had started advertising heavily and it only made sense to see what was what. I am hardly the emperor of the massage world but there's nothing I like more than finding new places, new faces, new girls, new hands. I called and a young-sounding woman answered, which is always enticing. I hung up the phone and walked outside, silently playing games with my own mind, wondering what I would find behind that door.

I walked over to the place and the moon was beginning to muscle its way through the dense gray clouds that hung above the tall towers of my city like lumbering graceless dinosaurs. My footfalls were muffled by the moisture and I pulled my coat tightly around myself to ward off the cold, wet stew.

I came in the way I always do - unannounced, anonymous, using one of the many ficticious names I have devised for myself. It's not easy juggling those fucking names, let me tell you. Hell, half the time I make one up out of the firmament the moment I am asked. Only on special occasions do I use "Otis". Under no circumstances do I drop my real name.

On this particular night I was asked by a nosy doorman to "sign in" so I instantly invented the name Rob Entugg and duly entered it into the ledger.

The place was empty, like these places often are when it rains. There must have been other girls there but I didn't see any of them - I only saw this absolutely lovely young woman who introduced herself as Lily and took my hand.

I carry myself with confidence at all times, particularly in AMP's, where appearing meek, afraid, cautious or anything less than self-assured can have an effect on the service you receive. Something about the moment surprised me and as Lily took my hand I drew her a little closer to me and smiled my brightest smile. I could see my face reflected in her lovely eyes and a smile played lightly across her lips. It was a nice moment, a great harbinger of things to come.

I stepped back and looked her up and down. I liked what I saw. She was roughly 30 years old with skin that glowed. Certainly no more than 5'2", she wore jeans and a tight t-shirt, perfectly displaying her lean body, small but perfectly shaped breasts and high, tight ass. More importantly, she had such soft eyes - the deepest and prettiest I think I have ever seen. Her hair was jet black and reached past her waist.

She turned to lead me down the hall and her beautiful hair seemed to flow in slow motion behind her, following her down the hall like a reluctant companion while I trailed behind, suddenly transformed from a strong, self-confident man into an eager little puppy, begging for her attention, her gaze, her touch.
 
K

kingotis

#5
#5
Part 2 - Electricity

Lily led me down the hall - this was a passable place, the hardwood floors were new, there were 6 massage rooms with pocket doors, it was quiet and clean. She left me in a room and I stopped to breathe for a moment before I got undressed. I've done this hundreds of times and the only time I ever felt anxious was the first time I ever did it. But this was different, there was something magnetic about this woman, something that pulled me off my axis and distorted my usual orbit.

I breathed deeply and shook my head. If there is one thing I have managed to teach myself from my many hours indulging my habit, it's that it's a mistake to think your relationships with these service providers are anything more than commercial transactions. Yes, it's possible to develop a cordial, friendly, even "loving" relationship with a massage girl or an escort. From the provider's point of view, that's just good business. Friendly relationships keep customers returning and feeling generous.

It's not impossible to develop a truly mutual romantic relationship with one of these ladies. It's not impossible, but it's exceptionally unlikely and expecting such a thing is roughly like cutting your chest open and offering your heart for the breaking. It's way too easy to fool yourself into thinking the sexual activity you share with these women is a shared moment of intimacy. It could be, sometimes, but as a practical matter it almost never is. This is entertainment and fantasy. Expecting it to be more than that, or reading too much into the words and actions of your provider is a prescription for disaster.

The attraction and pull I felt from Lily was principally physical, but I am always focused on eye contact and when you communicate with your eyes and receive communication from the eyes of others it can and will feel like something emotional is also present. Within five minutes of meeting her, Lily had me in a spell that I needed to understand as a physical attraction and nothing more. I talked myself down, got undressed, and put the robe on.

Lily opened the door and again took my hand to lead me to the table shower. She walked beside me down the hall and clutched my hand tightly, pulling me to her side so our hips were touching and what had felt magnetic quickly turned electric. I felt physically connected to her as surely as if a circuit had been completed and a pulse flowed between us. I felt myself getting aroused as we walked into the table shower room.

I laid face down and she started washing me. She worked quietly and deliberately, running her hands in circular motions over my back, my legs, my ass. She made a point of getting my ass clean and I realized that I was getting hard even as I lay face down. Then she asked me to turn over.

I was fully aroused and she cast her warm gaze over me and smiled a smile that spoke more than a thousand words, a smile that said everything was possible, a smile that made me want to sit up and grab her and bend her over the table right there. I controlled my impulses and laughed a little at my erect state, then just smiled back at her. She looked me straight in the eye as she soaped my chest and then her hands went lower...and lower...and she started to wash my hard cock.

She rubbed with enthusiasm...her eyes were lighting up with her own excitement at the situation and I was going to ask her to wait...I wanted to tell her to stop, that it was too fast, but it felt too good and when I opened my mouth all that came out was a little sigh. She heard it and went faster and harder. I wanted her badly, needed her on top of me, wanted to run my fingers through her hair...and over her body. I felt my orgasm coming and tried to hold back but it was too powerful. There was something about her that made me powerless, or that simply made me want to set all my self-restraint aside.

She rubbed harder still and I felt myself coming while both my legs shook lightly from the force of my own orgasm. And then I heard it, a sound that lit every fire in me - a gasp of arousal from Lily, a little catch in her breath...the sound of promise and pleasure and everything in between.
 
K

kingotis

#7
#7
brie992005 said:
Tell us 'bout the Rabbits, Otis. And how we gonna live off the fatta tha lan'.....
Click to expand...
Pretty soon your legs are gonna grow right back, bigger than they were when you lost 'em. You'll be on yer feet, dancin' again in no time. And they'll be buildin' a new AMP just for you, right next door. The massages will be good, and the girls will be cheap and purty, just like we like 'em...
 
K

kingotis

#8
#8
Part 3 - Hooked

Within 15 minutes of meeting Lily for the first time I was in an indescribable state of flux. I had come so hard, with such intensity after so little physical contact with her in the table shower that the net result was exhausted confusion, and as Lily began a slow, hard deep tissue massage my mind wandered.

I drifted back to the first time I set foot in a rub and tug spa. I remembered walking in after seeing a print ad for the place and having no real idea what to expect. A nice, pretty Korean woman had greeted me and I remembered walking down the hall with her to the room and realizing that my knees were weak and my arm was actually shaking. An hour later I was forever changed. I had found something good, something nice, something that I could do for myself and for no one else. If you ever happen to meet Michelle at SunGold in Midtown, tell her what a monster she created that night a few years ago.

Fast forward back to Lily, who had on her massage table a completely different man than the one who had walked into SunGold on wobbly legs two years before. I've been on hundreds and hundreds of massage tables since then and have learned a thousand dos, don'ts and maybes. I might even be a bit jaded when it comes to the whole process, though I need it and crave it like any addict.

I felt her strong hands on my neck and realized that while my mind was wandering I was actually getting a really great massage with intuitive attention to the areas that needed it. I gave in to the feeling and just let my body relax as she continued to apply hard pressure everywhere I had muscle pain.

I may have drifted off to sleep a little but in any event I opened my eyes to find that the lights were dim and Lily was slowly and sensuously running her fingertips up and down my back and my legs.

Again her touch felt electric to me and made me far more aroused than I would have expected. While I was wondering whether I could get hard again at all, I became aware that my cock was already hard, pressed between the massage table and my stomach.

I started to turn over and she pulled out a cushion for my head and smiled. She leaned over, her long hair flowing down around her face, a cute smile across her lips, and looked me in the eye as she kissed my forehead and I was absolutely lost. All my hesitation was gone, every bit of resistance disappeared and I sighed a long slow sigh.

Her hands were everywhere, touching my chest, my arms, my legs and finally my cock. I reached up with my right hand and touched her shoulders...her back...her perfect ass. I am not an easy customer. It takes longer for me to come than most. But this time I was in a state of arousal that was foreign to me. I felt like even a light touch would bring me to orgasm and I wanted to hold back, to savor it.

I shifted my weight and sat up a little, then I touched her magnificent little breasts with my right hand. I could see her nipples pushing against the material of her shirt and I slid my hand under to feel them. Her skin was perfect, like white sand. I pushed her shirt up and took one nipple into my mouth and she gasped a little and closed her eyes. She pushed my torso back onto the table and took my cock into her hand.

I could feel that I was close to the edge. She moved her hand up and down slowly, slowly, slowly. I was going to come, I couldn't stop it now. Then she leaned over and took me into her mouth for a moment, sliding her tongue over me and then moving her head up and down a little. It was way too much for me and I couldn't hold back anymore. I started to come and she was taken by surprise but she didn't hesitate, didn't move away. Her eyes widened a bit but she kept me in her warm wet mouth.

I exhaled deeply. I was in trouble. This was not a moment I would walk away from and forget.
 
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K

kingotis

#10
#10
Part 4 - The Abyss

Lily threw every aspect of my equilibrium off. I walked out of that massage parlor and before me I saw an unending abyss, an enormous crater in the earth into which I was beginning to tumble uncontrollably.

To be clear, I am an addict, a junkie who consumes sexual satisfaction remorselessly and rapaciously. Any addiction roots itself in feelings, emotions, and needs that are psychological. Addictions fill the holes in your soul with cotton candy and marshmallows. You feel great when you indulge the beast inside you, you are full, satisfied, at peace and in balance...until the buzz wears off and the sugar in your swiss cheese soul begins to dissolve and you're left with a stronger craving than you had before.

What can fill those holes with bricks and mortar instead of sugar strands? Love. Love of god, love of self, or best of all mutual unconditional love with another person...and if you are smart you see the dangerous little circle here. My addiction centers around activity that feels intimate, activity that is usually a product of love.

Addiction is unending torment, a life sentence in a prison that needs no walls. You never stop craving that buzz, that high, that peak moment of exquisite pleasure. You crave it and you chase it, you devour it like a shark, with razor teeth that reduce your prey to shreds of bloody flesh in an instant. You will lie, you will cheat and you will steal to get what you crave. You will tell yourself and everyone around you whatever you need to say to feed the beast that grows and grows and grows where your heart and your mind used to be.

The addict begins to hate the addiction, to crave freedom and release from the steely grip of its vicious talons, even as he loves the feeling that makes him high. The addict needs love, true, fulfilling, genuine love. The addict chases the drug that satiates the deeper need for love. The addict is attracted to love, and when the object of his desire begins to feel like an object of love, the addict is gone, gone, gone.

All my efforts, my resolve, my desire to separate sex from love shattered into an infinite collection of microscopic shards. I felt something with Lily that went far beyond the physical, and I knew immediately that I was absolutely powerless to resist it. I surrendered, capitulated, and gave in completely.

The instant I left that first night I wanted to turn around and go back but I told myself to cool it. I struggled against my urges for one day...two days...a third day...and then I went back. The second verse was the same as the first. The fog lifted and I felt alive. The third time was slower, easier, almost romantic. I couldn't stop myself from walking on air. The fourth time was fun and easy and simple and nice.

My fifth visit happened about three weeks after the first. Lily had her hands on me the instant I walked in the door. She was wearing a short skirt rather than her usual jeans, and her ass made me want to tear that little skirt right off. Her face was flushed, she was a bundle of energy where she had been a pool of serenity before. Something had changed and it made itself incredibly obvious when the usual long, strong massage gave way to a hurried, perfunctory rub. When she told me to turn over I looked at her quizzically and then I saw that her face was flushed and her eyes were wild.

Most of life is comprised of moments when you stop yourself and apply the power of rational thought before acting. But there are moments when the only thing to do is to abandon all caution and pretense and follow your impulses. This was one of those moments, and I turned over, sat up, and reached out for her. She stepped forward into my arms.

Lily had set her limits with me early on and she had stuck to them. No kissing on the lips. No "full service" e.g. no fucking. But when I took her into my arms she shocked me by kissing me hard. I'm sure my eyes went wide with surprise and as I felt her warm tongue in my mouth I could feel my cock getting hard.

She pushed me back onto the table, lifted her skirt, and straddled me. She was naked under that short skirt and I could feel her warm, wet pussy against my hard cock. It was a terrifying, exhilarating, exquisite moment of anticipation and sensation. My bare cock against her moist, warm bare lips. She slid up and down and little. The look on her face was deep and profound desire. Would she take me inside her? Should I stop? Could I stop? It felt like nothing I had ever felt before, the object of my immediate desire was the answer to my deeper need. I felt an intense rush of feeling...to have this woman on top of me...flushed...rapt with desire...wracked with need...she and I were one and the same.
 
S

samadamsonline

#11
#11
Kingotis, although I am "new" here, I already enjoy and appreciate very many things about this site, among which your writing sits atop a unique perch. The combination of your story-telling expressiveness and my desire to read it is well matched. Thank you for taking the time to share as you do.
 
K

kingotis

#14
#14
samadamsonline said:
Kingotis, although I am "new" here, I already enjoy and appreciate very many things about this site, among which your writing sits atop a unique perch. The combination of your story-telling expressiveness and my desire to read it is well matched. Thank you for taking the time to share as you do.
Click to expand...
Cool, thanks.

If you can think of a way to turn a profit on this stuff, let me know.
 
K

kingotis

#15
#15
Part 5 - Stopping Time

Time stopped. Lily was on top of me, her wet pussy rubbing the length of my hard, bare cock. Most of life hurtles past me incomprehensibly. Days, minutes, hours pass. People come and go and my memories are acute but they return unpredictably, without any overarching organization or even a coherent narrative.

This instant, this moment, this second was different. I was in command of every sense, aware of everything around me and I was utterly able to see, hear and taste things that I can't usually grasp at all, details that escape me like water through my fingers. I could hear the second hand ticking in the clock on the wall. I could feel the towel underneath me and smell the bleach and detergent that had been used to clean it. I could see every atom and molecule that made up Lily's face, and I could see the naked lust in her eyes.

I eased myself forward, a centimeter at the most. I could feel myself enter her, the very end of me just inside the very beginning of her in some broken hearted alpha and omega, it was everything everything everything and nothing. I looked into her eyes and fell and fell and fell, there was no bottom to them, this was a limitless wellspring, something past me, past her, past New York and past planet Earth. I fell and tumbled and plummeted and then it stopped. She closed her eyes and pulled back, physically just a millimeter but emotionally it was a mile. She pulled back and then she lifted herself up off me. Her eyes wouldn't meet my eyes. I was on fire, I was in a hailstorm, I was a cork on the ocean, I was a man, fuck me, I was a man.

I lay back and waited. Inside me a riot of emotionless desire and desirous emotion was erupting but I said nothing. I leveled my breathing. I felt her soft hand on my hard cock. I needed her with an intensity that was wrong, wrong, wrong and just right. I wanted her, all of her, everything. I would take any part I could have.

She began to stroke me slowly, her eyes averted, her face in a fog of hidden emotion and suppressed desire. She oiled her hand a little and sped up with hard fast full strokes. I could feel that I was going to come and gave myself over to her. Harder, faster, fuck yeah baby, and then she stopped cold.

I tried to look her in the eyes but she avoided my gaze like a cat running from bathwater. Slowly, slowly, slowly she started up again with long strokes that made me sigh. She began to speed up and I could feel my orgasm roiling away inside me and creeping forth. I was close to the edge when she stopped cold.

I heard a long, slow guttural moan and then realized it was coming from me. This was exquisite and perfect torture, this handjob to end all handjobs, this escalating spiral of impossible pleasure. She started again and I could hear her breathing now, heavy breaths of arousal and desperation. Still she wouldn't meet my gaze but I touched her lightly on her ass and I saw her shudder. Faster now, she stroked and I reached under her skirt and ran my finger along the wet opening between her legs and she sighed. Again I felt myself about to achieve release...and again she stopped.

"Please," I breathed, "please Lily. Please let me come."

Finally she looked me in the eyes and I saw the clouds of desire and I was lost in her perfect gaze. She started again slowly and I touched her again. She reached down with her left hand and slowly inserted one finger into my ass. Faster now, faster, her right hand was a blur. She was grinding only my hand and breathing heavily. She pushed with her left hand and her finger made contact with my prostate and my neck spasmed involuntarily.

My chest was heaving and moaning and I felt it building from my heart to my stomach to my crotch and then there was nothing that could be done to stop it and it erupted from me, once, twice, three times, four times. I was shaking from head to toe and Lily's face was contorted in a tableau of her own pleasure as she stopped grinding and simply pressed herself onto my hand and from her mouth came an incomprehensible sequence of Chinese and English sounds that filled the room like a red cloud.

She lay down across me and for a few moments we lay in blissful silence and I felt a peaceful calm settle over me as I held her and we simply breathed together.
 
K

kingotis

#16
#16
Part 6 - Knowing

After I got dressed I sat down on the massage table as Lily ignored me and waited for me to leave. I knew this was a pivotal moment, though, and I wasn't going to let it pass without tipping things one way or the other. I am plagued by anxiety and indecision in life, but this time I knew what I wanted. I wanted more.

I sat quietly as Lily busied herself tidying up the room and finally there was nothing left for her to do and the room was silent and still. I said her name softly. "Lily." She said nothing. Again. "Lily." Nothing. "Lily."

"You go now," she said quietly and slowly, her inflection rising slightly at the end, making it as much a question as a command.

"No," I answered, "not yet." She came around the table and stood in front of me, just out of reach. Her eyes avoided mine, her face was an impenetrable mask.

"You go now, please," she said. It was clear to me what she meant. She wanted me gone, gone from the room, gone from her life and gone for good.

It was time. I stood up, at six feet I was a full foot taller than her. I reached out and pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her. Her body was tense and stiff, like she was accepting my embrace under protest. I held her like that for a moment and just as I was preparing to let her go, to walk away with that awkward moment as my last memory of her, I felt her let go. The tension flowed out of her and she surrendered. She laid her head against my chest and put her arms around my waist, and then she exhaled with a deep, persuasive finality and resignation.

I held her this way for a while and then I kissed her forehead gently. She released her hold on my waist and stepped back and, finally, our eyes met. Her gaze was clear and focused and it rang through me like the sound of a shot in the dark.

There is a dance you do with women in this business, a complicated series of steps in which illusion and reality are intertwined and spun together. No one knows anyone else's real name, and yet you share a physical intimacy that is often intense and perfect. There is an emotional connection, too. But all of that is wrapped in a veneer of professional distance. It is a business relationship at its heart, but it benefits each party to make the other feel good and to feel like perhaps it is something just a little more...

I knew that I wanted Lily physically on a level that exceeded every expectation. I knew that I felt close to her emotionally, that I felt a connection to her that was undeniable. I also wanted to believe that Lily felt it too, and that she was pulling back as best she could while her emotions kept dragging her in. I wanted to believe it, and it felt true to me and yet in the corner of my mind I reserved a skeptical space. How much was real and how much was just business? How much was I imagining because I needed to believe?

I gave her a final peck on the cheek, paid her for her time, and turned to go. She stood and watched me leave and I gave a small wave as I walked out the door.

Outside, darkness had fallen and music filled the air from some nearby club. The streets were warm and alive and filled with people. I reached into my pocket for my phone and found a small slip of paper. I pulled it out and examined it in the ambient light of New York.

In a strong, careful hand was written "Lily," and under the name there was a phone number. I folded it carefully and slipped it into the pocket of my shirt and I looked up at the starless Manhattan sky and for all the things in the universe that I would never know, at least I knew what I wanted.

Right there, right then, I knew exactly what I wanted.
 
S

sexpert

#19
#19
Eh... I had the same thing happen to me...

...not as artsy as the King, but more or less the same. My girl was named Mary... took her to hotels all across NJ to bang for overnighters til I got bored 2 months later. Never seen her again since I told her that I had a fight with my wife (whom she never knew about before I told her)
 
K

kingotis

#20
#20
Part 7 - Wanting

I was stone cold sober when she walked into my life but it hit me like a hard right cross and I was instantly as punch drunk as an amateur boxer begging for the bell. Lost in the pine barrens of mediocrity, I had been living on scraps and bark, drinking only the dew that I collected from leaves and flat stones. Mine was a lonely world of handjobs and silence, and the trail behind me was littered with paper towels and massage oil. It had to end somewhere.

I knew what I wanted but I had no idea exactly how to go about getting it. What I wanted was to be 60 feet tall, tall enough to tear the rooftop off that building. What I wanted was strength I didn't have, the strength to turn away from this amazing, beguiling woman or the strength to pull her to me and never ever let her go.

I wanted her for my own, for mine and mine alone. I also knew that was unlikely to ever happen. I was willing and able to take whatever I could get, whatever part of her I could have. If that meant seeing her once or twice a week at the spa, that would have to do. If there could ever be something more, well I would reach out and grab it. In other words, I had no fucking idea what to do.

I knew that in civilian life you're supposed to wait a couple of days before calling so as not to appear overeager. This was not civilian life. Was I supposed to wait? Would it be better to just admit I was thinking about her and go ahead and call? After all, this was still a business relationship. Desperation may not be an attractive quality in a potential boyfriend but it could make you a pretty great customer.

I waited a day. Several times I took out the phone and started to dial and stopped myself. On the second day I was resigned to wait but by late afternoon I couldn't do it anymore and I dialed the number on the little scrap of paper. It rang a bunch of times and went to voicemail and I hung up.

Thirty seconds later my phone rang and it was her. I said hello and in a hard voice she asked me who I was. She had no idea how difficult it was to answer that question. Who the fuck was I anyway?

What had been simple was suddenly complex. She knew me as "Rob" at the spa, but that was a meaningless name I had pulled from the air. Was it time to get real? I played it cool. I said I was Rob from the spa, and she asked me why I waited so long to call. I laughed out loud and even on the phone everything made sense. Talking to her was comfortable.

Two hours later I was knocking on her apartment door in Brooklyn. I had picked up some flowers on the way - red carnations, I remembered her telling me how much she liked them because they were strong flowers that would stay alive for many days. My palms were wet and I felt my knees shaking a little. I was like a child before this woman, like a knock kneed little boy.

The door opened and Lily was there. Sunlight streamed in through windows behind her and the sight of her took my breath away for a moment. I stepped forward into the apartment, knowing that walking over that threshold was like jumping off a cliff, knowing I was doing something I could never undo. All of this I knew, all of this I wanted. As she closed the door behind me my fears and nerves subsided and I was ready.
 
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