Addiction, Mental Illness or just being an asshole? How do you know the difference?
- Thread starter pokler
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It is possible for you to experience addiction in that way and for myself to experience addiction in another way. Neither is right nor wrong.
For myself, once seeing my way past an addiction, the addiction that once possessed me, now disgusts me. I don’t want it and I certainly don’t need it.
It is over; it is cured. It was a trap. It was a cage. Nobody who experiences escape from a cage, looking back at the cage, lusts to return to the cage and lose the enjoyment of freedom. Unless one enjoys his/her addiction more than freedom.
You speak from experience, as I speak from experience.
I am using the word “surrender,” in its classical meaning, like surrendering and being destroyed by one’s enemy. You are using the word “surrender” in its more modern interpretation, meaning more like “acceptance.”
Despite what modern psychiatrists might believe, plenty of human beings learn their lesson and become sick of being sick. They are cured of that addiction. They move onto conquering their next addiction. There is always an underlying addiction in my experience.
For myself, once seeing my way past an addiction, the addiction that once possessed me, now disgusts me. I don’t want it and I certainly don’t need it.
It is over; it is cured. It was a trap. It was a cage. Nobody who experiences escape from a cage, looking back at the cage, lusts to return to the cage and lose the enjoyment of freedom. Unless one enjoys his/her addiction more than freedom.
You speak from experience, as I speak from experience.
I am using the word “surrender,” in its classical meaning, like surrendering and being destroyed by one’s enemy. You are using the word “surrender” in its more modern interpretation, meaning more like “acceptance.”
Despite what modern psychiatrists might believe, plenty of human beings learn their lesson and become sick of being sick. They are cured of that addiction. They move onto conquering their next addiction. There is always an underlying addiction in my experience.
Quoting from AMA
In 1956 the AMA declared alcoholism an illness and in 1987, the AMA and other medical organizations officially termed addiction a disease.
The ASAM goes on to say addiction is a treatable chronic medical disease involving complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment and an individual’s life experiences-People with addiction use substances or engage in behaviors that become compulsive and continue despite harmful consequences
In 1956 the AMA declared alcoholism an illness and in 1987, the AMA and other medical organizations officially termed addiction a disease.
The ASAM goes on to say addiction is a treatable chronic medical disease involving complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment and an individual’s life experiences-People with addiction use substances or engage in behaviors that become compulsive and continue despite harmful consequences
Mongering, is definitely an addiction.
However, sex as a biological urge is not considered an addiction, at our current level of understanding.
Sex lies within the same category as eating, urinating, defecating, sleeping, breathing and self-survival.
When the body no longer is demanding sex as a biological necessity, but the mind and emotions continue to desire sexual encounters, sex no longer is a biological necessity, but a mental/emotional addiction.
So, many of us have our substances, be they natural or chemical, to enliven a body that no longer has a strong biological necessity for sex, to continue our addiction. We create a biological necessity for sex to feed our addiction.
However, sex as a biological urge is not considered an addiction, at our current level of understanding.
Sex lies within the same category as eating, urinating, defecating, sleeping, breathing and self-survival.
When the body no longer is demanding sex as a biological necessity, but the mind and emotions continue to desire sexual encounters, sex no longer is a biological necessity, but a mental/emotional addiction.
So, many of us have our substances, be they natural or chemical, to enliven a body that no longer has a strong biological necessity for sex, to continue our addiction. We create a biological necessity for sex to feed our addiction.
Alcoholism is rampant in my family. My father made sure I was aware of it, so that I'd be more careful as I got older. Kept putting me in uncomfortable situations with other family members who were incapacitated by alcohol. I grew up with a good understanding of what it was all about.
Then several of my college friends went down that path - alcohol and/or drugs. I'm currently dealing with a very close family member who is killing themselves slowly with alcohol, though at 86, alcoholism isn't at all unusual. Elderly people tend to drink more than they should for a variety of reasons.
But the one thing I learned about drugs and alcohol abuse is that usually the person is self-medicating. They likely have a chemical imbalance, and the alcohol or drugs provide a level of solace or balance at first. Over time, as it takes more to find that balance, they overall imbalance is worsened and the mental difficulties increase. It becomes a downward spiral.
I have attended several rehab centers, visiting family and friends, to see how they are doing. One of them gave me an interesting viewpoint. He said "we all might start out with the same horizon of tolerance. We probably don't, though, since everyone's body chemistry is different. But assuming we do - as far-fetched as that is - the beginning is me taking a drink because I want it. It makes me feel good, it makes me feel confident, it makes me feel social. As I slide down that slope of tolerance, the shift begins slowly and imperceptibly and eventually it's no longer me choosing to use this, but the drug itself is telling me to use it. I've given up the choice by making the first initial choices. The joy I originally found is lost, and as I feel despair in this loss of choice, the drug tells me that it will help me overcome that feeling of despair - but it never does. At that point, I have to win my life back and learn all over again what it means to be happy on my own."
It's impossible for me to know what that's like, as I'm not an addict. I can't imagine what these people suffer. But they do suffer. They may be good at hiding it or maybe the drugs and alcohol hide it. It cannot be easy.
I had to throw a good friend of mine out of a shared apartment when his addiction got out of control. It was one of the hardest things I ever did. All my friends told me how cold and callous I was. Some of them took him in, each one who did wound up calling me to ask for help. I simply said "throw him out, it's the only way until he learns" Luckily for him, several near death experiences later, he got his life back on track. To this day he thanks me for throwing him out. He said he didn't know it at the time, but it was the first signal that his addiction was destroying his relationships. To this day, each year, he takes 3 days over a weekend to go somewhere alone, and enjoy a weekend of solitude to celebrate his sobriety. He realized that it's not enough to just function in society as a recovering alcoholic, he had to learn to love himself again and these weekends give him the opportunity to explore parts of the country he never thought he'd see, meet people and talk to strangers, and just know that he has to make his way on his own.
What leads anyone to commit suicide? I haven't a clue, anymore than I have a clue what leads people to addictions. One friend said he thinks suicide is the most courageous thing a person can do - it take courage to take your own life. I replied "I find it remarkably cowardly. Facing life is courageous. Knowing life is difficult, fraught with danger and difficulty each day. That opportunities can be won or lost. Joy can be had, but sadness is far more common. It takes more courage to face life, to live life, and it takes even more courage to live life on our own terms...because people will judge us. We have to learn to not care about those judgements. By killing yourself, you may not know what you're facing and that may provide some solace for you - but you leave many others behind wondering what they could have done to help you. Maybe there's nothing they could have done. But that doesn't justify the suicide or make it courageous."
I don't say this to demean those who do it. What they are facing is something I just don't understand. I just can't imagine and I don't care to speculate, because I can never know.
Then several of my college friends went down that path - alcohol and/or drugs. I'm currently dealing with a very close family member who is killing themselves slowly with alcohol, though at 86, alcoholism isn't at all unusual. Elderly people tend to drink more than they should for a variety of reasons.
But the one thing I learned about drugs and alcohol abuse is that usually the person is self-medicating. They likely have a chemical imbalance, and the alcohol or drugs provide a level of solace or balance at first. Over time, as it takes more to find that balance, they overall imbalance is worsened and the mental difficulties increase. It becomes a downward spiral.
I have attended several rehab centers, visiting family and friends, to see how they are doing. One of them gave me an interesting viewpoint. He said "we all might start out with the same horizon of tolerance. We probably don't, though, since everyone's body chemistry is different. But assuming we do - as far-fetched as that is - the beginning is me taking a drink because I want it. It makes me feel good, it makes me feel confident, it makes me feel social. As I slide down that slope of tolerance, the shift begins slowly and imperceptibly and eventually it's no longer me choosing to use this, but the drug itself is telling me to use it. I've given up the choice by making the first initial choices. The joy I originally found is lost, and as I feel despair in this loss of choice, the drug tells me that it will help me overcome that feeling of despair - but it never does. At that point, I have to win my life back and learn all over again what it means to be happy on my own."
It's impossible for me to know what that's like, as I'm not an addict. I can't imagine what these people suffer. But they do suffer. They may be good at hiding it or maybe the drugs and alcohol hide it. It cannot be easy.
I had to throw a good friend of mine out of a shared apartment when his addiction got out of control. It was one of the hardest things I ever did. All my friends told me how cold and callous I was. Some of them took him in, each one who did wound up calling me to ask for help. I simply said "throw him out, it's the only way until he learns" Luckily for him, several near death experiences later, he got his life back on track. To this day he thanks me for throwing him out. He said he didn't know it at the time, but it was the first signal that his addiction was destroying his relationships. To this day, each year, he takes 3 days over a weekend to go somewhere alone, and enjoy a weekend of solitude to celebrate his sobriety. He realized that it's not enough to just function in society as a recovering alcoholic, he had to learn to love himself again and these weekends give him the opportunity to explore parts of the country he never thought he'd see, meet people and talk to strangers, and just know that he has to make his way on his own.
What leads anyone to commit suicide? I haven't a clue, anymore than I have a clue what leads people to addictions. One friend said he thinks suicide is the most courageous thing a person can do - it take courage to take your own life. I replied "I find it remarkably cowardly. Facing life is courageous. Knowing life is difficult, fraught with danger and difficulty each day. That opportunities can be won or lost. Joy can be had, but sadness is far more common. It takes more courage to face life, to live life, and it takes even more courage to live life on our own terms...because people will judge us. We have to learn to not care about those judgements. By killing yourself, you may not know what you're facing and that may provide some solace for you - but you leave many others behind wondering what they could have done to help you. Maybe there's nothing they could have done. But that doesn't justify the suicide or make it courageous."
I don't say this to demean those who do it. What they are facing is something I just don't understand. I just can't imagine and I don't care to speculate, because I can never know.