Wow! What an interesting thread.
OK, Happy Guy. If you are no longer interested in her, then you should make up a lie that will spare her feelings and get you out of the situation. (I'm sorry - I do believe in lying if it saves a person's feelings). Just tell her that you cannot continue to see her for a logistic reason. You can tell her that you've moving, or that your wife and you are going to therapy and really trying to make it work, or that you've met someone and fallen in love and will be getting married. She doesn't know she's being a pain in the ass, and it's not your job to teach her that. Just extricate yourself with the minimum of trouble and pain.
In the future, try to set up arrangments that keep her cash flow steady and expected. Try "I will give you $XXX a week, if you are available to me one/two/whatever times a week. I may not see you every week, but I will also never see you in excess of X times a week. Please keep Tuesdays open for me, but I will call two days in advance for Saturdays." YOu know, just stuff that maps out what will go on, and how to set it up. If you won't be seeing her for three weeks, then you can decide to either pay her those weeks, or explain to her that she might want to opt out of the arrangment. (Ideally, you shuodl pay of some of it, as most business contracts require at least some notice of termination. You could pay her for one week and explain that it is your last week, until furhter notice.)
Fishfry, I think you were justified to be offended by her behavior. However, I think that it is rude to tell someone to leave a place unless they are being disruptive or very insulting. She is clearly a rank amateur, but isn't that what you were looking for? I mean, if a provider behaved so badly, then you could say "Hey, you've got a fucked up way of doing business, lady" but this gal was clearly clueless. It sounds to me like she wanted a sugar daddy, but didn't feel good about what she was doing. Anyway, no matter how unattracted she was to you, being rejected still hurt. That's why she looked stricken. Now, I don't know what tone of voice she took with you when she said "You should have told me before lunch" -If she was loud and disruptive, then you were right to tell her to leave. If she merely seemed hurt and was rude, but quietly so, then I think you should have maintained a more gentlemanly composure.
You should have said "Well, I'm sorry it didn't work out" signalled for the check, then gotten out of there ASAP. Unless she became loud and disruptive, there was no need to tellher to leave. It is probable that she would have remained very unhappy, but all youneed to do is repeat "I'm sorry about this. Good luck to you" and there needn't be an argument.
The other night, I had a date that went very badly. I started out being attracted to him, but then he behaved rather badly during the date. I thought he was angling too hard to get me to go into his aparrtment, he complained that I wasn't asking him enough questions about himself, he made some comments about how all women have used him... just a real negative guy. But, I maintained a polite face the whole time. At the end of the night, he tried the old "Can I come in and use your bathroom?" gambit (I HATE THAT!) and I found myself in a stupid argument about why he couldn't. I finally told him that I was sorry, but I have a policy of never going into an apartment with a man if I don't want to have sex. That way, I avoid many awkward and even dangerous situations. At this point, he said something like "Oh, that's not fair. You women sleep with all sorts of men until you want to get married, then you make us guys wait." This, of course, is absolutely true, but he didn't have to be such a peevish, whiney bitch about it. At this point, I gently told him that I was sorry, but I didn't feel a real connection with hi,. I thinanked him for the evening, and started to leave. And he went off like a bomb. Ranting and raving and saying that I was confused, in denial, resisting my attraction to him, and throwing away happiness. He also said "I'm sick of women dumping me on the first date" and "All you women are the same."
He is still emailing me, alternately trying to argue with me and trying to ask me out on dates. I ignore all of his emails.
I just thought I'd share that experience, although I have no idea what it has to do with this thread. Oh! Yes - I see now that my mistake was in being kind and trying to explain myself to him. Nobody needs to be told why they are rejected. Give 'em a gentle little excuse, and get the hell out of there. No matter how you try to handle it, it's gonna piss them off. All we can control is our own behavior.
Phantom: Women do experience romantic rejection. We do not actually sit there, passively, while men approach us. I ask men out. I can think of dozens of men who have rejected me. No, they don't laugh in my face, but then, I've never laughed at a man,either. (Unless he had a fucked up pick up line or somehthing.) Also, women get rejected at a different point. Men often argue that we women can always go to a bar and find a guy to go home with. However, we don't WANT that. Really. If I met a guy in a bar and went home with him, I'd probably be crazy about him, and he'd dump me the next day and it would hurt like the dickens.
Trust me - both sexes have it hard. The roles expected of us are different, and there are unique situaions to both, but I'd be certain that it equals out.
BTW, sorry about the typos, this edit box is bigger than my computer screen, so I can't see the ends of lines.
