Like other posters have shared this thread has been on my mind. Comments made resonate with me and clearly, I identify with the sentiments expressed. Like others a combination of losing the thrill for this hobby and just wanting to get on with life without this addiction/affliction has substantially reduced the frequency of my visits to providers.
Then as if to say I am not in the clear I get a call from an old MMS. She asks why I haven’t visited; it has been too long- almost half a year, and she wonders what went wrong. It feels like speaking with a jilted lover who you cannot tell the truth about why you stopped seeing them. MMS is endearing and sounds heartbroken that I forget it is all about drumming up business from an old regular client. Inadvertently I provide her with an opening, I ask the question she’s been waiting for, “do you have any new girls?”
Before I finish the question, she responds, “Yes- you will like her, I promise.” With the follow up, “when will you come over?” Before my mind can formulate an appropriate response that is both polite yet firm, she says, “don’t worry we will wait for you- come anytime.”
I am angry with myself for being such a pushover, and yet the thought of an encounter with the new girl cannot go away. I think whether her service is as good as described by MMS. What does she look like? Could this be another ah-ma looking lady past her prime and being advertised as half her age? These questions and others consume me as I think whether to make my appointment.
Then before I know it dinner is finished, and I cannot focus on the show I am watching on TV. I find an excuse to leave the house. I am in the car heading to Flushing, Queens, NYC, home of the Mets and the Mecca for the best Asian poon money can buy in the USA. Like MMS said the girl is waiting for me well past closing hours.
To my surprise she looks familiar, we both look at each other with a knowing look like we’ve met before. She appears relieved to see someone she may know. I am relieved at seeing someone I vaguely remember. The possibility of an awkward session with someone new disappears and the experience is more like two folks who were briefly intimate getting reacquainted. Although there is recognition neither can quite place where we have met before, but we are certain she has serviced me before- once a long time ago.
The provider pounces me and attacks with tongue in my mouth before I can undress. What happens next is a whirlwind of carnal activity that is mind numbing. After we are done, I look at the time it shows over an hour has elapsed. We are in a heap of moist sweat cuddling fighting the urge to fall asleep due to the energy expended in satisfying each other. Ultimately, we shower, get dressed and leave together separating at the street corner. She to her nearby home, me to my car. I think to myself how can I quit engaging in this activity when it finds me and I cannot resist the temptation. Especially because when done right it is such a sweet experience- like hitting a golf ball just right.
Regards,
Pops
Dear Pops:
Maybe it might be good to narrow it down to what really annoyed you about the situation. Was it your feeling of being drawn back into the game by a "masterful mamasan?" Were you annoyed by your inability to refuse? Were you annoyed by a feeling that you were manipulated? Were you annoyed by the fact that the session was great and it renewed the passion to continue? Was there the guilt of returning to a significant other and living with that person with that other woman still in your aura?
I just try to really watch myself. I don't want to go too far and be constantly in a state of need. I also want to eliminate the unnecessary visits. I don't have a desire to give up sex completely. It all depends on your situation if you have somewhat of a commitment to a partner for sex.
At one time it completely owned me. But now, I have became more frugal and wary and careful about how I spend my time and money and emotions. Because an experience like you had, in my humble opinion, lingers on for me in my mind and emotions for a while, maybe days and slowly diminishes before I regain balance. Sex is a deep experience on the mind and emotions. But if you are spending time with many different partners in a few days time, they offset each other and there is more of a turmoil in my psyche as I remain unsatisfied and need the next fix to see how good it can get or the endless desire to be satisfied.
Sex will always be there in your human experience but as long as you are the master of when you want to have that experience, you are not a slave to it.
I still have a need and enjoy the experience. I still feel it adds value to myself. I don't feel deprived and a good sexual experience allows me to enjoy my walk in nature and my warm relations with men, women and children, as I feel more balanced.
We all have different situations and needs. My needs in my home are not addressed. I love my SO but "that" is not happening whether due to age or factors beyond our ability to repair. But there is a great friendship and a protective circle and offspring and understanding and support.
The day will come when possibly "sex" will be replaced by a more satisfying experience, call it more spiritual or an expansion of awareness or consciousness where one can feel the balance of nature without actually having to engage the male and the female reproductive organs.
But until that day comes, progress for me is not being run by constant desires for ever-increasing visits and limiting my engagements to very intense, fully concentrated and enjoyable visits quite possibly similar to your most recent one.
In this thread, I really try to be as honest as possible. And no humor or embellishment serves any purpose when guys like us are "baring our souls." This thread was started by our brother with great sincerity and it is the first of its kind for me and I never thought that I would ever address these issues in a forum and quite frankly it is not easy for me to do so.
For many years also I have practiced some of the Taoist practices regarding sex which allows a man to engage in union with a female and enjoying her in so many myriad ways on more subtle levels while not always allowing the man to ejaculate and allowing that semen to remain in the male system. The retention of that power possibly has many benefits in endurance and concentration. It is an old Taoist Chinese and Indian Tantric school of thought. But it is a lifestyle and does incorporate certain dietary codes practices and one also must be careful to know when there is an over-accumulation and to release in order to not restrict the flow of urine and the activities of the prostate gland.
I just wanted to mention that here to illustrate that we are all so different in our approach to satisfying and conquering our male sexuality and why our needs and theories mostly only apply to ourselves.
But if it is any consolation, just your awareness of your sexual needs and your so-called habits are significant advancements because you are probably not "run" by your desires if you have afforded time to analyze them like you are doing.
The next time an AMP call is placed to you, you might field it in a cooler fashion, having already experienced being sort of fooled by it this time.
Again, don't be too hard on yourself. I am sure you are trying your best. It is a very strong desire and accounts for the very body you possess. But I am told that we as human beings have the ability to conquer everything life can throw at us and emerge victorious.