A basic lesson on Mistresses

S

surfdude

#1
#1
Ok, I'm going to sound like a moron, but here goes.....

I've cut back on hobbying, due to expenses, lack of appealing providers in my area, time constraints, etc. I'm also looking for REAL girlfriend experiences...the paid ones just don't cut it anymore. Several guys on this board, and on JAG, seem to have the knack for meeting finding the occasional mistress. I am admittedly naive and clueless. So how do you go about finding one?

I'm married, and gossip travels fast where I work. In addition, one friend got caught with a coworker and his reputation went to shit, then his wife found out. Another got passed over for promotion because he "sexually harassed" his secretary by making a pass at her.

So, how does a married guy successfully get action on the side without getting slapped, embarassed, drinks thrown on him, discovered, etc? Teach me, O' masters....
 
B

blackbag99

#2
#2
Lovers

My friend, there is no easy way to find a mistress or lover. My last 2 experiences bear this out in detail.

Some 7 years ago I was consulting with a new client who introduced me to the lady in charge of technology. We met and went about our work for some weeks, not looking at the time, i didnt notice her looking at me. When I finally did notice, i took me several 'drinks' , study sessions and working dinners to 'feel' her out so to speak. Being married put me in a position to have to step very carefully in this new territory. Finally, the situation allowed me to make a pass, the 3 seconds I waited to discover its acceptance was the longest time of my life. When It was greedily accepted, it was all I could do not to 'do' her right there in the wiring closet. Most ladies do not want to bother with a married man, or feel like a married man who is looking is the worst kind of heel, and they might be right. If you want a lover, find a lady in need, post-divorse, near 40. in a lonely job, from out of town. Her needs will outwiegh her opinion of you and cheating. And when you make her happy with no strings, that can be all she needs to be there for you all the time. One last piece of advice, if you want it to last, keep the emotions to the 'act' .The minute you start talking 'love', you have a relationship and friend, you CAN NOT have 2 of those. You can have 1 relationship and 1 f*&K pal, but not 2 love relationships.
 
H

hot4chicks

#4
#4
Try high-end hotel bars where mid to upper levels execs stay.

My favorite is the Oak Room at the NY Plaza.

Of course, high end hookers are undeniably cheaper than any GF or mistress ever would be. After hotels, meals, etc etc, a mistress probably will cost a thousand or two for a boink. Not to mention the headache of having to listen to her problems.
 
O

Ozzy

#5
#5
rule # 1 for obtaining a mistress....

YOU GOTTA HAVE A SHIT LOAD OF MONEY TO SPEND ON HER

that will keep her ......

a) happy

b) quiet

c) servicing you for a long time.


once you stop spending money on her she will....

a) not be very happy

b) tell your wife

c) no longer fuck you.
 
F

fishfry

#8
#8
The other night I had a blind date with a gal I met through an ad. Not a sex date. She was my age -- low 50's. You know how it is, you can buy all the sex you want but at some point you want a little more.

She turned out to be hot looking -- no kidding, she was a very sexy woman. And there was a definite buzz between us. Very enjoyable coffee date.

The funny thing was that at one point she asked me what I had done during the draft. We were talking about Vietnam and what this country was like back then. And I suddenly realized how after spending the past few weeks chasing 20-somethings, how delightful it was to talk to a woman who shared my history, who'd had a life, a couple of husbands, gained a little wisdom. It was a real treat to be with a woman instead of a girl.

Not that this has anything to do with mistresses. But chasing hos has its limits. We all want something more.

fish
 
H

Hotpuppy

Mr.Butterworth
#9
#9
Every once in awhile, its nice to spend time with a woman who doesnt respond, "Who" when you ask exactly where she was when Kennedy was assasinated( responding "Which one"? is acceptable). Also nice is, as the great Lou Grant once said, "Its nice not to have to explain what a thing is before you argue about it".
take care HP( who will need to be institutionalized very soon)
 
D

DannyNJ

#10
#10
Some Thoughts

Just a few thoughts on the subject:

First, I couldn't agree more with Ozzy's assessment. It took me 2 mistresses almost completely fucking up my life to realize that providers were much less expensive in the long run AND less of a hassle.

With the exception of a precious few (Judge Craters friend, for instance) I find that MOST women that you have an affair with always form an emotional attachment and eventually want more out of the relationship. This happened to me both times, and in both instances led to me getting "dumped" for another guy willing to give more emotionally (and yeah, that does hurt a bit!!).

And on another note - I think the description listed for the ideal "mistress" (near 40, divorced, etc) is 100% accurate. The problem is that most of us (definitely myself included) would love a mistress in her 20's who has the firm young body and beautiful smile. I have found that girls at that age for the most part do NOT want to deal with married men. However, the women I've approached that were older, and had been around the block a few times, were much more open minded about seeing a married man. It's probably just a lack of wisdom - the younger girls still picture marriage as it's portrayed in films/TV where cheaters are slime. A woman a bit older realizes that just because a man cheats doesn't make him a dirtbag.

Either way - I still think providers are the safest bet. Although I had fun with mistresses, I didn't like that feeling of obligation to call daily, go out for dinner, remember their birthdays, etc. Just give me physical aspect and I'm a happy guy!!
 
S

surfdude

#11
#11
Thanks guys:

Your posts have been helpful...I've always stuck to the providers to avoid blowing big money and avoid the emotional mess. But I am curious...

Unfortunately, I don't even know any 40 yr old divorcees, and I'm not over 40 myself.

The part that I have trouble with is knowing when a woman might be "interested"...I'm always second guessing on this one. A woman keeps touching my hand or arm when talking to me...everytime I see her. Is she innocently flirting? Is she interested in me? Or am I just hallucinating again? I've probably missed out many times over from taking the safe route and assuming that I was indeed hallucinating.

I guess that what i want to know about...(refer back to 2nd post in thread)...is, how did one person proposition the other, and what were those long 3 minutes like? And then what do you do if you make THE BLUNDER ...make an unwanted pass. How do you bow out gracefully?

Sorry to be so stupid, but I've never been in this situation. And I can't exactly ask any of my friends.
 
M

MJC185

#13
#13
I agree wholeheartedly with Saddle...

But, I will throw in my two pennies by saying that a married woman makes the best mistress. If you can find a married woman who is not wholly unhappy and connect with her, you might have youself a keeper!

Great one liner Saddle. LOL

MJC
 
B

blackbag99

#14
#14
Mistress and Not getting caught

1. My 'lover' never needed me to spend $$$ on her. I occasionally bought us dinner, flowers or somesuch but never was it a major wallet buster. SHe wanted sex and companionship. I admit I got way lucky and though I see her all the time now, she is married and I miss her just a wee bit.

On not getting caught.!!!!!

My wife has the nose of a shark.

RULES:

1. Always shower before you leave her place, buy and leave your regular brand of soap at her place. Shampoo too.
2. Never let her embrace you wildly while you have your clothes on.
3. Never change your habits, if you dont drink, dont drink with her
4. No biting
5. keep your beard trim and scrub it vigourously in your post fun shower.
6. Lie consistantly, wives can smell a liar. create a weekly or monthly event, vendor, client etc, at night that does not exist. Test it a few times, does she call you, beep you, etc. then you can use that for your 'meetings'
7. Clear your cell phone memory regularly
8. login to your beeper providers site and wipe your history as often as possible.

Sorry its been awhile, but those are the first hard and fast rules.

I agree that a married woman can make the best lover.
But, check the grocery store (during the day) and the library on weekdays. they'll be plenty of woman there with time on thier hands and librarians are notoriously lonely.

Oh, one more thing. Treat every meeting; up to and after; like it was a CIA covert operation. Thus my handle
BLACKBAG99, you need to be a bit paranoid it- worked for me for 3 years, with meetings at least once a week.

And if you are ever suspicious of your wife getting close, call her from right outside your lovers place, that way you know she is not filming you.
 
Slinky Bender

Slinky Bender

The All Powerful Moderator
#15
#15
Just wanted to make the point that there is a huge difference between having an affair with a married woman and keeping "a mistress".
 
M

MJC185

#17
#17
Maybe I am missing something here...

Originally posted by slinkybender
Just wanted to make the point that there is a huge difference between having an affair with a married woman and keeping "a mistress".
Click to expand...

Slink, this is one of the definitions of mistress:
1. extramarital lover: a woman with whom a man has a usually long-term extramarital sexual relationship and for whom he often provides financial support.

What is the difference between a single mistress and a married one?

MJC
 
Slinky Bender

Slinky Bender

The All Powerful Moderator
#18
#18
While that may be one of the definitions, i don't believe it is the one most frequently referred to here in the discussions, which talk of having a mistress vs. providers in a similar vein as the "buy vs rent" DVD/tape discussions. In addition, I think the recommendations of seeing a married woman here seemd to revovle around the aspect of her not really being a mistress ( at least as we have come to define it here ). And if we are talking about having a maried mistress in those terms, I think that at least 5 of the top 10 "rules" are left out ( and perhaps 10 of the top 10 ).
 
B

blackbag99

#19
#19
Mistress vs Affair

Sorry Guys, I really didn't make a distinction between having a long time affair and 'maintaining' a mistress. I would never be in a position to pay to keep a woman in silks, etc. An affair is more my speed.

Blackbag99
 
J

JackLI

#20
#20
Unless one is capable of compartmentalizing ones life so meticulously, the idea of having a mistress makes a person tense and often times lead to tragic consequences. For the faint hearted and the less organized among us, good ole escorts are better; they simply add flavor to your life in a certain sinful yet serene way without many demands on your time and affection.
 
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