Tony, Speedo and Shoo-Bop (rising from their chairs and doing the wave): Ruth! Ruth! Ruth!
Speedo (in a heckling tone): Swing, batter, swing.
Shoo-Bop: C'mon, ya old skelly bastard! Swing at that pitch.
Tony, Speedo and Shoo-Bop: Porn Star Wank! Porn Star Wank! Porn Star Wank!
(Ruth momentarily performs the Porn Star Wank.)
Tony, Speedo and Shoo-Bop (sit down and quickly rise again to do the wave): Ruth! Ruth! Ruth!
First Cheerleader (addressing Tony): Tony, knock it off.
Tony (addressing First Cheerleader): Keep your shirt on. We were just having fun. It gets boring sitting here watching the same shit all the time. We like to get involved a little. It breaks the monotony.
Bob: I haven't had many original erotic moments in my life. What few moments I had were all with Maria. She was my first girlfriend. We met our freshman year in the cafeteria in the basement of our college dormitory at the ice cream bar they had there in the evenings. She came up to me and asked me for a dollar. I couldn't take my eyes off her as she stood in line. She was wearing a red halter-top and blue jean cut-off shorts and looked like she was God's gift. Maria came back and sat with me once she'd bought her ice cream. Within twenty minutes, we were upstairs naked in my dorm room. I fell in love with her the same night. ---- Even though she knew it upset me, Maria had a thing for screwing my room-mates. I always felt embarrassed and backed out of my dorm room quietly trying not to look when I found her doing that. ---- I put up with it for three years. Finally, I put my foot down at the beginning of senior year. I told her that I wouldn't be in love with her anymore if she didn't change her ways. Everything was going pretty good until the last week in May. But then, the night of her birthday, I took the elevator up to her floor, walked down the hall and opened the door to her room with her birthday present in my hand. Maria and my roommate were both naked. He was sitting on her chest with his back towards me holding on to the back of her head. Maria opened her eyes, saw me and smiled. I put her present on the floor and backed out of the room quietly just like I'd always done. ---- That night I moved to a cheap hotel, got drunk and called an escort service. My first hooker wasn't much to look at, but she seemed to understand how I felt. She let me do her just like I'd seen my roommate do Maria earlier that night. I've been going to hookers ever since. If Mom's best friend hadn't been trying to find a husband for her niece and asked Mom to tell me to take Jean out, I would've never gotten married. I'd have just stuck with hookers.
Herb (addressing Catherine from behind his newspaper): I remember that one. She was fat and missing a tooth and looked like Mrs. O'Brien, the one who had seven children that all went to Bob's grade school.
Catherine (addressing Herb): She was fairly hideous. Looking back on it though, she had just the right cheesy maternal touch.
Jean (addressing Bob): For all the good that you've done me, you should've stayed with the hookers.
(Spotlights slowly illuminate a fourth row of chairs to the right of Bob. In this fourth row of chairs sits Maria. Maria is a woman in her early 40s. She is dressed flashily in a pants suit and wears heavy make-up.)
Maria (addressing Bob): Bob, you're painting that same old unfair picture of me again. If I hadn't been so malignant, you wouldn't have enjoyed having sex with me. And you still fail to grasp that by tormenting you continually I allowed you to experience each step in the evolutionary process over and over again, thereby providing you with an opportunity to become wise. I took you from bug (or worm, more precisely, in your case), to reptile, to chimpanzee, made you a man, and then reversed the process - sometimes all in the same day. ---- I rather liked you as a chimpanzee. You were cute when you were being submissive and turning to show me your rump. I felt pity for you at such times. That always made me hot. ---- If you'd had the courage to transcribe your continual progressions and regressions up and down the food chain, you would've become a genius. Instead, you're stuck here telling yourself stories.
Morgan (bursts out laughing, turns and addresses Maria): You make being a cunt sound like a positive virtue. I've never heard it put quite that way.
Maria (addressing Morgan angrily): Fuck off! You're not a permanent re-occurring character like me. I have real status. I get to wear clothes.
Morgan (addressing Maria): From Bob's description, I was looking forward to seeing what you looked like. My own personal harpies at that age were all stunningly attractive. I was hoping that Bob's standards were up to my own. I'm a little disappointed. ---- I suppose, however, that the larger positive meaning in this is that ordinary looking women like you have a chance at finding love and happiness. That's good. People need love and happiness even when they are ordinary looking.
Maria: I don't know how you ever stopped being catatonic. But I wouldn't get too comfortable. There are other things that can happen to you here. No one will come save you when you start to scream.
Morgan: I've been beaten to death, burned alive, dismembered, shot, stabbed, strangled, and thrown out the window so many times that I've stopped counting. I've forgotten what it's like to feel fear. Maybe you can help me remember. ---- You know, when you were younger and supposedly a hot item I bet you weren't even as attractive as Ruth is now. Frankly, if you went to work as a prostitute tonight looking the way you do, you'd be lucky to find work in a down-market brothel taking it up the ass on the night shift. And as far as you being a permanent re-occurring character, just watch this.
Morgan (addressing Bob): Bob, Maria was a heartless skank. You only thought she was beautiful because you lacked the courage to see what a stupid slut she really was. Forget her. You deserve new and better, original erotic moments. Never think of Maria again. Vanessa here is much more attractive than Maria ever was. Open your eyes and look at her. When she speaks, answer her.
Bob (opening his eyes): Come to think of it, Maria really was skanky looking. I never saw anybody be interested in her for anything but sex. She was stupid and selfish. I don't know why I've been carrying on like a fool about her all these years. It was only my insecurity that made her so desirable. Her blowjobs weren't even that great. Nothing like Vanessa here, who has real skill. ---- I'm not going to think about Maria anymore. I'm going to forget her. If I think of her at all in the future, it'll only be at odd moments when I'm shaking the last drops of pee off my dick late at night in railroad station bathrooms. ---- I hope Vanessa says something to me soon. She seems really nice.
Morgan (addressing Ruth): Ruth, you've misread Bob here completely. He's not like Chang at all. True, there is a little bit of the silent uptight shit-head about him that makes you think he wants you to be his servant girl, but that silence is covering up a needy guy who is just dying to be let out. You must talk to him to draw him out in the open.
Ruth: Now that I think about it, I realize that I've misread you. I do that sometimes when selecting a book from the shelf to read to my johns. Instead of picking "Curious Tommy Seduces the Woman with His Elegant Interesting Conversation," I pick "Curious Johnny Pumps the Wild Mare in Rut" or some other title the john has no interest in hearing. With you, I took your silence to mean that you wanted me to read "Curious George Sits on His Throne Getting Sucked Off By the Servant Girl." But that's not the story you came to hear. You want me to read "Curious Bobby Gets Consoled by the Kindly Woman." (Resumes blowing Bob momentarily) All right. Even though I'd much prefer reading "Curious Johnny Pumps the Wild Mare in Rut" all day (Well, I would substitute your name in the story), I can do that. All it will take are some slight inner mental and emotional adjustments. I must turn down the bass of my meanness and turn up the treble of my niceness all the way. (Resumes blowing Bob momentarily) That's all there is to it in being a great whore, or a woman for that matter when you think about it. Different types of men prefer different mixtures of meanness and niceness. Some, like you, want women to be absolute niceness machines even though women are really no nicer than the average man you meet walking down the street and sometimes a damm sight worse. Others want you to be as mean as possible because it helps them have a more intense nasty fuck. OK. I just have to clear my mind for a second and relax. The last needy guy I did was two days ago. I have to remember. (Ruth closes eyes for a moment.)
Ruth (looking up and addressing Bob in a reassuring, warm tone): How are you feeling? You're so quiet tonight.
Bob (opening up his eyes and looking down at Ruth to address her in a grateful tone): I'm kind of shy. Thanks for asking me. I'm feeling pretty good. You're really nice.
Ruth (looking up and addressing Bob): You're quite welcome. I want you to feel as good as you possibly can feel. ---- I've been on my knees for awhile and need to stretch my legs. Would you mind?
Bob (addressing Ruth): Oh, no. Not at all.
(Ruth stands, turns her back to Bob and stretches slowly down to touch her toes.)
Ruth (while stretching): The sight of my bent over ass often generates a primordial response in men. This makes my job much easier.
Bob (looking at Ruth's ass): Oh, my God. What an ass!
Ruth (addressing Bob while resuming her kneeling position): Just sit back and let me take care of you.
Ruth: A definite change in fellatio tactics is called for here. Needy guys always want the Courtesan Special with lots of tender stomach and chest touching thrown in for their blowjobs. Then, at the end, they like the SchoolGirl Finish. After experiencing all that need, that helps them feel like real men again. It's sort of like burping a baby after they've had enough to drink. Without it, they might vomit. (Resumes blowing Bob momentarily) Too much neediness is bad for dick people. It terrifies them. They have to have their sense of masculinity restored to them in a way that allows them to forget that they were ever vulnerable in the first place. That's the magic trick men like you want women to perform for them.
(Ruth begins performing the Courtesan Special with lots of tender stomach and chest touching thrown in.)
Morgan (addressing Bob): Bob, to show your gratitude for the wonderful job Vanessa is doing, it's time you said something nice about her for posterity's sake. For the performance part of your review, add the following: Vanessa was a veritable harlequin of desire. She blew me like she was twenty different women. She turned me every which way but loose. I was amazed at her skill.
Bob (opening his eyes and lifting the Dictaphone to his mouth): For the performance part of my review, I note the following: Vanessa was a veritable harlequin of desire. She blew me like she was twenty different women. She turned me every which way but loose. I was amazed at her skill. (Lowers Dictaphone) I love that phrase "harlequin of desire." Other men will think it's brilliant. Vanessa will love it too. I'd like to be one of her regulars. A little praise never hurts if you want to get on a woman's good side.
Morgan (addressing Maria): You see, dear heart, no one is permanent here.
(Maria gives Morgan a furious stare, but says nothing. A waiter wearing a white jacket and black pants, enters the room pushing a snack cart. He circulates among the rows of chairs quietly dispensing beverages and food.)
Jean (reading aloud as she writes a Christmas card): Dear Aunt Kay, We're looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. You won't recognize Allison and Jeffrey. They've both grown so much this past year. Nothing much else is new. Bob found a new hooker tonight he seems to like. It's too early to tell how it'll work out. Love, Jean
Speedo (in a heckling tone): Swing, batter, swing.
Shoo-Bop: C'mon, ya old skelly bastard! Swing at that pitch.
Tony, Speedo and Shoo-Bop: Porn Star Wank! Porn Star Wank! Porn Star Wank!
(Ruth momentarily performs the Porn Star Wank.)
Tony, Speedo and Shoo-Bop (sit down and quickly rise again to do the wave): Ruth! Ruth! Ruth!
First Cheerleader (addressing Tony): Tony, knock it off.
Tony (addressing First Cheerleader): Keep your shirt on. We were just having fun. It gets boring sitting here watching the same shit all the time. We like to get involved a little. It breaks the monotony.
Bob: I haven't had many original erotic moments in my life. What few moments I had were all with Maria. She was my first girlfriend. We met our freshman year in the cafeteria in the basement of our college dormitory at the ice cream bar they had there in the evenings. She came up to me and asked me for a dollar. I couldn't take my eyes off her as she stood in line. She was wearing a red halter-top and blue jean cut-off shorts and looked like she was God's gift. Maria came back and sat with me once she'd bought her ice cream. Within twenty minutes, we were upstairs naked in my dorm room. I fell in love with her the same night. ---- Even though she knew it upset me, Maria had a thing for screwing my room-mates. I always felt embarrassed and backed out of my dorm room quietly trying not to look when I found her doing that. ---- I put up with it for three years. Finally, I put my foot down at the beginning of senior year. I told her that I wouldn't be in love with her anymore if she didn't change her ways. Everything was going pretty good until the last week in May. But then, the night of her birthday, I took the elevator up to her floor, walked down the hall and opened the door to her room with her birthday present in my hand. Maria and my roommate were both naked. He was sitting on her chest with his back towards me holding on to the back of her head. Maria opened her eyes, saw me and smiled. I put her present on the floor and backed out of the room quietly just like I'd always done. ---- That night I moved to a cheap hotel, got drunk and called an escort service. My first hooker wasn't much to look at, but she seemed to understand how I felt. She let me do her just like I'd seen my roommate do Maria earlier that night. I've been going to hookers ever since. If Mom's best friend hadn't been trying to find a husband for her niece and asked Mom to tell me to take Jean out, I would've never gotten married. I'd have just stuck with hookers.
Herb (addressing Catherine from behind his newspaper): I remember that one. She was fat and missing a tooth and looked like Mrs. O'Brien, the one who had seven children that all went to Bob's grade school.
Catherine (addressing Herb): She was fairly hideous. Looking back on it though, she had just the right cheesy maternal touch.
Jean (addressing Bob): For all the good that you've done me, you should've stayed with the hookers.
(Spotlights slowly illuminate a fourth row of chairs to the right of Bob. In this fourth row of chairs sits Maria. Maria is a woman in her early 40s. She is dressed flashily in a pants suit and wears heavy make-up.)
Maria (addressing Bob): Bob, you're painting that same old unfair picture of me again. If I hadn't been so malignant, you wouldn't have enjoyed having sex with me. And you still fail to grasp that by tormenting you continually I allowed you to experience each step in the evolutionary process over and over again, thereby providing you with an opportunity to become wise. I took you from bug (or worm, more precisely, in your case), to reptile, to chimpanzee, made you a man, and then reversed the process - sometimes all in the same day. ---- I rather liked you as a chimpanzee. You were cute when you were being submissive and turning to show me your rump. I felt pity for you at such times. That always made me hot. ---- If you'd had the courage to transcribe your continual progressions and regressions up and down the food chain, you would've become a genius. Instead, you're stuck here telling yourself stories.
Morgan (bursts out laughing, turns and addresses Maria): You make being a cunt sound like a positive virtue. I've never heard it put quite that way.
Maria (addressing Morgan angrily): Fuck off! You're not a permanent re-occurring character like me. I have real status. I get to wear clothes.
Morgan (addressing Maria): From Bob's description, I was looking forward to seeing what you looked like. My own personal harpies at that age were all stunningly attractive. I was hoping that Bob's standards were up to my own. I'm a little disappointed. ---- I suppose, however, that the larger positive meaning in this is that ordinary looking women like you have a chance at finding love and happiness. That's good. People need love and happiness even when they are ordinary looking.
Maria: I don't know how you ever stopped being catatonic. But I wouldn't get too comfortable. There are other things that can happen to you here. No one will come save you when you start to scream.
Morgan: I've been beaten to death, burned alive, dismembered, shot, stabbed, strangled, and thrown out the window so many times that I've stopped counting. I've forgotten what it's like to feel fear. Maybe you can help me remember. ---- You know, when you were younger and supposedly a hot item I bet you weren't even as attractive as Ruth is now. Frankly, if you went to work as a prostitute tonight looking the way you do, you'd be lucky to find work in a down-market brothel taking it up the ass on the night shift. And as far as you being a permanent re-occurring character, just watch this.
Morgan (addressing Bob): Bob, Maria was a heartless skank. You only thought she was beautiful because you lacked the courage to see what a stupid slut she really was. Forget her. You deserve new and better, original erotic moments. Never think of Maria again. Vanessa here is much more attractive than Maria ever was. Open your eyes and look at her. When she speaks, answer her.
Bob (opening his eyes): Come to think of it, Maria really was skanky looking. I never saw anybody be interested in her for anything but sex. She was stupid and selfish. I don't know why I've been carrying on like a fool about her all these years. It was only my insecurity that made her so desirable. Her blowjobs weren't even that great. Nothing like Vanessa here, who has real skill. ---- I'm not going to think about Maria anymore. I'm going to forget her. If I think of her at all in the future, it'll only be at odd moments when I'm shaking the last drops of pee off my dick late at night in railroad station bathrooms. ---- I hope Vanessa says something to me soon. She seems really nice.
Morgan (addressing Ruth): Ruth, you've misread Bob here completely. He's not like Chang at all. True, there is a little bit of the silent uptight shit-head about him that makes you think he wants you to be his servant girl, but that silence is covering up a needy guy who is just dying to be let out. You must talk to him to draw him out in the open.
Ruth: Now that I think about it, I realize that I've misread you. I do that sometimes when selecting a book from the shelf to read to my johns. Instead of picking "Curious Tommy Seduces the Woman with His Elegant Interesting Conversation," I pick "Curious Johnny Pumps the Wild Mare in Rut" or some other title the john has no interest in hearing. With you, I took your silence to mean that you wanted me to read "Curious George Sits on His Throne Getting Sucked Off By the Servant Girl." But that's not the story you came to hear. You want me to read "Curious Bobby Gets Consoled by the Kindly Woman." (Resumes blowing Bob momentarily) All right. Even though I'd much prefer reading "Curious Johnny Pumps the Wild Mare in Rut" all day (Well, I would substitute your name in the story), I can do that. All it will take are some slight inner mental and emotional adjustments. I must turn down the bass of my meanness and turn up the treble of my niceness all the way. (Resumes blowing Bob momentarily) That's all there is to it in being a great whore, or a woman for that matter when you think about it. Different types of men prefer different mixtures of meanness and niceness. Some, like you, want women to be absolute niceness machines even though women are really no nicer than the average man you meet walking down the street and sometimes a damm sight worse. Others want you to be as mean as possible because it helps them have a more intense nasty fuck. OK. I just have to clear my mind for a second and relax. The last needy guy I did was two days ago. I have to remember. (Ruth closes eyes for a moment.)
Ruth (looking up and addressing Bob in a reassuring, warm tone): How are you feeling? You're so quiet tonight.
Bob (opening up his eyes and looking down at Ruth to address her in a grateful tone): I'm kind of shy. Thanks for asking me. I'm feeling pretty good. You're really nice.
Ruth (looking up and addressing Bob): You're quite welcome. I want you to feel as good as you possibly can feel. ---- I've been on my knees for awhile and need to stretch my legs. Would you mind?
Bob (addressing Ruth): Oh, no. Not at all.
(Ruth stands, turns her back to Bob and stretches slowly down to touch her toes.)
Ruth (while stretching): The sight of my bent over ass often generates a primordial response in men. This makes my job much easier.
Bob (looking at Ruth's ass): Oh, my God. What an ass!
Ruth (addressing Bob while resuming her kneeling position): Just sit back and let me take care of you.
Ruth: A definite change in fellatio tactics is called for here. Needy guys always want the Courtesan Special with lots of tender stomach and chest touching thrown in for their blowjobs. Then, at the end, they like the SchoolGirl Finish. After experiencing all that need, that helps them feel like real men again. It's sort of like burping a baby after they've had enough to drink. Without it, they might vomit. (Resumes blowing Bob momentarily) Too much neediness is bad for dick people. It terrifies them. They have to have their sense of masculinity restored to them in a way that allows them to forget that they were ever vulnerable in the first place. That's the magic trick men like you want women to perform for them.
(Ruth begins performing the Courtesan Special with lots of tender stomach and chest touching thrown in.)
Morgan (addressing Bob): Bob, to show your gratitude for the wonderful job Vanessa is doing, it's time you said something nice about her for posterity's sake. For the performance part of your review, add the following: Vanessa was a veritable harlequin of desire. She blew me like she was twenty different women. She turned me every which way but loose. I was amazed at her skill.
Bob (opening his eyes and lifting the Dictaphone to his mouth): For the performance part of my review, I note the following: Vanessa was a veritable harlequin of desire. She blew me like she was twenty different women. She turned me every which way but loose. I was amazed at her skill. (Lowers Dictaphone) I love that phrase "harlequin of desire." Other men will think it's brilliant. Vanessa will love it too. I'd like to be one of her regulars. A little praise never hurts if you want to get on a woman's good side.
Morgan (addressing Maria): You see, dear heart, no one is permanent here.
(Maria gives Morgan a furious stare, but says nothing. A waiter wearing a white jacket and black pants, enters the room pushing a snack cart. He circulates among the rows of chairs quietly dispensing beverages and food.)
Jean (reading aloud as she writes a Christmas card): Dear Aunt Kay, We're looking forward to seeing you at Christmas. You won't recognize Allison and Jeffrey. They've both grown so much this past year. Nothing much else is new. Bob found a new hooker tonight he seems to like. It's too early to tell how it'll work out. Love, Jean