I now realize that Canadians are not actually hard of hearing but have a colloquial tic (“eh?”) that is much more pleasing to the ear than the American “like um… ya know”. They have a nice arrangement over there as well in regards to sex for money. Technically it’s illegal, but nobody gets arrested or prosecuted. (although I heard that they may go after the street scene, if it gets bad) Vancouver is quite a nice playground, so to speak. The place is clean, smokers like me are lepers, the Salmon (smoked or fresh) is to die for, the five dollar bill has hockey players on it, and there’s lot of girls to play doctor with. Did I mention that it seems like 1/3 of the population was asian? So when in Rome….
Laiya (for the accountants and score keepers in the group, I have assigned a bonus point system for several categories in this review)
”A penny saved is a penny earned” category- 29 points
I just had to cross off one of my “Things I gotta do before I die” list items while I was there. And having porn like sex with a petite 4’11” Philippine with big fake boobs was one of them. A grumpy old man from another board recommended Laiya as the perfect choice for my fantasy. (www.laiya.com) Her e*mails promised me some erotic FUN, FUN, FUN and I can honestly say she delivered and at a price that was economical as well. Our superior American dollar goes a long way in buying pussy in the great wide north. After the exchange rate an hour was only US$180.00.
”Cleanliness is next to Godliness” category- 16 points
So after having a hard time finding the entrance to her apartment incall, she welcomed me to a very nice pad (it was the penthouse- teehee). We exchanged the usual pleasantries and she offered me a drink from her fully stocked bar. I had water as I already had a few at a strip club just before I got there (had to warm up the motor before it blows a gasket) I then placed my “donation” in the tip jar (alms for the poor, like um… ya know). She then placed her tiny hand on mine and dragged me into the bathroom. Shower and a cup of mouthwash was required. Having read some Canadian versions of UG (www.perb.ca) I knew that she makes all of her clients do this.
”Vogue- love is where you find it, not just where you bump and grind it” category -34 points
She then led me into the most interesting custom-made room I have ever seen.
Her “guest” room had a couch, a stereo, and AN EXOTIC DANCING POLE WITH ULTRA VIOLET LIGHTS AND DISCO BALL!!! The base of the pole even had the obligatory leopard skin print velvet trim. The neat thing about this was- she gets you hot while she does a little dance and unlike strip joints, you can, when you want, reach up and start grabbing and groping. Nothing like a little fantasy play to get you harder than steel in January. The only irksome thing was that the lights made her eyes and teeth glow in a weird neon green. Kinda made her look like a werewolf with mossy teeth.
“And the Oscar goes to…” category- 24 points and
The reverse psychology technique category- 27 points
Still overall the experience was very hot. We started with some great deep french kissing followed by some pussy licking and moved on to a skilled covered BJ (all covered with her, but I didn’t mind). Her attitude the entire time was wild. Whether she was a good actress or “for real” I didn’t care. It was enough to really get you into the experience, she says in a desirable way that you’re a great kisser and how much she wants your cock, etc but it was said in a way that you don’t feel that she’s being condescending and your sexual ego feels great. She then hopped on top and rode me hard and fast, all the while telling me “not to come, because this one’s mine!!”. Talk about wanting to come after hearing that!! It’s a good thing that the Canadian beer is 3 times stronger than the shit we have here, between that, the condom, and the ½ tab of viagra I would have exploded way too early. She was very vocal and if she faked the O then I couldn’t tell. We adjourned to the bedroom, where we had multiple positions and she came quite a bit. (as she got “close” she would tell me not to come yet!) I finally came in the doggie style position as it always gets me.
”My name is Laiya, and I’ll be your tour guide today” category 8 points
Exhausted from the experience, I didn’t even notice that 45 minutes had passed. I’m not saying this to brag, as I mentioned before there were chemical influences in my body that prolonged my boys journey into the great latex barrier. So we chatted for a bit. She’s very professional, enjoys her work, and was very helpful in steering me towards good restaurants and attractions. (she even recommend a nice hotel for me in an e*mail before my trip) In this sense she was the true courtesan, I would highly recommend her to anyone. After all, she got 138 bonus points. She also deserves a Cloud Nine song parody, I was going to do “Lola” by the Kinks, but I wanted to save that for JohnB’s next sexual experience.
“Laiya” A song parody of “Layla” by Cloud Nine
Apologies to Eric Clapton
What to do when I’m in Vancouver?
And my wife is nowhere to be found?
I've been whoring and cheating much too long.
You know that I’m a sex-addict hound.
Laiya, your head’s between my knees.
Laiya, I'm begging, darling please.
Laiya, darling take it easy, I’m the gentle kind.
I tried to take a breather.
But you kept this man on the edge.
Like a fool, I had more sex with you,
Any more, I’d jump off your penthouse ledge.
Laiya, your head’s between my knees.
Laiya, I'm begging, darling please.
Laiya, darling take it easy, I’m the gentle kind.
I made the best of the situation
I only needed one shot on goal.
Please don't say, “Let’s have more sex today.”
"And watch me straddle this dancing pole."
Laiya, your head’s between my knees.
Laiya, I'm begging, darling please.
Laiya, darling take it easy, I’m the gentle kind.
Laiya (for the accountants and score keepers in the group, I have assigned a bonus point system for several categories in this review)
”A penny saved is a penny earned” category- 29 points
I just had to cross off one of my “Things I gotta do before I die” list items while I was there. And having porn like sex with a petite 4’11” Philippine with big fake boobs was one of them. A grumpy old man from another board recommended Laiya as the perfect choice for my fantasy. (www.laiya.com) Her e*mails promised me some erotic FUN, FUN, FUN and I can honestly say she delivered and at a price that was economical as well. Our superior American dollar goes a long way in buying pussy in the great wide north. After the exchange rate an hour was only US$180.00.
”Cleanliness is next to Godliness” category- 16 points
So after having a hard time finding the entrance to her apartment incall, she welcomed me to a very nice pad (it was the penthouse- teehee). We exchanged the usual pleasantries and she offered me a drink from her fully stocked bar. I had water as I already had a few at a strip club just before I got there (had to warm up the motor before it blows a gasket) I then placed my “donation” in the tip jar (alms for the poor, like um… ya know). She then placed her tiny hand on mine and dragged me into the bathroom. Shower and a cup of mouthwash was required. Having read some Canadian versions of UG (www.perb.ca) I knew that she makes all of her clients do this.
”Vogue- love is where you find it, not just where you bump and grind it” category -34 points
She then led me into the most interesting custom-made room I have ever seen.
Her “guest” room had a couch, a stereo, and AN EXOTIC DANCING POLE WITH ULTRA VIOLET LIGHTS AND DISCO BALL!!! The base of the pole even had the obligatory leopard skin print velvet trim. The neat thing about this was- she gets you hot while she does a little dance and unlike strip joints, you can, when you want, reach up and start grabbing and groping. Nothing like a little fantasy play to get you harder than steel in January. The only irksome thing was that the lights made her eyes and teeth glow in a weird neon green. Kinda made her look like a werewolf with mossy teeth.
“And the Oscar goes to…” category- 24 points and
The reverse psychology technique category- 27 points
Still overall the experience was very hot. We started with some great deep french kissing followed by some pussy licking and moved on to a skilled covered BJ (all covered with her, but I didn’t mind). Her attitude the entire time was wild. Whether she was a good actress or “for real” I didn’t care. It was enough to really get you into the experience, she says in a desirable way that you’re a great kisser and how much she wants your cock, etc but it was said in a way that you don’t feel that she’s being condescending and your sexual ego feels great. She then hopped on top and rode me hard and fast, all the while telling me “not to come, because this one’s mine!!”. Talk about wanting to come after hearing that!! It’s a good thing that the Canadian beer is 3 times stronger than the shit we have here, between that, the condom, and the ½ tab of viagra I would have exploded way too early. She was very vocal and if she faked the O then I couldn’t tell. We adjourned to the bedroom, where we had multiple positions and she came quite a bit. (as she got “close” she would tell me not to come yet!) I finally came in the doggie style position as it always gets me.
”My name is Laiya, and I’ll be your tour guide today” category 8 points
Exhausted from the experience, I didn’t even notice that 45 minutes had passed. I’m not saying this to brag, as I mentioned before there were chemical influences in my body that prolonged my boys journey into the great latex barrier. So we chatted for a bit. She’s very professional, enjoys her work, and was very helpful in steering me towards good restaurants and attractions. (she even recommend a nice hotel for me in an e*mail before my trip) In this sense she was the true courtesan, I would highly recommend her to anyone. After all, she got 138 bonus points. She also deserves a Cloud Nine song parody, I was going to do “Lola” by the Kinks, but I wanted to save that for JohnB’s next sexual experience.
“Laiya” A song parody of “Layla” by Cloud Nine
Apologies to Eric Clapton
What to do when I’m in Vancouver?
And my wife is nowhere to be found?
I've been whoring and cheating much too long.
You know that I’m a sex-addict hound.
Laiya, your head’s between my knees.
Laiya, I'm begging, darling please.
Laiya, darling take it easy, I’m the gentle kind.
I tried to take a breather.
But you kept this man on the edge.
Like a fool, I had more sex with you,
Any more, I’d jump off your penthouse ledge.
Laiya, your head’s between my knees.
Laiya, I'm begging, darling please.
Laiya, darling take it easy, I’m the gentle kind.
I made the best of the situation
I only needed one shot on goal.
Please don't say, “Let’s have more sex today.”
"And watch me straddle this dancing pole."
Laiya, your head’s between my knees.
Laiya, I'm begging, darling please.
Laiya, darling take it easy, I’m the gentle kind.
!) Anything else that I wanted as "erotic extras" had to be negotiated in cash. I chose an early 20's caucasion girl slender, I think her name was Halley.