Why not try just a little bit harder?

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TheRealStory

#1
#1
Some time ago, I met a girl through craigslist with the premise that we were going to enter into an ongoing relationship. Up until then, I had really only sought individual encounters, but thought it might be nice if I found the right girl to spend all of my money in the same place instead of spreading it around.

We met for drinks, hit it off immediately, and decided to meet for dinner and an overnight session that same Friday night to see how we connected in bed.

Took her out for a real nice dinner, conversation was great. Turns out she was on craiglist looking for one guy to help her out with her rent. She had a job as a secretary, and was getting by, but was tired of using almost all of her salary to take care of her living expenses. Not much left for shopping or going out, which we all know is important to a mid-20s Manhattanite.

The evening progressed, and we ended up back at my hotel and had an excellent chemistry in bed. There was a decent amount of alcohol consumed during the evening but neither of us were gone, just buzzed. Given the type of arrangement we were about to embark on and how well we got along, she mentioned that she was on the pill and we went at it for a while that night and then again in the morning without a care.
 
T

TheRealStory

#2
#2
We parted company, and then on Monday I went over to her apartment and we hashed everything out. She had a one bedroom in the East 30s and her rent was about $1500/month. I agreed to pay her $350/week for one weekly meeting at her place, basically enough to cover her rent.

So we hit the sheets, and everything is going great again, we both work ourselves up into a frenzy, we both climax, and then all of the sudden she freaks out because I came inside her. I politely bring up that she brought up she was on the pill and that the other night I came inside her multiple times, but all of the sudden it was a problem. I apologized and we agreed that I would pull out on future visits.
 
T

TheRealStory

#3
#3
Overall the situation was pretty good for both of us. She got her rent paid, and I got a steady, reliable girl that would see me after work once a week and if I needed to would let me stay over at her place.

Around the end of the second month, we were in bed talking and I asked her to blow me. She got this very strange uptight look on her face and said "I knew you'd ask me to do that sooner or later." She went on to say that she doesn't like to do it and I said that I don't need to cum in her mouth if that is the issue. She gave me a fairly average blow job and I could see that she was really irritated, so I asked her to stop, and we had sex again.

I couldn't figure out what the big deal was about head, but it was still a pretty good situation for me. She lived fairly close to my office, we got out of work around the same time, and was good about making herself available to me once a week as agreed. She really appreciated the money, was paying down her credit cards with it, and we were fairly comfortable with each other, even occasionally meeting for drinks just for the hell of it.
 
T

TheRealStory

#4
#4
The problems started in month four. For a variety of reasons (both business and personal) I was gone for the first three weeks of the month and was unable to see her. I was honest with her and honestly told her what was going on and she seemed pretty cool with it. I told her that if she needed something in the meantime to let me know, and she said she was fine and that she'd see me when I got back.

We got together, and I think I gave her $500 which was more than we agreed on per visit, but I had missed some time and wanted to be nice, and she copped a really big attitude and wondered when I was going to give her the other thousand that I "owed" her. Given what she knew about my situation and why I was gone, it was a pretty crass request and it got really weird. She got snippy and said that I broke our agreement, but our agreement was never for me to pay her rent, but to give her the amount of money weekly that would approximate her rent. She also had a job, so my money was extra money, not life and death money. In addition, the sex was starting to become mechanical and I wasn't getting a second round half of the time, and of course I couldn't get a blow job either.

Within 2 or 3 more weeks, the whole thing unravelled and I made some lame excuse and was gone for good.
 
T

TheRealStory

#5
#5
What I could never understand is that in her financial situation, essentially taking care of her rent was a pretty good deal for her, especially given the amount of time/effort she had to put into the deal. We got along, we were attracted to each other (at least I think she was attracted to me), there was a pretty good level of trust, and I never took advantage of her.

$1500/month is real money. It was to me, and it really was to her. But I'm not going to continue to pay for something when the level of service continues to decrease over time. It just isn't worth it. And it isn't that it couldn't have been right, she just chose to not work for it, figuring that I'd continue to fork over the money for eternity regardless of how well we are enjoying ourselves.

So ultimately, she ended up getting nothing and I'm sure went off to find another guy. But as I've seen through the years, guys tend to like to promise ongoing encounters but rarely deliver on them. She had me locked in, and she let me go because she didn't try hard enough, and I wasn't even asking that much from her.
 
T

TheRealStory

#6
#6
Lessons from this story?

For the girls: never forget that a guy has to work hard for the money that he is giving you. Understand that he is always going to wonder whether he is getting his "money's worth", as he will always have his eyes on someone else, thinking "Can I get better for the same money?" or "If this is all I'm going to get I can pay less." Even for a guy that wants to stay somewhat monogomous in a pay for play relationship will look elsewhere if he isn't satisfied. Just because he busts a nut, don't take it for granted that he is happy.

And if you are one of these non pro types that wants to see one or two or just a handful of guys instead of banging 10 new guys a month, understand that it is a two way street, and if you want to keep a guy coming back you have to figure out what is important to him and give it to him (as long as your own safety parameters are satisfied).

For the guys: when you are used to commercial sex, you are pretty much accustomed to a girl doing whatever you want her to do however you want it done. Each girl has rules, but within the rules they will generally take direction and want to make you happy. When you are dealing with the non pro types, or sugarbabies, or whatever you want to call them, you don't always get the same attitude. You become a pseudo-boyfriend that gives them money. They don't always see it as their job to give you great sex for the money you give them. They don't pretend to be "on" because they don't see it as a job.
 
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magicfingersny

#7
#7
It almost always is likely to start with bright lights and lightning boltswith everyone on their best behavior. As much as it seems yu tried to define things, it is tough to do when the rules are changing. Alwasy best to put things down on paper. Not necessarily a contract, butwhat each is expecting from and offering the other including contingencies and unexpected occurences.Ifshe ended up in the hospital for a few weeks and was unable to hold up her end of hte bargain, would she still expect you to fulfill yours. If she had any question or issue with your going out of town, she should have discussed it with you when it first came up. Too many varaibles from her being on the pill & having no problem with you coming in her (other than the health risk for both of you), to the I don't do blow jobs & you were more than adaptable on all of the above. If she had an ad on CL, she had plenty of responses guaranteed, even if there was anexclusive arrangement between you (fwiw). All in all it sounds like you got away when the getting was good. Count your blessings and remeber this with the next person you meet.
 
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TheRealStory

#8
#8
To clarify that. She answered my ad from the men seeking women section. She, unlike many others I've encountered from craigslist, is not out trolling for guys night and day. I hadn't seen her pop up before or after our encounter, and so I do believe (unlike many other girls) that she intended to be "true" to one guy as long as she was getting what she needed.

I believe she would be classifed more along the lines of a sugarbaby than a non pro, if that makes any sense.
 
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Bandaid

#9
#9
Thanks, Realstory. I bet that's a pretty typical sugarbaby story. They see how little they can do and still get the money. Even so, I wish I had the money to set up a sugardaddy/baby deal. It's the best I'd be likely to get. How clear were you about details, such as not paying her on weeks you can't see her?
 
T

TheRealStory

#10
#10
It had never really happened until the first instance, and I hadn't really planned on being MIA so there was no real reason to get into it. And we got along so well I didn't think she'd be so petty about it. If she ever needed an extra hundred, I just gave it to her. So there was precedent that I wasn't going to let her down if she was in a jam.
 
O

OrangeAid

#11
#11
Thank you for posting this!

This has been my world for the last 3+ years. So much of what you posted here rings true I'm not even sure where to begin. I've been fortunate enough to avoid any financial misunderstandings, but I have certainly experienced "service limitations" (a woman I saw for nearly two years who didn't refuse head but was so clearly unenthusiastic about it that it just never became part of our repertoire) and "erosion of service" (there seems to be an inverse relationship between the length of time you spend with someone in one of these relationships and the average number of orgasms you achieve per hour spent together).

I also have wondered about the apparent lack of effort and how easy it is for people (by which I mean women) to take these situations for granted. As you alluded to in one of your posts, it may be a "catch-22" - we like these situations because everything feels completely non-commercial and intimate, but the fact that there's no perceived connection between sex and money makes it easy for things to deteriorate over time (at least from a "service" standpoint).

So - are you going to head down this road again, or did this experience turn you off?
 
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TheRealStory

#13
#13
OrangeAid said:
So - are you going to head down this road again, or did this experience turn you off?
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What I'm not going to do again (or at least I have no plans to) is get into a situation where I need to see someone every week to make the economics work. I travel a bunch (a lot more than I used to) so I'm trying to have one main girl in NY and each other city and a backup in case I need the variety or it gets stale or the main girl isn't available.

This one blew up because it was really structured as an all or nothing. I think it might have gone differently had I not made an upfront agreement to cover her rent.
 
T

TheRealStory

#14
#14
I just "broke up" with someone I had been seeing for over 5 years yesterday. Definitely falls under the same category.

Beautiful girl - great body - dresses well - super sweet - great in bed. But just terrible at logistics - needs an uber, always late even when she knows I'm on a schedule, etc. Lots of little things. We talked about this in detail when I spent a few hours with her about 3 weeks ago. Told her that the thing that prevents me from seeing her more often are all of these little things that end up spoiling our time together. I don't always have enough time to see her for an evening - when we do have 2-3 hours to spend together it is much better. But most of the time I only have 60-90 minutes - and when someone isn't on time it really puts a damper on things for me. Over the years - I've gone dark on this one a bunch - but she continues to hit me up and then I end up caving - because of all of the good stuff about her. But then on Friday - she really wanted to see me - I went out of my way to manufacture some time and then I was supposed to send the Uber she went dark for 30 minutes. Said her mom unexpectedly showed up to say hello. It is always something. And again - what should have been 90 minutes of fun turned into 45 minutes of rushing. Enjoyed myself for a few minutes, but spent most of the afternoon aggravated.

I think I've gotten to the point where I can't commit real money to anyone on an ongoing basis if they aggravate me - no matter how good the sex is.
 
h50

h50

#15
#15
In summary, they become inconsiderate and basically took advantage of your blah (fill in your own blah as it fits your case). I'm going through a similar situation now. Still figuring out how to resolve it though that's probably just stupid wishful thinking.
 
genius

genius

#16
#16
h50 said:
In summary, they become inconsiderate and basically took advantage of your blah (fill in your own blah as it fits your case). I'm going through a similar situation now. Still figuring out how to resolve it though that's probably just stupid wishful thinking.
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IMHO, the situation is that she is more important to you than you are to her. for example when I need some cash I just pick the ATM that is nearest to me — I have no loyalty to any particular one no matter how nice the lobby it where is sits.
 
Slinky Bender

Slinky Bender

The All Powerful Moderator
#18
#18
There was a woman I was seeing regularly for quite a while, but she started to get flakey. The final straw was after ghosting on me a couple of times, we set up this "firm" date, and then she actually said she was on her way to meet me at a hotel. I called her from outside the hotel we were meeting at like 1/2 hour after she was supposed to be there and she told me "I'm almost there, get the room." I had a funny feeling and didn't. Of course she ended up ghosting on me, but this was the final straw - her telling me to go waste money when she knew she wasn't coming.
 
h50

h50

#19
#19
Too true. The time and energy is tough enough but once you've seen me many times let's say 3+ you know the deal surely at 30+ times you do and you know the deal very well let's say at 300+ times and to then do things wasting my time, money and energy on purpose because it has to be is just outright wrong.
 
T

TheRealStory

#20
#20
h50 said:
In summary, they become inconsiderate and basically took advantage of your blah (fill in your own blah as it fits your case). I'm going through a similar situation now. Still figuring out how to resolve it though that's probably just stupid wishful thinking.
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I have found that once these sorts of things go bad they are hard to correct. The intangible things that hold together real life relationships aren’t here most of the time so when things turn it is generally time to go.
 
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