Getting Sober

#1
The last couple of years have been rough for me although they recently got better. In that time frame I developed an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Never had any major issues with the law or anything like that but it is taking an effect on my weight a tad and overall health. My blackouts have been increasing the last year as well anytime I introduce liquor into the equation with beer.
After about 15 years of smoking marijuana I did kick that last September and have not smoked since.
Not getting any younger and realize maybe I should try to kicking it out of my life all together.
I am sure there are many here who have gotten sober and I would like any advice, suggestions or support one could givr.
 
#2
@Massey,
Kudos to you for realizing you having an issue with alcohol and taking the first step towards helping yourself -
There are a wealth of resources available to you from AA meetings ( not for everyone) to therapy and even inpatient and outpatient centers.

If I may respectfully suggest, why don’t you ask your physician ( if you have one) for guidance or if you have health insurance contact them anonymously and see if they can refer you to a professional .
Given you indicated that you may have blacked out occasionally, this sounds more serious.
Thank you for sharing
 
#3
Alcohol is a hard 1.... it's every where... people look down on u when you tell them you don't drink... but if you tell them you don't smoke crack..... thats "normal"...

First question is how much do you drink... Do you drink all day everyday? You can have a seizure and die from alcohol withdrawals.

I know for me with drugs... I had to go away for a year to get my head back on straight... You can try AA meetings... If you think you need to go to detox... let me know. I can tell you where to go.
 
#4
The last couple of years have been rough for me although they recently got better. In that time frame I developed an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Never had any major issues with the law or anything like that but it is taking an effect on my weight a tad and overall health. My blackouts have been increasing the last year as well anytime I introduce liquor into the equation with beer.
After about 15 years of smoking marijuana I did kick that last September and have not smoked since.
Not getting any younger and realize maybe I should try to kicking it out of my life all together.
I am sure there are many here who have gotten sober and I would like any advice, suggestions or support one could givr.
AA meetings would be the 1st step. If you feel funny about it, then try doing them on Zoom. You can join meetings from anywhere in the world where people don’t know you.

For the many people that hate AA, there are a ton of outpatient facilities on Long Island. Find one your insurance covers (easy), get an assessment, and they will place you in groups to best fit your needs.

If your cravings for alcohol are daily and significant, you should inquire about Medically Assisted Treatment. There are drugs like Campral and naltrexone that really do work for that. There is nothing wrong with using them. They do not have any significant side effects, or at least any side effects that are worse than being an alcoholic.

If your body is currently dependent on alcohol, like you get the shakes or have withdrawals go to a detox.

You didn’t mention it, but you are an alcoholic. If you don’t think so, you will understand when you hear people in the meetings just like you.

To use Norm McDonalds analogy, if you ate a ham sandwich and it made you sick, messed up your health, and caused you to blackout, why would you ever eat ham again?

Good luck on your recovery. I hope that in 6 months we are hearing stories of all the recovery pussy your getting.. (go to NA for that :D)
 
#6
I was always kind of worried that I would be the only sober guy in the room going out when I quit
but you can adapt. Instead of gin and tonic just get the Tonic. Every bar in the city usually
stocks Heineken 0 - they may have to dig a bit and find it for you.

Ironically there is a tie in on this board. Having totally sober sex is a whole new experience.
Even in college most hookups I would be at least half in the bag.

The first few times post quitting were very very weird.

After a few tries on SB I finally hit my stride and find I can last longer and
pop at least twice- something I could never do when drinking.

I think everyone has to make their own lifestyle decisions - I am not judge-y for
those who still drink- but I am happy that I made the change.
 
#7
The last couple of years have been rough for me although they recently got better. In that time frame I developed an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Never had any major issues with the law or anything like that but it is taking an effect on my weight a tad and overall health. My blackouts have been increasing the last year as well anytime I introduce liquor into the equation with beer.
After about 15 years of smoking marijuana I did kick that last September and have not smoked since.
Not getting any younger and realize maybe I should try to kicking it out of my life all together.
I am sure there are many here who have gotten sober and I would like any advice, suggestions or support one could givr.
I also liked the help of regular AA meeting years ago .I got sober in the 80's. It can take time to find the right group and right people. But the books helped as well. 12steps helped me the most
 
#8
Also... I know AA can turn some people away cause of the God stuff.... Some groups are way more ummmmm, how can I say this, spiritual then others... so if ur gonna try meetings.... try a few different 1s before u say fuk that shit....
 
#9
when I was in college I worked at a waiter in a higher end restaurant during times my course work allowed me to be few a couple of hours around lunch time. I had a customer who would ask to be at one of my tables when he was doing a business deal over lunch with someone or a group of someones.

I knew what I was doing as I didn't bother him when he was making his pitches (none of that "how is your meal" or "is there anything else you need" that would interrupt the flow of conversation) but a simple glance in my direction and I would be right to his table.

Anyway when he and his customer would order drinks he would ask for "my usual" which I knew was to be cold tea water in a rocks glass. The customer(s) always got whatever was ordered. Another glance to me and another round was delivered to the table.

I had no idea if he was an alcoholic; the point is that he didn't want alcohol to interfere with what he was trying to accomplish. I assume this trick could also work with gin and tonic, etc., but I think something that looked like a scotch on the rocks looked more manly.
 
#10
That definitely makes sense - you want to be sharp and at the top of your
game for the deal and if you order a "Shirley temple" wimpy type non alcoholic
drink this raises suspicions. Not that its right - but either its we can't trust the guy
if he can't hold his booze or he is a freak because he doesn't drink.

Heineken 0 has been my go-to drink going out since getting sober- it looks like a regular
beer- same type of bottle and you only can tell if you look close that it is non alcoholic.
And it seems to be available almost everywhere.

You definitely get looks at work events if you are standing around without a beer
or drink in hand and it hurts your networking chances.

And there are even more options at good grocery and liquor stores - the quality and
variety of non alcoholic beers is getting better all the time.
 
#11
That definitely makes sense - you want to be sharp and at the top of your
game for the deal and if you order a "Shirley temple" wimpy type non alcoholic
drink this raises suspicions. Not that its right - but either its we can't trust the guy
if he can't hold his booze or he is a freak because he doesn't drink.

Heineken 0 has been my go-to drink going out since getting sober- it looks like a regular
beer- same type of bottle and you only can tell if you look close that it is non alcoholic.
And it seems to be available almost everywhere.

You definitely get looks at work events if you are standing around without a beer
or drink in hand and it hurts your networking chances.

And there are even more options at good grocery and liquor stores - the quality and
variety of non alcoholic beers is getting better all the time.
Why would you classify someone as a “freak” is he or she does not drink?

If one is so concerned about getting looks at work or networking events because they don’t have a drink in hand—
You are associating with the wrong people or you have a serious self esteem problem
 
#12
Why would you classify someone as a “freak” is he or she does not drink?

If one is so concerned about getting looks at work or networking events because they don’t have a drink in hand—
You are associating with the wrong people or you have a serious self esteem problem
It reminds me of when I was in high school and a sorta group formed of the outcasts of which some got high and some didn't. One kid remarked "that kid can't hang out with us because he doesn't get high" to which I responded, paraphrasing what I said then, "fuck that he can hang out.".
I never liked that pressure to do this or that drug (even though I did whatever drugs I liked).
 
#13
Why would you classify someone as a “freak” is he or she does not drink?
IMHO not his intent. @mrwarpo said "...you want to be sharp and at the top of your
game for the deal and if you order a "Shirley temple" wimpy type non alcoholic
drink this raises suspicions. Not that its right " (italics on his words are mine)

If one is so concerned about getting looks at work or networking events because they don’t have a drink in hand—
You are associating with the wrong people or you have a serious self esteem problem
Sometimes you don't have a lot of choice on who your associates at work or at work related networking are". And this (walking around with a drink) may have more to do with their self-esteem than than one self.

And another addiction: Back in the day if you didn't have a cigarette in you hand you weren't cool either.

Many of you guys of a certain age may remember the Virginia Slims cigarette advert "You've come a long way, baby.” i.e., you are finally cool and sophisticated now that you smoke just like men.

And they obviously have come a long way as more women die from lung cancer each year than from breast cancer
 
#14
when I was in college I worked at a waiter in a higher end restaurant during times my course work allowed me to be few a couple of hours around lunch time. I had a customer who would ask to be at one of my tables when he was doing a business deal over lunch with someone or a group of someones.

I knew what I was doing as I didn't bother him when he was making his pitches (none of that "how is your meal" or "is there anything else you need" that would interrupt the flow of conversation) but a simple glance in my direction and I would be right to his table.

Anyway when he and his customer would order drinks he would ask for "my usual" which I knew was to be cold tea water in a rocks glass. The customer(s) always got whatever was ordered. Another glance to me and another round was delivered to the table.

I had no idea if he was an alcoholic; the point is that he didn't want alcohol to interfere with what he was trying to accomplish. I assume this trick could also work with gin and tonic, etc., but I think something that looked like a scotch on the rocks looked more manly.
When I was a bartender people would want to buy me drinks. I poured club soda and a wedge of lime instead of booze. Nobody was the wiser.
 
#15
Thank you everyone for contributing. Looking forward to hearing from more of you.

I should state this is NOT my first time trying to get sober or at least get a new relationship with alcohol ASAP. Have too much to loose currently to continue on this path. Liquor and I cannot be a thing anymore - and yes I am alcoholic.
I do not drink everyday but maybe once or twice a week. More for social aspects, stress relief and comradery. Thats what makes it the hardest part.
To be honest I really dont even like the taste of alcohol that much just the effects.
Subconsciously I def doubled down since quitting marijuana a year ago as a stress reliever.
The biggest cause of concern for me is the blacking out and why I need to take this seriously.
If I have some discipline with a gym routine I can get through this. I appreciate everyones non-alcoholic drink suggestions as when I go out I can still just do that if I want to socialize. That to me is the biggest aspect and reasons I drink.
I mostly spend my time with my children 3-4 days a week I have them (single dad), some extended family when I see them and keep to myself. Occasionally I will meet up with friends who I used to be in the music industry with but my current job is very serious and not very social - I also appreciate that.
Anytime I meet up with friends otherwise it is 1 or 2 days a week to day drink after work or maybe one of those nights out a club type bar. The club type bar I need to stay away from but the day drink may switch to non-alcoholic.
In 2021, I got into swing of gym routine, quit drinking for 90 days and felt awesome. Was also going to alot of AA meetings. Remember one of my go to’s was anytime I felt I needed a drink I just went to the gym.
 
#16
The last couple of years have been rough for me although they recently got better. In that time frame I developed an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Never had any major issues with the law or anything like that but it is taking an effect on my weight a tad and overall health. My blackouts have been increasing the last year as well anytime I introduce liquor into the equation with beer.
After about 15 years of smoking marijuana I did kick that last September and have not smoked since.
Not getting any younger and realize maybe I should try to kicking it out of my life all together.
I am sure there are many here who have gotten sober and I would like any advice, suggestions or support one could givr.
Stop hanging out with people that drink is a good first step.
 
#17
“MAKING AIR/OXYGEN YOUR NEW ADDICTION”

IMHO, not being a therapist, but in the past, having my fair share of addictions, I offer what helps myself.

First off, aside from the alcohol habit, if you are otherwise pretty healthy, you are blessed with great good fortune. You possess a strong foundation to conquer all your foes.

Life is nothing but “addictions,” or its slightly younger brother, “habits.”And, we rarely give up “addiction” completely. We merely trade-up, or trade-down for another addiction or habit. Obviously, it is better to trade up for a healthier choice.

You released yourself from your marijuana addiction, for which you deserve high praise. And, now you seek to trade out of the alcohol addiction.

What will you latch onto as an intermediary step that gives some pleasurable reprieve without harmful consequences.

For myself, the constant availability and health and healing benefits of deep breathing exercises offered great solace.

Any way in which you choose to take in a higher amount of good quality air/oxygen into your system is acceptable for your purposes.

Deep breathing, calisthenics, short periods of physical exertion, hot and cold baths, a bit of running, sprints, climbing stairways, gyms, The Tibetan Five Rites of Rejuvenation, yoga, boxing, martial arts, gyms, et cetera.

But, you need go nowhere to instantly feel the oxygen inebriation. As long as you have a “nose” and “lungs,” you’re good to go. Nothing to buy; nowhere to go. You only need a good resolve, a commitment, a game spirit.

You don’t have to be strong in any area of athletics. You can find the easiest available form of exercise that increases and changes your breathing patterns.

The breath and mind are called “The Twin Sisters In Life.” You change your breathing habits, your mind must also change. Your old stale habits soon disappear.

Breath and mind mirror each other. It is said that every sickness, disease, habit, addiction has its own concomitant breathing pattern.

Once air/oxygen fills your blood stream and brain. You start to enjoy the effects of oxygen as much as you once did substances.

Also, bathing/ showering in extremely hot water (not scalding) followed by extremely cold showers or baths, in that transition from hot to cold, forces a massive amount of oxygen into your system, via a huge gasp, giving you a natural high, along with the stimulation of millions of pores all over your body. If you remain conscious, a simple cheap hot/cold shower/bath can help break the previous stranglehold desire for substance, giving you reprieve, awareness and pleasure.

Meditation is another method that involves breathing and control of te senses.

Simple pushups, jumping jacks, bicycle, sit-ups, a new routine involving powerful inhalation of vital oxygen can conquer your old addictions when you set your mind and willpower on it.

Any way in which you prefer to capture the abundance or oxygen all around you, and bring it into your system for your strength and healing is okay. And, then, just relax, sit and feel the effects of abundant oxygen in your system and all around you. The high is better than substance. You gain stability and increase your capacity daily. You will feel younger. You can design your own program from scratch to suit you. But, you can search the internet for ideas and then alter them to fit your present condition.

DON’T OVERDO IT!!! There is always tomorrow to take yet another step.

When I am feeling glum, and not wanting to face my exercise session, I take a little coffee and play my favorite music from the golden age of rock and roll, and jump into my session. Brings me back to my youth when I did everything with utter ease and pure joy.

In conclusion, if you can breathe, you are alive. The only thing that separates you from life and death is your present inhalation of rich delicious air from the cosmos. How powerful and precious is this air/oxygen all around us that we move freely in and around, breathing copiously as much as a fish depends on water to live in their watery environment. Air is to man as water is to fish and sea creatures.

Increase your capacity. You will feel young and alive. And share your powerful new found energy with your lady. She will proclaim you her Superman.

You definitely don’t need alcohol.
 
#18
The last couple of years have been rough for me although they recently got better. In that time frame I developed an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Never had any major issues with the law or anything like that but it is taking an effect on my weight a tad and overall health. My blackouts have been increasing the last year as well anytime I introduce liquor into the equation with beer.
After about 15 years of smoking marijuana I did kick that last September and have not smoked since.
Not getting any younger and realize maybe I should try to kicking it out of my life all together.
I am sure there are many here who have gotten sober and I would like any advice, suggestions or support one could givr.
Be careful drinking and driving I have a feeling after that accident at the nail spa is gonna be a lot more DWI checkpoints in the future
 
#20
Thank you everyone for contributing. Looking forward to hearing from more of you.

I should state this is NOT my first time trying to get sober or at least get a new relationship with alcohol ASAP. Have too much to loose currently to continue on this path. Liquor and I cannot be a thing anymore - and yes I am alcoholic.
I do not drink everyday but maybe once or twice a week. More for social aspects, stress relief and comradery. Thats what makes it the hardest part.
To be honest I really dont even like the taste of alcohol that much just the effects.
Subconsciously I def doubled down since quitting marijuana a year ago as a stress reliever.
The biggest cause of concern for me is the blacking out and why I need to take this seriously.
If I have some discipline with a gym routine I can get through this. I appreciate everyones non-alcoholic drink suggestions as when I go out I can still just do that if I want to socialize. That to me is the biggest aspect and reasons I drink.
I mostly spend my time with my children 3-4 days a week I have them (single dad), some extended family when I see them and keep to myself. Occasionally I will meet up with friends who I used to be in the music industry with but my current job is very serious and not very social - I also appreciate that.
Anytime I meet up with friends otherwise it is 1 or 2 days a week to day drink after work or maybe one of those nights out a club type bar. The club type bar I need to stay away from but the day drink may switch to non-alcoholic.
In 2021, I got into swing of gym routine, quit drinking for 90 days and felt awesome. Was also going to alot of AA meetings. Remember one of my go to’s was anytime I felt I needed a drink I just went to the gym.
I just wanted to add a old adage from my days in church basements. Its not always the quantity but the why . I figured out after about 2yrs attending I was a periodic alcoholic , usually would drink as a normal guy at other times I'd get blasted black out or gray out. After numerous Dwi's in late 70's to early 1980s. I realized I needed better control and stopped with the help of AA .Also was a chains smoker of Luckystrikes! Quit that as well. Blackouts can be very dangerous as you know! My friends all stuck by me .
 
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