" so, why don't you give me your number?"

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#1
Maybe you all can help me out with a reoccuring problem I have at work. It goes something like this:
I meet customer, we get along really, really well. Said customer pays me really, really well. Continues visiting the club for a few weeks, visits become more frequent, I'm thinking "this is great!" when suddenly, and without warning, they cross that fine line between being an ideal customer and bugging the shit out of me for an outside meeting which I have zero interest in. The problem lies in my inability to salvage their wonderful customer-ness while gently thwarting their attempts to date me. I always end up either completely alienating them or accidentally giving them my number or ***** address when I'm drunk. (which, as you can well imagine, is problematic for me.) Why oh why can't I maintain a healthy balance? Does anyone have any suggestions? I desperately need some good regulars who aren't so disillusioned to think they have boyfriend potential. I'm sorry if this sounds cold hearted, but it's really not. I'm really a very nice girl whose just trying to to make a living in as uncomplicated a manner as possible.
 
#2
because

a) all your customers are loser
b) its because no man can just be friends with a female
c) tell them you are getting an operation next week to become a man and if they want your number after that , well they derseve it !

d) tell them your husband wouldn't like it

whats your number ?

peace,

jules
 
#3
###

Just tell them that you don't date your clients.

I, myself, get that same thing from my female and male clients. JUst be polite about it. Remember, you sell a fantasy. If he is somewhat a decent male, he'll understand. If he want to be with a beautiful, he can pay for one. My friend is the business has your problem as well. She has been bouncing from club to club becuase of the business and escorts(remember my thread) in the gentlemen clubs.
As far as you giving your number out when you drink, I don't belive that drinking can be used for an excuse. In other words, you actually want to give it out because(As you stated) you "need" the business. I am not saying that you will do extras, but you feel that you need to keep pace with other dancers so you might lead them on.

just my thoughts
 
#5
What if the girl at some point is the one who initially suggests they meet for coffee some time. Could she have just had a momentery laps of reason? Then if the guy persists, is he wrong?
 
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Slinky Bender

The All Powerful Moderator
#6
Originally posted by Danielle
Said customer pays me really, really well.
Why do you think he's doing that?

I'm assuming this "really, real well" is a substantial amount of money. Is he really doing this because he's getting conversation from you that he couldn't get anywhere else without paying for it? Is it because in the few minutes you've been together, he feels the need to support you financially?

Remember when I asked you what you thought your job was?
 
#7
Originally posted by Danielle
Maybe you all can help me out with a reoccuring problem I have at work. It goes something like this:
I meet customer, we get along really, really well. Said customer pays me really, really well.
What SB said.


Continues visiting the club for a few weeks, visits become more frequent, I'm thinking "this is great!" when suddenly, and without warning, they cross that fine line between being an ideal customer and bugging the shit out of me for an outside meeting which I have zero interest in.
He continues to visit more often so that you become very comfortable being around him. He wants you to know what a nice guy he is. And of course being a male, he should ask you for your tel#, after all that is what we do. If you think otherwise then you're dilusional. And oddly enough he's the ideal customer when he pays you very very well (sucker) but then bugs the shit out of you when he crosses that line. He is there for HIS interests not yours so if he bugs you that much be direct and tell him you don't meet outside with anyone. My guess is that he will take himself and his cash and move on to another girl. Pleanty of them out there.

The problem lies in my inability to salvage their wonderful customer-ness while gently thwarting their attempts to date me. I always end up either completely alienating them or accidentally giving them my number or ***** address when I'm drunk. (which, as you can well imagine, is problematic for me.) Why oh why can't I maintain a healthy balance? Does anyone have any suggestions? I desperately need some good regulars who aren't so dillusioned to think they have boyfriend potential. I'm sorry if this sounds cold hearted, but it's really not. I'm really a very nice girl whose just trying to to make a living in as uncomplicated a manner as possible.
I think you give yourself too much credit if you think you're the one in control when trying to thwart attempts to date you. A guy has his goal set, to see you outside of the club, and you have yours, to NOT see him outside of the club. You will never ever change his goal for him. He'll just move on to someone else NO MATTER HOW HOT YOU ARE". If you need some regulars, you must give them either a totally HOT and HIGH MILEAGE time inside the club or meet them outside. BTW if you want an uncomplicated manner (work) maybe you're in the wrong business. Women in the "exotic dance" industry as they like to be called, among other similar lines of work, are the most "complicated" people out there. Time to take a reality break.

And as usual, SB said it best, what do you think your job is?
 
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#8
Originally posted by Danielle
Maybe you all can help me out with a reoccuring problem I have at work. It goes something like this:
I meet customer, we get along really, really well. Said customer pays me really, really well. Continues visiting the club for a few weeks, visits become more frequent, I'm thinking "this is great!" when suddenly, and without warning, they cross that fine line between being an ideal customer and bugging the shit out of me for an outside meeting which I have zero interest in. The problem lies in my inability to salvage their wonderful customer-ness while gently thwarting their attempts to date me. I always end up either completely alienating them or accidentally giving them my number or ***** address when I'm drunk. (which, as you can well imagine, is problematic for me.) Why oh why can't I maintain a healthy balance? Does anyone have any suggestions? I desperately need some good regulars who aren't so disillusioned to think they have boyfriend potential. I'm sorry if this sounds cold hearted, but it's really not. I'm really a very nice girl whose just trying to to make a living in as uncomplicated a manner as possible.
You need to hook up with BMM! (Sorry Mike couldn't resist)
 
#9
DITTO to Slinkybender.

If you want to extract as much money as possible from guys like this (which is what your job is), you have to string him along as long as you can. Because (to state the painfully obvious) one thing is clear: when he knows that extracurriculars are unavailable (in the absense of very high in-club mileage), it's going to be OVER.

(If you already gave him your cellphone number when drunk, you can always change your cell account. Try not to get drunk and give him your new number, though.)
 
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#10
tell him thanks and that u are truely flattered but u dont meet customers outside of work..thank him for being a great guy and u hope it doesnt interfer with him c oming in the club..matter of fact buy him a drink or give him a free lappy (if its allowed where u work)

but dont give in stand your ground and hope he stays a regular

good luck
 

Slinky Bender

The All Powerful Moderator
#12
Just to state the obvious:

As I said before, the money to be made in stripclubs is either the true or false promise of sex. I have to assume that with the vast, vast majority of guys who will exhibit the behaviour you have indicated, that they were going under the assumption of this promise. And while you may not be knowingly sending out that signal, it's pretty obvious from the results ("No deposit, no return") that this is the signal that these guys are receiving.

In other words, the guys you are talking about paid you that money hoping to get you into bed. When they realize that this isn't going to happen, they cut their losses and move on. Your problem is that you can't both be totally honest with them and keep them as customers. As jl mentions, the only way you can keep them coming back and giving you $ is to "string them along".

And to be blunt, the concept that guys go to strip clubs to pay large sums of money to girls to flirt with them is about as big a fairy tale as escorts who are "companionship only" and don't have sex with their customers. Not that neither one of those ever happens, but anyone who goes into the business based on the assumption that the business is really like that should disabuse themselves of that notion as quickly as possible. Again, this isn't to say that there aren't plenty of dancers who make plenty of money without ever sleeping with their customers, but if you polled those customers who had paid them all that money, there would be a) the group who told you that they forked over the dollars hoping it would lead to sex, and b) the liars.
 
#13
Originally posted by justlooking
DITTO to Slinkybender.

If you want to extract as much money as possible from guys like this (which is what your job is), you have to string him along as long as you can. Because (to state the painfully obvious) one thing is clear: when he knows that extracurriculars are unavailable (in the absense of very high in-club mileage), it's going to be OVER.

(If you already gave him your cellphone number when drunk, you can always change your cell account. Try not to get drunk and give him your new number, though.)
I feel like such a shithead stringing anyone along with the expectation that I'll meet them outside and possibly become their girlfriend. In most of these cases, I truly like these guys, and would love to be friends with them, but I of course know how stupid and unrealistic that is.

Offering these guys high mileage inside the club is not an option for me, firstly becuase my club doesn't allow it and secondly because the kind of guys I'm really talking about here aren't interested in that. Seriously. I'm talking about the shy, awkward ones who generally have a hard time meeting women. That's not to say these guys don't have a sex drive, but they're the type who would totally freak out and become really uncomfortable if a girl tried something raunchy during a dance.

So you're right. It is going to be over when he realizes he won't get anywhere with me. And not only will I lose money because he won't be spending on me anymore, but I'll also feel crappy because I used someone who seems like a gunuinely good person.

I just wish that these dudes weren't so painfully naive. I'm sure that they become infatuated and work this same angle with plenty of girls that they meet at clubs. You'd think they would have figured out by now that it just doesn't work this way.
 

Slinky Bender

The All Powerful Moderator
#14
Don't forget that you're starting off with a set of guys who are going to strip clubs looking for girlfriends. And then you're surprised that they are naive/suckers/whatever?
 

pswope

One out of three
#15
Danielle
I will try to write this post w/out coming across as too judgemental. Your post seems to be reflective of a person in denial about the nature of what she is doing. As Slinky points out, men do not pay you the significant dollars you allude for conversation. Rather it is for the opportunity to have some sort of sexual encounter with you ,whether it is on or off premises. In order to induce these men to give you money,you must engage in conduct designed to make them believe that there is a chance that there investment will result in the desired outcome. While,by the very nature of strip clubs vs seeing prostitutes,these men amy enjoy the quest of trying to bed you ,it cannot be reasonably argued that if the men knew upfront that there was no chance(as int the good customer you use in their post) of that happening,that they would give you any money at all.

The conduct you engage in to get these guys to give you money is an artifice* (nice word for scamming) and because I have no doubt that you are the 'good girl' you claim to be,you are failing to recognize this in order to rationalize this conduct.

Btw- In this regard, the nature of the behavior of low mileage club strippers is far more morally wrong than those of working girls.




* [size=1/2] if strippers at the low mileage clubs wore moumous,w/ barbushkas on their heads,crossed theior arms and legs and made no body contact or flirting suggestive comments,there would at tleas t be an argument to the contrary [/size]
 
#16
What you've got to realize, Danielle -- echoing what slinkybender said in the post just above yours -- is that making money exploiting guys' hope to have sex with you is WHAT YOUR JOB IS. PERIOD.

As I said in a post in another thread, a stripper friend of mine has claimed to me that her job is to have conversations with guys. And I think you said in that thread that you sometimes see yourself as a therapist. I want you to consider this: what kind of body language are you using during these conversations or therapy? What are you doing with your hands? Your thighs: are they brushing against the customers'?

I think there's no way to avoid the point that being a stripper isn't a very nice job, because it involves playing guys. You can't make money without doing that. And if you really can't do the job at all if you feel bad about "using" people who "seem genuinely good". I think your posts suggest that you, as a nice person, don't want to face up to the true nature of what your job is. But as I said, I think there's no way to avoid it. And I think the realization that that is so (and the willingness to take it as far as they can) is what separates the "bitches" who you've complained are outearning you from you.

(By the way, if you want a way to rationalize the un-nice aspects of your job, bear in mind that the customers are asking for it.)
 
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#17
Oh my God. You're all right. And I'm realizing now that taken these basic fundamental principles, I have the potential to be the bitchiest - bitch of them all. Because I could use my sweet charm to evil ends. And as JL put it, rationalize my behavior by believing that the customers ask for it. And it's true that they do. ( Can you see me rubbing my palms together and laughing meniacally?!) Joking! Well, maybe not entirely.
 

pswope

One out of three
#19
Danielle

In the yin and yang of life, Buddha gave women vaginas to counterbalance the selfish,controlling,manipulative behavior of humans with penises.


You go girl!
 
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