How I started

[iheartporno]

Thinking about this topic again…

For me, it’s multi-faceted. I grew up in a house where anything sexual was shamed but at the same time sexual explicit movies, like Fatal Attraction etc, were ok for me to watch as a kid. So I definitely got mixed up. Exposed and told it was shameful. Hell, when my mom found my Club Magazine stash, she had throw them out in front of my siblings. Pretty damn embarrassing as far as I remember. So, I learned to be very secretive. I even can’t talk about sex with people unless it faceless, nameless people online.

With that, becoming obsessed with pornography, to me makes sense. Then eventually P4P. It’s my escape, my safe place. I know the risks attached especially with P4P. But I still do it. The other part of me just wants me to accept who I am. I LOVE it all despite everything.

 

[iheartporno]

I remember going into NYC for a school trip senior year. A group of us snuck out of the museum we were at and walked around the city for a bit before heading back. We walked into an adult video store and at that moment I started my long affair with pornography. When I got home, I jumped on my bike and rode to a stationery store that sold adult magazines. I went a few miles away so no one would recognize me. Bought my first Hustler magazine. That started it off and before I knew it, I had quite the collection of magazines and VHS tapes. While my friends were hooking up with girls and starting to make something of their lives, I was jerking off to porn! Then I got my own car and would search for adult video stores all over the island. During college, I would cut class to go jerk off in peep shows and video booths. I would spend hours in there.
I would hook up with girls here and there at parties. But no serious relationships. A friend of mine introduced me to a girl that liked me. She had a sweet and innocent appearance. Luck have it, she ended up being a nympho! We fucked for the first time in the woods behind my friends house at the party we were introduced at. She couldn’t get enough sex. I knew she was banging other guys but I didn’t care, didn’t like her like that and was just enjoying the moment. That eventually ended and I went back to my porn habits. Then I got into a serious relationship and figured I wouldn’t need porn. Well, I was wrong. I kept at it and eventually discovered the Edison strip. Cheated on her the first time with a hj from a dancer at Xdreams. Became a fan of Seka and gave too much of me paycheck to her! Saw her countless times. The Edison strip led to AMPS, cardates, in calls and picking up street walkers.
I’ve been in this hobby for over 20 years now. Numerous STD scares, run in with LE, and lots of money spent.
I continue with porn and mongering because I’m miserable with my life. Married into the wrong family. Toxic people that treat me like a villain if I open my mouth and defend myself from their nonsense. Long story for a different forum! So, I have yet to feel guilty being with providers behind my SO back. Basically I hate many aspects of my life and use the thrill of this hobby as an escape.