Thinking about this topic again…
For me, it’s multi-faceted. I grew up in a house where anything sexual was shamed but at the same time sexual explicit movies, like Fatal Attraction etc, were ok for me to watch as a kid. So I definitely got mixed up. Exposed and told it was shameful. Hell, when my mom found my Club Magazine stash, she had throw them out in front of my siblings. Pretty damn embarrassing as far as I remember. So, I learned to be very secretive. I even can’t talk about sex with people unless it faceless, nameless people online.
With that, becoming obsessed with pornography, to me makes sense. Then eventually P4P. It’s my escape, my safe place. I know the risks attached especially with P4P. But I still do it. The other part of me just wants me to accept who I am. I LOVE it all despite everything.
For me, it’s multi-faceted. I grew up in a house where anything sexual was shamed but at the same time sexual explicit movies, like Fatal Attraction etc, were ok for me to watch as a kid. So I definitely got mixed up. Exposed and told it was shameful. Hell, when my mom found my Club Magazine stash, she had throw them out in front of my siblings. Pretty damn embarrassing as far as I remember. So, I learned to be very secretive. I even can’t talk about sex with people unless it faceless, nameless people online.
With that, becoming obsessed with pornography, to me makes sense. Then eventually P4P. It’s my escape, my safe place. I know the risks attached especially with P4P. But I still do it. The other part of me just wants me to accept who I am. I LOVE it all despite everything.