Hello all,
Long time lurker and very grateful for all of your reviews. First time poster. This Eastern Experience will never leave me...
Last month I went to this AMP for the first time based on proximity. Parking situation is a big parking lot on Jericho Tpke shared with 7 or so other retail stores, including a chinese food restaurant, ice cream parlor and hair salon. For some people (based on what I've read), this would be considered too wide open, however I think that plays to the discretion. Too much going on for anyone to notice imo, if you're worried about that kind of thing.
Called 30 minutes beforehand, peppy woman says no problem, I showed up 15 min late. Walk in, greeted very candidly by two women - one who is a little bit older (late 30s to mid 40s, can never f'ing tell), more docile 5'7 azn with some large rangoons underneath her black v cut t shirt and black leggings. The other has a private school-esque skirt on (who is more friendly, doing all the talking, and definitely more attractive / younger of the two, most certainly the woman on the phone).
Did not seem to be anyone else in the building, bathroom door at the end of the hallway was wide open with light on. Maybe 4 rooms total, floor to ceiling walls which are a plus, with actual doors. I like doors. I asked the peppy, kilted queen if she was my trainer today and unfortunately she has an appointment any minute. Rangoons it is. 1 hour please, $60 to Rangoon, Rangoon run to register while I disrobe.
Massage was mediocre, the last one I had was significantly better near the Syosset train station, so that was my best point of comparison. Did allow for some roaming, if you could get there. She does a great job at positioning herself to avoid contact imo. She clearly has a cold or something because she is sniffling the entire time. Not a powdered sniffle, but a "I shouldn't have come to work today" sniffle. it was bad enough where I asked her if she was ok, and she couldn't answer, because she was sniffling.
At one point while she was massaging my right side, I started to go from knee to hip over the inside portion of the leggings, and heard a little squeak, kind of like when your legs are sweaty and you're moving position on a leather chair. Interesting, I thought, since her leggings were made of cotton. Here is where buyer's rigamortus remorse sets in.
On the flip, I hear the same noise again as I am getting up, but it did not come from the table. I look at her, she looks at me, and she looks away. Crickets.
While facing the other direction, she asks me if I want a cbj. No. HE? Sure. "Ok you tip 100". No, how about 50? "Nooooo, too little, at least 80". I have $60. Deal? "Ok fine but next time 80". Of course. Had to give tip right then and there which is what it is.
Now that we've flipped, more opportunity for roaming, pulls out her cream cheese wontons for some light hand touching. Still sniffling, so I'm a little grossed out, and sure enough the leather noise comes out again. My face is clearly appalled that this woman FARTED within 8" of my face. She apologized this time.
Due to the gas grenade, Jr has lost all motivation, but she continues. Two minutes later she says "excuse me", goes outside the door, farts again, and comes back 3 seconds later. I believe my exact words were, "absolutely fucking not". I pointed to the floor two feet away and told her to stand there. I finished the job solo. She offered to clean me up, I took the wipe and did it myself.
On the walk-out I was given a bottle of water and a buy 10 get 1 free card, asked if I had a good time to which I did not reply, and walked out.
Massage 5/10
Looks 5/10
Value 0/10
$60 to the house, $60 to the gassy rangoon / sniffles mcgee
Total damage $120 for a poor massage and a self-inflicted wound.
I will go back for kilts, as this has to be a one-off, never-again type of experience... right?
