How do you guys stop?

This virus has stopped me cold in my tracks. Although I am in an Asian country with no curfew and full freedom, to walk in and around the already degraded red light district curdles my blood. Definitely in the area there will be heightened scrutiny by police and just the embarrassment of being a foreign spectacle unable to control his whims during a pandemic, is not the image I want to portray. There is the peer pressure to "When in Rome do as the Romans do." (and thank God, I am not in Rome at this time)

Oddly, bizarrely and perhaps stupidly enough, I have no fear in the virus itself. I know it is there and I know it is killing thousands but I just can't convince myself that it will attach itself to me and cause my demise. I will not go into it but after what I have been through throughout my life, this coronavirus is small potatoes.

This will alter my lifestyle forever, even after this passes. I have learned that I am bigger, stronger, greater and more magnanimous than my penis and my cravings.

During this time, I have learned to practice techniques to increase lung capacity and concentrate. This has parlayed into my daily activities as I constantly am attracted to the female bodies, being able to corral my attention back to my own space.

Some of these women are intensely attractive in provocatively intentionally layered clothing or lack thereof to lay bait to the male sexuality and to then enjoy watching her catch squirm in their own desires. It is a devious game that becomes all too obvious when you create distance from your addiction and allow yourself to just observe.

So, being calmer around women and not falling for the bait, bestows upon oneself an aura of strength and stability. So, much so, I have noticed that in my professional dealings with decent women, they notice this "lack of neediness" and I find them gazing at me more and leaning into me and finding that there is a natural warm attraction. Having this new-found strength is fun, especially in my elder years.

For example in a professional situation, my SO was curious as to why there was so much joviality and commotion coming from a room that I was in with some pretty young Asian ladies. She sort of burst into the room and there was I holding court with 7 giggling Asian ladies (fully clothed and decent) but still, there was flirting and light touching and banter and an aroma of playful attraction in the room. IT WAS CERTAINLY A HIGH and a boost to my self-esteem and garnered respect and confidence in my methods.

My SO had to admit that the old bastard still has some zing.
 
COVID may be the intervention I needed. I haven’t lost my libido but I have that “you can’t go back home” feeling. Nothing will be the same after this. A big part of my hobby had to do with recapturing a particular feeling. When I chat with my ATFs, real fear comes across. They warn me about staying safe (coded message: “Don’t go see another girl stupid enough to do that.” They say they just want things to get back to normal which we all do. But I don’t see myself being the same person when this is over. I wonder whether any of them consider that or even feel the same way themselves.
 
Over two months since my last visit. Although this is the perfect opportunity to stop cold turkey, my thoughts are constantly drawn to good times in the past as well as all the current non-opportunities on the Flushing site. I've found that if I rub one out early in the day, I have many fewer intrusive thoughts and cravings. It's not that my old options in Elmhurt and Flushing aren't coming to mind. They do, but they have less power over me. I now recall that a morning wank in the shower was obligatory even in my forties. It cleared my mind for work. I'm in touch with a few providers but our communications don't go much beyond confirming that we're all ok and promising to stay safe. I'm now reading that it could two years to get past the coronavirus. Will my old haunts even exist when the all-clear for AMPs sounds? I hate the thought of giving up a habit/addiction that has given me so much excitement and pleasure, admittedly at a high price. Will it be possible to return on a once a month basis or will I find myself plunging in to make up for lost time? If ever there was an opportunity to stop, this is it. I just need a positive addiction to replace it with.
 
Over two months since my last visit. Although this is the perfect opportunity to stop cold turkey, my thoughts are constantly drawn to good times in the past as well as all the current non-opportunities on the Flushing site. I've found that if I rub one out early in the day, I have many fewer intrusive thoughts and cravings. It's not that my old options in Elmhurt and Flushing aren't coming to mind. They do, but they have less power over me. I now recall that a morning wank in the shower was obligatory even in my forties. It cleared my mind for work. I'm in touch with a few providers but our communications don't go much beyond confirming that we're all ok and promising to stay safe. I'm now reading that it could two years to get past the coronavirus. Will my old haunts even exist when the all-clear for AMPs sounds? I hate the thought of giving up a habit/addiction that has given me so much excitement and pleasure, admittedly at a high price. Will it be possible to return on a once a month basis or will I find myself plunging in to make up for lost time? If ever there was an opportunity to stop, this is it. I just need a positive addiction to replace it with.
It has been 50+ days for me. Until this hit I was on a roll. Going 8 to 10 times a month. I was in the habit of taking out my weekly mongering allowance every Sunday. I continue to do that. Right now the money sits in an envelope in my drawer. I look at that big pile of money and I question whether it's worth it. I had 4 providers I saw regularly. I am in contact with two of them. We text and sometimes do mutual masturbation. Even with that I question if I will try to make up for lost time, go slowly, or even continue with this break. I think a lot depends on how things return. Will my favorite place return? Will my favorite providers return? Will there be any changes? I think we will all have to wait and see what happens. But I think it is safe to say that it will be a while before things return to normal.
 
It has been 50+ days for me. Until this hit I was on a roll. Going 8 to 10 times a month. I was in the habit of taking out my weekly mongering allowance every Sunday. I continue to do that. Right now the money sits in an envelope in my drawer. I look at that big pile of money and I question whether it's worth it. I had 4 providers I saw regularly. I am in contact with two of them. We text and sometimes do mutual masturbation. Even with that I question if I will try to make up for lost time, go slowly, or even continue with this break. I think a lot depends on how things return. Will my favorite place return? Will my favorite providers return? Will there be any changes? I think we will all have to wait and see what happens. But I think it is safe to say that it will be a while before things return to normal.
It’s almost enough to make you have sex with the missus.
 
Attempted to stop mongering again. I was doing well until a bunch of misfortune fell my way. You know the story, stress level builds up and you just want to get away from your life even if for an hour. After a while you start checking out porn sites and masturbate yourself to numbness. Next thing you know the escort ads are chewing up your time- of course you are not making contact with any, just seeing what is out there (sarcasm). Then you rationalize checking in on some old AMP friends- just to see how they are doing in these tough times. Nothing wrong with checking in on an old friend.

I remember a former AMP provider that now runs her own shop. She was not much to look at but was a fiend when it came to erotic service. I wonder how her business is doing since she recently contacted me, and because of abstinence I did not return her call. I make contact, she is happy to hear from me- the distant sound of a cash register goes off! She tells me new girls are working and one of them is her sister. I scoff at the mention of a sister, since all AMP women refer to each other as sisters. But she insists the woman she has in mind for me is her biological sister, and promises the same level of service as when she provided. I am tempted, but my sanity returns and I say another time. That is, unless she is willing to do a threesome with her sister. No response.

Later at night I get a text from my friend requesting I come over, she promises to be my provider. Before I can resist she has gotten me to commit to a time of arrival. I cannot justify what I am about to do and hold back the shame and guilt for after the session. If I am going to slip up then let me not feign guilt but rather relish in the experience.

Sure enough when I arrive it is the old AMP bait and switch, I meet the provider she says is her biological younger sister. To my relief the younger sister actually looks way better than the owner of the shop. I get an ok massage from little sister, followed by a mediocre BBBJ- with an A for effort, and very passionate in and out action. After release of pent up tension I enter a state of shear relaxation. As my provider continues to rub and massage me after the climax of our session- no pun intended, we both achieved climax in unison.

Tomorrow I will feel the guilt and shame of not being able to hold to my resolution to not be a consumer in the commercial sex trade. I will do my best to keep away from all temptation. Note it will be difficult to forget how an AMP provider I know, turned into a madam, set me up with her younger biological sister for service.

Regards,

Pops
 
I, too, went clean for a short while and tried to abolish women from my thinking process. Avoided all internet sites of any nature and kept my mind focused on wholesome acts, studying, meditation, healing, expansion of consciousness, breath-retention, out in nature, hot steams, baths, saunas, cold plunges, swimming. I also helped council those in pain and grief.

It all worked out fine and I found a new happiness not based in a woman's flesh. Felt good to get disentangled from the filth that it is. I even started to see it all as a nonsensical, demented addiction, dangling an offer of true happiness to the weary soul and never able to deliver on its promise. At most, a moment of glee and a short respite.

However, old thoughts and habits are creeping in during spare time and I can see that I am entertaining thoughts about a rendezvous. However, the thoughts contain much less magnetism and I find it easier, since the break in the action, to refocus and throw away the sex-conversation at my command.

I did make a commitment last week that I was through with it, completely. That resolve seems to have become less resolute. Yet, I am in a much better place than say two or three months ago.

So, if a relapse does occur, well, I am not going to beat myself up about it either. Just march onward knowing that I am not that poor, helpless naïve, entrenched in a habit once so powerful that I felt helpless from escaping.

At least now, I am able to face it face-to-face and most of the time it is myself that defeats the foe.

As always, thank you, Pops, for your honest, truthful and brilliant contribution.
 
Thanks @popeye and @mugi for reviving this thread. I was just thinking about my own non-progress on this front. Popeye's observation about putting the shame on hold rings true. Since I usually have very good experiences, the shame doesn't kick in until later when I look at the longer term consequences of my habit.

I've read that there is a connection between sexual addiction and drug use. In my case, weed is the enabler. I smoke to control anxiety and back pain. No one prescribed it, I just arrived at this solution. Until five years ago, I barely used it and never bought it. Weed opens the floodgates of my id and makes the impossible seem not only rational but inevitable.

Pre-weed, I was happy with a great massage and HJ, as often as I could reasonably afford it. Now I need ever-increasing stimulation and variety. I'm on the edge of seeing providers outside their spas which seems like a road better not taken. One said to me nicely the other day "You just need a Chinese girlfriend." I asked her if she had ever had a Western boyfriend. She said yes but it had been difficult - too much of a gulf.

I've been reading again about sexual addiction. There's a movie called Thanks For Sharing. It's a comedy but parts of it ring true. I'm rereading Getting Off by Erica Garza. I'm also remembering Shame, a 2011 movie with Michael Fassbender, about sexual addiction.

It's a challenge to understand ourselves and an even greater one to change our behaviors. Speaking only for myself, I think lifelong feelings of shame and a dependence upon stimulation have a lot to do with my activities.
 
You know the story, stress level builds up and you just want to get away from your life even if for an hour. After a while you start checking out porn sites and masturbate yourself to numbness. Next thing you know the escort ads are chewing up your time- of course you are not making contact with any, just seeing what is out there (sarcasm). Then you rationalize checking in on some old AMP friends- just to see how they are doing in these tough times. Nothing wrong with checking in on an old friend.
I know this story too well.
 
Truth and brilliance are not something I can take credit for- Mugi’s words more than express my struggles with abstinence in a way I could not. It is comforting to know I am not the only monger struggling with weening myself from this addiction/ affliction.

Thank you for the words of support and inspiration- much appreciated. I will employ some of the techniques you mentioned as I continue to work on abstinence. As you state, overcoming this addiction is based on reorienting the mind to focus on what it truly means to derive pleasure in life.

Best regards,

Pops
 
I have tried to quit a bunch of times.... and always find that I’m back in it again. I had a really good stretch of abstinence at from December until about May of this year and thought I was done. But got sucked back in, even during the pandemic.
 
Attempted to stop mongering again. I was doing well until a bunch of misfortune fell my way. You know the story, stress level builds up and you just want to get away from your life even if for an hour. After a while you start checking out porn sites and masturbate yourself to numbness. Next thing you know the escort ads are chewing up your time- of course you are not making contact with any, just seeing what is out there (sarcasm). Then you rationalize checking in on some old AMP friends- just to see how they are doing in these tough times. Nothing wrong with checking in on an old friend.

I remember a former AMP provider that now runs her own shop. She was not much to look at but was a fiend when it came to erotic service. I wonder how her business is doing since she recently contacted me, and because of abstinence I did not return her call. I make contact, she is happy to hear from me- the distant sound of a cash register goes off! She tells me new girls are working and one of them is her sister. I scoff at the mention of a sister, since all AMP women refer to each other as sisters. But she insists the woman she has in mind for me is her biological sister, and promises the same level of service as when she provided. I am tempted, but my sanity returns and I say another time. That is, unless she is willing to do a threesome with her sister. No response.

Later at night I get a text from my friend requesting I come over, she promises to be my provider. Before I can resist she has gotten me to commit to a time of arrival. I cannot justify what I am about to do and hold back the shame and guilt for after the session. If I am going to slip up then let me not feign guilt but rather relish in the experience.

Sure enough when I arrive it is the old AMP bait and switch, I meet the provider she says is her biological younger sister. To my relief the younger sister actually looks way better than the owner of the shop. I get an ok massage from little sister, followed by a mediocre BBBJ- with an A for effort, and very passionate in and out action. After release of pent up tension I enter a state of shear relaxation. As my provider continues to rub and massage me after the climax of our session- no pun intended, we both achieved climax in unison.

Tomorrow I will feel the guilt and shame of not being able to hold to my resolution to not be a consumer in the commercial sex trade. I will do my best to keep away from all temptation. Note it will be difficult to forget how an AMP provider I know, turned into a madam, set me up with her younger biological sister for service.

Regards,

Pops
Guilt for what? You only live once and this was a great session for you.
 
I don’t think we have ever asked this question, but why do we need to stop?
It is time to stop when your addiction / habit starts having a negative impact on your life. It could negatively impact your job, finances, friendships, or health.

If the hobby brings you pleasure, does not interfere with your ability to earn a living, and is not putting you into debt, there may not be a reason to stop.
 
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