Jewish jokes
- Thread starter genius
- Start date
Having an opinion won't get you banned, but if you don't feel like reading Jewish jokes that maybe in poor taste then don't open up a thread called "Jewish Jokes" on Utopiaguide. There are far more posts that are a lot more offensive that people are posting in earnest (i.e. not joking) all over this forum - the entire forum is no place for people with "sensitive ears."
I know lots of Jewish jokes. I like ethnic humor.
Keyword in that last sentence was "humor"
(My jokes are funny!)
I can laugh at myself, I can laugh at others.
I just don't find some things "funny"...that's all.
I felt that my silence might be misinterpreted as approval.
Of all the humor here, I only felt compelled to comment on one.
Keyword in that last sentence was "humor"
(My jokes are funny!)
I can laugh at myself, I can laugh at others.
I just don't find some things "funny"...that's all.
I felt that my silence might be misinterpreted as approval.
Of all the humor here, I only felt compelled to comment on one.
An Israeli farmer sees a man drinking from his irrigation tank, with one hand.
...he goes running over, screaming in Yiddish:
"Trinken Sie night die Wassar, die Kuh hat geshiessen darrin!"
("Dont drink the water, the cow defecated in it!")
But the man turns to him, saying:
"I am an Arab, either speak to me in the HOLY language of Islam, or speak to me in English."
The farmer replies:
"Use TWO hands, you''ll get more!"
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What is the most confusing day in Jerusalem?
(Free pork?)
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Orthodox Jew, deserted island, two temples, too long!
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What's black, and blue, and floats?
A Jew that tells jokes about Italians.
...he goes running over, screaming in Yiddish:
"Trinken Sie night die Wassar, die Kuh hat geshiessen darrin!"
("Dont drink the water, the cow defecated in it!")
But the man turns to him, saying:
"I am an Arab, either speak to me in the HOLY language of Islam, or speak to me in English."
The farmer replies:
"Use TWO hands, you''ll get more!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the most confusing day in Jerusalem?
(Free pork?)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Orthodox Jew, deserted island, two temples, too long!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------'
What's black, and blue, and floats?
A Jew that tells jokes about Italians.
in her solo show.
What's the difference between a Jewish American princess and the Bermuda Triangle?
The Bermuda Triangle swallows seamen.
What do you get if you cross a jewish-american princess with a PC?
A system that never goes down.
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jews fighting over a penny.
Now one for Ammodyte:
How do you fit 22 Jews in a Volkswagen?
Either throw a nickel in the backseat, or......
Two in the front, two in the back, and 18 in the ashtray.
The Bermuda Triangle swallows seamen.
What do you get if you cross a jewish-american princess with a PC?
A system that never goes down.
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jews fighting over a penny.
Now one for Ammodyte:
How do you fit 22 Jews in a Volkswagen?
Either throw a nickel in the backseat, or......
Two in the front, two in the back, and 18 in the ashtray.
How was the Grand Canyon formed?
(A Scotchman lost a penny)
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What is a Japs favorite sexual position?
(Facing Bloomingdales)
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SB understands my sensibilities perfectly!
Lick the ashtray, and see if you agree with me about "bad taste."
(A Scotchman lost a penny)
---------------------------------------------
What is a Japs favorite sexual position?
(Facing Bloomingdales)
------------------------------------------------
SB understands my sensibilities perfectly!
Lick the ashtray, and see if you agree with me about "bad taste."
There's a redneck, a black man and a Mexican walking on a beach and they come along a magic lamp so they rub it and a genie springs forth and tells them he will grant them each one wish. The black man goes first and says "My wish is that all my peoples be transported back to Africa from this cursed land."
The genie replies "your wish will be granted."
Next the Mexican steps up and says "That is a great idea. I too wish my peoples be transported back to Mexico from this cursed land."
Again the genie replies "your wish will be granted."
Next the redneck steps up and says "Let me get this straight: all the blacks are going back to Africa and all the Mexicans are going back to Mexico? I'll have a Diet Coke please."
The genie replies "your wish will be granted."
Next the Mexican steps up and says "That is a great idea. I too wish my peoples be transported back to Mexico from this cursed land."
Again the genie replies "your wish will be granted."
Next the redneck steps up and says "Let me get this straight: all the blacks are going back to Africa and all the Mexicans are going back to Mexico? I'll have a Diet Coke please."
A blonde a brunette and a redhead go to the bar. The bartender says "I am psychic give me a hint and I will guess your drink. If I don't guess it the drink is on the house." . So he asks the brunette what she will have and she says I will have a tool. The bartender says one screwdriver coming up. He then asks the redhead what she would like. She says I will have an island. The bartender say one long island iced tea on the way. The then asks the blonde what will it be ma'am, the blonde says I will have a fifteen. The bartender stands there and for the life of him can't figure it out. He says ok I give up what is it and she says it's a seven and seven.