Clean dirty jokes

#7
Sex researcher was giving a lecture in a large auditorium.
So he says: "As part of my research during my lectures I collect data"
So there are about 200 people here.
'Please raise your hand for a positive response to my questions"
"So how many of here have sex every night?".
50 obviously young people raise their hands.
"So how many of here have sex 2-3 times a week?"
50 people raise their hands
"How about once a week?"
70 raise their hands
" How about once a month?"
29 people rather sheepishly raise their hands.
"
Ok, I usually don't get any responses to this last question but for completeness I still ask it"

"How many have sex once a year?"

I little bespectacled old guy way in the back with a big smile on his face is enthusiastically waiving both arms.

The researcher is a bit bemused and says to the guy "Sir, why are you so happy about having sex once a year?"

The old guy yells out "Tonight's the night!"
 
#12
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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful.
Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"
 
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