I fucking hate heroin

[Left_the_scene]

OK, call me pathetic but I am one guy that does not thrive on variety for some weird reason. Once I find a provider that is halfway reliable I tend to stick with her and only her. I am a man of routine. I always gas up at the same gas station, buy my smokes at the same store, even prefer to try to get the same checkout person at the supermarket I had last time if I can. I like familiarity.

So WHY the fuck is it every ho I wind up seeing as a regular spirals down in her heroin use shortly after I start seeing her?

The latest was not even on the shit when I started with her. Then all of a sudden about 2 months ago, she tells me she has a surprise for me and to come on over... I ask her what it is, and she tells me I'll see when I get there.

I arrive, and she tells me "I got something special for you... something you told me you like"

"Ok, what is it?"

"it comes in little white bags..."

"Oh no. I told you I hate that shit. I hope you aren't doing any"

"Oh no. I'm not. My ex stopped by this morning and was trying to get me to do some, but I wouldn't. He left a bag with me. You sure you don't want any? I saved it just for you"

"why? I told you how much I hate that shit. It's caused so much fucking misery to me and people I know. I FUCKING HATE DOPE. Put it away NOW"

"I don't want to do it all by myself, you sure you don't want any?"

"YES I am sure. If you want to do it, I cannot stop you. But if you end up nodding out duirng our session, I WILL be pissed."

"Don't worry, i'm only going to do a small amount"

She proceeds to sniff about 1/4 of the bag.

"have you really been off that shit for years like you say?" I asked.

"Yes"

"I think you are likely gonna puke then. Your system is not used to it"

"no way. I won't"

Sure enough, about 5 minutes into an fairly decent BBBJ, She jumps up with her hand over her mouth and RACES to the bathroom, and spews for about 2 minutes. Comes back, attempts to finish me, but winds up nodding with my dick in her mouth.

I hung out for about 4 hours to make sure she was OK. When she'd snap out of it for brief moments I'd get the whole sob story about how everyone was always fucking her over. etc. She was upset when I finally told her I had to leave - she wanted me to sleep over.

WTF. Here I go again with another one. Professional lines being crossed, etc. I have seen her half a dozen or more times since then. SHe is up to about a couple bundles a day now. Plus methadone. I have driven her to the methadone clinic when her regular driver has flaked on her.

Now she is saying she won't charge me if I see her. Little voice in my head is saying "RUN damnit RUN. You don't need this drama"

She has actually now offered me a job to do her security, driving, etc for $100 a day, plus free service on demand. Hah. Unemployed at the moment, and the extra 100 a day to supplement my sporadic consulting gigs looks good....

 

[fairemily]

I tried it once and knew I could never ever do it again. It is like nothing else like it, it cannot be substituted with any other pleasure. I have lost so many friends to it, it is some of the most scary stuff in the world.

 

[EddyBearNY]

They always seem to throw up after doing it.

Most been doing the stuff since 16 which drove them to provide in the first place.

Man or Women once they use it for a while, I have yet to find one that ever gets off.

Ya, I hate the stuff as well, but like it better then crack.

 

[wolf5958]

LTS I know the lure of the extra 100 seems good, this is a very slippery slope, take it from someone who has driven for years. Cross the line from driver to lover or exclient and you could be in for a very ruff time. Help her to get clean but do not mix business with pleasure, sure as shit it will bite you in the ass hard.....

 

[Left_the_scene]

Thanks for the warning. It basically echos my own thoughts on the matter.

I'm not gonna cross that line. Been there done that got the battle scars to show for it, etc., etc.

What gets me tho is how they all seem to get worse shortly after I start being a regular.

Is knowing me THAT traumatic to providers that they need to numb themselves after seeing me more than 3 times?!? LOL. I know I am "a real piece of work," so to speak, but....

LTS I know the lure of the extra 100 seems good, this is a very slippery slope, take it from someone who has driven for years. Cross the line from driver to lover or exclient and you could be in for a very ruff time. Help her to get clean but do not mix business with pleasure, sure as shit it will bite you in the ass hard.....

 

[EddyBearNY]

What gets me tho is how they all seem to get worse shortly after I start being a regular.

Is knowing me THAT traumatic to providers that they need to numb themselves after seeing me more than 3 times?!? LOL. I know I am "a real piece of work," so to speak, but....

Maybe herion is the only way to get back the sensation you delivered!

If I needed a 100 bucks a night, I would take her up on the offer. See how it goes, WTF you get to bang her also. Sounds win win on your end.

 

[Left_the_scene]

I have known more than a few that have gotten off and stayed off. It's tough, tho.

My ex happens to be one such.

Frankly, I think it's worse than crack. Once one gets over the initial next day fiending, it pretty much stops calling you. Being dopesick is worse.

I speak from direct first hand experience on both matters, BTW.

Man or Women once they use it for a while, I have yet to find one that ever gets off.

Ya, I hate the stuff as well, but like it better then crack.

 

[Left_the_scene]

Maybe herion is the only way to get back the sensation you delivered!

ROTFLMAO!!!

Yeah. In my dreams.

 

[EddyBearNY]

I have known more than a few that have gotten off and stayed off. It's tough, tho.

My ex happens to be one such.

Frankly, I think it's worse than crack. Once one gets over the initial next day fiending, it pretty much stops calling you. Being dopesick is worse.

I speak from direct first hand experience on both matters, BTW.

Your right, I should of set most do not get off, it is very rare. I know one guy who did, but he only used for a few months. As you know, with herion everyone gets sick the next day, and it's down hill from there.

With crack it's somewhat physical, but the mind calls you. Even after the fiending, which after heavy use is more then one day for most, flash backs occur - ashes, smells, glass pipe, lighters, but once over that period, it's done. Herion for what ever reason seems to always finds itself back in the users live.

Crack can bring a heavy user to there knee's very fast. A rapid down hill spiral.

 

[EddyBearNY]

I find that people who are lucky enough to get off, usually work in treatment centers, where they talk about it all day.

Become over wieght.
Talk non stop
Become very religous
Turn to alcohol or other drugs

I know one guy who just works, day and night. Which is a good think of course.

Once again, there are exceptions to the rule.

BTW Thanks for sharing!

 

[Left_the_scene]

BTW Thanks for sharing!

ROTFLMAO!

Wonder how many here got that joke?

Been there, done that too. Even founded a group once.
IMO, that whole scene just reminds folks of what they are trying to give up.

A very wise man once told me the secret to success in that venture is to NOT hang out with folks who share the same problem you have, even those trying to overcome it. Which of course runs counter to the whole philosophy behind those groups... But IME he was right on the money.

 

[Left_the_scene]

I find that people who are lucky enough to get off, usually work in treatment centers, where they talk about it all day.

Become over wieght.
Talk non stop
Become very religous
Turn to alcohol or other drugs

Yep. Too true in many cases.

What I REALLY love is how so many of them act is if they are oh so superior to everyone simply because the ain't using, when the fact is they are marginally productive in society at best. So many of these successes have looked down on me, when frankly their absolute best was still not as good as my absolute worst ever was.

Spent 18 months upstate in a TC for my own substance issues in the early 90's, and I could never get my head around the hubris of the staff. Almost none of them had ever had anything better in their life than the 23K a year job they now held, and had no life outside the TC. And even living there at the TC, totally cloistered from the world, supposedly away from temptation, more than a few staff relapsed while I was there.

I cut my ties as soon as I graduated that program. It did it's job - it got me out of a C felony charge (possessing any amount of heroin is a felony in my state.) Other than that, it was counterproductive, IMO.

IME, the best thing one can do is the so called "geographic cure" - move your ass to somewhere where it will be damn near impossible for you to cop. After enough time passes, the urges pass.

Surrounding oneself with drug addicts, even to try to help them, simply reinforces ones own urges. Not healthy.

 

[EddyBearNY]

Know you would like that!

ROTFLMAO!

Wonder how many here got that joke?

Been there, done that too. Even founded a group once.
IMO, that whole scene just reminds folks of what they are trying to give up.

A very wise man once told me the secret to success in that venture is to NOT hang out with folks who share the same problem you have, even those trying to overcome it. Which of course runs counter to the whole philosophy behind those groups... But IME he was right on the money.

The guy was very wise. Most people are not strong enough to overcome it alone. I think those groups make it harder, sitting around talking about the same shit. On the plus side it gives you something to do, and you know your not alone.

I found that most of the people in the groups have so many problems, and are cross addicted. I had an over wieght friend who went to OA once. He told me "my problem is that I am fat, and that's it". I don't drink, gamble, or have 100 other addictions as 99.9 percent of the people in the OA meeting.

Most of the workers (nurses, docs, counslers,) at treatment centers, clinics, are users themselves. They work the job to have a steay source.

 

[EddyBearNY]

Yep. Too true in many cases.

What I REALLY love is how so many of them act is if they are oh so superior to everyone simply because the ain't using, when the fact is they are marginally productive in society at best. So many of these successes have looked down on me, when frankly their absolute best was still not as good as my absolute worst ever was.

Spent 18 months upstate in a TC for my own substance issues in the early 90's, and I could never get my head around the hubris of the staff. Almost none of them had ever had anything better in their life than the 23K a year job they now held, and had no life outside the TC. And even living there at the TC, totally cloistered from the world, supposedly away from temptation, more than a few staff relapsed while I was there..

So true, and don't assume there not using.

What I really hate is when people say something like... "I am so proud of him, he really cleaned up"

Proud of what? Doing the right thing?

 

[EddyBearNY]

.
IME, the best thing one can do is the so called "geographic cure" - move your ass to somewhere where it will be damn near impossible for you to cop. After enough time passes, the urges pass.

Surrounding oneself with drug addicts, even to try to help them, simply reinforces ones own urges. Not healthy.

That's the way it works.

The past is a life you do not have to care about or remember. If you are a different person now, then that is all that matters. You can wake up in the morning and decide to be a different person - for better or worse.

Example - When I was young I was a messy guy, now I dress well, clean shaven, etc. Many times people from 20 years ago will say, "WOW I remember how you used to be." I say, "I don't remember and I don't care, I am a different person now. I am not the same guy from 20 years ago."

That shuts them up. I did not learn that at meetings.

 

[Left_the_scene]

I found that most of the people in the groups have so many problems, and are cross addicted.

LOL...queue the old joke from the rooms: "Um, like how many crosses a day were they doing?"

I had an over wieght friend who went to OA once. He told me "my problem is that I am fat, and that's it". I don't drink, gamble, or have 100 other addictions as 99.9 percent of the people in the OA meeting.

Oh yeah. The old "stuart smalley" syndrome. It describes my parents (who are pushing 70 now). Meetings for everything. Overeating. Drinking. Self esteem. The groups themselves become a new addiction. Social life revolves around them. All their friends are from groups. Most of their social activities stem from groups. No thanks. I'll pass.

Most of the workers (nurses, docs, counslers,) at treatment centers, clinics, are users themselves. They work the job to have a steay source.

Yep. I have known of more than a few nurses getting busted at methadone clinics shorting doses and keeping the short for themselves.

Plus I have seen other bullshit from treatment places- medicaid fraud: Dr. prescribes most expensive antibiotic for bronchitis, writes the scrip as "dispense as written" so no generic an be substituted, and takes a kickback from the pharmacy while medicaid picks up the tab. Or the over prescribing of benzodiazapines. They just wind up resold on the street, and again medicaid foots the bill. You now something is wrong when the street prices for klonipin, valium and xanax are 50% less then what the pharmacy charges...

 

[Left_the_scene]

Maybe herion is the only way to get back the sensation you delivered!

If I needed a 100 bucks a night, I would take her up on the offer. See how it goes, WTF you get to bang her also. Sounds win win on your end.

I MAY just give it a whirl. Thing is, she gets most of her business from the lunch hour crowd on weekdays. Which limits what I can do consulting wise during the day. When I can get THAT work, it's 50-100 an hour instead of 100 a day.

BTW, I almost never bang providers. I am more of a BBBJTC, prefereably NQNS, kinda guy. For some weird reason I get too emotionally attached if I do FS. But I (stupidly) already crossed that line with this one.

Nah. I need to just walk away.

 

[franca]

Wow. I am glad I never tried the stuff.

Definitely walk away, LTS.

 

[scoochamenz1]

that's why i never tried it. i knew i'd love it. had too many friends get hooked and end up dead. or worse. congrats to you for kicking.

 

[Left_the_scene]

Never had a dope habit myself. Been a pothead for a lot of my life. Have hung around lots and lots of people into the harder stuff. Tried it (crack, dope) but did not like either. I think my brain is wired funny or something - just never thought heroin was any fun. Everything is boring on dope. Coke and crack make things too fast. (especially crack. I really don't need to be able to hear a pin drop half a mile away, thank you. And I tend to get twice as paranoid on the stuff as most folks do - why pay money to suffer the anxiety attack from hell? A good shot of espresso is enough stimulant for me.)

Even booze I don't really get. It's OK, but the hangovers suck, and ain't worth it for a "just OK" buzz.

Pot, and any psychedelics I DO understand. Acid: yes. Weed: yes. DMT: DOUBLE Yes (only done it once). Salvia: Um, glad I did it, but not exactly fun... None of these is really addictive, at least not physically. Of course DMT has always been hard to come by. And Acid has been hard to get since they busted that guy making it in the old missile silo... so it's been mostly weed for me throughout my life.

Safer than even booze, IMO. When was the last time you heard of some guy getting stoned and beating the crap out of his wife? I bet we've all heard stories about that happening with booze...