As is my annual tradition of going to a spa on Easter Sunday I kept my streak alive yesterday and visited this place for the first time. It's in the basement on 150th Place right off of Northern Blvd. Not far from the Murray Hill LIRR Station.
I walked down the flight of stairs, ring the bell, and was greeted by a young Chinese kid who looked like he was still in high school. I was a paperboy in my day. My how things change...
He leads me over to have my temperature taken and I lean my head in, hear the *BEEP* that signifies that I'm disease-free, and I'm good to go. I get a little spritz of hand sanitizer and change into some slippers.
I'm led into the back area where there are about 8 rooms from the looks of things. Go into the last room on the right and I'm told that I have a choice of three girls to choose from. Once I saw them I doubt any had been called a girl in at least 15 years or more.
The "best" of the worst was named YoYo. I chose her by default. The hand I was dealt was two "3's" and a "5". So, YoYo it was. :/
YoYo is of average height. Shoulder length brown hair. Thin but had some curves. Her face was okay after she removed her mask. She's a "last round for drinks" kinda bar girl. But she was smiling and that gave me hope. I paid $50 for the house fee and felt that at the very least she would be fun.
Boy was I wrong.
My table shower was uneventful. Nothing erotic or playful during it. She gives me a towel and says she'll meet me back in the room where I originally met her in.
I go back to the room and she takes at least ten minutes to come back. When she comes back and sees me laying there naked (and not aroused in any way, shape or form) she exclaims "SO BIG!" and tells me she'll be right back!
I wait ANOTHER 5 MINUTES or so for her to return with her little lube dispenser.
So we're about 25 minutes or so into the session now and she's giving me the kind of massage that a child would give their cat. Maybe not as good.
She asks me what I want and I let her know that I'm here to make a baby. The cost? $150 tip. Hmmph. Okay. It is Easter Sunday and she's working on a holiday. What the hell. I proceed to coax her to remove her dress and I have to admit that she had a nice body. Small A cup breasts but they were firm. Small waist. She did have a long horizontal scar along one ass cheek that was noticeable. Tummy was flat. Bush nicely trimmed. My hopes and my penis were rising!
Unfortunately, any attempt to kiss, lick, suck ANY part of her body was met with the type of shuddering a female victim strapped down to a lab table in a 1940's horror movie would enact! But, sometimes she was giggling uncontrollably! Perhaps she's bipolar? Possibly. That psychological evaluation will have to take place another day. Regardless, my expectations (and penis) were now falling dramatically.
I decided to switch things up and I laid on my back and signaled her to use her mouth on me. Her blow job was uninspired and lazy but I managed to get to at least be able to function. As she tried to mount me and take in the first half of an inch of the head of my penis she was already shrieking and huffing and puffing like I had a blow torch between my legs.
"Let's switch!" I said. "No doggie!" she said. Okay, it's Easter Sunday. Let's go with Missionary.
Her leg lock prevented me from getting too far in but at that point I wanted nothing to do with her any longer. I laid down and ripped off the condom. She looked at me and could tell that I was disappointed and offered me a handjob. The thing is I had tipped her $150 in advance and a handjob was NOT going to do it.
She gets up, grabs her dress and puts it on and leaves. She returns a good 5 minutes later with a small white towel and tosses it to me so I can clean myself up. Yup. That's some real fine customer service there!
I get dressed and on the way out the kid who welcomed me in asked me how my time was with YoYo. I told him that she's lazy, and that I totally wasted my time and money. He told me that I was the THIRD customer to say that today! Well, gee whiz, kid, perhaps you might wanna talk to your boss and tell them that YoYo is absolutely friggin' TERRIBLE?????
So, just to reiterate: $50 house fee for one hour. $150 tip for what I thought would be copulation. 2 Tylenols for the headache I had when I got back home.
I walked down the flight of stairs, ring the bell, and was greeted by a young Chinese kid who looked like he was still in high school. I was a paperboy in my day. My how things change...
He leads me over to have my temperature taken and I lean my head in, hear the *BEEP* that signifies that I'm disease-free, and I'm good to go. I get a little spritz of hand sanitizer and change into some slippers.
I'm led into the back area where there are about 8 rooms from the looks of things. Go into the last room on the right and I'm told that I have a choice of three girls to choose from. Once I saw them I doubt any had been called a girl in at least 15 years or more.
The "best" of the worst was named YoYo. I chose her by default. The hand I was dealt was two "3's" and a "5". So, YoYo it was. :/
YoYo is of average height. Shoulder length brown hair. Thin but had some curves. Her face was okay after she removed her mask. She's a "last round for drinks" kinda bar girl. But she was smiling and that gave me hope. I paid $50 for the house fee and felt that at the very least she would be fun.
Boy was I wrong.
My table shower was uneventful. Nothing erotic or playful during it. She gives me a towel and says she'll meet me back in the room where I originally met her in.
I go back to the room and she takes at least ten minutes to come back. When she comes back and sees me laying there naked (and not aroused in any way, shape or form) she exclaims "SO BIG!" and tells me she'll be right back!
I wait ANOTHER 5 MINUTES or so for her to return with her little lube dispenser.
So we're about 25 minutes or so into the session now and she's giving me the kind of massage that a child would give their cat. Maybe not as good.
She asks me what I want and I let her know that I'm here to make a baby. The cost? $150 tip. Hmmph. Okay. It is Easter Sunday and she's working on a holiday. What the hell. I proceed to coax her to remove her dress and I have to admit that she had a nice body. Small A cup breasts but they were firm. Small waist. She did have a long horizontal scar along one ass cheek that was noticeable. Tummy was flat. Bush nicely trimmed. My hopes and my penis were rising!
Unfortunately, any attempt to kiss, lick, suck ANY part of her body was met with the type of shuddering a female victim strapped down to a lab table in a 1940's horror movie would enact! But, sometimes she was giggling uncontrollably! Perhaps she's bipolar? Possibly. That psychological evaluation will have to take place another day. Regardless, my expectations (and penis) were now falling dramatically.
I decided to switch things up and I laid on my back and signaled her to use her mouth on me. Her blow job was uninspired and lazy but I managed to get to at least be able to function. As she tried to mount me and take in the first half of an inch of the head of my penis she was already shrieking and huffing and puffing like I had a blow torch between my legs.
"Let's switch!" I said. "No doggie!" she said. Okay, it's Easter Sunday. Let's go with Missionary.
Her leg lock prevented me from getting too far in but at that point I wanted nothing to do with her any longer. I laid down and ripped off the condom. She looked at me and could tell that I was disappointed and offered me a handjob. The thing is I had tipped her $150 in advance and a handjob was NOT going to do it.
She gets up, grabs her dress and puts it on and leaves. She returns a good 5 minutes later with a small white towel and tosses it to me so I can clean myself up. Yup. That's some real fine customer service there!
I get dressed and on the way out the kid who welcomed me in asked me how my time was with YoYo. I told him that she's lazy, and that I totally wasted my time and money. He told me that I was the THIRD customer to say that today! Well, gee whiz, kid, perhaps you might wanna talk to your boss and tell them that YoYo is absolutely friggin' TERRIBLE?????
So, just to reiterate: $50 house fee for one hour. $150 tip for what I thought would be copulation. 2 Tylenols for the headache I had when I got back home.
