The Difference Between The Liberal and Conservative "Debate" On The War On Terrorism

[Reel Deal]

Question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner and is running at you while screaming obscenities. In your hand is a .357 Magnum and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

Liberal Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he a member of an oppressed minority group?
Have I ever done anything to him that is inspiring him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me?If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Would my health plan cover me? What about the deductible?
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion.
What about a law suit? Could I sue?
Can we negotiate without violence? Maybe an intervention? An arbitrator?

Conservative Answer:

Shoot the son of a bitch! Then take your family to a baseball game, eat some hot dogs with apple pie, sing the national anthem, go rent the video "Braveheart" or "The Patriot" and praise the Lord for one more day of freedom.

 

[mitchmaxx]

Or maybe we can give him 1 of the children to eat, if he is hungry, and then shoot ourselves.

 

[pjorourke]

Originally posted by Reel Deal
...Would my health plan cover me? What about the deductible?...

If we had a national healthcare plan, how long would I have to wait for a doctor?

 

[Slinky Bender]

Afterwards, you find yourself in a room with your .357, Saddam Hussien, Adolph Hitler and Larry David. What do you do ?

 

[mitchmaxx]

Shoot Larry David.

 

[Slinky Bender]

Shit, I fucked up ( God damned flu ). That was supposed to be:

Afterwards, you find yourself in a room with your .357, Saddam Hussien, Adolph Hitler and Larry David. But you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do ?

 

[mitchmaxx]

Shoot Larry David twice.

 

[Ozzy]

I thought the story went....

"You and your .357, are sitting at a table with Shauna, Taylor Li and Bill Furniture. But you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do ?"

 

[wsb]

Shoot Hitler and Saddam and then beat Larry David to death with the gun while simultaneaously shouting "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???".

 

[wsb]

...or, for maximum effect, you could should Hitler and Saddam once each in the kneecap and then beat them to death with Larry David.

 

[mitchmaxx]

wsb, I like your way of thinking.

 

[Reel Deal]

Originally posted by slinkybender
Shit, I fucked up ( God damned flu ). That was supposed to be:

Afterwards, you find yourself in a room with your .357, Saddam Hussien, Adolph Hitler and Larry David. But you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do ?

I believe in conservation.

Remember, you have a .357. Being a good conservative, you have a maximum powder load.

Line 'em up, and pull the trigger.

You have one bullet left...

Hmm...what to do...what to do...

 

[Flounder]

Originally posted by Ozzy
I thought the story went....

"You and your .357, are sitting at a table with Shauna, Taylor Li and Bill Furniture. But you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do ?"

You forgot about Alana and Sasha.

I always have just enough bullets.