How do you do it.

H

Helpinghand

#1
#1
For the last several years my feelings for my wife have slowly disappeared. I care for her but am no longer in love with her. So I visit amps to get relief , not having had sex with my wife for over one year. I don't have those feelings for her any longer, and she knows keeps asking me why I stay and I ask myself the same question. I guess I feel guilty because if I walk out it will hurt her financially more than it will hurt me. So how do I do it , do I continue to live a lie , and the stress of our fights is high because she is longing for my attention, but I just don't care.
I do,miss the closeness we once had the intimacy which I will never get by paying for it gfe or not. Yes there is a void in my life and although I am surrounded by family I feel alone.

Just thought I'd post this to get it off my chest.
 
A

asianmaster

#2
#2
Seek professional help

Sorry for you and your wife. Maybe you should see a therapist who can assist you in exploring your feelings. In my past they have been able to help me sort out some of own shit. Good luck
 
Y

yonkershobbyist

#5
#5
If she's still semi-attractive, tell her to put on lots of makeup and kinky lingerie/high heels, pretend she's just someone new and bang her senseless, will definitely kickstart things :p
 
T

TenderVittles

banned
#6
#6
@ Helping Hand

Sometimes in life people are put there for certain reasons and certain lengths of time. Call it fate, call it destiny, whatever. But if you don't feel the closeness you once felt, it's hard to rekindle that.....especially if the sex has gone south.

Sex is a HUGE part of a relationship. HUGE. Money and sex for that matter. Ask yourself this question.....if you were just dating her, would you stay in the relationship or move on? People get SOOO caught up in the aspect of marriage or that word and it's meaning. More than half of Americans are now divorced. Complacency sets in, routines are formed, and they're hard to break. "OOHH NO NOT DIVORCE" sounds better than "Honey I have been having an affair!" or "I need to be bailed out of jail because I was one of the Nassau John's who got busted for trying to have sex with a provider".......I have first hand experience, minus the significant other.

No compassionate person wants to hurt another person, but sometimes it has to be done if the relationship isn't working. Why stay miserable, turned off, detached, for the sake of someone else's happiness. Your's is just as important. How hurt would she be if she found out you were seeing providers or visiting amps behind her back? Does she not deserve the respect to be told that you are unhappy?

The truth will set you free.....and a ton of weight will be off your chest if you communicate your feelings openly, rather than sweeping them under the carpet continually.....eventually your ganna run out of room under that carpet......and excuses.....or worse.

TV
 
theshooter

theshooter

#8
#8
TV, words of wisdom except for one thing. I would say that in these situations, I'm willing to bet that the SO isn't happy either. Women might not know the reason, but they know there's a problem. And it affects them as well. It seems that although both are not happy, nobody wants to pull the trigger on the solution. I can tell you, the first step is the toughest, just having a sit down where you basically tell her you don't feel the same/don't want to be married. Especially if divorce is your goal. Deciding to go to counseling is easier once you get past the opening.
For what it's worth, if you feel the relationship is salvageable, try counseling. If not, see a lawyer or a close friend that's knowledgeable. If the relationship is only part of the problem, then as TheMac said, seek help for yourself. Good luck.
 
fairemily

fairemily

#9
#9
Helping Hand, I think you should tell her you want an open marriage/partial separation that eventually lead towards divorce. It's unfair that you are preventing her from going out and finding someone who will want to be with her. Keep the financial situation if you feel guilty, keep doing your thing but it will be open and hope she goes out and meets someone that will give her the confindence you cannot to be self suffient and possibily provide her with chance at happiness. You are not doing her any favors making her live in constant rejection, no person can thrive in that environment, if you want to rid her dependency you need to be honest and give her the freedom to grow and move on. There is also a chance when you see her go out on dates it could rekindle what you once felt, jealousy is a strong emotion, it's a better emotion then pity.
 
Q

qqq35

#10
#10
maybe one of you should go away for a few weeks, see how you feel after the seperation.
maybe appreciating all her finer points and not zone in on the negative. does she/can she/make your life better. sharing is so important
good luck
 
P

pantysniffer

#11
#11
Woman were put here to make men happy not the other way around . Don't worry about her feelings and keep getting pussy where you can . It's her problem she was born a chick not yours .
 
H

Helpinghand

#12
#12
Thanks for all your input and suggestions. It's been tough this is a second marriage for both of us and she had some medical issues last year. That's where my guilt comes in also. But things have to be addressed.
 
fairemily

fairemily

#13
#13
Helpinghand said:
Thanks for all your input and suggestions. It's been tough this is a second marriage for both of us and she had some medical issues last year. That's where my guilt comes in also. But things have to be addressed.
Click to expand...
She's not going to date with medical issues. It takes a stronf bond to cope with that, it's really hard for both parties. The stress of divorce will probably worsen her condition, what I wrote before did not factor that in. You should not have guilt on how you cope with the stress, you need an outlet, illness doesn't only affect the afflicted. I knew a provider whose wife had an incurable affliction and it was decent that he had a non committal arrangement to fullfill his needs. I don't believe in needing a reason but if I did dealing with a sick partner would be top of the list. You are rightfully depressed, I think you are being too hard on yourself. I hope she gets better and maybe you can work it out.
 
P

Phish

#15
#15
I would beg to be a different as opposed to few guys out here who have adviced you. Firstly I would say that SEX is not the only thing that has to hold a marriage together.... if that were true then how the hell do so many senior citizens stay together.

One can loose the lust for someone but still have that love and fondness, in a marriage love manifests in many ways depending on you age. If you are young and new in the relationship then it may me lust and sex however as you mature in your relationship this will change, the real issue is if just one has different needs from another it will cause the death of Love and therefore the end of the relationship.

Think hard, would just a BBBJ and HJ at an AMP really make you happy ? Sure it will satisfy your physical craving but I am quite sure it will not solve your emotional loss. That is why we all look for GFE, someone who can be a real slut and also been a emotional and sensitive like a GF/wife. In reality these two do not mix (even if it does temperorily, over time our infactuation changes as lust is based on variety for some of us) and we continue to search for the mirage. I would suggest work with what you have always looks at the brighter side, you are in a better place and many.... cheer up!

Here is another thing that they have found by studies a re married person has in 95% of the time been attracted and married to a personality almost same as his/her first wife!. So then you ask yourself "Why did I not make it work to start with"
 
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M

manitoba

#18
#18
Flip a coin.

Heads you leave her
Tails you stay and try to make it work.

Before you look at the coin, which do you want it to be?

Put the coin back in your pocket and do that.
 
T

twotimesone

#19
#19
Can't blame it on you, only thing why does it take a year to figure out that a year without sex with your wife to realize till you start going to these providers for help.

For me, the interval is longer and quality was less between me and my wife having sex until at the point I begged her for me and her to go to a marriage counselor. My wife scoffed the idea like that it is not a problem. My guess is that women at a certain age lose an interest in sex and my wife figure that I lost interest in having sex too and me having watch porno would temporarily 'relive' the problems.

I started going to go to my local run down FS AMP 2 times already, but I felt that once you popped, they are ready to wipe you down and toss you out like a used rag. Started to look around, and I found out what gfe service means.

I was able to get a gfe from an indy provider the other day and it felt really good, though it wasn't as good as me doing with my wife before we got married, and I know she was faking it. Hell, I was faking it too because I closed my eyes and pretended to do it with my wife.

As for me, I already stowed away some monger money for several more gfe adventures. I figure that this money is less expensive than if I were to divorce my wife anyways and it is probably worse for the kids.

But hey, if tomorrow my wife realizes how important sex to a marriage is and what she can do something about it, I would quit mongering in a heartbeat.
 
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