Having a hard time (pun intended) at group events.

[Waterclone]

I've recently started going to a swingers party that allows single men. Found it on Fetlife.

There are usually some single girls, some couples and a lot of single guys. The guy to girl ratio varies. Sometimes it's overwhelming, and sometimes it's pretty good.

I really enjoy the social aspect of the party. I like hanging out with other, like minded, people, and I like the idea of fucking too. But, I find that I have a hard time getting it up, or keeping it up in that environment. I am not bothered (that I know of) by the proximity of the other dicks, and I don't think it's a problem with people watching. I guess I am more of a one on one kind of guy. Or maybe I am just getting caught up in my own head.

I suppose I could just go and hang out and not try to participate, but I hate the idea of turning down any women that are interested in playing.

So, anyone have any advice other than trying to get a scrip for viagra? When alone with a girl, while I am not the fastest guy to get a hard on, I don't really have a problem there, so I am sure it's psychological and not physiological.

 

[Slinky Bender]

It sounds to me like you are trying to be something you are not because you like the concept of it. You say " I am not bothered (that I know of) by the proximity of the other dicks, and I don't think it's a problem with people watching." But obviously that is not the case. Go enjoy what you enjoy and stop working so hard trying to enjoy stuff you THINK you should be enjoying but don't.

 

[Waterclone]

The problem with "go enjoy what you enjoy" is that what I enjoy is beyond my budget, so I guess I am trying to substitute something close.

But, your point is extremely valid.

 

[fairemily]

I think anyone who attends swingers parties must have tendencies towards either Voyeurism, Exhibitism, Bi-Curosity or all of the above. I believe you have to be open to all of the above to truly enjoy the experience in full comfort, if being cruised by other men visually or otherwise bothers you then a swinging party probably isn't the place for you.

 

[fairemily]

The problem with "go enjoy what you enjoy" is that what I enjoy is beyond my budget, so I guess I am trying to substitute something close.

But, your point is extremely valid.

If your motivation is being close to something but not exactly because of a budget then you are probably not on the same playing field as many of the other attendees. It seems you will either have up expand your capacity of enjoying activities outside if your comfort or your expand your wallet. I'm an absolutist of what I know I really want and cannot substitute it for anything and I accept that as difficult as it is.

 

[Waterclone]

I like your suggestion of "expand your capacity of enjoying activities outside if your comfort". That's kind of what I want to do and why I posted. The problem is physical. I may be enjoying myself on an intellectual level, but my dick ain't getting hard. As I said before, Slinky's point that I shouldn't try so hard to be something that I am not, has a lot of validity.

This might also be related to getting older, or it could be that sex getting much more common for me. While I said earlier I don't have a problem one on one, these days, I have to admit that it does take a lot longer for me to get hard than it used to.

I think the next time I go to one of these party's I'll go with the intention of not getting undressed. Just enjoy hanging out. There are always people who aren't involved in any play. I do like the social parts and perhaps removing the subconscious pressure will make a difference.

 

[Slinky Bender]

If you are anything like me, if you follow through with that plan and some girl comes up to you and starts rubbing your crotch, etc. And MAKES you get undressed so she can have sex with you, then you won't have a problem getting it up.

 

[Waterclone]

LOL. if only I were more like you.

My problem is, that is exactly what happened last week. Maybe it was the beer. I only had 2, but alcohol can interfere. Next time I'll (try) not to see anyone in the week preceding, and I'll stick to water. See how that goes.

 

[MarioBallo]

Wondering if younger guys are allowed at this parties.

 

[RacerX495]

I think it comes down to either youre into the public action or youre just looking for NSA fun. I can usually come quicker if I feel people are watching me. Some times when I pick up a SW I will open the window and stare at passers by. I make sure not to blink as I blankly stare at them. Looks something like this.