Rio De Janeiro Trip Report
By El Gordo
This report chronicles the adventures of three horny males (El Gordo, Akira and Mr. Deviant) from The US, to Rio De Janeiro, Brazil.
When El Gordo flies for 20 hours from San Francisco to “The River of January”, he needs all of the leg and ass room he can get. He also needs unlimited access to strong alcoholic beverages and palatable food. El Gordo didn’t become El Gordo by eating and drinking cheap crap.
Unfortunately, El Gordo can’t afford to fly anything but coach. And on 20+ hour flights, coach really sucks.
However, if you’ve got a good friend who has too many frequent flyer miles, like my international business traveling companion Akira, El Gordo suggests inviting him along and proffering this deal:
El Gordo: Dude, there’s no way I am cramming my fat ass into coach for 20 hours.
Akira: Okay, well pay me the cash equivalent of a coach ticket and I’ll use miles to buy you a business class ticket.
El Gordo: You cheap bastard! Why don’t you just give me the miles, you have more than you can ever use anyways. Besides, selling frequent flyer miles is against airline policy.
Akira: Suit yourself then. Enjoy coach.
El Gordo: Sneaky Devil! Alright then, here’s your damned money!
It worked for El Gordo, and it could work for you too.
El Gordo and Akira boarded their flight on San Francisco and strapped themselves in for the long haul ahead. The first stop would be a 2 hour layover in Miami, followed by a direct flight to Rio.
Akira checked the financial pages and saw that the Brazilian currency, the Real (pronounced hee-al) was trading against the dollar at 3.6 Real to $1USD. This would bode very well for discount minded sleaze mongers such as ourselves.
El Gordo, in a vain attempt to sleep on an airplane, downed some valium and gin and tonics. This had the unfortunate effect of slowing El Gordo down, but not putting him out of his misery. Akira spent the rest of the flight watching El Gordo spill food and drinks all over his shirt at mealtime and laughing hysterically at him. Bad Akira!
Upon arrival at the Rio airport (GIG) and after clearing customs, we came face to face with 5 kiosks filled with barkers for taxi cab companies. There are two different kinds of cabs in Rio; Radio cabs, and street cabs. The radio cabs are literally twice the price of the street cabs. Guess which ones are hawking themselves next to customs? Right-o! Our radio taxi from GIG to Rio Othon. cost $R47. Whereas our friend, Mr. Deviant, took a yellow cab to the same hotel for $R25. Avoid the barkers who try to “help you” as their “help” effectively doubles the price.
Mr. Deviant believes that when visiting developing nations with the sole purpose of fucking their young women, there’s no reason to skimp on food, booze and luxurious accommodations. He found The Othon Palace which is billed at www.brazil.com as a 5 star hotel. While it is indeed clean and comfortable and the service is good, it is by no means a 5 star by US/European standards. It is older and somewhat threadbare. Still, we had a room with 3 twin sized beds and a bathroom with good water pressure – overlooking the beach from the 12th floor, for $150USD/night - $50 bucks per night.
Akira and I took a Siesta, but our constantly horny friend Mr. Deviant immediately went to one of the Thermas, L’uomo www.luomo.com.br .
A Therma is a combination health spa/disco/bar/whorehouses, and they are the reason you are reading this report right now. The Thermas all operate in a similar fashion. Here’s the drill:
o You check in with the front desk and are handed a locker room key.
o You then change out of your street clothes and in to a fluffy bathrobe, slippers, and your underwear.
o You then take a sauna and or steam room if you so desire, and then take a long shower (they call it a douche).
o Do your hair, brush your teeth, shave, whatever (they supply most everything) and head upstairs to the disco/bar.
o Here you grab a drink (billed to your locker #) and begin scouting the female situation. On a Friday night at 8PM, there will be tons of girls hanging out and dancing in the bar . They are very aggressive and will grab your ass, nipples and cock and try to get you to take them upstairs. Feel free to grab some tit and ass too. Hanging out and flirting is half the fun. Buy a girl a drink and let her teach you some Portugese. When you’re ready to rumble, go upstairs.
o Drinks and food are priced reasonably. There is also no difference in price if you buy for the ladies (not true at Centaurus, where they charge more for her drink)
o Sessions are billed at 40 minutes or an hour and charged to your account. No cash is ever needed while in the Therma. Entrance fee is 40 or 50 R$. Room fee is 140-200.
L’uomo is a little hard to find the first time. In Mr Deviant’s words, “Its kind of hard to find as it is in a shopping mall and I wound up walking up and down the same street corner several times before I figured it out but once inside I was glad I’d taken the time. This place is fucking awesome.
Mr. Deviant returned to the room a few hours later to report to us that his “date”, Monica, at one point pulled his cock out of her pussy and offered her ass, basically insisting on anal! He said that the selection was top notch and that the attitude of the girls seemed really great.
We all three were very hungry by now and headed next door to the “Mai Pateca” International Café. To our surprise and amusement, the café is filled with and surrounded by hookers. All shapes and sizes. Overall they are a much poorer quality than what you’ll find in the Thermas, but the prices seem to be lower. We overheard one guy negotiate R45 for some company.
The heat and humidity in Rio is quite oppressive, even at night. We ordered beers and had some calamari. We also started drinking the official cocktail of Brazil, the Caipirinha http://www.maria-brazil.org/caipirinha.htm .
Dinner was fine. Nothing special really, but we enjoyed drinking and watching the hookers all around us. Akira, still jetlagged from his previous travels that week, decided to call it an early night.
Mr. Deviant insisted that I join him at L’uomo for round 2, which I did. I fucked a cute 5’5 20 YO brunette named Veronica, and Mr. Deviant did two more girls named Susie and Carla. Mr Deviant thought Carla looked a bit like Guess and Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima. Obviously the names are fake and the staff changes, but we were all really impressed with the beauty and with the great attitude of these girls. They seem to enjoy what they are doing and can really be lots of fun both in and out of the bed.
At this point you might be skeptical about Mr. Deviant’s sexual prowess. I don’t blame you. It’s kind of hard to believe anybody could crave sex so often and come 3 times in a day after traveling for so long. Know now, gentle reader, that Mr. Deviant is a recreational user/abuser of Viagra. He eats about ¼ of a tablet and walks around pitching a tent for 12 hours at a time.
By El Gordo
This report chronicles the adventures of three horny males (El Gordo, Akira and Mr. Deviant) from The US, to Rio De Janeiro, Brazil.
When El Gordo flies for 20 hours from San Francisco to “The River of January”, he needs all of the leg and ass room he can get. He also needs unlimited access to strong alcoholic beverages and palatable food. El Gordo didn’t become El Gordo by eating and drinking cheap crap.
Unfortunately, El Gordo can’t afford to fly anything but coach. And on 20+ hour flights, coach really sucks.
However, if you’ve got a good friend who has too many frequent flyer miles, like my international business traveling companion Akira, El Gordo suggests inviting him along and proffering this deal:
El Gordo: Dude, there’s no way I am cramming my fat ass into coach for 20 hours.
Akira: Okay, well pay me the cash equivalent of a coach ticket and I’ll use miles to buy you a business class ticket.
El Gordo: You cheap bastard! Why don’t you just give me the miles, you have more than you can ever use anyways. Besides, selling frequent flyer miles is against airline policy.
Akira: Suit yourself then. Enjoy coach.
El Gordo: Sneaky Devil! Alright then, here’s your damned money!
It worked for El Gordo, and it could work for you too.
El Gordo and Akira boarded their flight on San Francisco and strapped themselves in for the long haul ahead. The first stop would be a 2 hour layover in Miami, followed by a direct flight to Rio.
Akira checked the financial pages and saw that the Brazilian currency, the Real (pronounced hee-al) was trading against the dollar at 3.6 Real to $1USD. This would bode very well for discount minded sleaze mongers such as ourselves.
El Gordo, in a vain attempt to sleep on an airplane, downed some valium and gin and tonics. This had the unfortunate effect of slowing El Gordo down, but not putting him out of his misery. Akira spent the rest of the flight watching El Gordo spill food and drinks all over his shirt at mealtime and laughing hysterically at him. Bad Akira!
Upon arrival at the Rio airport (GIG) and after clearing customs, we came face to face with 5 kiosks filled with barkers for taxi cab companies. There are two different kinds of cabs in Rio; Radio cabs, and street cabs. The radio cabs are literally twice the price of the street cabs. Guess which ones are hawking themselves next to customs? Right-o! Our radio taxi from GIG to Rio Othon. cost $R47. Whereas our friend, Mr. Deviant, took a yellow cab to the same hotel for $R25. Avoid the barkers who try to “help you” as their “help” effectively doubles the price.
Mr. Deviant believes that when visiting developing nations with the sole purpose of fucking their young women, there’s no reason to skimp on food, booze and luxurious accommodations. He found The Othon Palace which is billed at www.brazil.com as a 5 star hotel. While it is indeed clean and comfortable and the service is good, it is by no means a 5 star by US/European standards. It is older and somewhat threadbare. Still, we had a room with 3 twin sized beds and a bathroom with good water pressure – overlooking the beach from the 12th floor, for $150USD/night - $50 bucks per night.
Akira and I took a Siesta, but our constantly horny friend Mr. Deviant immediately went to one of the Thermas, L’uomo www.luomo.com.br .
A Therma is a combination health spa/disco/bar/whorehouses, and they are the reason you are reading this report right now. The Thermas all operate in a similar fashion. Here’s the drill:
o You check in with the front desk and are handed a locker room key.
o You then change out of your street clothes and in to a fluffy bathrobe, slippers, and your underwear.
o You then take a sauna and or steam room if you so desire, and then take a long shower (they call it a douche).
o Do your hair, brush your teeth, shave, whatever (they supply most everything) and head upstairs to the disco/bar.
o Here you grab a drink (billed to your locker #) and begin scouting the female situation. On a Friday night at 8PM, there will be tons of girls hanging out and dancing in the bar . They are very aggressive and will grab your ass, nipples and cock and try to get you to take them upstairs. Feel free to grab some tit and ass too. Hanging out and flirting is half the fun. Buy a girl a drink and let her teach you some Portugese. When you’re ready to rumble, go upstairs.
o Drinks and food are priced reasonably. There is also no difference in price if you buy for the ladies (not true at Centaurus, where they charge more for her drink)
o Sessions are billed at 40 minutes or an hour and charged to your account. No cash is ever needed while in the Therma. Entrance fee is 40 or 50 R$. Room fee is 140-200.
L’uomo is a little hard to find the first time. In Mr Deviant’s words, “Its kind of hard to find as it is in a shopping mall and I wound up walking up and down the same street corner several times before I figured it out but once inside I was glad I’d taken the time. This place is fucking awesome.
Mr. Deviant returned to the room a few hours later to report to us that his “date”, Monica, at one point pulled his cock out of her pussy and offered her ass, basically insisting on anal! He said that the selection was top notch and that the attitude of the girls seemed really great.
We all three were very hungry by now and headed next door to the “Mai Pateca” International Café. To our surprise and amusement, the café is filled with and surrounded by hookers. All shapes and sizes. Overall they are a much poorer quality than what you’ll find in the Thermas, but the prices seem to be lower. We overheard one guy negotiate R45 for some company.
The heat and humidity in Rio is quite oppressive, even at night. We ordered beers and had some calamari. We also started drinking the official cocktail of Brazil, the Caipirinha http://www.maria-brazil.org/caipirinha.htm .
Dinner was fine. Nothing special really, but we enjoyed drinking and watching the hookers all around us. Akira, still jetlagged from his previous travels that week, decided to call it an early night.
Mr. Deviant insisted that I join him at L’uomo for round 2, which I did. I fucked a cute 5’5 20 YO brunette named Veronica, and Mr. Deviant did two more girls named Susie and Carla. Mr Deviant thought Carla looked a bit like Guess and Victoria’s Secret model Adriana Lima. Obviously the names are fake and the staff changes, but we were all really impressed with the beauty and with the great attitude of these girls. They seem to enjoy what they are doing and can really be lots of fun both in and out of the bed.
At this point you might be skeptical about Mr. Deviant’s sexual prowess. I don’t blame you. It’s kind of hard to believe anybody could crave sex so often and come 3 times in a day after traveling for so long. Know now, gentle reader, that Mr. Deviant is a recreational user/abuser of Viagra. He eats about ¼ of a tablet and walks around pitching a tent for 12 hours at a time.