All in the Family
- Thread starter Banacek
- Start date
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
A man goes into his son's room to wish him
goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the
man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The
son replies he is scared because he dreamt that
Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son
that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his
son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is
having another nightmare - the man again wakes
his son. The son this time says that he had
dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father
assures the son that granddaddy is fine and
sends him to bed.
The next day, granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his
son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is
having another nightmare - the man again wakes
his son. The son this time says that he had
dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures
the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because
he is so terrified. The next day, the man is scared
for his life- he is sure he is going to die. After
dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful
of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is
scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for
he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at
every noise, starts at every movement and hides
under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door, he finds his wife.
"Good God Dear" he proclaims, "I've just had the
worst day of my entire life!
She responds, "You think your day was bad, the
milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this
morning."
goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the
man wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The
son replies he is scared because he dreamt that
Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son
that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his
son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is
having another nightmare - the man again wakes
his son. The son this time says that he had
dreamt that granddaddy had died. The father
assures the son that granddaddy is fine and
sends him to bed.
The next day, granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his
son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is
having another nightmare - the man again wakes
his son. The son this time says that he had
dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures
the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because
he is so terrified. The next day, the man is scared
for his life- he is sure he is going to die. After
dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful
of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is
scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for
he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at
every noise, starts at every movement and hides
under his desk.
Upon walking in his front door, he finds his wife.
"Good God Dear" he proclaims, "I've just had the
worst day of my entire life!
She responds, "You think your day was bad, the
milkman dropped dead on the doorstep this
morning."
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
---The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops........
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
''Good Heavens, 'said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story'?"
...."Don't Screw with Mommy when she's been drinking."
....I love these touching stories !!!